I was talking to a guy and when he saw I wasn't easy he disappeared. Tried to talk to others but didn't work and now he's back. Should I ignore him?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, when I let him I felt like he was perfect for me. However, I've never dated and I get nervous... something I confessed to him. So, instead of him trying he disappeared. Now he comes back talking about how he thought I wouldn't reply because he left and he even confessed going out and trying to pursue other girls but apparently he lacks confidence. Then he tried inviting me out to eat. Now I'm feeling like he doesn't deserve me and I don't deserve to be treated like an option.

[Phoenix-gb]

It's hard to gauge as what your title says and what you write paint two very different pictures. If it was just that you are the sort of person to take things slower due to nerves, then yeah, him disappearing was a poor move on his part, and it's up to you if you want to give him another chance or not.

However the title makes it sound like you started out making it seem like he was just an option to you, so when he didn't want to play that game rightly moved on himself. A lot of guys now don't like hard to get games or chasing, they just want someone they like to like them back with no games played.

[Asker]

You're absolutely right and that's exactly what I told him about being unsure and taking things slow or else I get scared. He the day after texted me and afterwards disappeared. Yesterday he comes back texting me talking about how he went out and didn't have the courage to go up to girls because of his insecurities and lacking confidence. Then goes on about thinking I wasn't going to reply to him because of how he left... which made it clear to me he knows it was messed up. He then asks me if I want to go out to dinner or coffee sometime... tbh, it would never work between us anymore. He made the solid choice to pursue other women than to make it work with me. The sad part is, if he would've been a little more patient I would've made an effort to come out of my shell to be with him because he had the qualities that I liked. I'm debating if whether or not I should tell him that.

[Phoenix-gb]

I don't think there's anything to be gained revisiting it if you've made your decision.

I would say, being in a similar position regarding self confidence and having spent a lot of time looking at dating advice, the prevailing advice to guys is anything other than an emphatic yes, is to be be treated as a no. So while you weren't outright rejecting him, you weren't giving an emphatic yes either so he may have taken it as a rejection, hence moving on at the time.

I'm not saying to rush into things, you can still want to take things slow, just make sure there is something that can be seen as a definite yes in there too, to avoid possible confusion.

If you already are, great, his loss. Hope you find what you're looking for somewhere soon.

[Nidal_AA]

You said it your self... He dosent deserve you and you never want to be an option... Sad thing is that you are an option... Every woman is an option... But its only bad if he decides to npt choose you then settle for you... You will find someone else that would value you more... Good luck

[Asker]

Should I be upfront with him and tell him it would never work out because he made the decision to look elsewhere instead of making it work with me?

[Nidal_AA]

It takes bravery to do so... It would be super nice of you if you do it

[Truthbewithyou]

I personally wouldn't be talking to someone who disappeared on me for not being easy and then returning confessing that he wanted better than me but lacked the confidence to get it, so now he's back to the very few girls he had enough confidence for because he's learned that he's not that guy that can just get a girl to sleep with him. He knows he has to wine and dine them to get that and that's what it seems like he's come back to do.

[Raphaëlle]

Sounds like you are a second option to him or it could be that he was actually shy when you told him? But if it doesn't progress and you wrote yourself that he doesn't deserve you, then move on.