Financial question in a relationship. Does the guy have to pay for everything?

[Gilroy838]

I have been dating this amazing girl. Currently it's been 1 year since we started. She truly is a soulmate to me and I love her. There is an issue though. When we started dating she was willing to pay for me or at least split bills. But now it got to a point where I feel like I've been paying for pretty much everything. Whenever we go out I pay full bill. She did pay for me for my birthday and when we went out with her friends to a camp one time and that's it. She makes more money than I do. She lives with her parents so she is able to save a lot. I have a mortgage and bills to pay. Question does the guy have to pay for everything in a relationship? Does this sort of thing seem normal in other relationships? It does take a massive toll on me financially. I stopped ordering take out when she's around so I just don't pay for her anymore.

[Nawlins34]

Even in a traditional terms, guys are usually expected to pay for most things, but it's MORE prevalent in an actual marriage.

The truth in all of this is, there is no "book of suppose" that we're reading from, it's what works for the relationship YOU'RE in.

If money is tight, you should be comfortable enough to tell your woman that fact and that you're going to scale back or ask her to chip in a little more.

The irony is, she understands financial discipline, you just confirmed, she's saving $ staying with her parents, so she's not clueless on this.

Relationships require logic just as much as they require love, this is an easy conversation you can have with her, if you can't or if this is a difficult one, that's not a good sign for you two.

Remember, most marriages fail due financial reasons, love is a distant second.

Be safe and good luck.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely a red flag. She’s used to being taken care of apparently, so she takes advantage of your willingness to pay. Her money is hers and so is yours.
My sister is similar. She got divorced and moved back home with our parents. It took her several years to finally get a job. After she used our moms car and trashed it, she got her own finally after she got tens of thousands of dollars from her settlement. She’s given our parents maybe 2-3 months worth of rent over a 4 year period. Their utilities and food bills have doubled and she’s trashed the room she’s staying in and the bathroom and her junk has taken over their whole house. They have no idea what to do and it stresses them both emotionally and financially.
Not saying your girlfriend is the same, I think my sister is a bit of an extreme example. But the potential is there.

[whereismyjohnny]

No, I don't think that guy is supposed to pay for everything and neither that's normal to me. I think you should either take turns or split the bill. I'd never let a guy pay for everything or ask him to buy me something.

[jennifer_bloom]

She is only going to get worse if you marry her and it sounds like she faked her personality when she first met you to get you to fall in love with her, I would dump her.

[Kiss_Me]

Guys do not have to pay for everything.

You can find charming but effective ways to split the tabs. If she suggests you guys eat out, would something like, "I can't afford to eat out, I'm too poor. I'm going to have to start charging you for services rendered. You got this one?"

[bamesjond0069]

She works and makes more money. She should be paying. Men paying is ONLY for traditional relationships. This is when the men is the sole or primary earner. In the past women didn't work or they barely worked for minimal pay. Think babysitter. So ofc men paid for everything. This is no longer the case, they want their own money they need to pay up. you're being used basically fyi.

[LazerBean]

You're really not obligated to pay for anything if you're not married, and even afterwards it's kind of something that needs to be addressed before you get married.

[TheFlak38]

She is not your soul mate. She made you fall in love to make you believe she is your soul mate. Now you made it clear to her that you're exclusive to her and she got you by the balls. She has just began to suck your blood like a vampire. This is just the beginning. It will become even worse if you make the mistake to marry her.

[Kaamraj]

All relationships traditionally are an exchange bw the man's financial resources and the woman's sexual reproductive exclusivity. Now the question is if you are getting returns on your investment, doesn't look like it.

[Dinklex3]

That's for you and your partner to decide.
Maybe have a conversation with her and communicate your concerns.

[jshm2]

You're at the point where you need to make the decision, kiddo. Sit her down and talk to her about her long term plans, and finances.

[zagor]

No. With more income and lower expenses, she should be paying her share. Whoever decides where to go for dinner should pay.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, specifically because the girl doesn't have to pay for everything, and double standards are relationship cancer.

[ArtemisSilver]

Theoretically no, in reality yes. Unless you're an abusive gigachad in which case she pays you

[mandyfire98]

Nope it should be 50/50

[Kgotso]

Nope at least if he offers he should whoever's offers to go out should pay

[exitseven]

The guy always has to pay, get used to it,.

[jahaims]

Why would he?