I’m on the autism spectrum and find dating really difficult and I put off so many men who would otherwise be interested. Can I just accept this?

[Anonymous]

I’m obsessed with certain topics and have no idea what to talk about or keep the attraction going after several dates. I’m highly strategic and organized type and need structure in every day life. Dating isn’t very structured or perfectly defined. I struggle and aside from my neuro-difference I’m a really sweet and kind person, cook/bake everyday, a gorgeous redhead, fit/curvy, tall, educated and smart, have good friends and family, compete in ballet, have things pretty much together. I’m also told I’m hilarious all the time, but I’m afraid guys will think I’m weird if I tell them my funny jokes. I can’t seem to relate with men I date and it’s upsetting me.

[MCheetah]

Assuming you're not woke/super-far-left and we're not GAG enemies, you sound just like my type. I don't mind autism in a person, as long as they're not a jerk (surprisingly, many of them are.)

But damn, this is like a checklist of everything I want in a woman:

• 25 to 29 years old (the perfect age range for me!)
• Highly strategic and organized
• Structured
• Not picky
• Really sweet and kind
• Likes to cook/bake
• Gorgeous redhead
• Curvy/busty
• Tall (5'9"+)
• Educated
• Good friends and family
• Artistic (competes in ballet)
• Funny jokes

I'm not trying to simp here and I know most women aren't into short men like me anyway, but you can PM me, if you really want someone to appreciate you. It probably won't go in the basket, but might as well shoot my shot anyway. 🤷‍♂️😂

[MCheetah]

This isn't @A_Bell, is it? Cause she's married with a kid, from what I recall.

[A_Bell]

She lost me at organized. She is my freakin' twin, expecially since I had a kid and I am pregnant again. I actually have curves. Her face is also prettier.

[SwellStroke]

You keep doing the things you enjoy, and the right man will have no reservations about letting you know. Just because you operate in a different way doesn't mean you aren't one of us. Hi, I am a guy and I have no problem what so ever, as I am undiagnosed, however my niece *which strangely enough she somehow ended up a carbon copy of how I was when I was a child.*, was tested to see.

She is a higher end of the Autism spectrum. I admit I have a hard time remembering the proper phrase. So I won't attempt to say it, in respect.

Now as for weird, that is the key to life. Is finding the partner that accepts you for whom you are and their weird likes playing with your weird.

So don't fret, things will line up when the time is right. You just keep being the amazing person you are, and live life to the fullest. :D

[Juicyred921]

Always be yourself. Your a beautiful and unique soul. A lot of guys love a girl with a sense of humor. If they don’t have a sense of humor, a lot of girls come off mean or lifeless. You sound like your full of life. And as long as your being true to yourself, listen ti your heart and gut, you’ll find someone who appreciates you for all the wonderful things that make up you. You’ll find someone who just clicks with you in every way. I spent half my life looking for someone that gets me. I’m lucky enough to have found him. I can 100% be myself. A nerdy spacecase who sometimes talks too much. Lol

[Asker]

That’s so helpful. I find online dating challenging because I can’t understand what people are like, and nothing usually solidifies out of it. In person I guess I do ok and get approached. But I’m too awkward I think. So I also don’t know how to meet people.

[Juicyred921]

I’m the same way. I’m a bery strange girl. But I like who I am and wouldn’t change a thing about my personality. Also, I got out of a 15 year relationship that I was in sense I was 19. I had no idea how to date or find guys. And quite frankly, most of the online guys are weird or just wanna hit it and quit it. But love happens when you least expect it. Just always listen to your gut. I did find my boyfriend on a cheesy dating app. He hit me up to hang out. And I had a gut feeling that I should say yes. We spent all night talking about everything and anything. We both new at that moment we found something real. We’ve been together for over 2 years now.

[Asker]

That’s awesome. I feel rushed lately like I need a partner by a certain age. Is it something I should put time pressure on? Sorry I’m not sure how to navigate this.

[Juicyred921]

Never rush. Be patient. Does a masterpiece of artwork get rushed? No. Or a flower blooming in spring? No. If you put a deadline on it, you’ll just end up settling. Be patient. Love will find you when you least expect it. For now. Have fun. Enjoy your life. Don’t waste time worrying. I promise. The more you enjoy life and stop worrying, the sooner love will find you.

[Asker]

Thank you so much ❤️❤️ That is so helpful and means a lot

[A_Bell]

Also, there were two times that I was not told that I was hilarious, but upon further review, I actually should have been.

I also have some weird kind of sensory issues. One reason I never wear pants is because the fealing of the fabric encasing my legs gives me panic attacks. Sheer fabrics like hose are fine, but jeans or wool dress pants are out.

Also, if I am in a noisy room I lose the ability to think or recognize people. I seem to get overwelmed by sensations. Even strong scents give me migraines.

[A_Bell]

This was 'sposed-t-be posted as a reply below. Sorry for out of context undeletable uneditable post.

[Asker]

Lol! I hate certain fabrics too. I don’t own any jeans for example. Also I have outbursts if something during the day doing go right or I have an inconvenience/interruption.

[kylee2437]

Don’t be afraid to be yourself! Being yourself will eliminate the ones that don’t fit you as a person. You should be dating to find someone that fits yourself, and not changing yourself to fit them!

[Asker]

I can’t pick up social cues a lot of the time. A guy will express interest in me sexually and I’ll literally ask him why he finds me attractive. Lmao 🤣

[kylee2437]

@asker tbh that’s a valid question because if you are looking for more than just sex , him only describing sexual aspects saves you from further associating with him

[Asker]

That’s a good point. I just don’t really understand romance though, I can’t tell if someone likes me and I’m way too critical of how I approach situations.

[YourFavoriteFriend]

@Asker you remind me one of my two best friends based on your replies here, lol!

[Asker]

@YourFavoriteFriend are they autistic too?

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Tbh, he says that he is and also said it seriously at this point (tho without proof). So he may be.

[TheSpaceGnome]

High functioning people are not actually autistic, they are enhanced (more capable than average).

Doctors just say they are autistic so they can push pills and make money.

Intelligent people cannot relate to people dumber than them, and because most people are relatively dumb by comparison, those who are high functioning are seen as a problem.

Dating should have structure and compatibility checks that are perfectly defined, and it does when dating an intelligent person.

You are not doing things poorly, nearly everyone else is. This may seem rude, but it's honest.

[worldscolide]

If they were put off by you, they weren't worth your time honestly. I am married to someone who is on the spectrum. We have been together 10 years, married for 8. she's my best friend, my better half, someone who is WAY smarter than me.

Please dont give up hope. Eventually the right one will come along.

[worldscolide]

Wow wonder who disliked my comment. There was nothing to dislike about it. So sad.

[Asker]

People on here can be weird

[worldscolide]

agreed. Im pretty sure i know who it was. That idiot blue anon below. the one that says autistic people should be isolated. I strongly dislike people like him.

[worldscolide]

And his opinion has been removed. Finally.

[Asker]

I removed it. I’m a secret savage over here. 😈

[worldscolide]

He deserved it.

[ArrowheadSW]

@worldscolide My friend is married to a woman who is on the spectrum. (Although I doubt he realizes it... LOL) I try to help him with the struggles that he has. She is a decent person to raise children with, as they have 3 now. Since he always wanted to raise a family, I tell him she is a good choice because she is so detailed oriented to raising the kids and she is also devoted to her career and brings in a decent wage.

[Anonymous]

Indeed, I can tell you by personal experience that your jokes will be misunderstood, or not understood.
It will not come across to them that they are jokes, and you will appear as idiotical then (most good jokes are things that, if they were said in earnest, would be idiocy).

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is also autistic and while yes, I don't understand a lot of the things that trouble him, I do try my best to be there and support him as best I can because I love him dearly. There is nothing wrong with you and the problem is pretty much the guys you are running into. Those guys are not worth your time. Just be patient and you will find someone who loves and accepts all of you. <3

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Be yourself. Don't worry about people that will not like you but search for the few that will do. I also can't relate to people and especially to girls and never dated but I'll never stop trying. I already have some friends that like me and I want to find more and more and have as much fun as I can! Maybe you should try to find how you can relax and been yourself without worrying so much. This will probably help you a lot.

[SlothySlob]

Thanks for the quick resume.
Can you define your spectrum?
What are the topics you obsess over?
You can't relate to me? Well on the most basic level, our chromosomes are different. That pretty much defined your perception of the world.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

If it’s an undeniable fact, then yes. However, with all those qualities, You seem like a person decent to date. If Your jokes are weird, fine, so are many of mine. I’m also on the spectrum.

[XXblack88]

Have you tried dating someone who is also autistic?

[LimitedBenefits101]

Date someone who also is autistic, problem solved.

[UniquelyBasic]

Its up to you to find a way to accept it.