Is it so wrong to want to be desired?

[not_a_twinkie]

Okay so I'm 20 and haven't dated anyone since I was 16, not for lack of trying on my part but it just never works out and I just end up being friends with them. It's really affected my self worth, especially since all my previous relationships had ended so badly.
But there is this guy who I've been friends with for almost two years and we had a friends with benefits thing going on before they got a partner, their most recent girlfriend (a good friend of mine for 7 years) broke up with them and we're slowly rekindling the friends with benefits. My friends however say that it's a bad idea, they say I'm being used, that it's unhealthy, that I'm gonna get hurt, a direct quote being "[I] need to grow a spine and tell him to fuck off."
I just don't really see the issue here, because for once there is someone calling me hot, sexy, desirable, things I have never /ever/ been called before. I know that it will end, but that doesn't bother me, I just want to feel wanted for once, is that bad?

Updates

1 y

I feel like I should specify, we've been friends for 2 years but only friends with benefits for a month before they got a partner

[razelove]

There's nothing wrong about wanting to be wanted, to get attention. The only issue that comes up is getting used to a pattern. If you don't put yourself out there, and get used to the pain of dating, and trying to find a partner, you're going to continue to find it difficult to do.

The longer you stay in a safety zone of having a friends with benefits, the easier it is to not go out and seek that. Relationships do tend to end worse when you're younger too. It isn't like either side has the facilities or maturity to express yourselves.

You won't get it without relationships and solely having NSA and friends with benefits relationships either.

It's obviously your choice on what direction you want to move in the future, just bear in mind that you don't need a big toolbox for ONS, friends with benefits or NSA, you do for having and maintaining a relationship, which you only gain by being in relationships.

[NathanDavis]

the bad thing in here is... that someone that knows you well is very clearly giving you a warning that this person is BAD for you and doing WRONG to you...

but then you do not mention any of that... you just say that "I just want to be desired"

so yes, I think this a quite awful situation because if in fact, this person is being this bad to you... then you just do not want to see it and you would not be caring for yourself in a good way

"I just don't see the issue" this kind of denial should be of concern

[not_a_twinkie]

I don't want to argue because I see your point, I do want to say through that I don't mention anything because to me there is nothing to mention, that person is also a very good friend of mine and my older friends have no problem with him or my friendship, they only have a problem with our friends with benefits situation so I honestly cannot see an issue here. If you can and would like to explain what I am missing I would appreciate it

[NathanDavis]

I didn't mean to say anything just to argue... but your question was about "is there something wrong" so I merely focused on the things that could be a concern, and this based on the info you gave and the one you did not give... so it is like filling some blanks, a bit of assuming just in case

so the issue in here is that you say you have self-worth issues already, and that you just want to be desired and be seen as attractive... and your friends say that he is using you

well, as you described the situation, he was with you for the easy sex, that is what friends with benefits are, easy sex no strings attached, sure there could be desire and sure you could be sexy too, however, it is most likely he wants the sex not exactly you... he had you for sex, then he went to a girlfriend in a relationship as soon as he ends that, he comes back for sex, from you... that easily because yes that is easy friends with benefits... so this is the part your friends are trying to warn you

maybe they know that you are emotionally vulnerable, so you can feel used, or hurt, and that is unhealthy yes ( and I hope you're screen testing for sexually transmitted infections too) and chances are that you will feel some of that eventually but you say that will not bother you and you do not care

so that is another issue, you should care for yourself... so that is their problem perhaps, that you do not care for yourself to walk into a situation that could do you more wrong

[not_a_twinkie]

Okay yeah I see what you mean, and you are right that part of me just doesn't want to see it that way, and you're right that I probably don't care for myself the way I should.
But I also don't know what else to really do, I don't really have self worth to start off with, it's been destroyed by rejection after rejection and by people I thought I could trust. This seemed like the best option to me, better than my original idea of a one night stand at least.

[mandyfire98]

Everyone wants to be desired. And if you want to have a friends with benefits then go for it.

[Truthatanycost]

Friends with benefits for 2 years... but he found another girl to have a committed relationship with. Now that he's broken up with her... you want to do it all again. What will it take for you to learn what friends with benefits is really about?

[not_a_twinkie]

A month, and it's about sex, something we both want

[Truthatanycost]

You will learn that there is rarely such a thing as casual sex, and that what feels good is rarely good for us. Your friends appear to have some idea about this already.

[boggboss]

Yet is u allow rhat feeling of wanting and confused it with him just wanting sex yes it is wrong and will end up hurting u

[Waldoe]

I think that you might be "Using" him... Do you think that is possible? or maybe he simply LIKES you... no other motives... sometimes friends are stupid...

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

It's not wrong to want be desired , I know how you feel

[Straight2thepoint]

Because u like keeping ur options open and no one takes u serious.

[not_a_twinkie]

Elaborate

[Straight2thepoint]

U like keeping ur exs as friends. Friends with benefits are the same as booty calls. As much as u think guys don't notice these things. U can't blame us for ur ways. We don't have it easy when it comes to.

"Hey would u like to date"
To u girls.

U girls ask and us guys say yes regardless of the outcome.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I agree with your friend, tell him to fuck off and find a guy who actually gives a shit about you.

[Anonymous]

"Friends with Benefits" is basically an unpaid cum dumpster.

[Anonymous]

It's not wrong to be desired but friends with benefits is just using someone for sex, they don't really love you. And that's what you really want.

[Agape93]

Not at all lovely

[Nahid1707]

It is understandable