He's dating someone else and I am so distracted with it. How do I handle a huge work event with this on my mind?

[roxystars19]

He took another girl out to a club, after a trig to the drugstore. Going through the same waves as every time: First I get hot and sad at the same time. Then I get sick in my stomach. Now I just need to go to bed, only to lie awake, the night before a big event, just to think and reflect on everything. Then I'll get out of bed at 6 or 7 a. m., numb inside, still pushing through the day as if nothing is wrong.

I honestly don't know if I did anything wrong. It was like he lost interest over night. Then regained interest, then lost it again. He seemed so sweet, intelligent, dorky. I don't want to think that I did anything wrong, but gosh, it feels like that sometimes. Maybe I should have shown more interest. Maybe I was right to not rush my feelings.

Honestly, once the semester ended and he graduated, he changed. Or maybe he was a party-goer, man-whore this whole time and I was just dumb. I don't know? Do people go to clubs as friends? There were other girls with them... But then again, he hasn't messaged me in awhile.

All I am sure of right now is that, as much as I want to delete him from all my social media, is it really necessary? How long until I get over this one? Can we at least be friends? Do I even want to be friends anymore?

My mom just compared this girl to me and how we actually look and dress alike :( :( :(

I am hurting, but I can't at the moment. I have a huge work event tomorrow and it's important that I keep my mind focused.

Any tips are appreciated!

[quaranta]

This thread is really confusing, it's not clear what signals he gave you before, or if you were in a flirt, in a relationship, had sex etc. So, since you say you didn't "rush feelings" I'll assume you were in a grey area, not official, but there was a lot of input from his side that looked like it was about to become a relationship.
I'm not judging you for writing in a confusing way but I'm mentioning this because it shows how you are completely desperate at the moment, obsessing about this. And this symptom is the signal that you should delete him from social media and mind your business, in order to recover. Nowadays, blocking someone means an "attack", unfortunately, so, if you want to avoid conflict, before blocking him you could write a message saying you need to get your space and to recover and so you need to not hear from him for a while, then you block him before letting him reply (important!).
In another situation I would suggest to talk to him, ask what you are for him and if you are on the same page and sort things out. But in this situation it sounds clear that your communication with him is almost absent, and especially, your trust is completely absent. You don't know how to interpret things and don't trust the signals he gave you, or the honesty/care he would give if you contact him. This last aspect in particular is fundamental to have any healthy relationship or to at least let it start correctly, so if he didn't provide a safe communication then probably asking him directly about how things are is not a good option because it won't fix the lack of trust. Of course, you can try anyway.

About being friends just after crushing: no, it doesn't work, it never worked for anybody. It's just an excuse to keep obsessing around him secretly, thinking you can overcome it by... Staying exposed to his presence? (No!). Are you actually good friends, meaning, you have a lot of interests in common, confidential trust and you are very well set into each other's life (does it make sense as an actual friendship?)? If she was a girl, would you put effort in pursuing a friendship with him? Most likely no and this is just a biased idea of friendship you have. Regardless, even if he was your childhood best friend, the crush you have on him and the desperation you feel now is enough to need at least some months of complete distance and silence, blocking his ways to contact you (to not hope all the day checking the phone every 2 minutes).
Here the focus should be what you should do in relation of how you are feeling now, not in relation of the chances you have with him or how right/wrong you are. Regardless of the why, focus on the fact you are now too desperate, and that needs healing. It doesn't matter if he today suddenly gives you an engagement ring or if he is having sex with 15 different women in a day, what matters is how you feel now and what you have to do about that, because this doesn't look like simple sadness.
Trust very hard that you will recover from this. You spent a lot of energies in feelings, fantasies and jealousy, so it's natural you are now at your lowest because he didn't refill them back in any form and you obsess to get something back from the situation. If you quit everything, it will feel hopeless, like if you can't recover at all. But this is not true, every person is resourceful at some point, for survival, even people with severe depression (I faced a situation like this in severe depression), and you will refill those spent energies with something else, just slowly and steadily, with your own content. There is no shortcut for that except a new amazing guy all of a sudden, but at some point it will work. Time heals for real as long as you let it heal you (not interfering with it by letting the guy contact you or checking his social media, avoid any source that can respawn feelings and hopes in you).

Why did it go this way? We can't know, too few details, but mind that sometimes people are seriously random and would go dating someone they'd never thought they would, in a specific circumstance, or in an impulse of adventure, and it doesn't have anything to do with your "quality". Most of the times choices between potential partners are not a result of a scrupolous comparison and motivations can be shallow or anyway unexpectedly disappointing compared to the good esteem of this guy you had previously. So don't reduce your own value because you weren't "chosen", there might be many reasons behind, part of which totally out of your control.

[Summeroflove]

Were you dating or just a crush? If it was just a crush. Take it as a lesson to make a move next time. Because you can’t expect someone to make a move on you. Maybe you seemed to hard to get for one reason or another or depending on your relationship not worth the risk.


Maybe he was very really that interested but just friendly. Maybe he had a crush and naturally moved on. Maybe she made a move on him.


If you have dated. Take it as a sign it’s not mean to be.


Have a good cry. You will find someone else

[Guy13]

You will eventually get tired of being controlled by another person in your daily life and move-on. Until then it will be a living hell. One day, it will pass into a forgotten memory.