Why would a girl ask me why I’m nervous and if I have a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

So there is a girl that i have a crush on and she noticed that I get nervous around her. I dont really know her, she is just a familiar face.

One day she asked me why I get nervous, I didn’t know what to say so I said “what?” And she said “no, you get nervous”.

then a few days later she asked me that question again and this time i said “i dont know why i get nervous”. She then said “do you feel nervousness around girls? Have you never talked to us? Don’t you have a girlfriend?” And i said that i dont have a girlfriend.

Why is she asking that?

[481632]

It may be because you're being weird. She's a person just like anyone else. She wants to be treated that way. Not all women see themselves as being beautiful enough to get singled out. Actually, most women don't. Most of us see ourselves as average. The insecure ones see themselves as unattractive. Since you don't know eachother your nervousness may make her uneasy. She seems willing to talk to you probably to show you she isn't intimidating and is friendly. If you think she's pretty talk to her the same way you would talk to a woman who you weren't interested in dating but still find interesting. Get to know her. Just make sure to stay out of the "friend zone" until she makes it very clear that she isn't interested in dating. Don't be overly accommodating or go out of your way for her at this stage. Treat her as you would a friend. Period. Otherwise she will either find you creepy, use you and string you along (if she's a bitch) or immediately put you in the "friend zone" from which you will never emerge

[Asker]

Oh i see.

Would you say she knows why i get nervous?

There is some other stuff that happened a few days later:

We were talking normally about life and a bit later she grabbed my upper arm and pulled me towards her.

We were really close, with our torsos being like one inch away from each others’. She was facing me while i was facing a wall in front of me. She then put her hand on my belly and just looked at me. I got nervous and leaned away so her hand wouldn't touch me anymore. She noticed the gap and put her hand again on my belly.

[481632]

Since I don't know what kind of things you've been talking about, if you've ever had a girlfriend or not (no judgement) or what you've told her pertaining to that, she is either interested in you or she wants to get a reaction out of you. Rattle you, so to speak. I don't know anything about her and I don't want to guess so I'm giving you top options. Since I don't know her you need to tread carefully if you use my thoughts on the matter. She obviously knows that you like her. She has probably figured out that this is the reason for why you get nervous. Next time don't pull away. Resist every urge to listen to your flight response. Take a deep breath and look at her. Look her in the eye. Smile. Yes, you are nervous. Keep your mind in check. In a soft, gentle voice say "Hi" and smile again. Continuing to make eye contact and smile. If she's touching you feel free to put your hand over hers. Do not turn into a grovelling, blubbering idiot. At this point she has gotten a response. If she's a good person and I'm just going to assume that she is, she will make the next move. Stay calm, whatever she does it's not going to hurt. Let her lead you. Watch her body language, listen to the way she talks to you. Many thoughts racing through your head. Ignore them. Don't overthink this. She is fully aware that you are probably a nervous wreck at this point. She will be gentle and slow. Do not give her your heart at this time. Don't rush into anything you aren't comfortable with. Be honest with her but don't spill your guts. She's giving you loud and clear signals. Proceed at your pace. She will likely appreciate that you aren't trying to get into her pants right away. Reciprocate what she sends your way but don't be greedy. If you want to go a little farther do it slowly.

Listen to your gut instincts. Pay attention to how she treats you when around others. If she shows ANY negative behavior towards you while in the company of others or when alone, walk away. She's not worth it.

[Asker]

Thanks for the detailed answer.

Well regarding what we were talking about, it wasn't anything interesting, just general talk about what we want to do in our future career and so on.

Regarding touching her back, I’m not sure if that’s appropriate because I dont know her at all, we aren't even friend, just familiar faces. But the thing is that she touched me first at the tummy so I’m not sure what to do.

[481632]

Well then she was inappropriate first. If you're not comfortable with being touched you need to tell her that. Keep it simple. "I'm not comfortable with this" is all you have to say. If she pushes it's sexual harassment. If she keeps going you can claim sexual assault. The stomach is a very sensitive area for both sexes. Just because you're a guy doesn't change anything. She may be assuming that this behaviour is okay because you're a guy and if she's pretty you'll allow it. Women don't appreciate this kind of behaviour from a guy they don't know. A lot of men like the attention so they go with it. If you don't, you need to say something. You can let it go and hope that she doesn't try it again or you can approach her and tell her that she has made you uncomfortable. Either way, if she tries something again you need to make your feelings towards her behaviour known. This does not have anything to do with your attraction to her. Everyone is different and you require getting to know her before intimate or touching of any kind is okay with you.

[Asker]

I’m not going to lie, i did like it but the issue is that it was way too strong of a thing to do because we dont know each other. If it was someone i was very close to i would have allowed it. And yes i do have a crush on her but that doesn't mean she can touch me like that without knowing each other.

Its the kind of thing you do after you are in a relationship with soneone.

[481632]

Absolutely! Which is why you need to speak up and make your feelings known. Personally I wouldn't say anything unless it happened again. However, that's just me. I don't like confrontation and I don't share my feelings. I'm working on the second one. Women call sexual harassment for things like this. Just because the rolls are reversed doesn't make it okay. Yes, you are within your rights to confront her. No, what she did is not okay. It doesn't matter if you have a crush or not. It doesn't matter if you liked it or not. She made you uncomfortable. Will confronting her hurt your chances of getting to know her? Possibly. However, if you don't make your feelings known at some point she won't know what you're feeling and will continue to think that what she did wasn't a problem. You have boundaries and she crossed them. She didn't know about them but neither did she take the time to find out. Consent is key forever and always. Don't let anyone push your boundaries unless you have given consent for them to do so and you make the choice together. Only go as far as you're comfortable with and set a new boundary making it very clear where the new line is drawn before you take that step.

[Asker]

Yea you are right, i shouldn't say anything unless it happens again.

Im just confused about why she would do that. Is she giving me signs or what?

[481632]

I don't know the whole situation as I wasn't there. I also don't know anything about her personality. She is giving you very clear signals that she is interested. She is very forward. Sounds like she is either interested in having a sexual encounter or she's just screwing with your head because she knows that she makes you nervous and she gets off on it.

[Asker]

Oh alright. I’ll keep u updated about what happens in the future.

[481632]

I would like that 🙂

[Asker]

Hey so she always comes to me during lunch and says hi and asks me how i am. Then she makes conversation when we eat. She asks about life, where i graduated from, what graduated in and so on, my hobbies.

She then asked me “did you go to an all boys college?” And i said no, then she asked me “why do you get so nervous around girls then?”

again, i had no idea what to say so i just smiled.

[481632]

Are you still as nervous around her since you started spending lunches talking to her?

[Asker]

I’m not as nervous but there is still quite a bit of it left.

[481632]

So are you this nervous with all women, just the ones you are attracted to or just her? Also, do you get nervous around any guys? I'm just curious.
It sounds like she's trying to get to know you. Just remember that she has flaws just like anyone else. Nobody's perfect and you shouldn't hold anyone to a higher standard. There's really nothing to be nervous about. She seems friendly and isn't making fun of you for your nervousness. That makes me believe she has matured beyond that childish nonsense. I'm not sure if you've ever noticed how people can become more or less attractive as you get to know them. They look good on the outside but they have an ugly personality? Those kinds of people lose their appeal really fast. You find out there was nothing to be nervous about since you don't really want them in your life anyway. This is a good way to view everyone. Just because they have a nice wrapping doesn't mean anything. You need to find out what's inside. By the time you figure it out you already know enough about them that you shouldn't be nervous around them.

[Asker]

I’m a bit nervous around girls especially the ones that are strangers, but if it’s a girl i like or find attractive i get nervous even more. And no i dont really get nervous around guys.

And yea she seems to have stopped joking around after the touching stuff happened. I’m not sure what made her change.

And you’re spot on with the personality stuff.

[481632]

She may have realized that she went to far with the touching. Instead of just nervous you became uncomfortable. I don't think she meant to do that to you. She probably expected you to relax and you went a different way.

[Asker]

Oh alright.

Well right now nothing is really happening, we just talk normally. I tried to make a “move”. We were talking about work and weekends and i said “i like it at work more now than at home on the weekends because there is nothing to do on the weekends. I would rather come here”

I’m not sure if she understood what i tried to say. What do you think?

[481632]

I think you may have been a little too vague. If you don't want to ask her out directly or just not yet, offer to buy her her morning beverage. If you feel a little bolder maybe ask her to lunch on a day you don't work. It's not the same commitment as dinner. Or even coffee and dessert after dinner. Small time commitments are pretty safe and acceptable. You could also just tell her that you prefer being at work because you enjoy getting to know her

[Asker]

Oh i see, so what i said was not direct enough.

It’s damn hard to ask her out tbh.

[481632]

Well I would suggest asking if she wants to go for a walk after you finish your lunch but only if you don't have any snow. Other than that you're kind of limiting yourself unless you are a little more direct. You don't need to be blunt but let her know that you enjoy her company and getting to know her.

[Asker]

Alright i see. Thanks for the help by the way. Appreciate it.

[481632]

You're very welcome. I hope everything works out for you 🙂

[Asker]

Thanks a lot.

[AviatorTom]

She sensed gour nervousness is because you like her and find her attractive, and she asks if you gave a girlfriend for two reasons:

1. If you do have a girlfriend, she's reminding you of that. Her way if saying, "Stop crushing on me."

2. If you don't have a girlfriend, she might be interested in becoming your girlfriend

#1 is probably more likely.

[Asker]

If number 1 is likely and she wants to remind me i have a girlfriend, why would she also ask me “have you never talked to girls?”

[AviatorTom]

That would be just another reminder that you have a girlfriend. What she's probably saying, in detail, is "Do you normally talk to girls when you have a girlfriend?"

[Asker]

Sorry I’m confused, i never talked to this girl, she was the one talking to me first.

[Summeroflove]

I think that she likes you and I think she knows you like her too but is wanting confirmation either she is wanting to make a move or trying to get you to make a move. If you like her. Then for sure act on it. Ask her out.

[Summeroflove]

I mean anything is a risk. I suppose others could be right maybe she thinks it is weird. It depends on the tone of her voice if it was playful or creeped out. Just ask her out.

[Asker]

Her tone was normal when she asked me those questions.

The first time she asked me that she was smiling and the second that when she asked me that she was normal.

[Summeroflove]

She might like you. Ask her out.

[Summeroflove]

Is she kinda interrogating but playfully? Smoking is good too

[Asker]

I’m not sure if she is being playful.

Wdym smoking?

[Summeroflove]

Sorry smiling. Spell check

[Summeroflove]

Just ask her out and see what happens