Guys, are my standards too high?

[Anonymous]

I’m 26, a virgin and never been on a date. The reason is I’ve been obese from 18 to now. I’m happy to say I’m over halfway to my weight loss goal. I’m not confident if I want to date or be in a relationship, but we’ll see. I’ve been seeing men say that women’s standards are too high, so I want to know if I need to adjust mine.

I’d prefer a man who is 28-36 years old, is 5’8 or taller, makes around 50K or more, leans more towards traditional values, Christian (isn’t a deal breaker if not), has a car/place/stable job or career, isn’t emotionally or physically abusive, preferably not have sex until marriage and is kind.

Are my standards to high? Thank you in advance for your input. 😊

[MCheetah]

Yes, your standards are too high. But not that high. You want:

- Age 28 to 36 (eight year gap)
- Short guy
- Makes $50,000 or more (which is high!)
- Conservative/right-leaning
- Christian
- Wealthy
- Not abusive
- A virgin/abstinent until marriage
- Wants to get married
- Kind

Now let's go over what's reasonable and unreasonable.

- Age 28 to 36 - Somewhat Unreasonable
- Short guy - Reasonable
- Makes $50,000 or more - Unreasonable
- Conservative/right-leaning - Reasonable
- Christian - Reasonable
- Wealthy - Unreasonable
- Not abusive - Reasonable
- A virgin/abstinent until marriage - Unreasonable
- Wants to get married - Reasonable
- Kind - Reasonable

You have just a 7% chance of finding a man, just based on the superficial stuff. When you bring in stuff like "no sex until marriage," it goes down far below 0.5%.

I'd suggest not wanting a man who is wealthy and makes $18,000 more than the average man, and opening up your age range more to maybe 26 to 40. The gold digger crap is the worst thing in your list of standards.

So yes, your standards are TOO HIGH.

[Asker]

The definition of a gold digger is a person who forms a relationship with another purely to extract money from them. I have zero intention of extracting money from someone and a lot of women want a man who makes six figures. I don’t consider $50,000 “gold”. I don’t want to have a luxurious lifestyle, vacations, gifts, big houses, expensive cars, etc. like most women want. I think it’s enough for a person to live comfortably, have a savings and retirement plan for themselves. I think it’s a stable amount for someone to take care of themselves. If I had to go lower, I would to find love. I simply think it’s a good baseline and can be flexible with it.

Also, if I lower my chances of finding love because of celibacy, that’s okay. My morals are important to me and I don’t want to break that. I’m not going to be used, have guys leave me when they get what they want, gain a higher body count which men find unattractive, have heartbreaks, etc. I accept whatever path is given to me and that’s why I don’t know if I’ll date anyway. The dating world is a scary place right now.

[MCheetah]

I gave you my opinion that I think your standards are really high. I'm not here to argue with you why you think they aren't anyway just because you don't want a literal millionaire.

You also can't argue about "morals" and "being a Christian" while claiming a man's value comes from his income and any man making less than $50K a year (with the average US alary being $36K a year) isn't a real man or has his life together. That's laughable and I'm not even religious!

You can ask for whatever you want in a man, but I gave my opinion: Your standards are delusional.

[SnowedIn]

First, congrats on your weight loss journey! That's awesome! And, thanks for your work as a vet tech. That's legit and we need more people who care for animals.

I don't think your standards are too high. That said, I recommend that you work out in your mind (I'm not asking you to figure it out in writing here) where you're willing to compromise. Like if you find a guy who meets only X of Y of your standards, what are you willing to budge on.

I have to say, though, I'm concerned about your statements that you've never been on a date and "I’m not confident if I want to date or be in a relationship". My concern is not that you should date or must date or must be in a relationship. But. If you want to, that may need to be a decision that you make soon. Dating takes an investment of time and, like any skill, takes practice. My concern is that if you decide when you're 35 to start dating, it's going to take time for you to get in the groove. Women (or men) aren't limited to a certain age bracket or any of the BS that you hear about "being in their prime" BUT the older you are, the more difficult you're going to find it to identify the pool of men with your standards, particularly those who are not already attached and the ones willing to wait to have sex. Again, I'm not saying you need to start clubbing tomorrow on the one hand, on the other hand waiting eternally long may prove very disappointing.

Which leads me to my final point: date to interact with people. Not every date needs to lead to sex or marriage. Don't lead guys on, but go out with guys to have engaging conversation and a connection and food and other stuff. Don't miss out on life while you're deciding if you want life.

:)

[Summeroflove]

Seems like gold digging isn’t right. But wanting a Christian if you’re a Christian’s is fine. You should be looking for love. Not money.

But hey if you find someone you’re happy with who meet all these standards. I wish you the best!

[Alchemizt]

Talking about values, it's okay.

Being not abusive? That's a must for both genders.

The height you mentioned is also fine so it won't be difficult for you.

Talking about salary/occupation/assets, depends on what you do, or how supportive you'd be stuff like that. For example, I don't want a girl who is barely educated expect me to be a neurosurgeon. Or a girl who doesn't have a proper career or goals to expect me to be making tons of money. So if you think you can be supportive towards the financial side, then it's fine.

[Asker]

I’m a veterinary technician. I’d like a guy to be in a career or line of work he sees himself in long term, so he has a stable income. I’m not against helping with bills.

[Alchemizt]

Then I think they are not too high.

[bamesjond0069]

Probably. Obese is a killer for men. If you were thin, you would have tons of men after you. I go gaga for virgins personally and I exceed all your requests but I would have zero interest in an obese woman.

[Asker]

That’s completely okay! I don’t judge men who don’t want obese women nor do I want to date or be in a relationship until I get the weight off.

[RARETRAMP]

Your standards are too low. I would require from men to make 200 k a month at least travelling to exotic places once a week and doing every household chore!!!

[Asker]

$200K is too high for me. I wouldn’t need to travel and okay with doing household chores lol.

[Erron_Black]

Are you looking for a man to love, to be loved? Or are you looking for a man to sell himself to? what will you give? why should we choose you? I would marry a normal weight girl..

[Stevefiveo]

Not too high. Although waiting until marriage for sex would be a hard sell.

[Anonymous]

Standards are too low. You should want the best for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Nope, those are very reasonable and wise standards. And you sound great.

Stay your course and hold out for a good man. You'll find one.

[Anonymous]

Who cares... I wouldn't even bother with you not because the standards because you seem brainwashed

[Asker]

How?

[Opinion Owner]

Well religion, fixated numbers etc

[MrCommodore]

No your standards are reasonable

[Anonymous]

Those are perfect values.

[Anonymous]

Unexpected case

[Anonymous]

Not really.