all my friends get baby fever whenever they see a child & they all talk about having families when they are older. But I don’t get the “baby fever” when I see a baby/child, I don’t really feel anything. & I have no desire to start a family & when I brought that up, my friend told me there might be something “wrong” with me because it’s a human instinct to want to bear children. But I don’t & I now I feel guilty about it. Like I don’t hate children, they just make me uncomfortable & I have no desire to ever have them. I know I’m still young but since the age 5, I hated playing with baby dolls & playing the “mother role” & I’m tired of family telling me “you’ll change your mind.” whenever I bring it up. They make me feel like I’m some sort of freak for not wanting kids & not gushing over newborns. Please tell me I’m not the only one.
Honestly, I understand what you feel because I've kinda dealt with the same thing. I don't want kids-- and I've never been able to warm up to the idea of having kids of my own. I can distinctly remember thinking about this when I was 16-- I didn't want kids... I let a few years go by-- by 19-- still I didn't want kids-- I'm now 22 and I still don't want kids. It's not just the part of a child living inside me-- its the fact that a child is physically going to come out of me-- that kind of scares me to be honest-- and on top of that... you have to take care of the child at least until they are 18... You are legally and financially responsible for raising them. I start thinking-- if it's such an effort for me to live and survive... how will I be able to take care of another human? It's a huge commitment and responsibility. My parents also say "Oh you'll change your mind when you're older"... but so far no change LOL. Honestly, I wouldn't get discouraged by what your friend said... she was just voicing her opinion but that doesn't mean that you have to feel like there is something "wrong" with you... I'm basically in the same boat as you and I am a little older-- you are still young and you have lots time. I don't necessarily think you have to think about this life commitment right now. I'd just live life for now. :) I hope this helps.
It is fine, first of all, you are still very very young, at your age having a family should be the less of your worries, normally people at your age care more about University, undergraduate studies, find a work, a professional career, be more independent both financial and emotionally, meet new people, hanging around with your friends. Maybe you can cuestion it later after you work and get a partner whom you feel you can marry or live with for a long time.
Second, as time and generations pass by, there are more people who care less about having kids, a family on their own, and I don't say that having kids is negative, it has its pros and cons, like everything in life.
Yes, children can drain a big part of your life and money, and for the well of them and the family, parents, like ours, need to do certain sacrifices. However, you can gain non material things like raising and sharing your knowledge with the new lives at your charge, good memories of your family.
The issue is asking yourself why you want to have children?, not now for you, you are still young, and you can ask it for yourself one you are in a relationship which can guide you to a permanent partner, but some of the people who can have and want them are just for selfish reasons.
It is really okay not to have baby fever. Just so you need time and Days of our world I look at you as a role model kind of. Even though that I love kids and I had to have kids. And they're grown. If I was a young person right now I would think twice about it just for the fact we don't know where we are all headed on this planet I think you are wise smart person and whether you know it or not you see and feel something down deep and that is the reason why you think you feel the way that you did I think you're making the right choice for right now as a matter fact I can feel that you are I can feel your energy right now and there's a reason behind it you never know things might change and things lighten up that's what you want and that's what counts there's a reason for it believe me
"My friend told me there might be something “wrong” with me because it’s a human instinct to want to bear children" It isn't "instinct" to want to bear children, but conditioning. The societal expectation is that eventually we (especially women) all should procreate, because apparently that's what's "natural", but that's garbage. Don't listen to these fools. You won't change your mind, and that's a good thing, because there are already far too many people crowding this benighted planet! I never had children myself, and I NEVER regretted that personal choice.
at 18 it's normal to not even think about kids at all. In general it's not normal to not want kids but you don't "have to" be normal. Normal just means compared to what others do.
Anyway at 18 this should be the last of your worries. The last thing you want is to bring a kid into the world where your parents are gonna have to parent again because at 18 I doubt you can even support yourself much less another little person to feed an have shelter over.
Just find a good job and go to school so you can get a career and eventually you will most likely want a kid somewhere along the way and you will be financially capable to have it without having the need to ask anybody for help.
I agree on the apart me still being a kid, very much true. & yes, I can always change my mind. I think just people telling me what I WANT for MY future, is what bugs me more than ever.
Its totally normal! Most of my friends have kids and they had kids in their younger 20's. They regret having kids that young and wish they had them later like in their late 20's but they don't regret having their kids in general. I never wanted kids and can't handle being pregnant seems too much work. My family, families friends, and my friends always tell me I will change my mind. My mind will change if I find someone who I would actually want to have children with and can see myself having children with. I feel that if I had kids of my own, I would feel like a kid of myself with them like I always do when I am around kids. No wonder why kids like me so much!
Honestly since before I can remember I've always wanted kids and got baby fever all the time but recently it's faded a bit. I always loved playing with dolls and was obsessed with newborns. I imagined a future with kids for my entire life but when I started to think of one without them it became easy to imagine how I could be happy in both scenarios. I think not wanting kids and not getting baby fever is normal.
Everyones different and if you don't feel it, don't try to force it. You don't want to end up having children you were unsure of having in the first place. Yes, your feelings may change overtime but they may not, what's the rush though your only 18.
It's completely normal. It wasn't a century or more ago, but it is now. There are many valid reasons to not want children in this age, but you don't even need a "valid" reason. Having children is your choice and responsibility. Whatever you do, never have them because someone pressured you to, or made you feel you were selfish or a freak for not wanting to (This might be your family as you get closer to 30).
There are lots of people who don't want children. They are happy and fulfilled in life. You are not alone.
I hated babies too.. They’re gross but necessary for the continuation of our species.
Don’t believe these lies. And don’t let others project their bullshit on you.
Women who don’t want kids often get a bad rep because society has burdened them with the belief that childless women are biological failures when we just don’t want the inconvenience.
An unwanted pregnancy is horrifying. I don’t understand why people are overjoyed.
That’s why they’re called “pregnancy scares”.
Don’t let society pressure you into having kids because eventually they’ll just shame you for it like everything else. A woman’s purpose is more than just being an incubator. Do what makes you happy.
Very few things can change your entire lifestyle and impact you economically, as rapidly as a kid. Some argue for the better, but nah, it's not for me.
Stop worrying, I'm 35 and I never wanted kids, and I know countless people who don't want them either.
Your "friend" is just trying to validate their choice to have kids by saying it's normal, when in reality normal doesn't exist and most kids are born by accident from parents who just wanted to have sex (and their birth control failed/condom ripped).
The reality is birth control and condoms are so widely used because at least 60% of the adult population doesn't want kids.
Kids are not for everyone. I know a few couples that do not have children by their choice. They seem pretty happy. They have a different life than the one I had. My life revolved around my kids and most of my free time was spent with them. They had expensive vacations and went out to eat a lot. It's all in what you want. Truthfully, I wasn't really all that gung-ho about having kids. I could have gone either way. But now I am glad I did and have no regrets about it. You may change your mind someday but there is nothing wrong with you if you do not.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
It's normal to have your own mind and to decide what you want for your life, absolutely. Just because you have the ability to do something, doesn't mean you have to do it. Becoming a parent is a lot of work and being a good parent is even harder. NO ONE, man or woman, should commit to this unless they have an actual desire and the means to do so because once you have a child there is no going back and it becomes about their needs and the responsibilities you have towards them. People can tell you whatever they want, but the power to decide always lies with you. If you don't want kids, don't have them and sure, if you change your mind 20 years down the road, guess what, you're "allowed" to do that to. It's your choice.
Definitely! Kids can be really gross and exhausting and aren’t for everyone. Don’t have a kid if you don’t want a kid. Both of you will feel the negative consequences of that. I’m sorry that anything has suggested to you that it’s not normal, you are perfectly fine!
If you don't want kids in your future, that is totally fine. It certainly isn't for everyone. Don't let anyone else dictate what is "right" for you in this regard. And there are people who say that it isn't normal for a woman to not want kids. Heck, what is "normal"? And how many people do you know who are "normal" anyway? It is all BS.
I don't know if it's normal or not. It does seem like most people want kids. I don't know why. I never did. Protecting them and dealing with their needs and their drama seems like a nightmare. They are an all consuming investment of time and energy, and they are an absolute money pit. At this point in my life, I'm still really glad that I didn't have any.
My wife and I decided we don't want any kids, so if anyone else does, we can drop them off tomorrow.
OK, personally, I love kids, but I never really wanted kids of my own. Looking back, I totally wish I had, but I just didn't ever feel like it was right for me at the time. Everyone feels different about it. For some, it's their total life calling. For others, not so much. Just be you :)
I'm 28 and still not sure I'd ever want to have my own children. It seems like a lot of responsibility not to mention the idea of childbirth terrifies me. I just think maybe some people aren't into it and that's ok. My boyfriend does have twin daughters who just turned 7. I adore them. They're very sweet and cute but they're pretty independent for their age so it makes things a lot easier. It's a lot better to not have children and then have them and not be able to properly take care of them.
You're not the only one. Many people in this world have no desire of having children and there's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone was meant to be a mother or a father. Plus, it's better not having kids than forcing yourself to have them and then being a shitty parent. It's your life, your body you're free to do whatever you want. Don't listen to them, you're ok. :)
You're 18, it's perfectly normal. At that age I hated the idea of having children and I honestly thought I will never want them. I only started to feel like I might want children when I was 24 years old and fell in love with someone much older. If not for that, it might happen even later for me. Whatever you feel, just be open minded to accept a change of mind if it happens... but if it doesn't, it's still ok as long as you're happy.
I dont want any kids, I see the world as one giant slave plantation, work till you die at a job you will most likely hate then when you finally retire suffer a slow painful decline as your body falls apart. But yea lets condem another soul to this fate 🤪
Its not slavery bruh cuz you can quit at any time. Lmao yea quit and die of starvation or exposure. No you must work for “the man” as a slave to money dont sugar coat it
You might benefit from counseling. They help people understand irrational fears. There's a reason you cannot be sterilized until you surpass the age of thirty. It's common to change your tune as you mature.
Getting married and starting a family isn't about YOU and what YOU get, it's when you have everything in your life you need and you're ready to GIVE. Love and children are about GIVING. Some people just never get there, and that's fine, they should not marry or have children. It would simply be unfair to them.
It's simple. If you don't want kids, don't have them. There are too many little ones in this world who were born to the wrong people and they suffer greatly for it. Kids should only be born to people who can love them properly.
Ma'am, you're 18. Its very very normal not to get baby fever yet. At your age all girls around me said they didn't want children later. Don't worry and dob't let your friends make you feel guilty about not having a "feeling". It will probably come by the time you're around 23 and reach peak fertility. And even if you're one of the few cases that don't, that"s okay. Plenty of guys that don't want children either.
As far as I am concerned, it is perfectly normal. I don't want any kids ever. I don't want to waste 7 years at uni just so I can change smelly diapers.
Not having children is becoming more common as families\households aren’t driven by religious tenets. 50 years ago, getting married and having kids was what you were “supposed” to do in your 20s. I’m glad people are moving away from superstition.
Well, it could be that your an anomaly which is fine, it is weird because it is human nature to want kids, but its also your life so what ever. It could be childhood trauma that makes you apprehensive towards it. OR it could be hormonal birth control (if your on it. It convinces your body your already pregnant and thus shuts down the drive to want to have kids because your body thinks your already having one (among many other things)).
I totally understand, to be honest i don't have baby fever, but at the same time if it happens i will appreciate it, I think you are maybe overanalyzing things. I'd let things happen naturally instead of being either excited or not excited. Because if it's meant to be you will love it , if not you should love it as well. Love your life either way, and NO there is nothing wrong with you, you should just not analyze it too much and go with the flow.
Yes it's normal depending on what your goals are in life. They say baby fever hits a woman around 30 years of age. I have seen this first hand. Many young women don't want kids in their 20's and then all of a sudden wham. Now I do know a few women who have never wanted kids and have not felt the baby fever themselves. As you age you might change your mind so yes it's normal. Go with the flow.
Aww, you don't want any mini Butterflyhope's running around? Time may wear you down; the last 30 years of your life is a longtime but if you still feel that way after 30 may as well stick to your guns because the risk of defects shoots up through the roof. & don't feel bad, I love kid's but will never have any of my own although I wouldn't be opposed if I loved a woman & she had 1-2.
I know a lot of women who had children in their 30's and even 40's, and the risk of defects is still pretty low, especially compared to a 20 year old who drinks and gets high while pregnant.
Femininity is such a thing for some it hits earlier for some late for some it doesn't nurturing is an instinct for most girls and for some it's not the main thing.
You can decide when the time comes and you will know what to do in that time your instinct will guide you untill then just go with the flow
It’s normal, especially today. Look at how many people Witt kids are miserable. I’m 36 and I am loving the child free life. Never wanted kids yet so far so until I change my mind, that is that.
It’s totally normal. There was a point in time when I DID NOT like kids at all, now it’s not as much but I think they’re still annoying as hell. Babies super cute though.
You're not alone. I don't think I'll ever want to have a baby. I don't think that I'm qualified to raising them and educating them. I haven't told my family because it's none of their business, it's something I should discuss with my future husband
My girlfriend and I don't want to have kids. Our mindset is that if we change our minds later (she's 35, so she isn't fertile much longer) we could always adopt. We still get to raise a kid and that kid gets a loving and supportive home.
Welcome to America where people are so narcissistic that they forego there single biological imperative to entertain themselves. Rest assured if u think u never want kids, ESPECIALLY as a woman then just wait till u hit 30 and your eggs start screaming louder than a baptist choir.
Yeah, that's complete bullshit. Not wanting children isn't "narcissism", but a perfectly normal and natural attitude that many people have because they simply either do not want children, or do not believe they would make a good parent. Alternatively, they may just not see the necessity for producing offspring on a planet that already has far too many people on it.
@Silas_153 Everything u just said was utter bullshit. Those who don't want children want to forego maturation. They don't want the responsibility. They want to focus on pleasing themselves and doing nothing meaningful with their lives. You don't even realize none of what u just said is even ur own thoughts or words, it's far too cliched. It's not an actual issue u're experiencing, it's an excuse that u've adopted as ur identity. What proof is there in ur life experience that there's too many people on the planet? Also put some thought into what would constitute a person deeming themself unfit for parenting even though there organs are fully functional? If u actually think about it u'll see it makes no sense ultimately. What if ur parents or grandparents shared the same sentiment? Oh why do I even bother, do as u please as long as it affects no one else. Which even that I can't say with a straight face because I can see beyond my own nose.
Wow. Every word of this is complete garbage. Do you actually believe this? My "identity"? What on Earth are you going on about? At no point in my life have I ever wanted children. Ever. When I was in primary school I already knew this. What "proof" do I have there are too many people? Well, there are well in excess of seven thousand million of us, and rising. Constantly rising. You do know, don't you, the direct connection that exists between the number of people (or organisms generally) that exist within any given environment, and the strain upon limited resources that those people place upon that environment. We can't just keep breeding without end. "Organs fully functional" - Er... it's not about having functioning organs, LOL :D It's about assessing one's ability to cope with such a drastic change to one's life, it's about whether a person is psychologically able to be a parent (and most are not, in my view). Anyway, you're right about one thing. I DON'T want the responsibility! It's MY life, not yours, so my own free choices are completely irrelevant to you (or at least they should be, but you seem to care so much about how others live their lives for some reason).
My apologies. I respect ur one responsible decision and sincerely appreciate ur valiant sacrifice. While u're at it we'd appreciate it if u could also abstain from sex as well. Wouldn't want any mishaps. Leave the activity for it's intended purpose👌🏾 Thank you.
I won't have kids because no woman who have me, the world is ending in just a few short years, my list of potentially hereditary conditions make for shall I say, uneasy reading and those conditions will very likely kill me before they can drink away the pain of my passing
From someone who has two of the little shits, take your time. Unless of course you like sleepless nights, back talking, unappreciative responses to all your best efforts, and feeling older by the day rather than the year. In which case, be my guest.
@cth96190 I thought so. You're an absolute, disgusting sicko. Your comment will be reported, for encouragement of violence against children. Do you have any unfortunate children? If so, I'll call the police as well.
@Silas You are a libtard who does not discipline children, which is the root cause of the increase in delinquency and juvenile crime. Children need physical discipline. Even the Bible tells parents to not “spare the rod.” Flogging disobedient children saves them.
I dont agree with abuse. But lacking discipline is why we have kids who feel entitled to everything. For those who think kids are cute little angels, you dont have kids. Dont get me wrong. I love and do everything for my children. But i won't coddle them when they decide to be butt holes. And trust me, kids can and will be butt holes
@cth96190 "Libtard"? That's not a word. What an idiot you are. How would you like to be "flogged"? You do know the Bible is complete fiction, don't you?
@Silas_153 I am not a limp-wristed Democrat soy boy, so I know what it is to get physical. I am a former soldier, a student of Shotokan karate and a licensed bodyguard, private investigator and security guard. As I write this, I am outside a juvenile prison that has a problem. I have to get physical with mental cases, junkies, drunks and scumbags as part of my job. I do not expect you to know anything about such masculine occupations. As for the Bible, you are a sterotypically ignorant lefty.
@cth96190 You're a bot, aren't you? Your responses are silly, entirely predictable, littered with right-wing MGTOW and incel phrases (like "libtard" and "soy-boy"), you don't present anything that's actually worth reading, and you seem bitter and angry for some reason. Probably because no old woman in her right mind would ever want to date you. "Masculine occupations" - LOL. What a joke! Why didn't you add special forces commando and astronaut to your fantasy? Why didn't you make up some bullshit story about how you're now stalking the enemy in the mountains somewhere, and just waiting to pounce upon the Taliban forces, but at the same time you're being stalked by an alien who wants to blast you with his laser-gun? And yes, the Bible is BULLSHIT!
A lot of people never have kids. That said, how you feel when you're 18 may have nothing to do with how you feel at 30. Not many 18 year olds have kids in their plans for the near future.
It's been a societal expectation & standard definitely, and it will be pushed down to you many times as a girl. However, you dont have to do anything you dont want to do. After all, we all have the right to freedom & choices
Totally normal. We are human beings with the right to choose whether we are going to have kids or not. Just look at the world we're living in. Where do ya'all think it's going?
Probably so. But i never had them. im 47 and I regret not at times. But ill live. At least I didn't have to deal with babies crying. Silence is so very underrated.
in my early 20's i had 4 kids when I was 26 a drunk driver took them away from me, I didn't want a relationship then when I was in my early 30's I did want to try again, now I'm almost 38 and I do want kids
Normally, no. In THIS modern society of Clown World? Definitely normal not to want to bring a kid into a world where trannies are competing against women in sports and Cancel Culture is a thing.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
What not normal is wanting kids but can't give them great life. Baby fewer is an animalistic instinc. You are very normal since you dont have these animalistic instincs
It's the new trend not to have kids so everyone will say this is normal to feel that way but in reality it's just not normal or natural. We are all humans and should have the desire to reproduce.
You sound brainwashed. For those of us with a firm grasp of reality in our current cultural environment, I'm quite sure my decision not to have kids has nothing to do with trends or my natural desire to reproduce. I have a strong desire to reproduce, but.. I'm not an animal. I have the ability to use reason and logic to evaluate the world around me before I bring another life into this world. It's a choice. You might be a mindless baby factory, but most women are not.
@Bright_blue_eyes you are just following the trend but dont realize it. Our birth rate is already dropping like crazy yet we live in one of the safest times to ever have a child. It's fine though people who believe this stupid shit will die off and kill their bloodline. The smart ones that have kids will keep their families growing and growing. So I guess in the long run it all doesn't really matter what anyone chooses, itll all be on my childerns generation to reproduce like rabbits to hopefully fix what y'all are doing to the population
@Apple1996 i used to want to, problem is finding a propper mother these days due to how slutty women are nowadays, i dont want a girl that had a ''phase'' to raise my kids, so that desire has toned the fuck down
@AFellowWeeb yeah I totally understand that. Those type of women are not suitable to raise kids. And really I have no idea why women even have the desire to slut around like that. I knew at 16 that I wanted to be with just one person for the rest of my life so that is what I did. Now been married for 6 years and have two kids and one on the way. I personally love my lifestyle compared to that "having fun" bullshit women are always doing in their 20s.
@Apple1996 Sadly, you have confirmed my belief. Let me guess, you don't have a college education, no job, you're probably not an expert in economics, environmental science, psychology, or human development. That makes you a baby factory with a narrow, uneducated view of the tiny world around you. Before your view point can have any credibility, you'll need to gain some perspective.
@Bright_blue_eyes no shit I didn't go to college or have a job. I'm actually out here living everyday instead of wasting my days with unnecessary work. My job in life is to be a mother and that is a 24/7 job and so difficult much more difficult than a real job will ever be.
you are young that could change down the line years from now, you meet the right person you never know. but yes its normal to want them or not want them its your life
No you are Not a Freak. It states you are 18 and that is how you should feel. You are still a Baby yourself and there is Nothing wrong with Not wanting to be responsible for another baby!
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