My best friends say that I’m too picky with men and I should lower my standards. Does this mean they don't think highly of me?

[Anonymous]

I always think that my friends are gorgeous and amazing and deserve the best in life. I have now been single for a while and very unhappy about it, some of my close friends accuse me of being the cause of my problems because I am too picky and I should just settle for someone more simple. Basically every time I say I’d like this or that in a man they say I’m expecting too much. I just feel like they don’t think highly of me

[Anonymous]

I think right now you should work on your own happiness. If you have the mindset that a boyfriend will make you complete, then I'm sorry to say that's an unhealthy mindset to have before getting into a relationship.

I understand what it's like to be lonely and to yearn for companionship, but I think it's better to get into the headspace of being comfortable being single.

Then when you find someone, they add to your life not become your life. Codependency is not good in a relationship. You may feel extra lonesome with Valentine's day coming up, but I think for anyone working on themselves and being the best they possibly can be is more important than finding someone to date.

It'll all fall into place naturally. Trust me, I know because I remember stressing myself out over trying to find a boyfriend since I haven't dated since I was 22. I didn't find anyone that I liked.

Then I just stopped about a year and a half ago and worried about my own mental and physical health and I found more higher quality guys into me and pursuing me.

When it comes to being too picky, it depends on what you are looking for. What are you looking for in a guy?

Don't listen to your friends, they don't know what you deserve/want. Your friends may have the lowest standards and that may not be a good thing. It's definitely not something you should follow so let their advice go in one ear and out the other.

Pay them no mind and you don't have to live your life by what they say. They don't truly know what you need in a man. I hope my advice helps you in some way.

[HappyWoman34]

That depends. Are your standards unrealistic for what you have to offer a man or are you just not wanting to settle for a man you’re not attracted to and can’t love as he is when your feelings for the men you attract are lukewarm and you feel boredom, disdain, contempt or indifference/revulsion? If you’re unrealistic, then be willing to date someone tall and ordinary looking or vaguely attractive that isn’t gorgeous but is cute. Someone who is your best friend but you feel at least a little spark for is essential. Your friends aren’t those who have to wake up beside the man for the rest of their lives. So don’t settle for second best when you feel any of these negative emotions towards a man. It’s not fair or honest to either of you, as you can be more unhappily married than unhappily single with the wrong guy.

[Paul_in_Indy]

I paid your friend to try to influence you to be interested in me. That requires lowering your standards. :)

I suspect that you are misinterpreting this advice. It’s likely that your friend sees you rejecting the opportunity to spend time with men, be friends with them, learn more about them because you are applying you an unrealistic standard to their first impressions.

If you are trying to sculpt a perfect man of clay and then hope that someone will breathe life into your model so that he can sweep you off your feet…then you are unlikely to be happily married to the golem.

No one wants you to “settle.” …but you may need to meet some actual humans and learn to love them for their humanity before you find the man of your dreams.

[Adam1978]

No it's just telling as it is, if you don't get dates that meets your wishes is that you are pricing yourself out of the market. Ie your value in the eye of men isn't high enough for you to get the man you want. If he even exists. Your dating value is based on who you can get to commit to you. Not who you can get interested from or get to fuck you.

[Guy13]

It means they are jeallous of you in some way. Keep your standards high as long-term high standards win over "ability to have sex" and body counting. We view a wife differently than a girlfriend. Maintain virginity and your Wife status will go up.

[Anonymous]

Only you can answer that. If you can have your high standards and get a good man, then your standards are not too high. But it sounds like that's not the case for you, so your friends might be right.

Just keep in mind that your hand will be forced before long because you are reaching the age where you definitely will have to lower your standards to find a man. You have power in your 20s that you will no longer have in a few years. Don't take that for granted like a lot of women do. Use that power while you still have it to get a good life mate, if that's what you want.

[serious]

Let your friends say whatever they want. You should never lower your standards, never compromise on them and never just settle for someone simple.

Instead it is much better to remain single. Don't let your friends influence your thinking. Make this clear to them.

That's my opinion. Yes.

[Ligerzzero]

Nothing wrong with wanting certain qualities in a person you looking for, but at same time the type your going after may also have the same qualities they are looking for.

For instance the guy that meets all your standards will likely have many as well and you may or may not meet his.

[smølf]

No, it does not mean that they don't think highly of you.
Your friends just have your best interests at heart and want you to find a partner and start a relationship. They think you have certain expectations that might be difficult to meet, and they believe that by lowering your standards, you will have a better chance of finding someone who is a good match for you.

[Paul09]

Does kinda sound like you are picky. Just know, the "perfect" man doesn't exist. I think females have too many choices, and are most likely giving up on grat guys. But at the same time you do want someone with the Ane values as you. That does seem to be hard to find.

[Pudsmucker]

I personally don't think you should lower your standards just to get married to an individual. Maybe you're looking at the wrong places for dating people. Look at other venues; churches, good wholesome friends, colleges or universities. Maybe even clubs or organizational groups.

[Daniela1982]

I'll only give this advice.

[Jude_Wills]

Hats off to you 🙇🏻🙇🏻🙇🏻

[MementoMori777]

You should listen to your friends, I'm sure they are telling you for a reason.

[slatyb]

Are there men who could meet your expectations? Maybe you are just looking in the wrong places? Maybe the wrong city?

[inhua]

what are those standards then? tall, rich, handsome, popular or smart, funny, caring and respectful?

[Stressyalaire]

It's not that they don't think highly of you. Some people Can be too picky or don't have realistic standards.

[boggboss]

No it simply means that u you are as picky as you are it will be hard or impossible to find someone especially if u complain about being single

[icedragoom]

Well tell us what you want from a guy who you want to date and then we can give you a better evaluation on if you are asking to much or not.

[Keishio]

If no one you meet seems to be just good enough then your friends ate probably right. They think highly enough of you to be honest even if it's something you might not like to hear. It could be worth listening to them

[blueonblack22]

You might be holding men to higher standards than you hold yourself too.

[Anonymous]

No don’t lower anything
You always have to fight to get the best of the best
Your friend is saying this bc she wants you to stay average.. as she is obviously

[Jamie05rhs]

I think they just really genuinely care about you and want the best for you, and they want you to find love.

It's not an insult to you. It's not about you. It's about the men.

[Anonymous]

I think you have the right to EXPECT whatever you want in terms of men. Right up to the point you start complaining about it. If you choose to make your dating pool really small you can't complain about it being small.

[Subarugirl]

Depends on the standards hon. So you’ll have to be a bit more specific