How to deal with being attracted to the wrong guys? attraction vs protecting my mental health/happiness?

[nocturnalbaby]

For as long as I can remember, I've had an annoying problem where I've always been attracted to the wrong guys - guys that are considered the 'cool' guys, the ones that enjoy partying, drinking, being a fuckboy, etc. even though I know those types of guys aren't right for what I want (a proper committed relationship), I'm still attracted to them & I feel jealous of all the girls who actually get to be in their lives, whether it's as a partner or just as a friend. As someone who has never been able to have a proper friendship or relationship with guys like that due to my shy, quiet personality & lack of opportunity to meet guys like that, I just feel jealous even knowing that those girls get to be followed on social media by guys like that, whilst the most I can ever get from a guy like that is getting them to add me on snapchat just to talk to me in private for sex & nothing else. they would never follow or add me anywhere or try to get to know me.

On the other hand, there are plenty of good guys that are actually willing to get to know me & take me out, and are actually caring, but I'm just not usually to attracted to the guys that have treated me well. sometimes I find that they come across as simps, which is a major turn off.

So what am I supposed to do? cause if I date a cool guy, I'll be happy to be with someone who I find attractive physically & emotionally too, but I'll be unhappy if he sleeps with other girls & cheats & parties all the time, which is expected & common behaviour of a guy like that.

Whereas with a nice guy, they'll treat me well & keep me happy mentally, but deep down I will be unhappy knowing I'm not that attracted to them & that I'll always be wishing I was with a 'cool' guy. So either way, it seems I won't be satisfied & there will always be a lack of something. How am I supposed to ever find an appropriate partner if I can't get someone that can at least fulfil some basic traits? I'm not asking for perfection.

[SkipPerk]

Your problem is common among women. Polygamy was the standard for most of human history. Women all like the same men. For example, studies hAve found that women rank 85% of males in photographs as “below average.”

men often bristle at this when women claim to want a relationship, yet they all line up to hookup with the same handful of men

what you might want to do, is give a few nice guys a chance. I, for example, often find that women I admire become beautiful over time. In addition, people bond over sex. If you have a good man, sleep with him often. This will often lead to a closer bond, and greater physical attraction.

also, if you want an alpha male, understand your physical attractiveness peaks young. Women often fail to realize how quickly they age. You will get far more attention at 23 than 35, but too many women engage in ugly behavior while young, then look to “settle down” when they are clearly past their prime, and now have sullied reputations.

try targeting older alpha males (10-20 years older than you and looking to settle down), and if that does not work, then work on falling in love with nice guys who will treat you with respect and be good fathers/husbands. Men do this instinctively. Women are often oblivious to the fact that yelling at your parents in front of a man, or behaving rudely towards service staff makes women look ugly. Men who do not care only want to sleep with you.

also, look at who and when alpha males marry. They marry in theirs thirties and forties, to women in their twenties. They care nothing for careers or social status (note how many rich men marry flight attendants, or retail clerks). They want good wives and mothers, not alpha females.

or you can simply be happy as a semen receptive for alpha males, when they cannot get anything better. Most women appear to choose this option, given modern marriage rates

[Anonymous]

One thing that definitely helps is not having sex unless you're in a relationship. The fuckboys and players will disappear once they know that they can't get pussy. If you recognize who these guys are and that you have this problem, then you're in control and can prevent being used.

[HighlyVolatile]

Well, I am coming at this from a huge bias as a party type. I don't know if I was so cool but my friends definitely were, and we were sociable, we loved to party, travel, go camping, hang out, drink, smoke weed, you name it. We're down for fun and good times.

And I think it's a stereotype that every guy who is popular has to be some complete asshole. The most popular of my friends still got married, and they were good people. I think that stereotype is fueled by jealousy sometimes from people who can't get dates. Of course, there's some truth that applies to some in this popular group but I also think it's extreme to think every member of this group is lacking a conscience and is just out to use people or gain status.

So I guess I'm trying to appeal to the idea that not every popular guy has to be an asshole. The choice doesn't have to be between some desperate ass-kissing guy who puts you on a pedestal and a player who just considers you a notch on his bedpost. You learn to tell the difference and you can find sociable guys who value themselves but don't look at other people as being below or above them and just down to have fun and good times and can be mature enough when things get serious.

[HighlyVolatile]

But you know, at least the original idea of a bad boy isn't a bad guy. The original rebel type was arguably the ultimate type of good because they had enough critical thought to challenge social norms. They didn't blindly follow rules or simply do what they were told. That means when they're good, they're really good and not because it's what's expected of them and not because they're trying to look good. They can have a conscience.

I don't know the social and dating climate these days but I think all you have to do is be able to tell who has a conscience and who doesn't. I don't think you have to settle for some doormat of a man.

[Berethor]

Well you sure not the only girl who is thinking like that.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AllGirlsWantBadBoys

[nocturnalbaby]

no clearly not, never said I was the only girl thinking this, why are people saying that

[IMuser]

Find out what's important for you in a relationship: attraction or loyality and then make decision. It's a trade off

[CuriousMufuxka]

It's natural selection. I was once a little bitch that got my ass kicked, until I stood up for myself and got my ass kicked less! And more importantly attracted girlies! Look, females love confidence, they crave for their male to have the best features that she'll spend 9 months creating and then shatting out. Maybe dude sticks around, maybe not.
Too bad for the nice guy..

[Anonymous]

You really think anyone can answer this for you? And do you really think you're the first girl to have thought or said this?
I have the male version of this. I like fit attractive women. But I know even if I go out with one she will cheat on me with other guys and she will tire of me and move on to another guy when she grows bored. I've had plenty of fat, unattractive women hit on me and ask me out. But I'm just not attracted to them fat, unattractive women. I know they would most likely value me more and treat me better than the fit, attractive woman. But the fact remains. I'm just not attracted to fat, unattractive women. So what does a guy do when he's in this situation?

[nocturnalbaby]

never said I'm the first girl to have asked or say this? where did I mention that? if you can show me where I said that things would make more sense. yeah, I do think someone can answer this, clearly not you, but someone can give at least a helpful opinion if not a concrete answer. I don't really know what your problem is, if you think this question is stupid or not worth answering, why even bother answering? you do realise you can just ignore questions & move onto the million other questions on here? don't be on here commenting anonymously to randomly put people down. don't have the answer or a helpful opinion, f off. it's pretty simple 🤦🏽‍♀️

[Opinion Owner]

Oh I see. You just want someone to tell you what you want to here. You don't actually want help. Well you should probably put that in your question. You can F off to. 😉

[In_Trance]

this typically happens because you don't know yourself well enough yet. you latch on to whoever you can out of desperation.

[Anonymous]

Address what you’re missing in life that makes you attracted to being used. Consider therapy if it is now a serious issue in your life.

[Anonymous]

Sadly many girls like players and they won't get real love from them. You can't change who are attracted to, so it 's the twisted fate of love, leaving many heartbroken.

[thakurr]

If you keep the machanism of judging things over status then believe me you'll never be satisfied and you'll end up with frustration, envy, loosing things, broken heart

[rabbitzzz]

Hello as a nice guy I can tell you that you can try date bartenders. They are usually cool guys. Maybe get a job beside one.

[RealMarek]

You just need to find a nice guy who is also cool.

[nocturnalbaby]

that's the goal.

[Anonymous]

Become strong and independent, If any guy still chase you that's true love never let him go.

[jimmy2]

Ohhh baby opposites attracts each other. Het away from the cool guys ho to a better man in a church