All of those.
Before seeing the poll options, the first thing that came to mind was - interpreting the other person to understand where their head is at, and how they feel about you and the situation. This can be extremely difficult in the early stages because you don't know and understand each other yet, and both people are trying to figure out how they feel. Most likely, they are not articulating everything they are thinking. Not only is it a discovery phase, but also people have various reasons for not revealing every thought. Thinking before speaking is often a good practice, as well. (Though I am also a believer in honesty, spontaneity, and some amount of risk-taking.)
But from your poll options, I chose A. I think that is the hardest. And because I am not a person who is interested in just the exterior, or that motivated by it, I'm not that motivated to approach blind, with no info about their personality. So I just don't do this. I have only reached out when I'm very interested, having interacted with them repeatedly already over time, or observed them from a distance, so I have some idea of their character. I can't do initial small talk. It's too hard for me. I need a purpose, a business transaction, a question, a shared topic of interest, at the very least, to begin with.
For little ol' gay me, it's definitely the initial approach, for a certain reason... I don't know if they like girls.
There is a seriously huge number of times I've thought "wow, she's gorgeous but no way she's into women". And then I just go on with my day without even trying.
Honestly, even with my now girlfriend, I wasn't sure she was gay until she asked me on a date. And even then I still thought it was too good to be true lol
Once I get that initial thing out of the way, its smooth sailing for me.
That's cute kayla 😊
Funny thing is most girls these days seem to be okay with experimenting with the same sex. It’s easier then guys asking girls. Girls automatically come looking nice for the most part so there’s at least some attraction there in a way. Pretty privilege lmao
@VanillaSalt I'm missing your point here.
I have asked girls there were in no way interested in other women. It took a lot for me to even ask...
Yep rejection sucks. And I suppose there’s something to say about women that ask… then again when a woman’s interested in women… who’s gonna ask?
My point is as difficult as it can be men ask far more often and have a higher chance of rejection. If we can you can as well. Holding backs cause of fear just isn’t an excuse.
Aka… it’s gotta be don’t you don’t have a choice do it anyway and find happiness. It’s more likely for you then others in the same situation.
@VanillaSalt
I see. Yeah, men definitely ask more. I do think that fear is an acceptable excuse though. It can be a scary thing for people.
No it’s not. Fear of rejection? Fear of failing? That’s a terrible excuse. I’ll accept a fear of the consequences like financial ruin of a broken family… but a stranger telling you no and your ugly… “we no way”… yeah That fears irrational.
@VanillaSalt
I think we'll have to disagree on this one then.
What is there to lose by trying? Besides face?
@VanillaSalt
Some people just don't have that in them. Nothing wrong with that.
That’s like a man claiming he’s an asshole and not doing anything about it. If you have a flaw you work on it or your just standing still.
@VanillaSalt
Like I said. We're going to have to disagree here.
Guess so ;)
Other…. I manage really well with all the normal stuff, if anything I end up in trouble with flirting n teasing.
anyhow for me, it’s one thing getting a date, interacting, having a laugh etc, it’s trying to build that emotional connection but not pushing it or you come across strange.
Without that emotional connection with the other person then all it ever will be is a date, it will never progress to the relationship side of things.
Getting a date, having a laugh and good time is pretty straightforward, it’s the concern in away of coming across as a twat when you tell your date after say 4 dates it’s not working and best to call it quits.
It’s sort of my own self but it’s just a bit deeper.
As a friend put it earlier, it’s like having your walls up.
Also same conversation, ‘It’s frustrating at times as the Devil just wants to play’.
m I honestly, have never seen it as hard... to me is just going out with someone and getting to know that someone, and go there to be myself just like I've always been so there's no need to pretend, no need to act or plan, no expectations either... being my true self has always worked for me
but also, I never really ask anyone out right away... by the time I go out "on a date" with someone is because we're already into each other and I think that's the best way to go with these things, well, that's the one that works for me anyway
maybe I could mention all of the 16 to 20 years that it took me to become the person I was by the time I started dating? lmao... because that was hard for sure and it took a long time and had not been for that, I would not be able to "date" as I do it today
Opinion
48Opinion
I’m afraid of child birth and mother hood and also afraid of having to care for a sick husband if he becomes ill. People marry with the belief the person will make them happy but unplanned events can always happen in the marriage.
Because i have epilepsy i use to kinda back down from telling guys until my late twentys about 27 same with my body but then i woke up nd said to myself in the mirror siobhan your fucking beautiful girl and just tell the guy u have it lying gets u no where or in trouble i always told the truth but that was the only one thing i lied about was my epilepsy didn't tell 1 years ago nd then i thought fuck it see if the guys dont like that i have it they can take a run for there money nd fuck if u can't take me for who iam u can take my size 9 nd a half foot right up stupid ass for turning me down fuck u
Other
I always have several things going on and randomly bounce from one thing to another. Dating become another thing on the pile. Also when it comes to what I have going on what I'm working on a give day is pretty much what I have a urge to do. So I have the urge to play guitar on a given day I'll do so for hours. If I'm on a date that day I'll be thinking about playing guitar pretty much the entire date and can't wait for the date to be over so I can play guitar. Because of that dating is not easy for me or something I go out of my way to do.
Combination of C and E, though I think it falls more onto E at this stage. Used to be afraid of being rejected, then pushed through and actually got rejected, so now I end up convincing myself that everyone I'm interested in would also reject me so don't even bother approaching.
I'd say unless I get some definitive signals, but I can't say I've ever had them so it just feeds into the idea that I was right to not even try. Online dating doesn't help given I get no matches on any of the sites/apps so again, more evidence on the pile that I'm unwanted by everyone.
I’m not afraid to approach. I’ll try to qualify her (check her hands for a wedding ring or see if another man is in close proximity to her).
But as a man I usually don’t know if she’s taken or not, if she’s having a good day or not and last but not least if she likes me or not.
Anyway I am not afraid of polite rejection. I will be disappointed but not angry. Attraction isn’t a choice.
But more often than not men deal with rude rejection. That’s a respect issue and that IS a choice women make. That sucks and I don’t think most women truly comprehend how much power they have in their scenarios.
Not going to excuse it but I will explain it a bit. If you are like 5th guy showing up and the first 4 were just overly sexual and awful to be around, but the 5th, we are out of patience. We should still be treating each one as a new person and starting fresh but sometimes thats hard.
@ez-bri-z most men don’t enjoy approaching women. We do it because we have to. Some women are approaching men now but many still expect to be approached. That’s supposed to be a “bold and confident” man right? Well if she finds him attractive then it is “bold and confident”. But if she doesn’t it’s “annoying and creepy”.
Anyway I get it that women have to deal with an annoying and sometimes scary men. But honestly I rather be in that position vs. having to stick my neck out all the time (and if don’t make a move I’ll ultimately die alone)
Just use better discernment and respect the position men are in.
by the way I have dealt women being VERY nasty and even scary for turning them down. It hasn’t happened often in my life but there have been a few bad incidents.
This whole female “he might not take no for answer so I have to play games” excuse is really wearing thin. Most men can handle polite yet direct rejection.
It's very very hard to have a conversation with someone in a relationship if you got nothing to talk about. Sometimes in a relationship you and your partner are Polar Opposites unless you got something in common with each other that keep the conversation going for hours. Four examples: if a couple have interest in movies that can keep the conversation going, if couples got the same interest in cars that can keep the conversation going, if couples got the same interest in video games that definitely can keep the conversation going, it's couples got the same interest in anime that can keep the conversation going and so on and so on and so on. But to be honest, I don't think couples will actually go that far especially when they are the social awkward typing not really the type of person to talk first.
I'd say the approach is the most difficult part because there's so much of it that's out of your control. You can't really control the circumstances you're given. It could be completely unideal circumstances but that's what you've got to work with. All you can do is either choose to approach or let the moment pass by. And you've often only got a limited window before it's closed. So you have to decide quickly to approach and do so in a way that comes off as disarming but also confident. And given given that you know absolutely nothing about the woman you're approaching or if she is even receptive to being approached by a stranger, coming up with an effective opener in the span of the time it takes for you to walk up to her can be nerve-racking.
The rest are more or less in your control.
If I see someone I like in an unideal circumstance, I "NOPE" the hell out of that shit. I could even be standing face to face with her talking to her (for non-romantic purposes) and I'll just act like an asexual on purpose just because I'm stubborn and not in the mood and I'd rather not "fuck with it."
Keeping him interested in me.. I always fear that I will fuck up or say something stupid, or just not be like entertaining enough for him or too weird or quirky like I am but I do my best to just try to ask questions, get to know him, talk about myself& be upbeat and kind but it always fears me when I’m in that moment or around a cute guy trying to keep the spark going lol. Ugh!!!
Creating a good balance can be really hard for some people in relationships.
You start dating, getting on great and there is a massive risk of being consumed by the relationship (hanging out together all the time, not doing separate hobbies etc).
I think it can be really hard, especially when things are going well and you want to maintain it, as people sometimes forget the other aspects of their life
For me it would be the fear of being unable to maintain an interesting conversation. Not necessarily on my behalf, but I do hate it when a guy “tries too hard“. I’m sure I’m not the only one who can tell when a guy is desperately struggling to come up with something interesting to say? Obviously I will try to help out as much as I can and suggest topics or just ask questions myself, but there’s always that awkward silence… That’s the part I hate the most!
Oh yes totally agree
Practical obstacles such as financial, family situation, location and so on.
Most other obstacles should be rather easily reconciled if there is maturity, mutual interest and willingness.
If those are lacking, well then the relationship isn't really worth it anyway.
The hardest part is when there is mutual interest, but the obstacles are too grave.
I'd say it's that part between the initial conversation and actually starting to develop a deep relationship. I feel like I'm putting forth effort on my end but the girl always holds back and then runs away. It's like she's afraid of her soul being seen.
I'd say it's getting emotionally invested and managing expectations. We both have an idea of what we want and what the other person is like, so it's the merging of worlds and finding out if our dynamic actually works.
Fear of being hurt and rejected again. And knowing I’m not good enough for anyone I have feelings for, and I’m going to mess things up
The fear that she'll file some BS complaint if I even dare ask. Because simply saying no isn't enough for her, even days after I honored her decision and walked away! So I think all is well, and... surprise! Now, everything I've worked for all my life is in jeopardy!
But other than that, I hate getting stood up. Or ignored during the date, because she's distracted by literally everything else. It's very disrespectful.
There's "development" stages to dating, so there is no one part that is hardest. Kinda like playing donkey kong, each new level is new challenges and exposes new parts of oneself that wasn't seen before that must be overcome.
I agree, but I also disagree. There absolutely is a "hardest" part, and that's the part before you actually start dating.
I used to hate the rejection part of dating. I used to tell myself I handled rejection well because I had lots of practice.
Lack of initial syncing, people are so quick to dismiss people just because they expect something and give the other no way of knowing or actually align with it.
This is the hardest thing...
When you go out to dinner, when she pulls out her credit card, how to convince her that she doesn't have to pay for her meal, when you're the guy that asked her out.
From my experince all of them. The invention of online dating means people can judge by apperence then personality.
For me it's mixture of fearing rejection and the approach. I can keep conversations going as long as someone else starts them.
I don’t date rn cause pandemic and all but judging from my moms experience with men it’s finding a man that doesn’t harbor ulterior motives
I think just being alone and conversating the first time. I’m awkward as hell xD but after that I can be pretty chill to talk with and open minded.
I have never done the "approaching women" thing. My thing is, if I do not get a choosing signal from a woman, I will not approach her. I find it a waste of time doing so, therefore I refrain and refuse.
Staying focused on what your date has too say can help you generate stimulating conversation by asking questions based on what she or he has too say.
For me it’s getting close and vulnerable with someone. Letting them see all of my flaws
for me personally it’s the whole not wanting kids/marriage thing. if it’s just hooking up and hanging out in the short term when women are younger they don’t really care but long term the vast majority of them want marriage/kids.
I struggle with whether or not I am attractive enough, good enough, smart enough which can sometimes frustrate the other person.
A- C- E are all really parts of the same thing- getting up nerve!
After that, if there is any hope for a relationship, the rest should be easy.
I voted A but C is very closely related.
It's interesting so many girls voted A and C considering they are not the ones who make the initial approach and risk rejection, so I'm not sure what that's about.
The sheer effort that a man is supposed to put in. Women, thanks to social media and dating options have so much perceived options that they dont even bother giving an effort.
For me when I was dating it was the combination of the the initial approach & fear of rejection.
Getting past stereotypes of what the other gender wants and the fact that I am ace/do not want children
Understanding the second party that’s involved and you can never tell their intention, fake people everywhere
The part of motivating myself to actually go on dates.
Why do you think that's hard for you?
A combination of intitial approach and fear of rejection.
Hence i just don't approach at all.
Probably rejection, initial approach, and beliefs on what the other sex wants blah blah
I agree with your update. I hardly ever find anyone who meets my requirements so any dating almost all just becomes casual.
When one has to do extra flossing when it shouldn’t be necessary….
keeping things going. They always fall off after a couple months.
Combination of A and B and I believe it's like that for a large portion of the male population
Initial stage of breaking ice and then the other person shouldn't compare with ex
Wanting to use different methods of achieving the same goal
Not knowing where you stand with someone. I. e “so are we an item?”
The try to explain that I have a small penis... not easy
To avoid the inevitable disappointment I just like to let you know I have a baby carrot But not to worry I’ve been running my mouth for years I got this.
Simple right
Ghosting you you did me today ;p
Well, much like a bear, I’m not leaving my house till spring so your gonna have to wait a while to hang then lol.
Didn’t realize it was Mardi Gras… if only it wasn’t so cold I wanted to see some tiddies.
Maintaining an interesting conversation can be a big problem for real.
Learning how to communicate in their love language.
Kinda interesting how mixed these results are
Keep the conversation going / keep the person interested
I think the hardest part in my opinion is to deal with a woman's nagging, there isn't anything more annoying than a woman nagging and crying about anything and everything, that's just how weak it makes women look.
Having to deal with another person
learning how to communicate with a new person.
A, B, and C. And this is why I don’t date anymore!
The initial approach for me is the hardest
This happens to me cause I'm very shy person
too many crazy people out there now
I would say the initial approach.
Don’t have a girlfriend
Trying people a conversation out of a person.
The initial approach defintely
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