How should I proceed with this crush?

[Anonymous]

Basic details are: Crush is a women, I'm a man. 2 weeks ago she was very interested and engaged and she left for vacation so I stopped texting her intending to give her space. Now I decided to check up on her after 12 days and she has become cold and distant.

How do I proceed?

[DaveJord]

Classic mistake... I think you blew it. So I agree that you do not want to over text a women but you have to strike a balance between completely ignoring her and respecting her space. I usually go with the daily, "good morning I hope have a nice day" or " the I how your enjoying your trip". Or even the occasional "I was thinking about and wanted check in and see how your doing." And of these types of text would of displayed an interest and intent to want to date her, without violating her space. I am not talking.

If she wants to text more then she will respond with something like "thanks going to the beach today, I hope you have a good day to." And you keep it casual with something like "don't forget the sun screen, I will check up on you later to see how it went." and then later on that night you an ask her how it went, and if she is busy you understand and wish her a good night. And if she is interested in you but busy she will at least say, "thanks I hope you have a good day to" then you just like the message with a thumbs up just so she knows you acknowledge it.

The point is that you want to say you didn't text because you were respecting her space... but I call BS on that. Because by not texting you basically ignored her and if you were really interest in more than just wanting to hook up with her then you would of texted her at least every other day. But you didn't because you knew she was gone and once she was back you want to text again because you want to see her. But she now thinks you were not really interested in her, you only wanted to get laid and once she was gone you stopped showing interest in her, until she was back. But the whole time she was away she was thinking what's this guys problem, he hasn't sent me a single text and now her feelings are hurt.

If I was her or if a women did this to me I would have my feelings hurt as well or think she is talking and dating other guys. But if she texted me 12 days later I would still response because I am a man and I would still be interested in getting laid. And of course regardless of the reason, if she texted me 12 days later I would think as a man that she's at least still interested in the possibility of sex if I play it right and after that who knows. Which is the exactly what she is thinking of you right now, your interesting in texting again because you only want to hook up but if you really wanted a relationship you would not of gone 12 days without texting.

[Asker]

Maybe this was my subconcious thought process? I do truly like her or at least I conciously believe so. I had an urge to text her. But I didn't. You're probably right though. Should I start texting again or let her go fully as I already blew it completely?

[DaveJord]

You have nothing to lose at this point might was well try just be honest about it. Tell you are checking up on her now that she is back and would love to meet for a cup of coffee. If she agrees to met with you then at the early opportunity asker about he vacation and apologize for not texting her. Tell her you didn't want to come off as pushy and in retrospect not texting her was probably not the best idea, but you don't want her to get the wrong impression.

[Asker]

I'll do that, best option to be honest. It was very clear from her short and cold replies I upset her, so I'll apologize and invite her for a coffee. Thank you! 👍

[DaveJord]

Good luck my man, live and learn and be better next time.

[Asker]

Yep. I blew this one, she's pissed off at me right now. I understand that. I'll keep being friendly but that's it.

[DaveJord]

Yup... live and learn.

[maximumpower]

Don't proceed.
If it only took 12 days to move on, she wasn't that into you.

[boggboss]

Ask her if there is a issue

[joeldalton]

you take your L and move on.