Why don’t I get asked out?

[Audiofox]

Just wondering, because other women get asked out all the time whether on social media or in person but I never do. I am quite tall (six feet) but never thought height was that big a deal. Sometimes I am a bit aloof because I prefer things to be done the old fashioned way with the man asking me out (including going on a few dates before deciding I should sleep with someone). I am fairly average looking and not that into the concept of getting fake tans and fake nails and wearing fake eyelashes or getting Botox. Does this mean I am objectively unattractive by today’s standards and will never be asked out? ( pic included for reference)

Me in a 1950s inspired dress.

[quaranta]

That is for sure not caused by your appearance, women get approached for -way- less beauty. It must be something in your vibe. Maybe you are too closed in yourself and don't smile, so men think you are a bag of negativity and would rather go for a more fun woman, or maybe you are too intimidating and men don't want to risk getting a rude response they can't counterattack. Or maybe you have a weird vibe and they think you are strange, who could be unpredictable in her reactions.
When it's not the looks, it's mostly those 3 turn offs: sparks negativity, is intimidating, is weird.
I get approached all the time and I'm an extrovert, I talk with involvement in any conversation, I'm accessible and confident. But I was the exact opposite when I was a teenager and rather than getting approached, I could only get randomly mocked. Yet my appearance is pretty much the same! Of course 30+ men are not monkeys anymore like teen guys and wouldn't mock you, but the type of turn offs might have the same origin.

[Audiofox]

I’m just naturally introverted and always though being cute and shy was an actual thing. I also thought men didn’t like overly flirtatious types due to them not liking high body counts and wouldn’t being really good at being flirtatious kind of send that message?

I’m just confused because guys say they want a lady but want her to act like she isn’t one?

[quaranta]

I don't know, i didn't talk about "flirtatious", and it's not the only alternative to "introvert".
Thing is excessive introversion sparks negativity and you may look not accessible, so they don't even try. Smiling more and reacting with more participation can be a thing, it gives good feedback to any of their interactions with you (you don't come off as "flirtatious" by just doing that)

[msc545]

Try asking men out. I promise you that will work well!

[FunkyMonkee]

I know a girl that KINDA looks like you but, she has this air about her that looks like she's way too sarcastic and ready to bite your head off if you try ANYTHING with her. I've known her since she was 13 and was nearly always the same way. In fact, when I first met her, she was one of those weirdos that, if you said just ONE wrong word to her, she'd grab something sharp, run into her bedroom, lock the door and slice the hell out of her arm!! I have to wonder if part of that has something to do with her uncle being a local horror flick director. As far as I know, she IS married but, I've never seen her husband! For a very short time, she was dating one of my ex-bass players. He's a fucking asshole!!
Anyway, I've been in a band for 25 years and it's NOT how they depict it in the tabloids!! Non of us ever got groupies begging to fuck us after the show or even hang out with us, really! Tim had a few steady girlfriend's so, he was never looking for other girls, Bob was almost perpetually single. The only time I ever saw him getting laid was with one of Tim's ex's after an afternoon gig we did. Chris had a steady girlfriend so, he was never chasing around. Jason had a few steady girlfriend's but he was CONSTANTLY chasing other women so, he's outside of the norm and I've been perpetually single, too except for the two VERY short-lived girlfriend's I had in the early `80's and the girlfriend I had in the `90's that ended up cheating on me! On stage, I'm kinda outgoing and a tad wild but, off-stage, I have moments but I'm mostly an introvert but, lots of fun to be around and a very kind and loving guy. I guess that's MY downfall!! Women don't seem to be interested in guys that don't beat the hell out of them or guys that they could spend the entire night in bed with completely naked and not worry about getting fondled and molested.

[FunkyMonkee]

I asked a question here 2 weeks ago if girl would rather have a guy that ravages them or a guy that respected them, they went for being ravaged!! Well, if that's what you want, I can do it but, I always figured being respectful was the way to go!

[Audiofox]

@FunkyMonkee well, I’m the opposite. Show me respect first, then ravage me later when we’re already together.

[FunkyMonkee]

That's what I figured most would want and I was quite surprised to find I was, apparently, wrong! I'd be much more likely to treat you like a fellow human being, with respect and what have you before I tried doing anything sexual with you. I try to see it from her POV and would I like it if our roles were switched and he ravaged me, first.

[Adaeva]

A study done in 2002 showed that among top editorial fashion agencies in Los Angeles and New York, 81% of their “editorial fashion” models were 5’9” and taller so many fashion models are 6 foot. Therefore, you height may be a slight handicap but it is not a problem with men your height and taller.

Based on your photo, if you show an interest in guys, you get asked out. However, in your mind, if you are not interested, guys that ask you out don't count and, when your standards are unrealistically too high, you will not be asked by guys that in your mind do count.

Regardless, your statement that you don't get asked out is false even if in your mind the guys that are asking you out don't count. Apparently, you need to adjust your standards to include guys within your league.

[Audiofox]

Absolutely none of this is accurate. I have dated men a foot shorter than me and have no issues with height. I simply don’t get asked out. I’m not lying about that and it’s incredibly frustrating that so many people are making that assumption here.

[Adaeva]

Obviously, if you are dating guys, you are getting asked. Based on your photo, if you are friendly toward guys, you are being asked regardless of you claim to the contrary. The men that ask may not meet your standards, but lots of guys will ask if you indicate you are receptive to being asked.

[Audiofox]

The men I’ve dated I’ve met through friends and we gradually became couples. They didn’t ask me, though. I mean being asked for my number in public or something at least semi equivalent to that, which doesn’t happen. It really doesn’t. I’m not mental and just ignoring the ones I’m less attracted to i legitimately do not get asked out that way. But anything to make me look insane for no reason I guess.

[Adaeva]

You are not insane; not by any reasonable standard. However, you may be seeking sympathy because you are not being asked by the elite guys you want.

[Audiofox]

No, I would be happy to be asked out by anyone at least to feel feminine and like I belong. I do not get asked out in public by anyone, to my standards or not to my standards and my standards only include: have a job, have dark hair, don’t have more than one kid, don’t expect more children, don’t be morbidly obese, enjoy the outdoors and camping.” Those aren’t really overly demanding standards. I’m not obsessed with status at all and find overly muscled dudes unattractive if I’m being totally honest. My biggest crushes have always been men I connect with on an emotional or mental level, not a financial or appearance based level. I’m not sure why my appearance seems to scream that to so many people for no reason but that isn’t who I am and I’m tired of that assumption being made without any input whatsoever from myself.

[Adaeva]

The reason we don't believe you is what you say if not logical. Either your photo is fake or else you are getting asked out unless you are so hostile that guys don't dare approach you. Your claim to the contrary, notwithstanding.

[Audiofox]

Call me a liar all you want but I am telling you it doesn’t happen. I’m naturally introverted, not hostile but a lot seems to get attributed to me personality wise for having the audacity to be tall and slightly better than average looking. Apparently my appearance clearly and neatly sums up my personality, which, y’know, is entirely logical. 🙄

[Angelo75]

If you dress so hot and behave introverted, a lot of times, men might think that you're one of those girls who think too much of themselves and choose not to talk to "less interesting men".

You could try to:
1. Be more extraverted and talk to people (men and women) around you, especially in groups. Cuz then you are perceived as "aproachable behaviour" and looking sexy
2. Dress less sexy. That will let the guys understand that you are introverted and they could consider you "shy".

Either way it's not gonna put out the mixed signals.

[Audiofox]

This is a full skirt dress with a petticoat underneath that shows minimal if any cleavage. Could you explain to me how that’s “sexy”? I think most modern clothing for women is trashy so I don’t wear it.

[Angelo75]

I understand what you're saying. Perhaps some of what I'm trying to say gets lost in translation.
Let's use the word "attractive" then.
All I'm saying is, you look stunning in that dress. -compliment-
But if you look so stunning but behave quietly and on your own, it could send a signal to guys as a girl that's not interested to be approached. Or a girl that expect a guy to come beg and crawl for some attention.

You could check pics on how typical introverted girl tends to dress and see if you fit that.

But apart from all I said before, you don't look trashy or badly clothed.
I'm just saying that as a guy, seeing a woman dress and look so stunning/nice (which will pull attention of guys)... but then seeing that woman not behaving as someone looking for that attention... well it leads me to consider it a woman who is beautiful but isn't interested in being aproached.

But like I said before, you can also try to behave more extraverted-like. Be more open.

[Audiofox]

I’m just not naturally extroverted. I was really badly bullied as a teen for being “ugly” so I’m terrified any advances from me would get me spit on or laughed at which happened to me at that age.

[Angelo75]

oh my sweetest thing...
I was also bullied at school. Messed me up really good.

/hugs

You ARE beautiful, ok?
Don't be desperate for guys, cuz that IS a trap to get yourself into trouble and pull the wrong kinda guys.
Once people grow up into adults, men will totally change and be VERY interested in attention from girls.
So try to understand and keep that in mind.

[Anonymous]

1. Many guys have had the experience of asking a taller woman for a date and being shot down because she only dates guys taller than her, so many of us have given asking a taller woman for a date.

2. You look fairly attractive to me, but your hair style doesn't suggest that you are a traditional feminine woman. It looks rather unkempt and neglected. I'm not saying that you aren't a great traditional woman, but your hair style may be sending the wrong signal.

[Audiofox]

Regardless of what I do with my hair it doesn’t hold a curl or smooth over well at all. I’ve spend endless money trying to fix the problem but my hair does what it wants. In this pic it also isn’t done up but again, it does what it wants. No product in existence seems to be able to fix it.

[Opinion Owner]

My hair is one of my best features. . . because I still have it! :) :) :)

[Guy13]

Your life must be complicated and labeled high maintenance or simply too much.

[Audiofox]

It’s high maintenance to be shy and not want to sleep with someone right away? I thought high maintenance was being bitchy and obsessed with using fake stuff to appear more attractive, therefore shallow?

[Guy13]

You are preaching to the choir on those points. But still, I took that into consideration and left me with one option and I made it. Those are high value attributes to me SO lots of men must have known something that I can't vibe or see from here... Don't get all nasty and snide...

[Audiofox]

I was only asking a follow up question for clarity, not trying to be snide I promise! (Context is hard on the internet sometimes)

[Guy13]

You are exactly right as one can not see an other's non verbal or tone in this dynamic. I text a couple times and if one can not pick-up the phone then I am done.
I like your dress, however I am a 1925-1945 guy. My historic 1300sqft plaster wall original floors and tub etc is a 1909. I used to reside in a larger home but why... so much more to manage/clean. Anyway during Halloween charity, I went as Clark Gable. My date looks just like Betty Boop and same personality. She didn't need the hair or any of that... just the hot little red dress.

[Audiofox]

You sound super fun!

[Guy13]

You're sweet but I'm not so much fun.-It comes in spells.

[FunkyMonkee]

Sounds about right, to me! The HM broads are the ones that demand everything be their way!
My ex-fiance & I knew each other almost 2 months before we even started fooling around!

[MCheetah]

You probably do get asked out a lot, especially with your looks and height. It's just not with men who are super-tall, super-attractive, or otherwise Chad-like. Women ask this question all the time here on GAG, and as soon as you start asking some basic investigate questions, it's almost always a case of "I get asked out a lot by men, but those men are too short/ugly for me; I want a 6'5 millionaire doctor Playboy!" Pretty much every single time; even by women who consider themselves 2s or 3s in looks. Your profile and look also imply you're pretty "liberal"/left-leaning as well, so that's going to turn off some men, if it's true.

Personally, I think you're decently attractive looking, but I guarantee you'd lump me into the "undateable" short men category and call me "creepy/an incel" based on my looks, if I did try to ask you out in public and you were dressed like this.

[Audiofox]

I wouldn’t, I’d be flattered to be asked out at all. I dated a guy a foot shorter than me for three years. It only didn’t work out because he stopped working and did nothing but eat chips in his underwear playing final fantasy and smoking weed. I don’t typically pick guys based in looks. Currently I have a huge crush on a 39 y/o coworker with a dad bod but he’d rather date a girl online in Texas which is 1000km away from here….

Also, my political leanings have changed somewhat ( I haven’t updated my profile in a bit). I’d consider myself a purple pill type person but at the same time I don’t think having a different political opinion makes someone a lesser person.

[Mia-Wallace]

"6'5 millionaire doctor Playboy!"

😂😂😂

I was recently teaching a 40-year old woman Blender online. She spoke with me after class and I found out she's "in love" with this guy who doesn't like her back. Sent me his insta and he was a trashy fuckboy posting photos with 3 different women in the past few months. Then she says exactly "nobody approaches me I'm alone". She didn't listen to my advice at all, couldn't focus, and was getting so annoying I cancelled her class.

She was arguably bellow average-looking and very short (old too). The guy wasn't that tall though, but still the trashy type. He was rich too.

[Mia-Wallace]

Ah and by thr way, he was 30. 10 years younger than her. 😂😂😂

[MCheetah]

Well, assuming you're being truthful and accurate, I'd ask you out on a date (I'm only 180 cm, for what it's worth.)

And I never said your political leanings make you a lesser person; but many men aren't attracted to those who don't share their politics, or at least a moderate/in the middle. I'm a centrist/independent myself, but I've come to be less and less tolerant of the insufferable woke/feminist types who think a man "looking at them without consent" is "rape."

But yeah, I'd ask you out. You're not unattractive and most men aren't into fake nails, fake boobs, tans, and botox, anyway. I find it hard to believe someone who looks like you, don't get asked out. Unless maybe you're putting off some major "don't f*ck with me" negative body language vibes or something while out in public.

[MCheetah]

@Mia-Wallace
Yeah, as a man, this is like 95% of the women we see who claim "no one approaches me." Hypergamy is a bitch!

[Audiofox]

Thanks for the advice! I’m not really trying to come off as aloof so much as I am naturally introverted and a little sensitive. I totally understand men want to be asked out or flirted with too, I just fumble. And I am left leaning for sure but I’m definitely not going to accuse a dude of rape for just being attracted to women. That’s just ludicrous! The climate isn’t easy on men in this day and age, I would certainly agree. I don’t think I put out mean vibes but I my height gets interpreted that way sometimes.

[ChiTown33]

@Mia-Wallace I call those people "askholes" (I didn't make up the term I just really like it). People who ask multiple people for advice and never take any of it.🤣

[Mia-Wallace]

@ChiTown33 Yeah. She really was an askhole. She told me that after getting rejected, she immediately asked 3 old men (strangers) for "help". But of course she didn't listen to any of them. I think this was the first time I met a level 100 askhole.

[Adaeva]

You nailed it. No doubt she get asked a lot; just not by the top 1% that she wants. Therefore, to get sympathy or suggestions on how to get the top 1%, she claims she is not asked.

[icedragoom]

I will say you do look beautiful and if you lived close by I would ask you out in a heart beat but sense your possibly no where close by I will just leave you with this. With how things are going right now in the world some guys are going to be stand offish but you have to initiate show the guy it's okay for them to come over and talk you

[Audiofox]

I just don’t know how! I put a lot of stock in being interpreted as traditionally feminine and sometimes I’m bad at not coming on too directly when I do try. No idea how to be subtle…

[icedragoom]

Then don't go for being subtle be clear about what you want and what you are looking for some guys like to play games others love the forwardness and it brakes any tension just tell the guy you think he is cute and if he would like to get to know you better you can do it over a drink or a cup of coffee his choice. Then just leave him your number and walk away

[Kaneki05]

Your attractive so whatever the reason it ain't due to that. 6ft is perfect in my opinion. This is just all great "not that into the concept of getting fake tans and fake nails and wearing fake eyelashes or getting Botox."
So I don't know.

[Anonymous]

You are really beautiful. If the age you state in your profile is correct, you definitely look younger.

You just look a little "femme fatale"

Maybe that's why men are afraid of you?

[Audiofox]

Awe, thank you. I don't know, sometimes I wonder if the combination of being tall and introverted comes across as “being snobby”.

[AmeerX]

She is not game fatale. Just unreachable:/
I wish women were more like her. She said she doesn't sleep around. She looks modest and decent))

[FunkyMonkee]

I've been tall and introverted my entire life and I've never been snobby.

[es20490446e]

Women that are asked out aren't out of the blue. They look approachable.

For example they signal interest and a welcoming attitude. They show kindness, and become kind of touchy.

If you signal nothing, people don't know. Hence 95% of the time they don't risk rejection.

[Audiofox]

I always associated being overly flirty with being low value so I’m not hostile or aggressive or unapproachable, just naturally introverted.

[es20490446e]

I think there are degrees of flirting. I think the ideal degree of flirting is the most light headed.

The question is that if you don't move the waters at all you cannot see what is in the bottom. One would need to move them just a little.

For example there are MANY people that won't engage AT ALL by themselves till you give them a little opportunity.

[es20490446e]

Flirting isn't like saying "hey, lets have sex now". Flirting is more for getting to know the person in that area, without engaging, in an easygoing fun way that doesn't really need to end in anything else.

[es20490446e]

For example I could say "Audiofox, you have beautiful eyes. Green as my favorite fruit, the kiwi".

Now you can do with that anything you want. You can heat the situation up, we can just laugh, or you can just say "thank you nice gentleman".

[Anonymous]

As most women have a very clearly stated preference if not exclusive requirement for a man to be at least taller if not significantly taller than them it is to be expected that assumptions are made about this being a requirement for you which a large amount of men cannot forfil and the ones who could have their pick of the bunch because it is such a highly valued attribute.

[Audiofox]

This is not how I think and applying this thinking to every woman ever is not the solution.

[Opinion Owner]

This an objective fact but you're right, you can choose to depart from reality if you wish.

Also in future do not misquote or misrepresent me, it's dishonest and I don't appreciate people telling lies about me.

[Googlemyahoo]

Hello fellow Canadian. Only thing I can think is that perhaps guys think you’re out of their league so they don’t try for fear of rejection. I say that based on your pic imho you look good. Or do you have an alternative style of dressing that might throw normies off?

[MementoMori777]

It will happen on its own time, you'll find someone, don't stress too much about it

[Rosexøxø]

You’re kind. I hope she takes your advice

[MementoMori777]

Me too, people stress for thing that they have no control over.

[Anonymous]

You need better makeup and hair. Look at how Maria Sharapova was done up when she was young, and even now that she's older. She's not the prettiest girl in the world, but she's beautiful the way she puts herself together. And she's 6'3.

[Opinion Owner]

By better I mean professional makeup artist and stylist. Not just some girl at the makeup counter at Nordstrom.

[Anonymous]

Multiple red flags here. Do you want me to tell you all of them? Are you open to changing your stance at all? Your success has a lot to do with what YOU do or DO NOT do.

Your attractiveness is not the problem.

[Audiofox]

Well, don’t judge by my profile as I haven’t actually updated that in four years lol.

But yes, I did ask, so give me what you got.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry, I didn't even look at your profile. I was just going off what you put in your question.
First of these other women get asked out because they're most likely going on the offense more than you. As you said you belie in old fashioned guys asking girls out. So you probably less flirtatious then these women ( I get it it's not fun putting yourself out there only to lose to another of your gender). Most guys don't care about height this is typically a woman's hang up (and no I'm not an angry short guy, I'm 6'5". But I've talked to enough guys to know that most guys under 6 feet know they're fighting a losing battle with a tall woman so they have no reason to try). You also say you're aloof. This might tie into your lack of aggressiveness and unwillingness to approach men. You have to understand guys have feelings to. If you're a good person, a woman worth dating they can't know that. And guys will most the time pick the past of least resistance.

[Audiofox]

Thank you for your advice and that makes sense. I’m naturally introverted and shy and fumble a lot when I try to flirt. It’s not really that I don’t think men deserve to feel desired just that I am not naturally extroverted which sometimes, it appears, translates as being snobby (perhaps especially with my build). I also find myself confused because a lot of guys say they don’t like women who’ve had too much involvement with men which seems to counter the concept of us being flirty directly and successfully (since that requires some experience) so I thought being too flirty would come off as being low value.

[Audiofox]

Also I have no issue with shorter dudes. Dated one about a foot shorter than me tor three years until he stopped working and did nothing but eat chips and play video games all day, which I did find unattractive.

[Opinion Owner]

Here's the thing. Men KNOW women won't come out and say "hey I kind of dig you and want to know more about you". Some women may be really flirtatious. And some may not be. But guys read really flirtaiousness as "hey I'm interested". But this can also work against women. Because so many women just love to flirt with ANY attractive guy they see. And will not be interested in any of them. They just like the hunt, the game if you will. Yeah it sucks for women. Because those women make it hard for all women. You kind of have to consider the type of an you're talking to. All guys like attention same as women. But just like GOOD women, GOOD men like GENUINE attention. Not just empty "I'm going to pretend to be interested because I want you to show me attention".
I don't know if what I'm saying is translating here.🤣
I guess what i'm trying to say is No guy likes a low value woman. As you suggested. But it's not always apparent if a woman is flirting because she's truly interested or if it's just the game she's playing. The game players would be low value women.
Hopefully that makes it a little clearer.
I guess what I'm saying is you DON'T have to be really flirtatious. But you do have to make your intent known. I'll fully admit wimen are 10 times better at picking up on subtle hints then men are.

[FunkyMonkee]

Oooo!! A six-footer!! C'mere, babe!! I'll take ya!! My ex-fiance was 5' 3"!! 17" shorter than me!!
Wanna go out?

[slatyb]

You look great but "aloof" will discourage advances.

[Stevefiveo]

Hmm, you are very pretty and I like your dress. I wouldn't make a move unless you smiled at me first.

[Audiofox]

That I could do! Haha. I used to get bullied a lot for being “ugly” by other girls so my confidence sometimes sucks and I am just naturally introverted.

[Stevefiveo]

Hmm, maybe you had an awkward stage, but you have a nice face and good body.

[Stevefiveo]

I hear you about being introverted. It sucks. It would not bother me that you are tall but maybe some guys are intimidated by your height. But I think smiling more and just saying hi to guys you want to know will help. Good luck.

[FunkyMonkee]

I got a lot of that, too!! Part of why I AM, basically, introvert. I'm wondering if part of the taunting is BECAUSE you & I were both seen as better than the others so, they felt they HAD to cut us down with the "ugly" remarks! Like, we're seen as a threat to THEM getting who they were after so, they had to make us look and feel ugly and unwanted so THEY'D stand a better chance with their choices. I can't see how anyone could call you ugly and, just last week, someone I never met (other than via e-mails, etc.) called me a cutie and I've had other women tell me I'm a good-looking guy!

[Straight2thepoint]

Maybe misunderstood by words you say. But don't loose hope theirs other guys that will be in your level (frequency).

[AmeerX]

You are so beautiful, I don't think you should feel like you are lesser than other girls.

I would have asked you out if you like LDR))

[htmndg183]

You're defo attractive. I don't know. Maybe you've attracted shy guys. I've been asked out by women. So it can go either way

[cloud9vortex1234]

What your doing isn't working. You would most likely have better results asking guys out directly.

[Alex8736]

if i knew you i would have a better idea. nowadays guys seem to get intimidated especially if someone is confident and independent

[jjj101010]

I wouldn’t say u r average looking, don’t put urself down. Maybe u r not going to the right places to meet guys or maybe the 50s look puts them off. But it’s definitely not ur looks