My boyfriend says I’m attractive to him but he doesn’t show any affection. Is this just a chemistry issue?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months. The first month or 2, we were all over each other, there was great chemistry and things were easy. Touching him was easy, there was great conversation and it was easy to plan things with him, get together. It was awesome.

Now things are just kinda weird. He stopped touching me as much. He like barely acknowledges me when we’re with friends. For example, he had a concert at a brewery that I came to see. Instead of hugging me at the end he went & talked to his girl friends from college. I felt super awkward. Another time, we were all at a park with his sister & friends & he just sat away from me the whole time, looking on his phone.

We do get together and he does show me touch but just barely. It’s like when I’m leaving or upset. But every time I bring it up, he promises he likes me and is attracted to me. It seems he only shows me touch when I’m leaving or we’re intimate. Also, he says I don’t initiate anything but I’m uncomfortable. When we’re in public, he doesn’t hug me, hold my hand etc. He just kinda stands there or treats me like a friend. And when we’re together he doesn’t put his hand on me much etc.

This may just really be his personality (very reserved). But I don’t like it; shouldn’t it be easy to touch your SO?

What’s going on? Is this just normal for some guys? I cry a lot bc I feel so strange when I get home.

Also, he does like lots of alone time. He texts me and checks on me every day and cares for me but likes to see me about once a week.

[CanadianLearner]

I made a mistake similar to this during my last LTR.

Basically, if what's going on resembles my personally experience, then he probably is still attracted to you.

But, he has become too comfortable in the relationship, and doesn't recognize the need to continually court you/show affection.

He probably falsely assumes that "we're together now, we're happy, things are going good as they are".

He might also be a reserved/held back person, like I tend to be.

Without the above recognition of what's required of him to keep you attracted/happy, he might just be reverting back to his normal, comfortable state of being.

The end result in my relationship is similar to what you're describing now.

She kept asking me to be more affectionate, I tried, but failed, since I didn't really understand what the problem was or why she was feeling that way.

[Asker]

Wow!! Thank you so much for this. It honestly makes sense. I’m glad to see a different perspective. Honestly have never dealt with a guy like this so it’s been hard to speak up. I’ve definitely been trying to describe the problem to him in concrete ways but it’s difficult for sure!

I’ve been trying but it just seems so unnatural for him; he doesn’t even like to cuddle. Maybe I can talk it out a bit more with him, accept it, or try harder. Not sure if we’re incompatible. Thanks for this

[CanadianLearner]

You're welcome.

"he doesn’t even like to cuddle."

Yes, I had that as well.
I eventually grew out of it.

"I’ve definitely been trying to describe the problem to him in concrete ways but it’s difficult for sure!"

Yup, he might just not be hearing you what you mean.

"Maybe I can talk it out a bit more with him, accept it, or try harder. "

You probably need to change your approach if you want it to work.
What you're currently doing hasn't been enough to wake him up, yet.
Be far more direct, without resorting directly to a threat of a break up.

Maybe try something like this:
"I'm falling out of love with you, and I feel like it's because you are no longer making the same effort you used to. I don't feel like you're hearing me when I say that it feels like you aren't attracted to me anymore".

He might initially freak out if he thinks you are breaking up with him right now.
You might want to re-assure him that's not what this conversation is about.

Have a watch of Corey Wayne's YT videos: "If You Stop Dating Your Woman…", "Why The Courtship Never Ends", and/or "The Courtship Never Ends!!!".

They aren't for exactly your situation, but some of the principles apply.

Maybe him watching those might help too, you would know better.
Depends on what he is like.

"Not sure if we’re incompatible."

Maybe, maybe not.
Depends on his ability to grow sooner-than-later.

[ViceGAG]

If you’re not:

• Fat
• Asian
• Black
• Hairy

Then you’re probably considered Attractive to 97% of men out there.

Stamp

[In_Trance]

seems like a communication issue

[Pterodon]

It’s over