Just need some help? So about a month ago I met this girl on Instagram, we actually live fairly close to each other, we started talking in a friendly way and getting to know each other and we’ve had some really nice convos and she was putting in the effort as well. We spoke about many things like how our day has been, hobbies, family stuff etc etc. There was even a bit of friendly teasing in there initiated by both of us. I had the impression that she was interested. I wanted to FaceTime her and then eventually meet her soon, so after a while I built up the courage to ask her to FaceTime. The first time I asked her at like 9:30 and she said the next morning sorry she fell asleep (which she does a lot) , I asked her later that week again to FaceTime and she said yes, and sorry if she fell asleep 😂 unfortunately it didn’t happen that night either, so I asked her again a week later and she said yes if she’s awake, but it didn’t happen. I also asked her for her number so we could FT but that’s when it stopped. I instagram called her instead and she didn’t pick up so I just went to sleep. So I messaged her the following day if she was okay as I haven’t had a reply all day which is unusual, and it’s been a weekend now and still no reply. She viewed my story as well mind. She mentioned she has a lot going on but cmon, a long time to not reply and still hasn’t as of now. Im super worried she has lost interest or something in her head has made her ignore me from now on, even the times before and after work when we usually spoke, we haven’t this time. I messaged her again earlier just telling her to lmk how she is. I really like this girl and I don’t want to lose her this easily. Is she just taking a long break from texting or does it go deeper? I need some encouragement and advice please. Thanks.
Girls, Opinions please?
What Girls Said
I will give you my reply based on the tag that I received from @PrettyPriya but without reading her reply first. Perhaps that my opinion will be similar to hers.
I am not really familiar with those social media and when you state that you talk on this specific social media, does that mean that you have the image as well or just text?
My opinion is that this FaceTime (I am not familiar with it) is probably similar to other media where you can see the person you are talking to. Now, I find it curious that this person finds excuses not to show her face. I get the feeling that she is not in a hurry to talk to you on a face-to-face basis through video conference. I have really no other explanation why she would fail to talk to you through this other media.
My conclusion is that, while she was okay texting you through social media, the fact to have to reveal her face in a video meeting is something she did not expect and is reluctant to do.
To sum up: I have the feeling that she is not answering you because she feels uncomfortable to show her face in a vide conference and that by refusing to answer or to give you excuses, she indicates that she is no longer interested in deepening the relation.
That is how I see it.
Now let me read @PrettyPriya 's reply!
I think that we have the same general opinion. It got too personal too quick for this girl he has been talking to.
@PrettyPriya You are right, the overall replies are similar. For once, I did not include nudity in my reply :-)
@SueShe It is a good day then! I do hope you enjoyed your family visit yesterday and had a good start to the week. 🙂
@PrettyPriya Oh yes, it was great yesterday and I ate... game :-( Poor deer!
Just from what you describe, it sounds like she is not comfortable yet giving her personal information for you to FaceTime. She may be feeling pressured. I know that I would. What happens when you give out a phone number is you lose control of personal information and open yourself to be constantly receiving messages.
You know what else a lot of guys do? Send nude pictures. I am not suggesting that is your intent, but you have to realize that we have to be careful. Sounds like she kept making excuses in hopes that you would get the picture she wasn't comfortable handing out her number.
I would say at this point, you need to back off and give her some space and respect her privacy wishes. Just keep it to insta or whatever social media you are talking to her on. Don't rush her into giving away personal info just yet.
Relationships (not that you are in one yet) take time to build. Not everything happens all at once. You need to build some trust first and then move from there.
Thanks for the reply.
I understand what you mean, that was wrong of me to ask her for her number twice. The thing is, how do I fix it? She isn’t responding to me at the moment and I just want it to go back to normal.
Im just worried she’s creeped out and we won’t speak again.
Give it a little time. You can even tell her that you are sorry and didn't mean to push her. Make sure she knows that you are happy to be able to chat on insta and keep it to that for a while. Build up that trust for a while.
It’s been 3 days so I guess that’s enough. But the thing is we weren’t arguing or anything, we never have. Our last convo before the ghosting was actually quite nice. Do you think there’s a chance she won’t respond at all?
I think you should just let her know that you're sorry if she felt uncomfortable, or pressured, and are fine to keep things as they are. Then leave it and let her come to you, which most likely she will.
@AmyHew1tt thanks. How long should I leave it before telling her that? I’ve already messaged her today checking if she was okay, been 3 days now.
You need to give it the amount of time necessary. There is not set amount of days. Everyone is different.
I am sure a dear friend @SueShe would opine. I have a feeling her opinion will be somewhat similar to mine.
I understand. I just really don’t want to lose this one.
I get that totally. That is why it is important to be patient. She isn't going to forget about you. You just need a cooling off period and then what I had suggested.
A simple sorry. You didn't want to push her or make her feel like you were and that you are perfectly content keeping your correspondence on insta. Then, see where it goes from there. If she really likes you, she will eventually allow more personal contact.
Yeah. Unfortunately I was a little impulsive and said sorry for asking for her number and that it was a bit rude. Maybe it should just be more sincere.
I think reinforcing that you are okay with talking through insta would help a lot. Then, you can say something like:
"I really enjoy chatting with you and hope to hear from you soon" or something similar to that. Put the ball in her court and be patient.
Im just worried that it could be many factors as to why she’s stopped. Maybe she suddenly gave up, has other options etc etc.
Is patience truly key?
Yes, patience is very key. If she feels like she is being nagged or pushed again, that could be it. I would not worry too much about other options, etc. That is just you letting your mind get the best of you.
You also have to realize that right now, this is a very impersonal relationship (online). You don't know if she got really busy, something happened in her family/friends life, etc. There could be tons of reasons she isn't responding right now.
Guess what? We get periods and feel like rubbish and not sociable. See how easy it is for me to think of reasons she might not be messaging back? Lots of things could be going on.
I just have to hope for the best I guess.
If this whole thing works out in my favour or even if it doesn’t, thank you for your help 🙏
It is my pleasure. I really do hope that it works out. I think that it will considering how well you both were getting on. Don't lose faith just yet. Best of luck to you both. 🙂
Thank you so much, I really hope it works out well.
One more thing, do I delete the previous two messages saying sorry and seeing if she’s okay? Just do the main focus is the apology?
Also, when I do send that text, if she doesn’t reply (even though I know she would’ve seen it as a notification) , I just assume she doesn’t really care and try and move on?
You have probably made her feel uncomfortable.
Think this might be right. I want to rectify it.