How do I stop being jealous that my boyfriend has female friends?

[Anonymous]

I get insanely jealous whenever my boyfriend who’s very extroverted hangs out with all his attractive female friends. I hangout with 3 guys max who are both unattractive and know for just being crazy friendly, I love them to bits but who’s gonna be jealous when they’re just like that with everyone!

My boyfriend is near best friends with super popular highly attractive girls because he’s all sensitive and nice which makes him a good guy to be friends with, I get that. It still boils my blood, I throw out all reason when I comes to him and other women. I’m not close with other men so why is he close with other women.

I know it’s a me issue so how do I fix it?

[quaranta]

You are jealous because you don't trust him, in general. I can't know if it's rooted in you (trust issues) or if it's something he does that develops your jealousy while you normally wouldn't be, so for example he does actually spend more time with them than with you, rushes friendships with women all of a sudden that is usually how crushes work, is flirty with them, talks continuously about them and breaks his time with you to text them all the time. Those are signals that jealousy would be justified because you get actual disadvantages from that. But if you aren't getting any, and you simply think he is going to cheat on you sooner or later or leave you for them, then that is mostly a trust issue.
He could help that by saying how he doesn't find himself attracted to them and that he feels like they are just friends, although he shouldn't have to repeat that. And you could remember time to time the reasons why he chosen you over all his female contacts.
A tip: obsessing about this and making him walk on eggshells (it's sufficient you get mad once) will make the prophecy true: he will get pissed off progressively and might actually look elsewhere at some point. So try to face these discussions in a rational way, saying how you feel, without crying or getting petty especially, or passive aggressive. Those are total turn offs and don't go in your favour!
Lack of trust leads relationships to crumble in a number of aspects, but that is a couple problem, if it's your problem then it's his too, you have to open up to him and navigate it together to tackle that. This is what I would do in my relationship... But I trust my partner a lot, yet he has mostly female friends, and I have mostly male friends. As long as the line between friendship and "more" is clear, there is no reason to fear.

[CoolCatMar1]

My boyfriend also has female friends they aren't very attractive though. He also never found them particularly attractive. He knows them since high school. Nothing to feel jealous about.😌

Even if they were a bit attractive i wouldn't really care. Anyway, don't feel insecure he has female friends. Many guys do and they don't cheat with them. I believe in women and men friendship. And i can see by the way how my boyfriend and his friends act around their female friends that they aren't attracted to each other.

[exitseven]

If he does not give you any reason to suspect that there is anything more to these relationships than friendships you should try to see them for what they are and not what you think. I had a few female friends when I got married. My wife was also jealous of these friendships and as a result I stopped seeing these people who were a big part of my life for many years and saw me through some pretty dark days. I still miss these people and feel some resentment about this.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Reece12345]

I would just have a talk with him and mention how feel (this would be flattering for him), while also finding out how he's feeling about the situation.

The best fix is just observing how he acts and seeing if he is loyal. Actions speak louder than words.

[Reece12345]

Thanks for the MHO!

[dustybiker]

When you love someone it’s hard. We don’t own them. There are no guarantees.

As a woman who grew up with all men I can say they didn’t stay long with woman who didn’t trust them. It was more of a turn off. They want to have fun with their friends but they go home with their girlfriends.

[NotTacocaT6969]

You need to get it through your head that if he wanted to bang any of his friends, be would’ve done that instead of dating you.


That kind of insecurity will ruin your relationships if you don’t nip it in the bud.

[KrakenAttackin]

This is why your generation is so fucked up, all of your opposite gender "friends" doom your relationships to failure.

[Asker]

Wish this was the common belief. Although I’m no longer attracted in them in the slightest I only become friends with the 3 guys I’m friends with because I was interested in them. At least I got over it but it’s 10xs worse with guys, I can’t stand it!

[KrakenAttackin]

Yup, well, your relationship will fail and both of you will start banging your friend zone.