It's called hypergamy - women looking for the most desirable man they can attract, which is how they gave their offspring the best potential. The problem is that hypergamy has always been balanced by marriage, which removed most men from the available pool and forced women to be realistic about their choices - they were still hypergamous, but they were aware that their opinions were finite and that being unrealistic would result in being alone, which was a worse choice for most women.
One of the unintended consequences of Feminism's intentional destruction of marriage is that a lot of men are single today, and it's even worse when you combine the Internet, social media, and dating apps, because it allows women to believe that their dating choices are nearly infinite, and thus they can be hypergamous to very unrealistic degrees.
This is why more than 80% of single women are all pursuing only 10% of men - and why the vast majority of that 10% of men simply use those women for casual sex with no intention of being in a committed relationship with them. It has created a toxic cycle where everyone ultimately loses, but in which those top 10% of guys have it better than most.
Potential, but I think there's a slightly different mechanism at play. A lot of girls will crush after guys who don't meet the "top specs" we like to compare each other with, like social status, income, or muscle mass or something.
I think the strongest one is that, in my experience, it seems like women don't "feel" much of anything for a guy they don't know. In order for her to feel instant sexual attraction, he has to be a damned superhero in physique.
But once she knows him, things open up a ton, because I think that's where most of the energy is.
You can think about this with men's Porn vs women's romantic novels. The emphasis is totally different. A guy would be satisfied with a pic and filling in the rest with his imagination. A girl would be fine with a described situation and then fill in the looks with her imagination. The part you leave to the imagination is generally the part you can skimp on.
Was generally irrelevant before people all became strangers. Now guys are turned on all the time and girls are rarely turned on.
I think marriage boosted the strength of hypergamy. I've talked to a few polyamorous women, and it seems like the idea is that she'll like different guys in different ways for the strengths they have. A funny guy, a suave guy, a tough guy, a sensitive guy, etc. When she has to choose one, now he has to be funny, suave, tough and sensitive.
Then tack on the fact that historically, women couldn't do much about their own quality of life. They had to marry into it. So basically the richest guy she could find. Often out of economic choice rather than emotional. Hence why she might marry the rich guy who is never there and then sleep with the pool boy. The pool boy is the emotional choice, and he's hardly a beacon of status.
I've noticed women's traditional standards have laxed a bit as more and more women work. So that should at least be some good news.
@OpenClose It's true that not all women choose primarily on looks, but it's also true that women in their 20s (when women are most marriageable) make looks their primary factor - again, there are some exceptions. We know a percentage of women will go after a wealthy guy even if he doesn't have much in the looks department, for example. But the largest group of women in their 20s are choosing guys based primarily on looks and popularity.
This is why, if you ask women to describe the 5 most important things they want in a man, the vast majority will quickly narrow things down to only men that fall within the Top 10% (often much higher than that, but always within the top 10). You could argue that women that are themselves in the top 10% of women might have a chance at getting a relationship with those guys, but women who are 4s, 5s, 6s, and 7s feel just as entitled to demanding those same men, which isn't at all realistic - EXCEPT that those men might have casual sex with her (in the right situation, at his convenience) - and those girls will believe that sexual interest equals relationship interest, when we know that's not at all the same thing.
As a result, most of these women completely ignore men who are 8s and below, even if she's a 4. And those top 10% guys feel no need to settle down, so they just use women for sex, and then the women who get used hate all men. It's a great system.
Feminism, narcissism, entitlement, and simp culture.
In my 20s, I was the most romantic guy ever. Still am, really. But the hard honest truth is, most women (I mean 90%+) are absolutely not worth your time or respect. I could argue most humans in general aren't worth your time, in fact. We're only not talking about men here, cause none of us are gay.
I'd show absolute mutual respect and kindness to any single woman out there who deserved it. But like I said, most women (if not human beings) suck. I spent my whole twenties learning not to waste my kindness, respect, or time on people who DO NOT DESERVE IT. Especially all these Tinder c*nts nowadays.
Learn from my mistake: Respect is mutual. And don't forget it. Respect those who respect you. And don't mince words on those who don't.
Woman are programmed to choose based on personality and not looks because if a woman chooses based on looks she might end up with an abuser who will endanger her children
I would assume that most women find men economically attractive vs men find more physical attraction. For the longest men have never been known for how we look more for like how we perform. Therefore our looks are not really our primary agency. When it comes to being social men tend to lack in that field as women tend to excel. Women are more worried about how they look to others, therefore they will always put that extra time into looking good and taking great pictures, I mean have you seen a woman's camera feed? as for Men typically dont care about what people think about them so it tends to show in their appearance as it might not be the best, camera angels are awful and lack creativity. That is why when it comes to looks, women will always excel since that tend to be their primary agency.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
We are not taking care of ourselves. We are not going to beauty parlors. We are not selective about what we wear. We are not taking our appearance into account. We are not exploring what the girls are exploring. We are not at least adequate in taking photos of ourselves (shirtless photos only on beaches or similar places). We think the way of getting girls is by making big money or driving luxury cars like a Lamborghini.
Girls spoke up about these things more than a few times and it has not been a secret.
And then guys wonder why they are not one of the top ~30% of men (closing an eye on the financial aspect and social status). Or in other words: Way above average.
But sure. Keep believing, that women want from us money, Louis Vuitton, Lamborghini's, big dick, 6 pack, exotic vacations and a house. y'all are doing this to yourselves.
"I don't wipe my ass, that's gay. Why do women find me so unattractive?"
No seriously though, it would be wonderful if men paid more attention to their appearance and hygiene. I personally don't care about a man's appearance in terms of his height, nose shape, eye color etc. But it matters a lot to me that he has good hygiene, grooms himself, maintains his nails and hair, dresses well, smells good. You will be surprised how far these habits can take you.
"But it matters a lot to me that he has good hygiene, grooms himself, maintains his nails and hair, dresses well, smells good. You will be surprised how far these habits can take you."
I do all those things and dress in business professional wear for my job as a teacher. It does not matter to women. Because I don't have height, I have a big nose, and my eye color is ugly-brown, among other things.
In other words, most women take all those things, hygiene, grooming, hair, clothes, as the bare minimum. It gets you no points.
@MCheetah I also do all those things AND look fairly attractive and even then I'm not all that, so stop acting like it's something exclusive to men. Point still stands look your best.
Most men on those sites or a lot of them are creepy and wanting sex. NOT ALL OF THEM but a number of them are. Most women and men even you really only know if someone is really attractive or not when you meet them.
Far as physical looks go anyone (almost anyone) can put enough effort into themselves and at the very least look good and people with good genes can let themselves go as well.
Women have to carry the consequences of irrational sexual relations should he slip one past the goal post. By nature of our biology, we have to find most men unnatractive.
For me I am an aesthete, so I can find a beautiful man wholly unnattractive but enjoy looking at him.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Maybe actually trying to improve style and not looking like you are trying to pass as a bum. Hoodies and jeans sometimes don't do much of a favor, button shirts are fine or T-shirts that fit the body, nothing too oversized. Many things can help to actually show your body's shape and improve it. Let's say, you have very broad shoulders, so the example of the hoodie would hide the rest of the shape too much, however, maybe a style where the shirt is tucked in the trousers can help, or something that makes an emphasis on the shoulders without making you look too square
often boils down to primal urges since for males it tends to cause them to find multiple breeding partners. where as females it tends to cause them to find the best possible breeding partner. often meaning one that can help to provide/protect her and their young.
Attitude, personality And common interests are 90% of the reasons I'm attracted to someone. I look for those things. A lot of men have shit attitudes and personalities. I'm not interested in being their mother and correcting their behaviors
I used too but it ended in disaster and disappointment the few times I tried. What I actually do now is ride a dildo while sucking my boyfriend off or using a vibrator or this machine I bought so it's like there's another guy there the difference is somebody won't be intimidated by the other guy's penis being bigger and be unable to perform or the guys cumming long b4 I do. Like I let 5 guys do me one night, they all came in about 2 minutes of penetrative sex like WTF.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Guys look for 2 or 3 things in women. Women on the other hand look for about 30 things in guys. That's a lot of instances for a guy to be unattractive in a woman's mind. The funny part of all of this is after rejecting a couple hundred guys she typically just picks a guy pretty much at random. The even funnier part is she'll never admit she just chose badly. Somehow it's always the guys fault. 🤣
Men on dating sites might not be representative of men in general. And not women either. It could also mean that women are holding out more for the ideal partner.
A lot of the problem is that we don't take care of ourselves. Our diets suck, our clothing is usually poorly fitted and beat up, we don't moisturize, we smell pretty bad.
It's hard to draw any conclusions from those graphs without actually knowing how they were made. My guess is there are more factors at work here than just perceived physical attractiveness.
"Men are ugly in favor of being utilitarian. Women are weak in favor of being beautiful."
That's a pretty direct way of saying it, and it's going to trigger some people, but you are essentially correct. The truth can be harsh, especially for those who aren't used to hearing it.
Many guys who are getting sex ARE those things - but it's a poor long-term strategy, I agree.
Speaking as a guy who CERTAINLY doesn't have the looks to get anything on that basis, she's not wrong in saying that guys need to look at OTHER things that women value - things that ARE achievable for most men. Money is one of those things, though I don't recommend simply trying to buy a girl's love or attention. You CAN, in the short term, do this, but it won't work out in the long run. Rather, look at the other things most women find attractive.
Most women find men who are confident, competent, intelligent, and dominant attractive, even if they say otherwise. If you have a skill or hobby that is artistic (art/drawing, music, writing, photography, etc.), many women find that very attractive. And it never hurts to be in shape, or to dress a notch (sometimes two) better than the other people around you. Finally, if you are outgoing and especially if you are funny, most women will find that attractive.
You can't make yourself pretty, but you can compensate for your lack of beauty by having strengths in a number of those other areas that women care about and value, and you can still maximize the limited looks you do have.
@Anonymous So a man is useless unless he's serving a woman? Got it. If there was ever a recruitment tool for men to become proud incels, this would be it.
Well and guys who DO are generally viewed as less masculine. Or I know many who if they are fit, do their hair well, and have a strong fashion sense, people will assume they aren't into girls.
@OpenClose women still tend to find these guys more attractive women aren’t generally attracted to really masculine men and I don’t know if I totally agree with that assumption u can have a hyper masculine look and still put a fair amount of effort into ur appearance.
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