I hate that I turn guys off by being so slow?

[Anonymous]

A guy can have a crush on me then I do something dumb or slow and they get really turned off. A lot of times I’m really nervous/anxiety and sometimes my comprehension is bad. I think I may have adhd undiagnosed or something

I do have other good qualities. I do like to read, I’m a artist, cook/baker and I do have a degree.. but I have been called slow a lot growing up

I don’t like dating bc of this…

[D-Pad_Chad]

If I were you I'd have a general practitioner test you for adult adhd if you really believe that. I've had a few friends that after being diagnosed and getting proper medication it was night and day for them.

Although your history of negative reinforcement could point to it being more of a trained response.

Also I'm not entirely sure what your question is.

[Asker]

I’m so nervous about finding out for some reason… what if it’s not adhd? What if I really struggle with a general learning disability..

My question could be.. how could I deal with guys being turned off? What do I do about that? Is there hope in dating for me if guys think I’m stupid?

[Asker]

And very true on the negative reinforcement part.. I could be naturally responding to just years of trauma. I have no confidence

[D-Pad_Chad]

You can't be afraid of your health, regardless of knowing it's going to affect you. Knowing means you can take steps improving it.

Even if it's a learning disability they could test for that too and point you in the right direction for assistance.

Take it from an epileptic man you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking your health seriously.

As for guys being turned off, that's impossible, but also not on you. If this part of you is the cause, just like height for men, it can't be changed (without the aforementioned medical help.)

Would you be okay with me asking some questions?

these questions can help me ascertain if other things might be causing you issues in your love life.

[Asker]

Sure, I’m sorry. What else would you like to know

[D-Pad_Chad]

No worries, some of these questions will feel intrusive, of course you don't have to answer any questions you aren't comfortable with.

1. Is your body count (past sexual partners) below 5?

2. Are you looking to start a family at any time?

3. Can you cook/clean?(I know this one seems obvious, but it's shocking how few people don't. Based on yourpost I'massumingyes, but putting this to affirm that's good)

4. Are you respectful to men you date? I. E. phone's put away, your present in the conversation and engaging.(this might be a bit different given your possible situation, if you are adhd be upfront and most men will be understanding.)

5. Where have you been looking for men? Dating apps and bars/clubs aren't the best places.

6. What are you looking for in a man? It's possible your standards may be attracting the wrong kind of men and readjusting those standards could help.

7. Do you use your financial, education, and/or career as a selling point to men? Don't! Most men don't care about those things initially and are more interested in if you're a good fit personality, romantically, and companion wise. This means are you a good friend AND beyond.

8. Are you willing to be a helper? Guy's tend to hang loose and don't cling, doesn't mean we don't care, we show affection with actions. We enjoy actions over words. Are you willing to be a helper?

These are all things guys consciously and subconsciously look at. Might be more but this is fairly exhaustive.

[Asker]

1. I’m a virgin. Never been kissed or held. Been on a couple dates but I wasn’t really attracted to them.

2. Sometimes I want a family.. I want the handsome husband who loves me.. we have 2 kids ect… but no.. right now I’m trying to get my tubes tied and adopt a baby boy in the future.

3. Yes, I’m a very good cook and baker. I learned from my grandmother who was born in the South. After I graduate college I was thinking about taking culinary classes at night… I also do art well.

4. Yes, I’m very respectful to men I date.. hasn’t been many dates. I’m a respectful and nice person in general.

(I’ll answer the other ones!)

[D-Pad_Chad]

That's fine, I know that was a lot all at once. I cab go over what you have and we can cover the rest when you get the chance.

1. That's stellar! Most men value purity, those that don't tend to be player, but not always.

2. This is something many women aren't aware of or even lied to about, after 30 it becomes substantially harder to conceive, and IVF is very expensive and can take several visits, each visit costing 15-30k.

*Also you mentioned "handsome" are we talking rule of 6 or just classical attractive? Or better yet what kind of guy is your type?

3. The saying goes a fat hubby is a happy hubby, this referring to being well fed. Trust me the most loving, caring men are doded on by their wives and vice versa. But if it's one way you can see the resentment.

4. That's actually one of most important things! Men equate being respected to being loved. If you can respect a man, you can love him.

Bonus question: traditional or digital?

[Baseballgem4for4]

I have similar issues I’m pretty good looking and in good shape I attract women get dates/numbers and then blow it with my social anxiety and awkwardness. I’m slightly on the spectrum I think. I ask awkward questions I’m told

[Asker]

Glad I’m not alone. Maybe I should see if I have it. I don’t want to know but maybe it’s best if I do find out..

[Baseballgem4for4]

I feel like if you have it or not you still have to deal with it and live with it ya know. I don’t mean to humble Brag but I get girls interested so it’s just a matter of finding the right one that’s ok with awkwardness

[Asker]

True!

I guess I’ll know for sure that he’s the one if he accepts my flaws lol 🤣

[Baseballgem4for4]

Exactly

[jennifer_bloom]

I’m blocking you

[Asker]

For what