Dating

When is too soon to ask her out? How long should I be talking to her before I ask her out?

Anonymous

I'm 31, M. She's late 20s.

I don't have much experience with dating, well not recently anyway. We're talking on messenger. We live about an hour's drive apart, but we have met irl. She's a friend friends, we met at a shindig in autumn last year and then saw each other at a party in December. There's definitely vibes, like.. it felt like there was mutual attraction. She even made a point of saying "no I'm not currently seeing anyone, I'm single yeah" basically, at the party.

So then the day after the party she added me on social media.. but I didn't talk to her for like a month because it was Christmas time, and I wanted to play it cool, and I felt like a worthless nothing that no one would ever want to be with for a while as well, because of something else I was struggling with that had me in that headspace.

So I didn't speak to her for a month, but then I said hi on messenger just a few days ago and we've exchanged a few messages, and it seems to be going well. She's sent some long messages with loads of smiley emojis and called me a "stylish chap" at one point. But now I'm wary of chat stagnating because I find conversing by text difficult, because it's unnatural. Y'know we got on really well in-person, those two times.

But also I have a crack in my windscreen that I need to get fixed before taking the fairly long drive if I were to drive up to see her or something. So it's not like I can just say "oh hey do you want to do something on [insert date]" because I need to get my car sorted before I can make a date.

But it's only been a few days since I started talking to her on chat anyway, so I don't want to come on too strong or rush it or anything so how long should I wait before asking if she wants to do something? Also I don't want to talk too much by chat y'know don't want to overdo it either so... like should I wait two or three days or something before I text her again? Because the chat we were having just kind of reached a natural lull or whatever, y'know.

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I have such extreme anxiety about rejection and opening up to people or putting myself in a vulnerable position (which to me asking someone out is, it's asking someone to like you, so I don't like asking people out because it feels like... needy and it makes me feel inferior or something I don't know) that y'know I had sent the message to her and then some hours had passed and she had been online without looking at the message which had me anxious she had read it without officially looking at it
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so whenever I had checked to see if she responded and she still hadn't I'd like go "Ah!" and drop the phone like it's hot or something. Crazy, that's just anxiety (just drop it back on the desk not on the floor). And then she responded and said yeah she'd like to and I did the same anxious reaction again.. because that's just the way I am about dating. I had been with some people in the past but not proper dating more like casual flings or whatever.
When is too soon to ask her out? How long should I be talking to her before I ask her out?
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