How much should a guy text you after a first date?

Question

So I went on a date with a guy from an app. This guy would not stop texting me. He would do it in the morning, afternoon and dinner. It has been 3 days. The thing is I told him in the beginning that I want to get to know him first. I didn't feel attracted to him on the first date. I thought he gave me friend vibe. I was thinking to go on 2nd date with him. But, I feel so fed up of his text right now. Can you guys please suggest me what should I do?

Lookingforthetruth · Accepted Answer

Let me break down what is happening. Your innate attraction for him was on the mere side initially which is why he is the one chasing you. Another reason is he could be your looks match but has low self esteem.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/bX9uEzms0W0

A man's value is based on his time and attention he gives to women. If a man give his away his attention too much, as this guy did, a woman will not respect him. And its the equivalent of a girl sleeping around with a bunch of guys or giving sex super quick without vetting properly.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/zu88qYjcQVc

Thus, I suspect whatever innate attraction you may have had for him dissipated the moment he started firing off text messages for you and that 1st date was out of pity.

How much should a guy text you after a first date?

My advice for you is to be forthcoming and tell him that you have no romantic feelings towards him and only see him as a friend. Make it very clear that you WILL NEVER see him as a romantic prospect. After that, It's up to him to decide whether he wants to continue being apart of your life or move onto to another girl.

TheSpaceGnome · Accepted Answer

If you are compatible, you will find it hard to stop talking on and on and on, even just as friends, and thats usually a greenlight to date.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Just tell him upfront. This happened to me in college that I had to tell his friends to stop him from harassing me at school. We had one ☝️ date! It was good. But I didn’t want to get serious yet. So he started showing up outside my class waiting. Calling me in the morning before I even wake up at the dorm paging system too. And he’d blow up my phone all day. Showing up at midnight at my dorm to talk. I talked to him nicely tho. But it didn’t work until I had to ask his friends to intervene. It worked. Good luck

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

I would suggest telling him that you're not interested (women don't change their mind once they determine this), but tell him why.

Understand that guys get significantly less romantic interest than women do, and when a girl is nice to them, seems interested, and is (to their standards) attractive, they are going to think she's amazing girlfriend material. This is the average guy ofc.

This guy may have stood a chance, possibly because you didn't have anything better knocking your door down for a date; however, he made a classic blunder that many guys do, which is showing how much he likes you too early (and without restraint). Clearly, his constant attention, and expression of how into you he was came off as needy, overwhelming, and ultimately communicated to you that you were too good for him- as he was too easy to get.

Tell him that while you understand the desire to communicate with a girl you like is high, and there is a worry that if he doesn't do this a girl would forget about him, or think he's not interested- if he does this (texting constantly) it comes off as desperate. The back and forth dynamic of dating that makes it fun, and kindles mutual-interest is killed when one side tries so much harder than the other.

He may get pissed off, or ask for another chance, but tell him that once a girl makes up her mind that he's of no interest (this is what "guy friend" is for a girl) there's no leaving that category.

NathanDavis · Answer

I would keep it simple...

be honest with yourself first... and then with him

if you're not feeling the good vibes anymore, and in top of that you're already fed-up with him then just let him know in the kindest way possible... that you just don't feel good about things anymore and that a second date might not change the situation so...

it might suck for him to hear and for you to tell but well, that's life... things do work sometimes, and at other times they just don't...

this one is not working out at all, so there's absolutely no need to waste time and effort nor give him false hopes that it ever could

burlen · Answer

I don't think there is or should be a specific quantity of text interaction between both parties. It all depends on the chemistry between them.

The fact that he is texting you suggests he is into you and the fact that you find his texting too much suggests you are not into him.

MoniqueTLC · Answer

You've lost interest in him and he's devalued himself by constantly texting you. There's nothing wrong with this, if you don't like him romantically, that's okay, it's why we go on dates right?

Just be honest with him and straight up. He clearly really likes you, so as not to lead him on just let him know you really enjoyed the date but you feel you're better suited as friends.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

A guy should do what he wants when he is being himself. You have the right to move on. But society tries to put things in place in what you should shouldn’t do.. rules about dating. Here is my only rule, if you don’t let someone be themselves from the jump, then you may not like what they are when they do become comfortable and end up being themselves anyway. This is the reason so many relationships fail because no one can actually be themselves anymore

dustybiker · Answer

He might have been told to do this. People don’t know what you want until you let them know.

If texting too much is the only problem at the moment (aside the friend vibe), just ask him gently to ease off for now. “Can we ease off texting so much until we get to know each other more?” Even if that doesn’t happen it is a solution now.

If you really don’t feel it, end it. Nobody wants their time wasted.

Hairylegs222 · Answer

Then don't respond to him that often. If he's quickly responding to you, then you can simply not respond for a couple hours at a time or more. Text at your own pace.

Also, it sounds like you don't enjoy texting him anyways anymore so why are you still? When I'm into a woman, I like how often she wants to text me, shows interest. You're looking at this in a negative way, no offense.

TroyDT · Answer

One of the pitfalls of dating apps is that you can get some really needful people. Sounds like you might have one on your hands here. A text saying that he enjoyed the time with you and would like to see you again would be appropriate. Much more than responding to you after that is borderline stalker behavior.

sheikalana · Answer

There's no specific number. People should text each other in moderation and give each other space whether it's their first date, first month of dating or in a serious relationship.

RedStiletto88 · Answer

Ya, being swamped with texts feels like being smothered and that’s a huge red flag to run. He definitely does not understand basic boundaries.

shanshu · Answer

He prob doesn't date much and wanted to let you know he's interested, I know it seems weird and desperate but just tell him to to not text him so much and wait for a response first before sending another one

red324 · Answer

Why do you say he blew it? He's just excited about her and I'd say it's a good thing unless he's sending frustrated texts because she didn't text back.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, he showed too much interest, which is what put you off. It's always better for a guy to show little to no interest. Women tend to respond much better to that.

nickaboy · Answer

Its your fault, you found a good guy. So you aren't atrscted anymore better marry him. He is the only one that gonna treat you right.

Hotboy_booblover · Answer

Just tell him.. Indian guys don't understand these things.. u have to tell him.. but pls b careful not to hurt his feelings.. put it in the best diplomatic way u can

Anonymous · Answer

Be honest with him, if he can't understand blunt honesty then a second date would just exacerbate things with him

Plumfairymen · Answer

I would be annoyed honestly. Especially if you are not attracted to him. I would just be straight forward with him and tell him the truth that you feel better off as friends. Better than ghosting him.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You told him that you want to get to know him. So he's texting you. To get to know you. 🤷

Twalli · Answer

Ask if he can try texting less. Generally guys either text too much for the girl or too little.

ashish804 · Answer

may be he likes u too much or wanna bang u too much

Amur8711 · Answer

I always thought you message a girl your interested in when you wake up and before bed, to show that they are on our mind.

JonesT10Apr · Answer

he is very excited right, if you love him tell be slow,  maybe you are his first ever friend

Anonymous · Answer

Id wait a few days, he really blew it by blowing up your phone.

Iron_Man · Answer

You should communicate every single day

EaterPeter · Answer

8 hours a night as doctors prescribed 😉

Anonymous · Answer

I don't want to see any texts.

pizzalovershouse · Answer

He should ask what she is comfortable with

BLP11520 · Answer

If I wanted you, several times

eagle1951 · Answer

once maybe twice if asking you out again

chocomilk99 · Answer

Poor guy

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