I think I'm being used in my relationship , please advise me guys and girls?

[Jake1304]

I’ve been seeing this girl for 4 months, i always pay for dates since day one which is i do not mind , but after dates she takes me to the store to buy her some sweets , candies and choclates, beside that she told me we gonna travel and it is gonna be on you , also she got painting hobby and she asks me to buy her paints and stuffs she needs to do her hobby , also she wants diamond ring for our future engagement, she works with me we get the same salary , when i talked to her about this she told me i wanna be spoiled and i want to feel like you take care of me , buy guys i buy her things without she mention in but she keeps asking , im thinking about breaking up with her , what do you think guys?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you guys and girls i really appreciate your answers , i thought i was wrong and it is normal to do things she asks for , i told her today i feel like being used , she said no i want to feel that you’re taking care of me and stuff , i told her you are seeing love i a materialistic way and that’s not how you should see it , she said you hurted me by saying this , and then she told me goodbye , so we are done guys.

[wkozak]

I read your question after the update, you Did the right thing bro, don't be disappointed because she left you, she really didn't care about if her requests are too much or not, if she loves you she will try to not make your wallet empty, it's too funny that she did it because she want to feel that you care about her, like the only way to show care is bu spending money, and why she asked for a diamond ring? Specially she knows it will be too much for you, you did the right thing, I'm telling you she will come back and say she is sorry and she misses you, don't believe her, she misses your wallet.

[Jake1304]

Hahaha i loved the last part , thank you brother

[SteveSmith1985]

Good for you dude! I see you've already taken the advice I was going to give.

I can also give you a tip. Any girl who says that she likes to be 'spoiled' or 'like to be taken care of'... that's them telling you that they... are just like this girl. Worthless when it comes to dating/romance. Always avoid a girl who says she likes to be spoiled.

[desert_rose666]

Sounds like she is using you. Is she financially stable? I mean if she has some financial issues, which you know about, it might be a different story, but then she should not be as needy as she sounds if she can't cover her own needs. I'd address the issue and eventually leave.

[Jake1304]

We work at the same company , she is stable financially

[jennifer_bloom]

I think the way to know a girl is exploiting you is if she asks for things she does not need. I ask my millionaire relatives and cousins for things like phone cases when I’m in debt. I do not ask for necklaces cause I do not need that.

[OlderAndWiser]

You have made a wise move, except for one thing. Many people violate this rule, but you shouldn't date someone from your work place. Now that you have broken up, she may feel the need to get revenge by telling stories about you, and those stories may include some lies. Imagine the embarrasing things she could claim about you to your co-workers!

[coachTanthony]

Wow dude end that today. She is totally using you like a sugar daddy.

[Guy13]

It seems like she is using you. I would be out of it.

[DaveJord]

Yup, sounds like you are getting played like simp. she's a real piece of work, tell me at least you are getting laid, and she puts it on you like nobody has ever done before and she is an absolute freak in bed!!! Oh, please tell me this is the case.

[TruthBringer]

The fact she had the audacity to gaslight you is a clear indication that you dodged a bullet.

These type of women bring nothing but headaches and pain. The "love" they have for you is never for you, but for what you do for them. And the proof is in the pudding how she discarded you as soon as you stopped letting her walk over you.

I'm happy for you that you got rid of that parasite. Now you have another chance to find a more genuine girl to share life with.

[Anonymous]

You started of the entire relationship by setting the theme of being a guy that pays for everything. This is happening because you've been programmed to pay women for simply existing. Do not give anyone anything they have not worked for. At your job... your Boss doesn't give you a salary unless you've done the necessary hours...

You need to learn from this. Break up immediately and stop placing any female on a pedestal.

Never be desperate! Never be a simp!

Where is all of that equality she has been fighting for?

[Anonymous]

Simple answer. Dump her. Especially if she isn’t even putting out or giving you at least some blowjobs. She may control the sex but you control the relationship as far as committing, marriage. You can do better than that. Once she locks you down w marriage or a kid it’s game over. She’s going to want to quit working. I mean she’s already depending on you for money, it’s only been 4 months. Tell her you’re thinking about quitting your job, if she would support you for a few months while you figure things out lol

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sorry to hear this my dude but you just dodged a big bullet. Yes it is normal to do such things in a relationship assuming the man is willing to do it on his own. Not cause he’s told to. She was only interested in what you could give her. The minute you said no she turned it around on you like you’re the bad person, which women will try to do a lot. Stand your ground. In this day n age you need to realize you have just as much equal value as her. You decide in a majority of situations when to get into a relationship or not. She may control the sex but ultimately you hold that power of going forward w something more serious like marriage. Hang in there. There’s a million women out there.

[sheenagwapa]

in my culture if you are courting you even have to treat the girl's friends and relatives so it's not really usinh. even when married a man will even take care not just his spouse but the family of his spouse. women in my culture are actually not expected to work. we can have a nanny, a driver, a maid andno one will give a shit that we don't do anythinh. the man provides everything and not only that the salary of the man is given to the woman.


but i didn't like it and find it unfair so i didn't like the idea of my ex treating my friends. i didn't like the idea that when around relatives my ex has to overly soend or even spend if his money is limited.


maybe try talking to her because maybe she's telling the truth especially if she was born in another country and tell her what you feel and set some guidelines.

[integrale77]

Yup definitely taking advantage of you she is working on old sexist values where the guy pays for everything.

In the modern world I would expect the woman to at least offer to pay in these situations I usually say no I've got this.

Me, the girlfriend and her son went on holiday earlier this year and took it in turns to dip in our pockets to pay for things we did and noone said "your paying for this"

[Adaeva]

I can see occasionally a asking for a box of chocolates but not every time; not even often. Otherwise, that seems to be a bit much. However, if you are having sex with her perhaps the sex makes it worth it.
I would not ask for anything extra; not even a box of candy but I am not going to have sex. Actually, that wouldn't be applicable to me since the guys I date are too young to drive and wouldn't have much spending money anyway.

[Adaeva]

If you and she are done, under the circumstances, that's not a big loss and may be a blessing. However, according to the US census their are 18.33 million never married men in their 20s but only 16.15 million never married females in the 20s. That is 13.5% more males. That in itself can make young women feel entitled. However, men in their 20s are also in competition with the typically more established and higher income 5.48 million never married men from 30 through 34 for a total of 45% more men. Therefore, you can understand that women in their 20s may believe they are entitled to whatever a guy earns. Thing change for women in their 30s. First the ratio is more balanced and they are past the age that most men consider them highly desirable.

[bamesjond0069]

Yes and no. She has unrealistic expectations but this can be corrected. I don't think she's trying to use you.

Let's start off... yes a man should pay for his girls stuff.

But the flip side of this coin is she has to give up control of her money.

Ie both your paychecks go into your account and then you use YOUR money (which is all of it now) to pay for all her needs and treat her out.

This meets your needs of not being used and her needs of the man paying for everything.

[es20490446e]

You don't buy stuff to people you just met. Either they will feel force to reciprocate, or to take advantage of you.

Maybe you can invite her to dinner once, or some minor stuff, but that's it.

I don't let money interfere in my relationships.

[thenameless22]

Get out and don't look back. She's using you and probably thinks you're a simp and will do anything to keep a girl. I don't know how long this has been going on, but it seems like that is the case.

[Anonymous]

Run. Unless you are looking for a findom or sugar baby situation, run. Admittedly I only read the first few sentences but your situation immediately reminded me of a sugar baby I used to know who was all about having men (usually multiple without them knowing) wrapped around her little finger paying her way and buying her gifts she would sell until she bled then dry then she'd cut them loose.

Don't be one of those losers, run.

[rienna888]

Yeah she’s using you. I only ask for a guy to pay for my food. That’s it, other things I usually cover

[rienna888]

Omg I feel for you 😭 because she said good bye and not change her ways means that she was indeed using you

[Jake1304]

Exactly what i thought, thank you 🙏

[Sasha0426]

@Jake1304 Good call on ending it

[Jakey29]

Dude Im glad she went away. Know she doesn't seem cool at all. You dont want to be with someone who will run away at slightest sight of disagreement. Time to find the one who is meant for you my dude. I wish you all the best my man.

[Jake1304]

My man , thank you so much ❤️

[iseekpinetrees]

Definitely using you. She has her own money n doesn't want to spend it that's a big red flag.

[LazerBean]

Yes, sounds like she's pretty entitled and using you for your money.

[Twalli]

Tell her that you are in a relationship, it's not a courtship and since she works, she needs to pay her own way some of the time. You don't mind treating her occasionally, but she knows how much you make and you don't have unlimited funds.

[Blackmoonsns]

Yea, your being used. Is everything on her time? And is she sleeping with you, and if she does, does it seem like she is not into it?

[Jhunitor]

She is 100% using you. There is a little chance she loves you, but do you want a relationship where you are an ATM machine? A relationship where you give, she takes?

[LegendaryDater]

I will concur with the comments below. She using you pal.

[Sasha0426]

4 months and she’s already talking about an engagement? Yeah…run. And run far.

[AmeerX]

Diamond ring doesn't sound too expensive for an engagement but you should do it. Break up with that gold digger

[AmeerX]

Sorry but you missed a bullet over there.
Sorry but she was going to leave you the moment you stopped making this much money as she demanded.
Don't feel sad about it. She wasn't a good person. I hope she also mends her ways.

My uncle's wife iwas a lavish spender and he didn't do what you did and now they are bankrupt

[Jake1304]

Thank you , i appreciate the support

[Dreamclouds]

Yes just do it, i think its okay to buy her stuff but she seemes brainwashed by a certain lifestyle and diamond rings are just stupid

[Billlewis]

If you ever get tired of her, I'd love to meet her.

[liel443]

I don't even understand what this guy is talking about, it all sounds very normal, doesn't it?

[Billlewis]

@liel443 exactly -- what's not to like?

[Finchie40]

Yea man she is using you, kick her ass to the curb where she belongs

[pamukprenses]

Being pampered isn't just about money and expensive gifts, I think your girlfriend is wrong or loves you for your money and gifts.

[DiegoO]

Yeah, she is using you. Now the question is: what you gonna do about it?

[msc545]

You are absolutely being used. Dump the gold-digger!

[CA4444]

Yeah she taking advantage

[ThatCanucker]

Yeah she sees you as an ATM machine

[Anonymous]

You caught a gold digger man.

[AustinMan]

Hell yes!!

[OddBeMe]

Any sex?