all my friends get baby fever whenever they see a child & they all talk about having families when they are older. But I don’t get the “baby fever” when I see a baby/child, I don’t really feel anything. & I have no desire to start a family & when I brought that up, my friend told me there might be something “wrong” with me because it’s a human instinct to want to bear children. But I don’t & I now I feel guilty about it. Like I don’t hate children, they just make me uncomfortable & I have no desire to ever have them. I know I’m still young but since the age 5, I hated playing with baby dolls & playing the “mother role” & I’m tired of family telling me “you’ll change your mind.” whenever I bring it up. They make me feel like I’m some sort of freak for not wanting kids & not gushing over newborns. Please tell me I’m not the only one.
Honestly, I understand what you feel because I've kinda dealt with the same thing. I don't want kids-- and I've never been able to warm up to the idea of having kids of my own. I can distinctly remember thinking about this when I was 16-- I didn't want kids... I let a few years go by-- by 19-- still I didn't want kids-- I'm now 22 and I still don't want kids. It's not just the part of a child living inside me-- its the fact that a child is physically going to come out of me-- that kind of scares me to be honest-- and on top of that... you have to take care of the child at least until they are 18... You are legally and financially responsible for raising them. I start thinking-- if it's such an effort for me to live and survive... how will I be able to take care of another human? It's a huge commitment and responsibility. My parents also say "Oh you'll change your mind when you're older"... but so far no change LOL. Honestly, I wouldn't get discouraged by what your friend said... she was just voicing her opinion but that doesn't mean that you have to feel like there is something "wrong" with you... I'm basically in the same boat as you and I am a little older-- you are still young and you have lots time. I don't necessarily think you have to think about this life commitment right now. I'd just live life for now. :) I hope this helps.
It is fine, first of all, you are still very very young, at your age having a family should be the less of your worries, normally people at your age care more about University, undergraduate studies, find a work, a professional career, be more independent both financial and emotionally, meet new people, hanging around with your friends. Maybe you can cuestion it later after you work and get a partner whom you feel you can marry or live with for a long time.
Second, as time and generations pass by, there are more people who care less about having kids, a family on their own, and I don't say that having kids is negative, it has its pros and cons, like everything in life.
Yes, children can drain a big part of your life and money, and for the well of them and the family, parents, like ours, need to do certain sacrifices. However, you can gain non material things like raising and sharing your knowledge with the new lives at your charge, good memories of your family.
The issue is asking yourself why you want to have children?, not now for you, you are still young, and you can ask it for yourself one you are in a relationship which can guide you to a permanent partner, but some of the people who can have and want them are just for selfish reasons.
It is really okay not to have baby fever. Just so you need time and Days of our world I look at you as a role model kind of. Even though that I love kids and I had to have kids. And they're grown. If I was a young person right now I would think twice about it just for the fact we don't know where we are all headed on this planet I think you are wise smart person and whether you know it or not you see and feel something down deep and that is the reason why you think you feel the way that you did I think you're making the right choice for right now as a matter fact I can feel that you are I can feel your energy right now and there's a reason behind it you never know things might change and things lighten up that's what you want and that's what counts there's a reason for it believe me
"My friend told me there might be something “wrong” with me because it’s a human instinct to want to bear children" It isn't "instinct" to want to bear children, but conditioning. The societal expectation is that eventually we (especially women) all should procreate, because apparently that's what's "natural", but that's garbage. Don't listen to these fools. You won't change your mind, and that's a good thing, because there are already far too many people crowding this benighted planet! I never had children myself, and I NEVER regretted that personal choice.
at 18 it's normal to not even think about kids at all. In general it's not normal to not want kids but you don't "have to" be normal. Normal just means compared to what others do.
Anyway at 18 this should be the last of your worries. The last thing you want is to bring a kid into the world where your parents are gonna have to parent again because at 18 I doubt you can even support yourself much less another little person to feed an have shelter over.
Just find a good job and go to school so you can get a career and eventually you will most likely want a kid somewhere along the way and you will be financially capable to have it without having the need to ask anybody for help.
I agree on the apart me still being a kid, very much true. & yes, I can always change my mind. I think just people telling me what I WANT for MY future, is what bugs me more than ever.
Its totally normal! Most of my friends have kids and they had kids in their younger 20's. They regret having kids that young and wish they had them later like in their late 20's but they don't regret having their kids in general. I never wanted kids and can't handle being pregnant seems too much work. My family, families friends, and my friends always tell me I will change my mind. My mind will change if I find someone who I would actually want to have children with and can see myself having children with. I feel that if I had kids of my own, I would feel like a kid of myself with them like I always do when I am around kids. No wonder why kids like me so much!
Honestly since before I can remember I've always wanted kids and got baby fever all the time but recently it's faded a bit. I always loved playing with dolls and was obsessed with newborns. I imagined a future with kids for my entire life but when I started to think of one without them it became easy to imagine how I could be happy in both scenarios. I think not wanting kids and not getting baby fever is normal.
Everyones different and if you don't feel it, don't try to force it. You don't want to end up having children you were unsure of having in the first place. Yes, your feelings may change overtime but they may not, what's the rush though your only 18.
It's completely normal. It wasn't a century or more ago, but it is now. There are many valid reasons to not want children in this age, but you don't even need a "valid" reason. Having children is your choice and responsibility. Whatever you do, never have them because someone pressured you to, or made you feel you were selfish or a freak for not wanting to (This might be your family as you get closer to 30).
There are lots of people who don't want children. They are happy and fulfilled in life. You are not alone.
I hated babies too.. They’re gross but necessary for the continuation of our species.
Don’t believe these lies. And don’t let others project their bullshit on you.
Women who don’t want kids often get a bad rep because society has burdened them with the belief that childless women are biological failures when we just don’t want the inconvenience.
An unwanted pregnancy is horrifying. I don’t understand why people are overjoyed.
That’s why they’re called “pregnancy scares”.
Don’t let society pressure you into having kids because eventually they’ll just shame you for it like everything else. A woman’s purpose is more than just being an incubator. Do what makes you happy.
Very few things can change your entire lifestyle and impact you economically, as rapidly as a kid. Some argue for the better, but nah, it's not for me.
Kids are not for everyone. I know a few couples that do not have children by their choice. They seem pretty happy. They have a different life than the one I had. My life revolved around my kids and most of my free time was spent with them. They had expensive vacations and went out to eat a lot. It's all in what you want. Truthfully, I wasn't really all that gung-ho about having kids. I could have gone either way. But now I am glad I did and have no regrets about it. You may change your mind someday but there is nothing wrong with you if you do not.
Stop worrying, I'm 35 and I never wanted kids, and I know countless people who don't want them either.
Your "friend" is just trying to validate their choice to have kids by saying it's normal, when in reality normal doesn't exist and most kids are born by accident from parents who just wanted to have sex (and their birth control failed/condom ripped).
The reality is birth control and condoms are so widely used because at least 60% of the adult population doesn't want kids.
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Anonymous
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It's normal to have your own mind and to decide what you want for your life, absolutely. Just because you have the ability to do something, doesn't mean you have to do it. Becoming a parent is a lot of work and being a good parent is even harder. NO ONE, man or woman, should commit to this unless they have an actual desire and the means to do so because once you have a child there is no going back and it becomes about their needs and the responsibilities you have towards them. People can tell you whatever they want, but the power to decide always lies with you. If you don't want kids, don't have them and sure, if you change your mind 20 years down the road, guess what, you're "allowed" to do that to. It's your choice.
Definitely! Kids can be really gross and exhausting and aren’t for everyone. Don’t have a kid if you don’t want a kid. Both of you will feel the negative consequences of that. I’m sorry that anything has suggested to you that it’s not normal, you are perfectly fine!
If you don't want kids in your future, that is totally fine. It certainly isn't for everyone. Don't let anyone else dictate what is "right" for you in this regard. And there are people who say that it isn't normal for a woman to not want kids. Heck, what is "normal"? And how many people do you know who are "normal" anyway? It is all BS.
I don't know if it's normal or not. It does seem like most people want kids. I don't know why. I never did. Protecting them and dealing with their needs and their drama seems like a nightmare. They are an all consuming investment of time and energy, and they are an absolute money pit. At this point in my life, I'm still really glad that I didn't have any.
My wife and I decided we don't want any kids, so if anyone else does, we can drop them off tomorrow.
OK, personally, I love kids, but I never really wanted kids of my own. Looking back, I totally wish I had, but I just didn't ever feel like it was right for me at the time. Everyone feels different about it. For some, it's their total life calling. For others, not so much. Just be you :)
I'm 28 and still not sure I'd ever want to have my own children. It seems like a lot of responsibility not to mention the idea of childbirth terrifies me. I just think maybe some people aren't into it and that's ok. My boyfriend does have twin daughters who just turned 7. I adore them. They're very sweet and cute but they're pretty independent for their age so it makes things a lot easier. It's a lot better to not have children and then have them and not be able to properly take care of them.
You're not the only one. Many people in this world have no desire of having children and there's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone was meant to be a mother or a father. Plus, it's better not having kids than forcing yourself to have them and then being a shitty parent. It's your life, your body you're free to do whatever you want. Don't listen to them, you're ok. :)
You're 18, it's perfectly normal. At that age I hated the idea of having children and I honestly thought I will never want them. I only started to feel like I might want children when I was 24 years old and fell in love with someone much older. If not for that, it might happen even later for me. Whatever you feel, just be open minded to accept a change of mind if it happens... but if it doesn't, it's still ok as long as you're happy.
You might benefit from counseling. They help people understand irrational fears. There's a reason you cannot be sterilized until you surpass the age of thirty. It's common to change your tune as you mature.
Getting married and starting a family isn't about YOU and what YOU get, it's when you have everything in your life you need and you're ready to GIVE. Love and children are about GIVING. Some people just never get there, and that's fine, they should not marry or have children. It would simply be unfair to them.
I dont want any kids, I see the world as one giant slave plantation, work till you die at a job you will most likely hate then when you finally retire suffer a slow painful decline as your body falls apart. But yea lets condem another soul to this fate 🤪
Its not slavery bruh cuz you can quit at any time. Lmao yea quit and die of starvation or exposure. No you must work for “the man” as a slave to money dont sugar coat it
It's simple. If you don't want kids, don't have them. There are too many little ones in this world who were born to the wrong people and they suffer greatly for it. Kids should only be born to people who can love them properly.
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