Is it really best for a guy to never mention sex prior to trying to meet girl he first met online?

[Anonymous]

I know some of you are going to go off about never using dating apps or trying to find people online period. That’s a separate debate so please don’t bring it up. Not everybody has the time or environment to socialize with singles on a consistent basis.

Anyway I’ve gone real back and forth about ever mentioning sex or even acting flirty with girls I match on dating apps. On one end if she already finds me attractive, is in a good mood and hit her vibe right it can make her more eager to meet up.

However the downside if I just make one wrong comment many women panic and hit the “creep” button. It’s game over and there is little or no room for forgiveness. Often the guy has no idea he’s out. It doesn’t matter if it was an honest mistake or I had no idea she didn’t like a certain comment. Many women just freak.

An even worse scenario is she might just want all virtual sexting and has zero interest in meeting for real. The virtual attention is good enough for her. Most men aren’t satisfied with that. They want to meet someone for real.

Then there is the safe route (and it can be genuine). Just act friendly, funny and don’t mention sex. Many women find this to be non-threatening and are more likely to meet in person.

But a downside with this is she might find me more boring. Some women are deluded/selfish to believe that guys are okay just making “friends” with women on dating apps. Nope. That’s a huge waste of time and effort. That doesn’t mean men are always looking for hook ups. Some of us really want to start a relationship. But there is always at least some romantic interest. Men don’t seek out random women to become “friends” with.

So anyway what’s the best route?

Yes

No

[MaKa_newbie]

I mean from my perspective it's not really nice when a guy asks me about my sex life right at the beggining.
I am also very open about it and don't really have taboo things to talk about. But just when he asks me about sex life right of the bat I just feel like he wants to get into my pants and move on. I remeber when a guy asked me on our first date (been texting for a week prior and I really had a huge crush on him from even before) if I have ever been with a guy. I told him no and then he tried to invite me over to his house everyday (obviously to hook up). It was a huge no from me.
Maybe it's just me, I don't know 🤷‍♀️
My advice is to just be honest and bring it up in a conversation when you have a chance, if you are that interested. If you want a relationship, let her know. If you want a hook up, let her know.

[Asker]

Well I never bring up sex right away. It usually comes later (before meeting up). Usually starting from a semi related comment e. g. “my roommate had a guy over and had she was loud” and I’m like “how do you usually prefer to do it when it’s your home with a guy”. Something like that. But even that is dangerous.

I can tell you right now even in 2022 most girls don’t like it when I a random guy (especially online) tells a girl he’s looking for a hook up even when SHE is too. Most women revert to their slut complex and don’t like that being right out on the table. And even if they entertain it and part of them is very likely to clam up for whatever reason and flake.

Anyway I’m not looking for hook ups. But I’m sure as hell not going to waste a bunch of time/effort trying to get to know a girl and ultimately have her get bored or worse friéndzone.

It’s such a tight rope. But @guy13 had the right idea.

[MaKa_newbie]

I mean just don't be really blunt with it. Little flirtatious and stuff then go on about it through convo. Even as a girl I can tell you, most of them are bi*ches but even so, flirt a little, compliment her, make her feel safe first then go on.

[Asker]

@maka_newbie thanks for acknowledging that.

Two months ago I put in the effort to really chat up a girl. Never mentioned sex but she did act flirty one time. I didn’t run with it but playfully flirty back.

Long story short she bailed on meeting up for (at the time). believable reasons the first two times. These were in public non-threatening place too. Then she flaked a 3rd time and I was like good riddens. She tried to follow up later but I told her she was too difficult and I was done. She was a grown ass 33 year old woman too.

Now I did everything right with that one. Joking, playful, engaging. We talked for almost a month. I planned the dates. But when someone like that flakes out I get very frustrated and pissed. That was a good chunk of my effort, hope and time. She’s not an isolated incident either.

I’m just not in the mood to deal with a scenario like that again. Sometimes I just want to throw caution to the wind and go for hook ups. Better than being stung along.

[MaKa_newbie]

Advice: talk to few girls online at the time. You'll see which one suits you best. Not everyone is the same and not everyone is worth the trouble. If she turns you down one, ok something might happen. But, second time she turns you down, forget it. Who wants it, will find a way... nothing wrong to talking to a few girls at the same time. But, if you start to go out with one, ditch the others. More girls, bigger chances, same amound of time 🤷‍♀️

[Asker]

@maka_newbie that’s good advice. I tend to focus on one girl when she starts engaging with me and don’t really look around for others. But I should. I’m not in a relationship so there is no harm in that. Good point.

[Noname91]

I would wait to see if there is chemistry in person. When you meet someone online, you know nothing about them, and online dating is notorious for hooking up only. I’d ask the girl out within a week of talking so you can get to know each other in person and progress things along. Hope this was helpful.

[Asker]

I usually tend to not mention sex before meeting up or even on the first date.

That only works if 1) she already finds me very attractive and she wants it sooner than later (which usually isn’t the case) 2) if you have a sense of humor like Ryan Reynolds. Most guys aren’t that witty.

But on the flip side there is nothing worse than being a gentleman just to see her get bored and/or exploit vía friendzone bs. Women know that no man is going to approach them online or in person to “just be friends” and yet a unacceptably large percent of them still try to pull that crap.

[FilmGuy93]

I voted "yes" in that you should NOT mention sex before meeting her. Women are sexual beings, but she's going to want to see you as someone who can bring her pleasure before you talk about how you want her to bring YOU pleasure.

[Guy13]

I think it is best although referencing some of her attractive features is acceptable... that's enough for anyone to know there is an existing sexual tension. Sound right?

[Asker]

Good point.

[Guy13]

They don't believe anything since men in these days are not necessarily given over to Action and Man-UP way. There is always those take and pull to yourself "hug" moments...

[maximumpower]

Its like asking about a salary at a job interview.

[Asker]

Good point. Some women think men will work for free. Not doing an unpaid internships for their benefit them.