When do you consider a relationship to be formal?

[Anonymous]

Is it important the time you had spend with that person and interact or is more important quality rather than time or both things go hand in hand? For example some peopel date for just a few months or lets say a year, and soon they get committ and they hardly know each other or there are couples who date for a long time (no more than 6 years) and when they feel ready, they may committ or not, as they want to spend more time getting to know each other. Even if this is true: You never ever get to know the person 100% even if you are married you dont know that person to their 100% extension.

Can you know well a person in just little time in order to committ soon in time or you do need time for that? Knowing that WE ALL ARE DIFFERENT, we have different attitudes, personalities, characters, behavior, that we may or not like from the other person.

Let me put you an example and tell me what kind of relationship this is:

I have a male cousin who is now 48yrs, he has 2 kids (19 and 16). He had been separated (not legally divorced yet) for like 12 years now. The son lives with him and the daughter with her mom. The guy after separation he dated a few ladies here and there and anyway the ladies he had dated after separation never been really formal or committed. Then 6 years ago, he met a lady (12 years younger) and lets say is the longest relationship he had been with so far.

At this moment I dont know if he still dates her or he is just having fun with her even after 6 yers of supposedly being together as a couple (the term couple I doubt applies for him) At the beginning of his relationship Im sure he treated her like a girlfriend, they dated often, etc The years went by and if even if he was with her, this cousin never ever introduced her to the family or even mention he had a girlfriend, possibly because for him his relationship was not formal (even with years of still dating her).

He was still supposedly.. cont

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dating her, but he never took her into account for family get together, family local ride trips, he always attended the activities or events by himself, not even his own birthdays with the family he brought her. He also in ordinary conversations with family when he was by himself, her name was never part of a talk or even he mentioned her as him having a girlfriend. They dont live together.

The few few times this cousin brought his "girlfriend" in person was in 2 Christmas Eve dinners at his

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house, and even her being there, she was like "invisible", she was a bit of anti-social, she did not like to interact much with the rest of the family, because while the family was mingling, even the boyfriend was present mingling with the rest, she was in her`s boyfriend bedroom watching TV with the closed door.

The guy at this moment we suspect he is no longer dating her, but I was told he sees her only from time to time but he stil calls her "his girlfriend", after 6 years?

[Lliam]

I'd just say it's when two people decide that they like each other enough to stop shopping and see each other exclusively, hang out all the time, do things, go places and be a real couple. That includes treating each other as partners and being proud to be seen with each other at family functions.

I don't think a relationship has to be any more formal than that. I mean, you can't promise anything more than loyalty and commitment. You obviously can't promise marriage until you have been together for a long time and are both certain that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. Marriage is the biggest commitment you can ever make in your life. But people shouldn't hesitate to get into committed relationships. How else will they ever find the person they want to marry?

And when I talk about a committed relationship, that means infatuation, mutual regard and respect, trust, and sex. Lack of sex means lack of trust and commitment. You have to give yourself completely to a relationship and take your chances.

[Asker]

So in my cousin`s case he never eally had a real relationship with the lady? Even when they were supposed to be dating for 5 years?

[Lliam]

It doesn't sound like it.
Merely dating doesn't constitute a full relationship. Dating is more casual, like a friendship or acquaintance, even if sex is involved.

[TheLoneTerran]

Well, formalized that we're actually dating? Prolly after the second or third date and we're still enjoying ourselves. If ya meant in the sense of 'we are now boyfriend and girlfriend', then I'd guess it'd be when be decided to be exclusive with each other.

[Asker]

5 years?

[TheLoneTerran]

It's definitely a weird situation. Honestly, he's stringing her along, almost treating her like a backup? Or plan B? Is he narcissistic? Or just really full of himself? If yes, I would hope she would move on; it cannot be made much clearer when you consider the holiday get-together.

I hope things go well for her in the very near future.

[Asker]

Indeed it is a weird situation I dont get it either. My cousin met her like 6 years ago. She alreayd has a kid from a previous relationship, but that was not obstacle for both to date. She is much younger than him. I believe my cousin does not want to be tied down again in a marriage, but he could date ladies if he wishes to do so. In the beginning of the relationship they were like any common couple who dated and hang out. But as the time went by, my cousin never like introduce her to the family (cousins, aunts) as his girlfriend beacuse he never brought her to family get togethers anyway. So im sure many relatives never knew he had a girlfriend. When there were holidays like Christmas eve and only one New Years Eve family gatherings in his house, she was there 2 years in a row, beause those were the times he invited her to join us, he never celebrated those holidays at her house. The times I did see her she was really odd and acted odd, she never liked to mingle with the family and chit chat, she prefer locked herself at my cousins bedroom and watch TV. The only time she came out of the bedroom was when we open the gifts and eat, then he went back inside the bedroom a it antisocial if you asked me. Then the time still to go by and I did no longer see her at get togethers of any kind, but it seems he was still with her. She never even participated when it was my cousins birthday, imagine!! We alwyas plan to throw him a small family get together with us my siblings and his inmmediate family and kids and he never brought his girlfriend to join us for his own bday.

[Asker]

It seems he treats her like a back up and she tolerates that. When they were supposedly to date he took her twice to Mexico, im sure all expenses paid by my cousin. Also my cousin when he "supposedly" was dating her, when he gathered with the family and lets say we were chatting about any topic or any kind and lets say we spoke about men or women and relationships, he never ever mentioned her name into the conversation or never mentioned he was with someone, he always acted like he was still single and free. Just 2 years ago during the pandemic when it started it seems he was still with her but the time went by and he never brought her anymore to any family gatherings or local trips with the family as he still was with her, not even Christmas eve reunions at his house or any social get together I was with my cousin and his family. I mean Im close to this cousin and his family so im suspicious he is no longer with her and they were like togehter for 6 years in that kind of "awkward relationship.

I aksed my brother who lately is very close to our cousin and lately my brother hangs out with him often so I asked my brother if our cousin was still with the lady. And he told me another odd thing: My brother told me "Yes and No" He sees her "from time to time" but not that often. I mean what is that status? But also my brother told me he suspects (nothing confirmed) our cousin began to see the mother of his kids again, as he visits her often at her house. I mean my cousin duaghter lives with his ex, and the son lives with him. My cousin for last year holidays he spent it in Mexico with his kids and guess what? He brought his former wife to go with him and her kids too. Yes my cousin is a bit cocky and he likes to show off.

[DiegoO]

More than formal, a more important question is: when do you consider a relationship to be healthy?*

[Asker]

So in my example?

[Asker]

The example I post I believe that for my cousin, he does not consider his relationship to be serious why even after 6 years and he will continue to be like that. He does not intend ever to get married but he does not date formally the lady to dare to call h er a girlfriend when they barely see each other nor not at all

[Guy13]

When marriage contract is signed and filed.

[Asker]

marraige contract like a pre nup? well in some countries a pre nup is not part of a marriage,

[Guy13]

What? Where are you located? I’m USA

[Asker]

Not me

[Guy13]

Simple marriage contract filed with State. Everything becomes One equitably

[Asker]

Where I live most marriages comes with an agreement sure, but that is taken care of during the marraige not before the marriage.

[Guy13]

Same here but it is still a Contract. State files it.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Can't say we're official till you've met my mom.

[sheikalana]

it’s a combination of both.