Should I flirt or stay cool, calm and collective?

[Anonymous]

So I have now been single after a 15 yr relationship with whom i thought was "the one", only to be let down, but im good. I've been single for 7 months now and am very much ready to move on but feel out of touch with the dating game. I've been out approaching women for months now with almost 0 success and i feel im doing something a bit off. I think after the breakup, I've been in this mindset of not wanting to appear needy and desperate, thus, enacting this "tactic" to appear cool, calm and collective. In doing so, I tend to get phone numbers, but I notice that every girl eventually faded away from socializing with me

Before my "marriage" I was a teen. I would flirt with girls i like and often did this as a means to kiss her or whatever. I feel I had a much higher success rate finding a girlfriend or having relations by doing this and I think its because I establish sexual tension and interest in her almost from the beginning.

There's a girl i like now. I've invited her out a few times to no avail but she keeps letting me know she's single and okay with hanging out, but never does it. One time we drank together, from her inviting me, and I felt like she was flirting with me but I didn't want to make things weird, thus, incorporating this cool attitude. She literally was in a bathing suit standing in her doorway at night talking to me. I tried to invite her for drinks after this which she agreed but it never ended up happening.

Next time I see her should I try flirting with her to show my interest? I've been told by one girl that im not trying enough and one girl after sex a couple times, said the same thing. Maybe Im not flirting enough with women i like.

Is it better to be flirtatious with women showing interest in them, or just "hang out" and wait for her to show interest first? Im starting to lean towards the first option as it keeps u out the friendzone and builds tension and the second option apparently lands u as a boring friend which then gets ghosted.

[dustybiker]

I say it a lot here as I mean it. Never create regrets. Don’t wait for anyone else, not to make a move or speak first. If you want something speak up. Tell them you like them. Honesty can be refreshing. Respect will get you farther than most too. Playing games just wastes time. Don’t ever ghost either. If it doesn’t work out or you’re not feeling it, be brave and honest. You’ll feel better about yourself for being decent.

[Asker]

I agree with this. But would u say that upfront honesty scare women when u first meet them? Should I be casual in talking but incorporate flirting or just come out and say what I'm thinking. I have a fear of desperation or looking creepy

[dustybiker]

Good points. It really is in the way you say it. Maybe just say what you feel, so it’s genuine. That always shows, when something is real.

[Asker]

I just texted my neighbor back and forth a couple times. I told her to come out and give me a big hug it would make both of our day better. She mentioned she was at her parents house. So I said next time let's drink and eat pizza she said she would be back in may going out of town. I told her that her interest level is on -100 she lol and said she's just having a bad day. I threw in that in all respect I would love to take her out dancing or drinking whatever sometime and if not just lemme know it's cool, then I left it there. I'm trying to show interest but In a light fun way and if not reciprocated I'll back off

[dustybiker]

I don’t see anything wrong with that. Let her make the next move when ready.

[Asker]

Exactly what I will do. She's over 30 so she's not stupid and knows that I'm interested. I won't reach out to her anymore. I got my interest across but I think u r right. Women like flirting it's fun and builds sexual tension. Just playing it cool won't get u further than the friend zone unless she's really into u

[dustybiker]

It’s true.