At what point in dating, do you start to discuss sexual activity, or wonder when it will be brought up, or occur?

Question

Ok here we go again, so whenever someone asks me out, or if I’m interested, I tend to go from “hmm oh ok cool” to “nvm forget it 🤦🏻‍♀️ “ pretty quickly, bc ultimately I know we are going to want diff things or at least, go at very very very very very very very different paces.

yeah I’m sure I’ve asked something like this before, but I’ll go it again.

If you are dating someone and you have not done more than hug, maybe kiss, and no one has said anything, how many days until you seek it upon yourself to inquire? or do you say anything at all? Do you just wait & then at some point say ‘it’s not gonna work’?

At what point in dating, do you start to discuss sexual activity, or wonder when it will be brought up, or occur?

Lliam · Accepted Answer

For me, the whole point in dating was to find a sexual partner. Not sex right away necessarily. What I mean is, I can't imagine the point of a platonic friendship with an attractive women. And, I wouldn't date a woman I didn't find physically attractive. I wouldn't date her if I didn't envision having sex with her at some point. I also imagine that's why she was dating me.

The idea of thinking there has to be an iron clad commitment like marriage before engaging in sex seems crazy. How could anyone possibly consider marriage unless they had been in a long term, fully committed relationship that gradually blossomed into true love and admiration (not just infatuation)? And a committed relationship means going in with good intentions and giving it 100%. You need that feeling of infatuation where you can't get enough of each other. You like each other a lot, and also crave each other physically.

I wanted a woman with whom I connected deeply on many levels and who had healthy values, ethics and self-respect, but who also had a libido, adored men, and loved sex. She would only engage in sex within a committed relationship. But once in that relationship, she was eager and uninhibited when it came to sex. (Sex involves all kinds of teasing and stimulation, not just genitals.) Again, that's one of the reasons she was pursuing a relationship in the first place.

I never looked at sex as some kind of sacred act. I can't understand the big deal. It's just a really fun physical activity. A relationship is not a relationship without it. Sex is as intimate as you can get. That's what makes it amazing. Sex is joyful and unbridled. But it doesn't guarantee a lifetime together. At the same time, I couldn't consider a lifetime with someone without being in a fully committed relationship for a long time.

I wanted relationships with nice girls, as opposed to hook ups, one night stands, etc. Once in a relationship, we continued to learn about each other and see how things progressed.

Marriage is a once in a lifetime thing. You have to be 100% sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. But how could you know the person was "the one" unless you also knew you were sexually compatible and had similar sexual attitudes and desires?

Lots of factors go into loving and trusting someone enough to sign a contract of lifetime commitment. Sex is one of those factors. If someone didn't trust me enough to engage in sex, or if she wasn't a sexual person, I wouldn't continue to pursue a relationship with her. It would be a waist of time.

Being cautious and picky makes total sense. I respect that. But being overly prudish is a no go. A pussy isn't a precious flower any more than are any other body parts. We are supposed to enjoy our bodies.

If I went on a date and it went well, it would end with a sweet kiss (no tongue swapping or face eating) before we parted. The sweetest thing is for a girl to step close, look up searchingly into my eyes, put her hands on my shoulders, and rise up on her tip toes, to give me a tender kiss.

The next time we met, we would kiss again as a greeting. We would be cool with holding hands and embracing. That second date might end with more passionate kissing.

At some point, after a few dates and getting to know each other, she would invite me inside her house/apartment for sex. That's when I knew that we were going to be in a relationship. It's not a relationship without sex.

BullShark · Accepted Answer

I don't think there's supposed to be a fixed time when you're meant to get physical with your S/O. For me, we'd be spending time together, watching a movie or something and she'd cuddle up next to me with my arm around her shoulder. Then we'd kiss and take things forward from there.

It'd come naturally for us and I think that's how it's supposed to be for little things like kissing and making out. As for sex, that's always considered a step above the regular stuff for most people, and at first, especially if it's your first time or you've not been in many relationships before, you may feel nervous, but I don't think you wouldn't want to do it at all unless you straight up don't feel that sort of attraction towards the other person you're seeing, which can be off putting, understandably, if you aren't clear.

As I mentioned before, this also comes out naturally, so like you're both making out one day and you decide to take it a step further by trying to do it while taking your clothes off and seeing each other. Then you can discuss if you really want to take things further or slow down. It really doesn't matter as long as there's good communication between you and it's completely fine if you want to take things slowly and one step at a time, and nobody should have a problem with you doing so either. It's your love life, not theirs.

Personally speaking for me, and I don't hide this fact, but back when I was still dating my one and only girlfriend of five years (now ex and single since three years now), we were also taking things really slow because not only were we nervous, but we were also really young. She had been in a relationship before me but it didn't last long and for me, she was my first real girlfriend. We were both still virgin and we started off by simply kissing one day and then slowly as the dates progressed, we took things up a notch and before long, we were completely comfortable with making out with each other without our clothes on. By this time, most of our friends had already lost their v-cards but we hadn't and it didn't bother us much because we were content with how we were and we were completely normal about taking our time.

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

I don’t think I’ve ever had to “bring-up” sexuality! Guys are usually pretty forward about sexuality, and I’ve had guys ask me “what’s your body count?” (the grossest way to describe sexual history) on the FIRST DATE! The rare times that I HAVE kissed or made out with a guy on a first date, except one guy, they all moved my hand onto their cock w/in 20 mins of kissing him. (As if I don’t know where it is!). So I’ve never had an issue with guys bringing up sexuality, except the issue of how inappropriate it is to be asking about sexual history on a first date, or putting my hand on your cock… EVER! (Unless we are already in a sexual relationship. I mean my ex boyfriend would do it and it didn’t bother me with him!) but certainly never with guys I’ve just met!

laurieluvsit · Accepted Answer

Sex is a vital part of determining compatibility to me and having a guy or girl who is highly sexually natured as I am is equally important, so I am not shy about wanting to do it ASAP if all else is working with the chemistry between us as that in itself could be a deal breaker.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

After the fifth or sixth date, if I feel an attraction to a lady, I will tell her that I feel very attracted to her but will wait for her to tell me that she wants more. I have said something like, "I am a gentleman and I will treat you the way a gentleman should treat a lady, but every gentleman is also a man who wants to be a man." I have waited about 6 months for a lady to decide she wanted to move forward to a sexual relationship.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

Sex usually isn't a discussion, until after it happens. Until then, it's mostly organic, where you get closer, become more comfortable with touch, and eventually let passion (and your natural hormones/ sex drive) lead you to more- eventually sex.

When I start to date someone, I know when there's chemistry, and when there's not. For example: I took out a girl earlier this year (several times), and we got along pretty well... but we never kissed, and after 3-5 dates I realized physical stuff wasn't going to happen. I eventually took a hint and stopped seeing her.

My current girlfriend: we went out once, then again where we kissed- even stripping down until she stopped me before we had sex (since she is a virgin). But this is the typical process with most girlfriends: you spend time together, like each other, and eventually engage in physical things- if nothing beyond a hug happened by week 3 I'd assume they didn't like me like that. If we had kissed but nothing more I would bring it up, maybe allude to sex, and if they just didn't take the bait I'd ask them "are you comfortable with doing anything more?"

ZackBan · Answer

It is pointless to try to quantify and put timers on things when it comes to relationships.

True maturity is understanding that every individual is different hence every interaction between 2 individuals is unique.

The healthiest way to go into things is to go without any pre-set expectations and conditions.

That means I won't "bring up" sex. What I will do is display my personality opening up for the other person to like me or not. And make the effort to delve into hers and see how it goes.

I've had sex happen within hours even minutes of meeting someone once.
And other times it took days or even never. G

In every case the common denominator was that I did not force things to happen but instead let them.

What you need going into a relationship is to be ok with who you are and what your pace is and your partner will either match your energy or fail to do so sparing you a waste of time.

MysticDevice · Answer

I've had it where the discussion never really came up and things just stardet to happen. Like for a month or so it was little more than a hug and kiss. Then one day we kissed, then kissed again, then again but with a little touching and so on. It would go just a little bit further each week. I really liked it that way. There was a lot of mystery and discovery doing it that way.

Then with another partner, who I met online, the tension was bad enough that when we finally met we just went right upstairs and got busy. I think I told you that story as it happened in the PMs lol.

Then I've had it where its in between both. After a week or two the "talk" happened and we discussed what we wanted.

Twalli · Answer

I brought up sex and such by the second date. I made clear that I DID NOT want it to happen then, but I did want it to happen at some point before the 2 year mark (we had it after month 6). I also make it clear that, if she hasn't experienced anal, that I also expect her to try it with me at least once before I propose (3 year minimum before I propose). As for anything else sexual, she can do it with me whenever she feels like it, although I only eat girls out who are willing to give me blowjobs. I pretty much lay out my ground rules before the relationship becomes too deep, so we don't find out we're not compatible when we really like each other.

TheorionMage · Answer

At its 'core' function... 'dating' IS 'courtship' to reproductive pairing.
If One doesn't get to 'audition' for the 'lead' role of One's lifetime,
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THERE FOR?
I can go to functions 'dutch'
and have dinner with PLATONIC friends and acquaintances ~

KBird · Answer

Honestly, I would usually wait until it was needed. Like, if we are kissing more and more, or it gets heated and it feels natural to move forward, then I would bring it up. I would bring it up when it became relevant, whether thats on the first date, or even week 3...

jshm2 · Answer

To be fair it's part of what you discuss before your first date. That way you know if you're going to her place, or she's coming to yours.

You're still a kid so will struggle with all the cues, signals and language. Think of it like an interview. Every question you ask is to qualify, quantify or queue the candidate to your likes and tastes. It's ONLY when they hit your thresholds that you're going on that date.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Not sure I should answer this. Because I want to help. But I don't feel there IS a answer to this. Because as you said "We all want different things". But the way I see it is if they're with me then presumably they like me. And I guess I'm just not worrying about it. Because if we're in it for the long run it's just going to happen when it's supposed to organically.

Sorry I know that's really vague.

Juxtapose · Answer

If it's post 21 days and she has shown no interest then I am going to have some questions concerning her sincerity. If she doesn't find me attractive then maybe we would be better off as friends because let's be real, if she finds the guy to be at 9 or a 10 then she'll move heaven and earth to fuck him.

21 days is plenty of time to get comfortable with at least some physical intimacy. I'm not going to be the sucker that waits forever and then the next guy she gets with she gives it up within a week, do you know how many times I have fucking seen that shit?

Philyouup · Answer

i try to read my prospective partner, it’s hard as i come from a time where you made little moves and if there was no resistance, you were good.

move forward ans times have definitely changed, interaction between prospective partners have be come more a two way street of communication, and that’s a good thing. no more assuming.

so i try to read the situation then i ask about what is expected. Thinks have really changed since i was a young man.

Apple1996 · Answer

Pretty early on into the relationship like within a month. I'm very blunt so I don't mind being the one to bring it up

Boogie_01 · Answer

I usually won’t bring it up and expect it to happen naturally. I feel like it’s just a chemistry thing but if after a few months nothing happens I feel like we’re just not compatible.

Finchie40 · Answer

Honestly you shouldn’t be discussing , it should just happen if you are both into each other , my thing is if a girl wants to French kiss me and I want to French kiss her and get lost in each other’s eyes then sex shouldn’t even be a question , you already broke the ice is the way I look at it , I don’t just French kiss girls for the hell of it. Now if it’s just a peck on the lips then that tells me she is still unsure and keeping her options opened , When 2 people are attracted to each other and the chemistry and connection is amazing then there should be no time limit , if you want each other then go for it

DannyUk2017 · Answer

I'll just bring it up, as i'm sure... Chemistry, Arousal will start kicking in soon as that "look" comes to light, soon as that "giggle, cheeky smile, erotic aura" follows then i'll start slowly and subtile the "questions", the touch, the "make her" feel comfortable" situation/discussion...

Kaneki05 · Answer

Right away? No point wasting time with someone who will then leave once they realise they aren't into the same sexual stuff or willing to do I'll scratch your back and you scratch mine.

Guy13 · Answer

I do not rush it as that is counterproductive. Sex will cum when it is felt and known by both people simultaneously. Time clock is an unnecessary hindrance.

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

I don't and I'm not interested, honestly. She wants that kind of stuff, she asks, and it's not a guaranteed yes from me.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Oh, she can talk about sex anytime she wants! I don't mind at all! If you've seen my activity on GAG, you can tell that I have absolutely zero qualms about discussing sex or sexuality whatsoever. I'm an open book.

Agape93 · Answer

It'll be a few months at least. I need to trust you and have proof you're clean.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

No time at all, if it's sexual than it's going to be after marriage bur for before marriage we will talk about everything... I don't expect sex before marriage and i don't want it!

MemeSupreme · Answer

i don't think it's ever planned by the week. it's just whenever one of us feels like bringing it up

RetroReginald · Answer

I never dated in my life.
But I think everything should just be as natural as possible. I don't expect anything as everyone is different.
It makes no difference if we start having sex after 1 week or 1 year. I only care if we are both perfectly comfortable with each other when it happens, and that can take time, especially for me.

PeteBy · Answer

Hmm I did plump for 2 weeks simply because despite the fact the man wants to get in her panties as soon as possible. Maybe get to know each other.

That said and contradicting my own choice lol. Every relationship I have ever had has ended up with sex on the first date. No discussion, just physical and emotional chemistry. There has to be physical attraction for you to meet up in the first place.

Melinara · Answer

When I start dating someone, I perceive them seriously from the very beginning. Maybe that person would be the one, who knows... So sex is in my mind since the first date, but ofc I wouldn't have an intercourse with the other person at such an early stage.

molonski2 · Answer

I'm just not sure its as clinical as the question presents , but experience tells me it generally happens immediately ( pretty much ) in a situation that is going to work , now if you are a person who is dating 10 different people or the like I guess that changes , but I never went in with a time frame of particular in mind , often found I had to perform far more quickly than I had anticipated , so hard to pick a time..

jengeorge26 · Answer

I guess that’s a bottom feeder in that pic? So then I am a bottom feeder expecting something beyond a kiss 💋 after first week?

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I would most likely give hints after 6 months of being together

KatherineJ · Answer

Honestly, it didn’t come up until about six weeks in. At that point, we were having a heavy make out session and I stopped and I told him that I wasn’t ready to go any further. I thought that would be the end, but he was very patient and waited until I knew for sure that I wanted more. The right person will be patient.

TroyDT · Answer

When she gives me a ring. I'm not some cheap floosy.

RealMarek · Answer

I never entered a relationship with a time-frame in mind. In my current one, there was no discussion at all. One night we just knew it was happening and went at it.

LazerBean · Answer

After I know they have met every other nonsexual husband material requirement.

Deku2009 · Answer

I would give that a few months then ask her before engaging in such activities.

Jerre · Answer

Usually on first date I like to talk about sex

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

Just go with the flow. Some of the best gfs I’ve had, we messed around the first night. I’ve had others where I wait and didn’t get a call back. Live and learn.

Anonymous · Answer

i just wait until we are married for anything over PG-13... which explains why I'm still a virgin. 🤪

Anonymous · Answer

first have some good sex then talk about it

maximumpower · Answer

Depends upon the partners.  Sex can rear its ugly head as quickly as in a few hours, or as long as... never.

BruceJender · Answer

The first time isn't usually discussed. It just happens. I'm not talking about consent, that's something else.  From then on, it's up to each person to say what they like and how they like it.

RavVid · Answer

I'll test the waters with a grope. It's insulting not to. Girls want you to want to even when they don't want to.

Part2603 · Answer

I usually ask if she spits or swallows on the first date.

IveGotNoName · Answer

My boyfriend and I waited one and a half year.

slatyb · Answer

For me it was always pretty natural. An invitation to her place almost always meant staying over.

Aquariusmystery · Answer

I made my boyfriend wait 6 months lol

CountryWanderer · Answer

I brought it up after my now-wife asked to kiss me.

Fireguy17 · Answer

I don't remember ever bringing it up. It just sort of happens.  When it's time it will happen.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

I'd like yo know by the 2nd maybe third date. I'm ok waiting for sex to a point. Id rather find out before I get to emotionally invested.

Anonymous · Answer

My ex discuss it on day one and she told me she give blowjobs on first dates and her pussy is open to be fuck anytime

HaveNoName · Answer

You can talk about it ANYTIME, doesn't matter as long as it happens after marriage.

Ironic_Method · Answer

Before we go out - sex is too important to me to have it not work out before we get started.

Anonymous · Answer

Every girl I've been with let me fuck her on the first date, if there even was a date Never had that problem, but I respect it

zagor · Answer

Situational. No set rules. Depends on the individual.

Jltakk · Answer

Great question. Hypothetically, I would wait for her, since that's just how I approach life in general. No pressure, when you're ready, I'll be here.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd never discuss it,, drive them mad until they make a move, it's the only way to avoid execution under the MeToo statutes

soulhunter · Answer

I just go with the flow. It will happen when it happens.

MountAverage · Answer

Sometime during the first date usually.

Anonymous · Answer

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At what point in dating, do you start to discuss sexual activity, or wonder when it will be brought up, or occur?

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When you're about to meet your partner after days or months, do you think of sexual things to do?

At what point in dating, do you start to discuss sexual activity, or wonder when it will be brought up, or occur?

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When you're about to meet your partner after days or months, do you think of sexual things to do?

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