(20F) Do I need to dumb myself down to find a boyfriend?

Question

I've never had a boyfriend. I'd really like to have one, not gonna lie. I'm incredibly smart, and I don't take bullshit from people. I've come to the realization after talking to quite a few people that guys my age like stupid girls. Probably because they're easy and men like to feel needed. Every one of my bestfriends in the past acted dumb as rocks all of the time (secretly were some of the most manipulative people I've met in my life), and guess what? They had boys left and right. Most every girl I met who is outwardly intelligent doesn't get men at all. So I'm curious, at my age... do I really have to dumb myself down to get a boyfriend? Because honestly, I don't want to be single till I'm over the age of 30.

Datboi65 · Accepted Answer

All I got from this was "I'm a queen and I'm absolutely perfect, there's nothing wrong with me, it's their fault 💅" energy. Ma'am, we might both be the same age, but I can assure you that the reason why guys your age don't like you is not because you are smart. If you are smart as you claim, you wouldn't lack the self-awareness to detect the problem and solve it. There is a saying that when you point your index finger at others, you got 3 other fingers pointing at yourself (middle, ring and pinky). In other words, taking accountability for your part is important.

Now, the second part "I don't take bullshit from people" is what really gets me. You're already on defense mode, thinking men are gonna give you bullshit, and because you don't accept their bullshit is the reason why they don't like you? Miss me with that. You not only disrespect your female peers who get men by calling them "dumb girls", but you're always assuming the worst of men who decide to give you a chance, and that's why you are single. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you're not special, and sooner or later you will find out. I don't know you, so I don't have anything against you. I'm just the type of person to call it how I see it, and you sister seem like you have entitlement issues and a lot of attitude, so you may wanna work on that first before you consider getting in a relationship.

RavVid · Accepted Answer

I don't think so though you would probably want some one about your level that you can respect.

We do like nice girls. I for one don't want to come home from work to debates. I get enough of that at work. I don't like arrogance in anybody m or f and some people who say they are smart tend to be arrogant. Take a check on that. When you say 'take bullshit' that could mean a lot of things so I don't know what you mean by it. It could be someone simply not agreeing with you and doesn't hold your base premises. You can't have logical discussion between people if there aren't base premises (values) in common.

So I would like a girl to have similar values to me.

For myself I don't care about how smart a girl is or isn't. I do expect her to be interested in the world and not have fixed thinking. In any couple, one is likely to know more about x then the other so will tend to take the lead.

Being incredibly smart matters more in the work place then it does at home.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No, you shouldn't, because unless you make yourself more likeable as a person, by dumbing yourself down you'll just make yourself a dumb and unlikeable girl, thereby making yourself even less appealing to guys.

I'm also extremely smart, by all objective measures, but you'll never hear me say that or boast about it. Being humble is part of being likeable.

Do I take bullshit from people? No, but that doesn't mean I can behave like a jerk and and still expect people to like me. The same rules apply to me as to everyone else; if I'm nice and treat others with kindness and respect, they treat me better and are more likely to enjoy my company. If I am argumentative and put off a negative vibe, people are not going to like me or want to spend time with me. These rules apply to everyone, regardless of their gender or how smart they are.

I've never dumbed myself down and I've never had any shortage of interested guys. It actually can be annoying at times but it's better than the alternative. If you want guys to like you, you're going to have to figure out what it is that makes you unlikeable, but I guarantee it's not because you're smart. That is just not true. You can be smart and likeable, or smart and unlikeable. It's up to you, but don't delude yourself into focusing on the wrong problem. Being smart is never a bad thing.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yes do it! Relationships and love and lust are more for like experience and FUN.

However, if what you’re looking for is the marriage and the white picket fence with the dog and the cats and the kids.

Then for your own good choose someone just as intelligent and considerate.

And please don’t look for this type of man in the club and In the hood.

_____________

Also saying that your beyond smart because you’re not as easy as those girls sounds like entitlement. You telling us you’re super duper smart doesn’t help anyone. Give us an IQ Test Result and maybe we’ll believe you.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

So your friends played games, were deceitful, and got guys who didn't appreciate them for who they truly are. Does that sound like a winning strategy? Are you in college now?

Pinay_ako · Answer

Do not stoop down or change yourself to be liked by someone… The right people will like you or probably love you for you. You’re still young!

Black_Ivory · Answer

Never!

I cannot stand women who dumb themselves down to get a boyfriend. I witnessed this happen twice in high school and never want to ever see anything like it again.

I find intelligent women more sexy than dumb ones. But this is only my opinion and your human experience and mine are completely different. I do not know what type of guy you are looking for or how you look on the looks scale. But it always best to come as you are and always be true to your self and come as authentic as possible.

If the average man cannot handle your intelligence or what you bring to the table, then they are probably not worth your time in the first place.

If you are a genius then you should look for a guy that can keep up with you mentally. You can always find good, intelligent men in the library. But if you are looking for a bad boy who may not be the brightest bulb in the land, then just figure out his likes and dislikes and use that information to get what you want from him. But remember, bad boys do not stick around if you get pregnant. So make him wear a condom, use birth control if you can, and use the day after pill if any concerns of condom breaking or forgetting to take birth control.

I hope my information was helpful. Feel free to message me anytime for further questions.

If you were my daughter, I would tell you to get your PH. d before you worry about boys. That is my opinion and I am sticking to it.

Good night and be blessed.

Rosexøxø · Answer

There actually is smart guys out there guys so smart and confident in themselves they’ll actually challenge your intelligence 😂. I’d say it’s kind of rare, but up to you go actually decipher and conclude if you’re willing to actually take away from the good in you to get someone else who is not as good as you :/ if it’s an act then you can just cut the act and skip straight to one night stands, but if it’s romance you want that’s worth the wait. You live with yourself- so don’t take the good out of yourself to appease someone else. If they’re subpar that’s actually a turnoff. Don’t settle is what I’d humbly recommend.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

If you value quantity over quality, probably. But if you want good dudes you can be yourself around, be yourself. Can’t build anything meaningful on deception. Choose social activities that attract other smart people, like chess clubs or book clubs. Join a Meetup group for adults where you do things like go to museums or planetariums or something. Believe it or not, smart dudes don’t have it much better, if at all. So go find yourself a smart guy and be a brainy power couple like Sheldon and Amy! Ell oh ell!

Honesttguy · Answer

Instead of dumming yourself down focus on feminine part. Those dum girls were probably more compliant to guys and thus got boyfriend, cus compliance is subbmission wich is feminine and attractive to guys.
So be more feminine be more subbmissive cud your intelligence probably makes u more dominant person wich is masculine traid wich then is not attractive to other guys.
I csn tell you eight now i see strong women and often they approach is being aggressive dominant wich makes me see them as men. I feel 0 attraction towards them and to imagine anything disgusts me cus im not into men.
I do like smart people in general

Lionman95 · Answer

No I think it's a myth that guys don't like smart girls the issue is just that "stupid" girls are easier to be found. Maybe it could help that you look for hobbies that make you more visible to guys because not all guys are in for sex and playing around we just need more time to realise that.
Don't go for the guys that make clear from the start that they are looking for something solely physical, ask guys straight away what they are looking for if that doesn't match with what you want it's not gonna work.
Please have patience with yourself because the quick choice is not always the best.

Fa1con · Answer

Your intelligence is almost certainly not a factor in whether or not people are attracted to you, and even if it were you dont need to pair yourself up with someone who would want that. You're still young so it's possible something just hasn't lined up yet but if you know for certain people dont have interest in you then there is something else unattractive about you. Going off this post and nothing else (since I know nothing else) it's possible that your "no bullshit" attitude may come across as standoffish or petty and cruel.

Staximus · Answer

You're just looking in the wrong places. Go look for guys in places where like-minded intelligent people congregate, places where you're not going to find a bunch of dumb asses. You're not going to find Einstein yelling at the television in a sports bar with a bunch of fucking meatheads. Maybe he doesn't have to be Einstein, but any guy who doesn't recognize and value intelligence in a woman has the common sense of a chicken and is not worth your time, anyways. By acting dumb you are lowering your standards and you should be raising them.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

You dont have to dumb yourself down. Just have to act feminine and need a man.

y'all are often too smart for your own good overthinking this stuff. Men aren't trying to date a nasa scientist or some boss bitch. Make us a sandwich and suck our dick and giggle over something silly and grab us when you're scared. None of this should be too much for an intelligent girl to accomplish but often these kinds of things are where y'all fall short.

If you can't figure it out just act like a box of rocks... fyi honestly its harder than you think if you want to be good at it. I've dated a few brilliant girls who played dumb and a few dumb girls that just were dumb. That was all fine for me. So if all else fails give that a go.

D4nielv · Answer

I don't know you, but things like "I'm incredibly smart" makes me feel like you have a superiority complex. There are intelligent guys out there whom are looking for equally intelligent girls, and you not being able to find any might be saying more about you than about guys.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm really tired of this myth. Being smart is always more attractive than being dumb. But it doesn't make you desirable to guys if you don't have the other important qualities that make you desirable. If you smile at people, are nice, friendly, enjoyable and feminine in your appearance and behavior, there will always be guys who are interested in you. If you're missing some or all of those qualities, you're going to struggle finding guys who are interested. It really is that simple. And don't conflate being nice with being dumb. More than once I've seen woman 1 say woman 2 was dumb when she wasn't at all. Woman 2 just knew how, or was willing to be nice, and woman 1 wasn't. Ultimately this "men don't like smart women" thing is just an excuse some women use to make themselves feel better about themselves, or feel superior. Nothing more.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I think the reason you're struggling to find boys probably has to do with the vibe you give off. I don't know you in person, obviously, but it seems like you might carry yourself an unpleasant and condescending vibe, like you think you're better than the people around you.

Anonymous · Answer

"I'm incredibly smart"

"I don't take bullshit from people"

I guarantee the underlying issue here is not that you're smart, but rather that you have personality and attitude problems. A smart woman who is a warm, friendly and nice person who knows how to treat a man well is always preferable to a dumb woman. But when a woman has personality problems, bad attitudes and just doesn't know how to be a pleasant person, no degree of intelligence is going to make her appealing to men.

You do a disservice to other women when you blame your failures with men on your self-proclaimed high intelligence. It's an easy scapegoat for women like you to deflect from their real problems and blame their failures on men, but you're not doing yourself or anyone else any favors.

Truthatanycost · Answer

No. A smart woman that is feminine will have men interested. A smart woman that isn't approachable or that has some other personality challenge will not have men interested as much. Some of the most attractive women I've known were very smart but also very feminine. It's very simple. The question is whether the girl allows her ego to grow due to her knowledge...

CubsterShura · Answer

Girl don't. Incels will manipulate you to lower your standards because that's the only way they can find girls.

Most men like the idea of an intelligent woman but in reality they get intimidated. That's good you don't want to dumb yourself down for someone who can't handle the real you. Have patience and resilience ❤️

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Frankly? You might kinda need to.

But give it a few more years. And hang out in places where smart men gather (uni bars and events, for example). There's men I know around 22-24 who are very sharp and intelligent and would love to date a woman capable of matching them.

Personally, though, I'd recommend not dumbing yourself down. Men aren't worth dumbing down for.

blissinanarchy1 · Answer

Intelligence is sexy and so is self confidence, but the vibe you’re giving off, with this text alone, is that you don’t got great social skills. You come off like you sound highly irritated at other’s incompetence. Try working on social skills and being warmer.

jhl_x · Answer

What you described as intelligence could also be taken as arrogance. This is a trait that I've seen on smart women, specially the self-proclaimed smart ones. I don't know you to tell which type you are, but you could also be looking in the wrong places or have more bad than good examples serving as baselines to your opinion.

Adam1978 · Answer

No it's all about how you treat people. You are most likely not that smart as you claim. Judging others intelligence is hard because you have all the facts about your own thought process but none about theirs. Just because they don't share the same conclusions as you doesn't make them dumb. In reality people who think they are smart are usually dumber than average, while people who are smart enough to understand their lack of knowledge is the smart people.

laurieluvsit · Answer

Really intelligent girls seem stuck up and hard to get to most guys I have found.

At least that is their perception, where as girls who don't come off as that intelligent seem more friendly to them and easier to talk to.

There is always the exception on both sides, so just look for that is all.

God_of_Thunder · Answer

If you can't be yourself around a guy, then that particular guy isn't worth dating. You'd have to continue living the lie, in order to keep him around, and that would be a pretty unfulfilling life for you.

Just relax, and be yourself; there are plenty of guys that like intelligent women. You'll find one soon enough, and you won't have to settle, or wait until you're 30.

Anonymous · Answer

Girls generally don't want to date a smart guy either, even the smart girls in class. They go after hot guys, actuaaly most smart guys stay lonely for a longer time. Smart guys also love smart girls but those women hardly ever date them while young after a certain age they tend to marry girls who just like them. But smart women after a certain age want to settle down with smart guys only to notice that not many of them are left. It's a well-known story nowadays among highly educated people.

I do know many older female PhDs like that.

glennos89 · Answer

A lot of really smart guys are also single so I think your looking for the wrong guys if you want them to be as smart as you.

Dumbing down just to get together with someone is no option because it's doomed to fail in the long run so that's definitely not a option!

Just be patient and wait for the right person to come along. Or be more progressive by letting guys you like know that you like them

Anonymous · Answer

Know what? I just graduated school and have never had a girlfriend either. I've had teachers hit on me, and 9.9/10 girls shower interest because I'm a weird rare independent thinker, and am literally the most ripped guy in school.
And the reason I didn't get a girlfriend is because most girls just don't seem intelligent enough for me to rely on spending the rest of my life with.

SiberFox · Answer

No, you need to think of the man you want, once you've imagined him. Think, where would this man be? And go see there. Dumbing yourself down will only result in worse potential partners. But I will say that most intelligent women i've met have some insanely high even almost impossible standards. So think about that too and what it is you're expecting out of a guy, as well as what you are offering, guys won't want you if you're not going to be a boon to them.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I never had a girlfriend `til a few weeks before I turned 25! And, so far, as far as I'm concerned, I've NEVER had a girlfriend and seriously doubt if I ever will!!
I'm pretty smart, too. Last time I took an I. Q. test it said I was a couple points shy of borderline genius. I'd love to have a girl that's smart enough to teach me stuff but dumb enough that I can teach her stuff.

DavidRaul · Answer

No why do you have to play to get guys, when you can play smart to get a good man. I have never dated and would never fall in the honey trap of those pretending to play dumb rather i would pick a smart woman. Just don't play too hard getting a man, he will eventually come around

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

The thing is you already think you are too smart for any boy so your perception is built as such one wrong move from a guy and boom you will not be interested him.

Instead of tallying inteligience tally compatibility.
Luckily for guys don't look much for inteligence or most of women would be single lol.

You need to find topics that you could both enjoy and it's same for both genders be girls or boys

MikeInHawaii · Answer

Don’t put on any facade to find a significant other unless you want to play that game for the rest of your life! You especially don’t want to hide positive traits. The only way you will ever find someone compatible with the real you is to be yourself.

crmoore · Answer

As a guy who likes "intellectually delicate" women, as I like to call it, I doubt you would be happy pretending to be someone you're not. And that goes for your (future) man, too. I like women who may need extra help and attention in that regard, but I wouldn't like it if it was disingenuos. I see where you're coming from, and maybe I'm wrong, but I'd imagine you'll be happier being yourself and finding a man who loves you for it, even it it takes longer to happen.

Stevefiveo · Answer

I wouldn't. You sound like the person that would be totally annoyed that you have to act like that. Sure, maybe most guys want that because they will think you're easy but the guys that will appreciate your intelligence, you will have a better relationship with.

Hairylegs222 · Answer

No, it's fun personalities that most people want. Being smart is always a bonus. Maybe those girls acted "dumb" by being more fun and let go. There's a lot more to a potential partner then someone's IQ.

I've dated smart women before and they didn't have attractive personalities I was looking for after getting to know them a bit. They didn't have a big sense of humor, were materialistic, and kinda rude. Not saying you're like that but that's what I experienced.

Anonymous · Answer

80/20 rule.

Most women are only interested in top 20% of male population who're rich and has the best genes or both.

Whereas bottom 80% men are not at all desired by women, this group of men mostly comprise of men with average to below average looks with less to no money. Such men are mostly doing the blue collar jobs and not very good looking. That's why women doesn't show much interest in such men.

But the problem is top 20 % has abundance of women because almost 90% women are after them. So the competition is hard here for women who're competing for this 20%.

But if we talk about about bottom 80% they here most men are desperate for relationship. But most women are not interested in them. Coz They're blue pilled beta simps.

So This is a complete scenario in a nutshell.

Gollum · Answer

It's not how smart/stupid a girl is it's about whether she's likeable or not. The fact that you wrote "I don't take bullshit from anyone" already speaks volumes. One can be smart and very likeable, or one can be smart and debate just about everything whcih is exhausting to any guy. So at the end of the day it's not about how smart or dumb you are but if you're a genuine nice person.

zagor · Answer

No, but what you need to NOT do is show people up by correcting them over petty mistakes (driving up the offramp is not petty). Most quality guys appreciate intelligent women. No one likes arrogant women (though they may tolerate them for a bit if sufficiently hot).

Also, smart is not synonymous with interesting. Find some hobbies where you can meet people.

Anonymous · Answer

Nope, just start doing some approaching yourself. To change who you are (in any way), is only going to make you miserable. There's nothing wrong with single and HAPPY, until you find the right guy for you. Which isn't easy for ANYONE! Some people luck out and find it quickly, but most don't, if ever.

YHL6965 · Answer

Well, if you sound like you wrote this description, no wonder you don't get a boyfriend. The way you put your problem sounds super elitist, obnoxious, like you're a superior being for some reason and pretty much nobody likes that.

I think you first need to take a long, realistic and objective look at yourself to accurately describe yourself and to stop behaving like you're some sort of Goddess or something.

Anonymous · Answer

If you're looking for just any man, it's probably the best way. But if you're looking for a man who appreciates intelligence, it'll make him look right over you. I've always had to settle for comparatively dumb women, and it's frustrating. I always feel as if I'm alone with nobody to talk to.

TrueConfection · Answer

In short, yes.

It's ok to be smart at work or school, but it can leave a guy confused and wondering if you are smarter than he is (they hate that).

When you're with a guy just smile, agree, laugh, repeat.

Faith18letsgo · Answer

No, but I do think that you have to be forward. I think that part of why women who pretend to be dumb and get boys is because they’re not as threatening so their easier to ask out. Your going to have to ask guys out.

crossdressingrihno · Answer

No you don't have to dumb yourself down. Actually some people out there prefer smart women, myself included. You could totally find a guy though you may have to go to specific places to find these guys.

Marianna546 · Answer

In my opinion those girls aren't winning anything lol.. those guys seem like losers to me! I am sure you deserve way better than that! I am also intelligent and smart but am still single and only have a guy on Gag who truly likes me for me.

Anonymous · Answer

No. But something stood out in your question. You said, "I don't take bulls*** from other people". It's more likely it's that you're being emotionally unavailable that's turning guys off then your intelligence. Intelligence is attractive. Believing you're better than others is not.

art84 · Answer

Look for a guy who is smart like you possibly in his 30's to early 30's. You shouldn't have to dumb yourself for any guy, that's really setting your standards low and being at the mercy of a guy.

Sixgunsound · Answer

You should never dumb yourself down for any reason. I say it all the time, men rise to the standards set by women.

HighValue · Answer

Nah, just go to a local hobby store and get into some strategy board games there and you may meet someone that likes an intelligent person to date.

JakeS00 · Answer

No? No guy would want a "dumbed down" woman. I sure wouldn't. Just be yourself, if they can't take it or like it, they can take a hike.

Anonymous · Answer

Why would i want a dumb woman?

Your observations are most likely confirmation bias as you clearly have a preconcieved idea.

Why would you want to be manipulative? and why would i want that once I had figured it out?

Anonymous · Answer

I somehow doubt you're smart, especially if you're saying "I'm incredibly smart, and I don't take bullshit from people." Sounds more like another arrogant 20-something female to me who thinks she's got a platinum pussy.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

Just try meeting men where intelligent men are likely to br found. Like a library. I suppose some men find it intimidating. I like being able to have a deep conversation with a woman though.

Surely · Answer

I like to be around intelligent people. But not if they continually try to prove how smart they are! That is when I go into proving them stupid mode!

Common sense goes the extra mile to get my attention!

hostboy__fastestlaps · Answer

I never got a girlfriend so I'm basically on the same page as you miss!! NO! Do not "dumb yourself down", be yourself. Only a loser thug or a total SIMP would want to date a bad girl. You will find the right guy who God intended to be with you. Amen

Sour-rose · Answer

Nooo. Just... don't act smart. Like act a little dumb for them but keep your smarts to yoruself.

driven159 · Answer

Don't dumb yourself down there are too many of them already be true to yourself the smart guys are out there you just have not cross paths it will happen sorry I am too old, but I was young once and yes very smart too, so we are out there

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

If you are struggling in your 20s there's not much hope left because at 30 it will be just worse because you are woman once women hit 30 shit just goes downhill

Levin · Answer

You'll fine someone. Just put yourself out there.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Guys don’t want dumb girls, they just don’t want combative, aggressive or argumentative women. We that way with other men.

collie22 · Answer

i think people like smart people and being a nice, friendly and caring smart person would be an interesting person :)

AlxinBoston18 · Answer

if this is how you view the people around you I can understand why you haven't had a boyfriend. Surprised you have had friends actually.

(20F) Do I need to dumb myself down to find a boyfriend?

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Should I try to look for a boyfriend?

(20F) Do I need to dumb myself down to find a boyfriend?

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Should I try to look for a boyfriend?

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