How do I communicate this to men?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been exploring a few dating apps. The thing is, I’ve never been on a date before. I prefer befriending a guy platonically first and then seeing if I have enough romantic interest in him to agree to a date. This is more comfortable for me because I want to test our compatibility through friendship and to take off the pressure of constantly trying to impress the person as one would on a first date. To put it simply, I don’t fit in with the modern dating style (casual relationships, friends with benefits, hookups, etc). I cannot bring myself to go on a date with anyone if I’m not emotionally attracted to them.

I’ve tried communicating this to my matches but they don’t seem to get it. They either ask to be friends with benefits or interpreted it as an openness to a casual relationship. Even when I respond with “I’m always up for hanging out with new friends!” to guys who ask me out, they still flirt with me or seem to perceive it as my acceptance of a “date”.

How do I get my message across and what mistakes am I making in my communication?

[Guy13]

Why don't you try a real-time with real people venues. Museums, professional orgs, and the like fun "thinking" areas of life have workshops etc. A good starting point is www.meetup.com

[Asker]

That does provide another way for me to meet people, but it doesn’t really help me communicate the point I’m trying to get across. Like if I were to meet someone in person at one of those places and they show interest in me, I wouldn’t know if they’d regard me as an option for friends with benefits or something. On dating apps, their intentions are at least made clearer.

[Guy13]

Dating App people lie do assume 75% are friends with benefits.

In person, requires serious time and effort. And, you can ask them of their relationship history and intentions. Being privy to facial, nonverbal body, pitch, and tone etc is invaluable. This is much better than dating apps.

[Asker]

Dating apps have their benefits, as they provide a platform for people to meet. People can even exchange contacts or set up in-person meetings after matching on the app.

Let’s say there isn’t much of a chance to go out and meet new people, like those who live in remote areas. How would someone who’s only looking for a serious relationship based on emotional attraction communicate their “dating style” to the guys they meet online in a way that it doesn’t become misinterpreted as an openness to casual relationships?