How do I start dating in person?

[RandomWanderer]

I don't consider online a viable option so I would like to focus on dating in person. I'm currently a university student finishing up getting my software engineering diploma and I've come to the conclusion that being single is starting to bother me.

Some advice that isn't something along the lines of be in shape, have good hygiene, and/or have lots of money would be much appreciated as I'm some what clueless of where to begin. Like for starters how to do I go from casually talking to a woman to planning out a date? Also is there anything I should be aware of when going on a date?

[UmbrusNightshade]

I'm sorta in your boat as well so first off, know you aren't alone. Secondly, I have lots of rejection so on that side of it I can tell you that it sucks every time, but somehow each once hurts but it gets easier to deal with.

Despite my constant rejection, from speaking to female friends, coworkers and family I can tell you that I've improved and it just seems more likely I don't have a large enough pool to get the results I want (I live in a small town and my current car is basically only reliable in the city limits). I tend to hit it off with women but somewhere between flirting and me asking them out it goes to crap. It's possible that I'm still too slow on the approach and that causes a lot of girls to friend zone you. So here's what advice I can give (and hopefully things work out more favorably for you):

Confidence really is key. I used to be overly shy, anxious, depressed and insecure. When you don't have a good sense of self-love, it comes across in your body language (which is a big tell to woman about attraction and positivity) and even in your tone and the remarks you make. Women don't want negative people as romantic companions. Now, from my experience confidence is simultaneously something you have to actually have to project and yet in some ways you can "fake it" in a believable manner. Good posture, open body language, and maintaining eye contact (think of it as lingering just a tad bit longer than you would with friends or family but don't go overboard with it) are all ways to come across as more confident. And by focusing on these things, it tends to actually make you feel more confident (at least it's worked for me).

Beyond that I've learned that as cliche as it sounds being yourself really is the best way to go about it. When we are not trying to put on a mask to make ourselves appear like what we think another person expects us to be, we are more relaxed and more genuine in how we communicate and interact with others. Most women can tell if you are acting or being true to yourself. One way I've learned to be more confident in who I am is to actively try to improve aspects I like in myself or that others have complimented me on. If you focus on these traits and not on your perceived flaws, you can show off yourself in a much more positive way. And that is very attractive to lots of women. If you think you're funny or you've been told so, then try to find natural moments to be funny around whomever your interested in. If you think or know you are physically attractive, then wear good fitting clothes and colors that suit you so that part of yourself is presented more prominently. Whatever it is, if you focus on emphasizing it, it becomes easier to naturally show that side of yourself off and you'll start to get more attention for it.

Finally, I'd say that you want to show a woman you are interested in, the things about her that make you so interested. If you find a woman sexually attractive and just want a physical relationship, don't hide that fact. Sure you might get turned down, but some women want the same thing. If you find her love of video games or the fact she likes dogs attractive, make sure to let her know. Women are a lot more receptive to you being honest about what it is that has prompted you to give them attention than they are with you playing games or being overly "nice" (aka taking things overly slowly and not showing enough interest at first, which often leads to her coming to the conclusion that you only want to be friends since you aren't making a move; and, no I don't think "nice guys always finish last" either). Don't just outright say, "I like you" and leave it at that. SHOW her you like her by doing all you can to be positive, show attraction, be confident and that you are interested in various aspects about her. She'll be much more receptive to your advances.

[Guy13]

You play soccer even for fun? The Engineer and both undergraduate and graduate, nuclear and civil etc engineer students, have soccer matches. Often the "hooligan" internationals will join in too. It's a great time as outsider... mathematical equations, physics etc and horse play for when I drilled in the gonads by a forward as Sweeper...

You have anything of that sorts on campus?

Professional organizations meetings, www.meetup.com

[Akam93]

@Guy13 there you are. Lol how tall are you?

[Guy13]

@Akam93 6'2

[Akam93]

@Guy13 perfect.:)

[SueShe]

First, WAIT till you have your degree in your pocket AND that you have secured a long term satisfying job.

After that, it is soon enough to get into trouble with girls. Meeting with girls and dating does not mean that you will be happy. If you plan to date just to be able to fornicate, then I suggest you wait until you are sure that you can make a long term commitment as well.

As for dating, how about joining a club or taking up a hobby where you can meet people (or both genders) that share the same passion as you do. That would make it much easier to find someone to date because when you share common interests, you have also common topics of conversation. That would be a good place to start.

Otherwise, you can find online groups where those in the same field as you can also share information. You may also find the person that has something to say that is different from the standard "hi" and "what's the weather in your city".

Finally, be pro-active. A girlfriend will not just fall into your lap. You have to look for one but certainly not on those dating platforms. Those are for losers and you are not a loser, are you?

[Adaeva]

Start by asking big and/or homely girls. 80 to 90 percent will accept and since you are not interested, you will not be worried about making a mistake. Don't mistreat them. Just take them out to dinner, and be a perfect gentleman. That is not something you want to do but it is excellent experience and after one or two dates, ask a girls slightly more attractive and so on. You success with give you the confidence to ask more attractive girls that you may be interested in. When you reach your level the girls are less likely to accept and, above your level, they will turn you down, every time.

[crystalshadows02]

Whoa you're extremely shallow. So you're basically telling him to use and manipulate people for his own gain

[Adaeva]

@crystalshadows02 You very picky and overly prone to criticize. . It is good for him and he is doing them a favor too because they get to brag and/or show off to their friends. "Look who asked me out." By being a perfect gentleman, he is not harming them and certainly they would forty time rather be asked out on a date by an attractive guy than sit home and mope.

It is very much like being asked by a movie star. You know it is not going to lead to anything but you jump at the chance and you get to brag.

[crystalshadows02]

When somebody asks someone else on a date that suggests you're attracted to them and interested in getting to know them better. Letting somebody think you're interested in them, when you know you'll dump them in a few weeks just so you gain experience is emotional abuse.
You're playing with people's emotions, messing with their head, and screwing with their feelings and wasting their time. It doesn't matter, if they're unattractive or not, this is just not right. Period

[Adaeva]

@crystalshadows02 You can claim anything. It is never wrong to give people what they want. You remind me of radical feminists that claim women are paid less than men for the same experience and work when it is contrary to the facts.

[crystalshadows02]

@Adaeva
And you sound like a triggered incel hiding behind a 14 year old girl's profile.
I told you last time that your opinion isn't a fact. Learn to differ between those two

[Adaeva]

@crystalshadows02 Regardless, I have dated lots of boy and change boyfriends several times a year. Sometimes, I don't like them anymore and sometimes they stop asking me. No one is harmed. Certainly, I don't feel abused.

[OlderAndWiser]

Apparently, you have a huge misconception about the way online dating actually works.

Do you REALLY understand how online dating works?

You MEET people online, you talk a bit, then you arrange a meeting IN PERSON. It's that simple.

[Iron_Man]

There’s plenty of teachers around where you go to school at in college

[In_Trance]

Talk to women. Face to face