Would you say that dating is based on luck? Is it possible that people are not successful at?

[TheSimFans]

There is a bit of luck involved. You'll either find a partner with good luck or you'll get bad luck and notice a lot of red flags. The part that is people's fault doesn't matter if luck plays a role. The other reason for sod laws might be that I'm wanting something I can't have but don't want anyone over my age range sod laws. some men that I am not interested in, but see it as a challenge. I don't want any guys who are too old for me. it could be just a few men that I am not interested in but see as a challenge. i also put my age range up 19 to 30 now since i'm not getting guys that i want near my age. my age is 24 . think is depends on person own luck or not. When it comes to dating or finding a partner, do you believe it is based on luck or not?

[Smoothing]

I would definitely agree that dating has a lot of luck to so with it. Especially if we a referring to what leads to a successful relationship.

Some people think its all about game but experience tells me otherwise. There is a very narrow margin between forcing something and something developing naturally.

More often a lot of relationships don't work because people ignore the importance of something developing Naturally.

I have seen so many guys fight so hard and pound there chest that they got the girl, only for the girl to leave them.

Putting yourself out there is definitely a part of it, buy if you are overdoing it, you are getting no where.

[red324]

I've noticed this. So many women. Expect things too soon and then just move on to the next guy and so on. It's just like just chill out and spend time together and let things happen naturally. They go on two dates, still don't know anything about the guy hardly and then claim there are no sparks. It developes over time

[Smoothing]

Absolutely. And more often, that is actually the problem.

[Smoothing]

But also, a lot of guys are misled by peer pressure into thinking the only way to get a girl is to put pressure, not realising that when a girl doesn't like you, you might pressure her into saying yes but she may only be saying that to get you off their backs. It is only a matter of time before she leaves your ass. She never liked you in the first place. No amount of pressure will ever change that.

[TheSimFans]

@Smoothing i don't expect anything to happen to fast and expect to happen very slowly since they has my experience in past experiencing i did expect to thing to happen fast but i learn is always the hard way to a lesson. now i don't expect anything from guy at all. also I'm have not be attracted to any tall guys. has always be more attracted short guys or near my height.

[red324]

I usually give it a week or two in between dates. Not sure if that's moving too fast, but I'm going to continue to ask for another date at the end of the previous one.

[red324]

I usually get two dates then this that or the other happens with the girl and she starts making excuses.

[TheSimFans]

Ok that is it. I can't even get a date.

[Jamie05rhs]

There are certain skills involved in making an "approach" to a member of the opposite gender. Therefore, it is not entirely based on luck. That would be like saying that Duke's basketball team would beat a community college basketball team based on luck.

[Jamie05rhs]

However, I DO believe that there is SOME luck involved.

[TheSimFans]

@Jamie05rhs. Yep I did approach the guy and talk to him but did not reject me. lot of guys and they said I have a girlfriend.

[Jamie05rhs]

@thesimsfans I understand.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO!

[MrOracle]

Luck is always a bit of a factor, but it's maybe 5%. Making good choices is about 45%, and putting in the work is about 50%.

@thesimfans I obviously don't know you or know anything about you, so I have no idea what the problem is with you specifically, so don't take anything I say personally - nothing here is intended as an attack.

The #1 most common mistake women looking for relationships today make is being overly masculine and career-oriented. MEN DO NOT WANT THAT. You going to college, having a degree, having a career, or having a good income means ZERO to a man - in fact, I could argue that it's a negative. While those things add value to a man, because they're important to women, they add nothing to a woman's value, because that's not AT ALL what men are looking for in women.

Instead, men - or, rather, the men who are looking for serious relationships, who are the only ones worth talking about if YOU are looking for a serious relationship - are looking for women who are FEMININE and who are FAMILY-oriented. The main reason they want a SERIOUS relationship rather than just a fun extended fling is because they want a FAMILY. Sure, a few exceptions exist, but this is largely true. Do not get confused by the fact that there are lots of guys who don't want families who would "date" you, but what they're really offering is an extended "friends-with-benefits" relationship, not a commitment, so those guys don't count. The men who would offer a commitment overwhelmingly want a FAMILY, and so they want a girl who wants to be a WIFE and a MOTHER, not a boss bitch that they have to compete with.

That leads to #2: most women today are NOT feminine. They have been taught by feminism - by their mothers, their friends, schools, the media, etc. - to instead BECOME the kind of men that they actually want to be with, rather than to become the FEMININE women that those very men actually want. Focusing on your career is a path to being alone - men are rejecting masculine, career-oriented women in ever higher numbers today.

#3 is that women have been sold the idea that they are princesses and deserve only the the very best - a Kim Kardashian billionaire lifestyle that looks so attractive on Instagram. And, thus, virtually ALL women ONLY look at the top 10% of men, and many only look at the top 5% or less. These men are young, handsome, successful, and often wealthy. What's wrong with that? Well, there are also only a SMALL number of such men, and they're popular enough to get virtually ANY woman, so to get such a man, you are literally competing against leading actresses, top pop singers, and Victoria's Secret models - and even when THOSE girls get such a man, he usually still cheats on her. If a VS model can't keep such a man faithful, what chance do you have? What I'm getting at is that you need to be FAR more realistic. The AVERAGE man in the US is 5'9" tall and makes $45,000 a year - salary will vary some based on location of course - but less than 15% of all men make $100,000+ a year, and less than 2% of men in their 20s.

My advise for success is: seek men who are 6, 7, and 8s (nothing higher) who are ambitious and hard working, but haven't "made it" yet and forget the top guys (who are rarely good in the long run), get rid of your masculine traits and focus on enhancing your femininity, become family-oriented rather than career-orientated, and only date LOCALLY and only meet guys IN PERSON - stay off apps.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

This 100% accurate.
Too bad most women won't take the time to read it.

I just want a cute, carefree, easy going girl who isn't afraid to show her naughty side every now and then. All that other shit women think we want is nonsense. Men aren't that hard to please

[MrOracle]

You also need to pick guys based on their morals, values, and life-goals FAR more than on their looks or how "exciting" they are. I understand that women want FUN, and that they tend to be attracted to more chaotic and dangerous men because they are more exciting, but those traits, while often fun in the short term, are TERRIBLE in the long term. Those same traits that once attracted you will be the very same ones that annoy you and frustrate you 6 months into a relationship. The "boring" guys are the ones who will treat you right, respect you, and will be the guys you can count on long-term.

I realize that it's far more work to actually go outside into the world in order to meet guys than it is to sit on your bed and scroll through profile pics on your phone, but the chances of you getting anything more than a hook-up on a dating app are very close to zero. In person, your odds improve significantly - THOUGH, you still need to be feminine and friendly - if you are masculine, loud, and argumentative, it wouldn't matter if you were the hottest girl in the world - more guys might want to bang you, but they still wouldn't want to commit to you. Guys generally commit to women who bring them PEACE, not women who are just another set of problems he has to deal with every day.

The thing is too: the more truly feminine you are, the happier you will likely be. At least, that's what a TON of women have found out - women who used to be career-focused but realized that was not making them happy, and who embraced their femininity and found a new appreciation for men. Study after study says that those women are the happiest.

[TheSimFans]

Mr Oracle, I'm not interested in dating very taller men that are 6ft since they are going to be too tall for me. I'm 5ft. I'm going for an average height or shorter, I'm not interested in being feminists. Got mixed with both.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

What advice would you give to women who want to be wives and mothers but are career women by circumstance- i. e parents had them move out?

[MrOracle]

Good question. The answer is that you can have your career and still be family-oriented. You put finding a good husband as your first priority, and you let him know that you are willing to either go part time or step away entirely when your kids are young (depending on what you can afford - and this might mean dropping down in lifestyle for a few years).

Once your youngest kid is in school full time (first grade), you could resume working, or start a home-based business, or whatever. You'd likely still have 25-30 years to work, so it's not like you can't have a career or business if you want - being traditional doesn't mean you are locked in the house for the rest of your life. It just means you have kids when you are still young, and that you prioritize them during their early years, when they need their mother the most.

If you understand that, few guys are going to hold your job against you. We all understand working out of necessity. But marriage is a team sport, and you each need to play to your strengths when the game clock is running.

[TheSimFans]

Yet I got a learning disability that is genetic condition so I can't have kids since in my eggs that have genetic conditions that I can pass down. It called 18-p.

[OlderAndWiser]

"Bad luck" is the excuse for people who do not get good results and don't want to look inward to find the reason.

There is perhaps some small measure of fortuity in encountering a potential partner walking down the street or passing by on an aisle of the grocery store, but deciding to open your mouth and try to engage them in conversation is totally under your control. If you are dressed lke a slob and your appearance turns that person off. . . that is something you made happen. If you tried to start a conversation and it was awkward, that is probably due to lack of experience and you can make yourself get more experience. If a guy asks a girl for a first date and suggests somthing so stupid that she says "no," that's not luck.

There are billions of people on the planet and you only need ONE person for a relationship. Billons of couples exist and coupling is not a random event.

[TheSimFans]

I have tried to open my mouth to men so far. I don't dress slob. Been approaching men but so far still zero since some of them kept rejecting me. If not luck based. What is.

[OlderAndWiser]

I am not there watching to see what happens, but everything happens for a reason.

[AviatorTom]

There's a bit of luck in everything we do. For best results, be lucky and merge that with skill. That's true for dating or anything else you do.

[dynamicyandere]

I believe it’s a combination of luck and your own preparation.


If I use a job hunting analogy..:


You can imagine your ideal most ideal matches being like these dream companies that you really want to work with. (Or maybe new companies that you haven’t heard of yet but have everything you want in a dream job.)


Let’s say their job openings are super super rare.


Then a job opening happens and you now have an opportunity to land your dream job.


Do you have what it takes? What’s your work experience like, skills, personality, resume, etc? If you were to land an interview, would you also land the job? This is where opportunity needs to meet with preparation.


If you’re poorly prepared, you will miss the opportunity no matter what because you’re not what that company is looking for.


If you’re super prepared, you just need to keep your radar on for golden opportunities to land an interview with quality companies.


So in the dating world, you’re looking for your ideal match, someone who you believe will make you feel truly fulfilled.


You go on your first date, your interview so to speak. Now, the question is…


If they’re like your dream company are YOU their dream candidate?


If they will make you feel 100% fulfilled, do you have what it takes to make THEM 100% fulfilled too?


That’s where the preparation comes in.


How are you as a person? How is your character? How is your virtue? How are you as a girlfriend? Do you have any personal issues? Have you worked through them? Is your mental and emotional health in a good place? Etc.


So there is luck in the sense of bumping into the perfect match for you. But then, the preparation part is do you have what it takes to impress your perfect match?

[tbm1986]

It sounds like you are not meeting the right people and have already learned guys your age don't tend to be mature enough for you.

I have recently come out of a toxic relationship with someone older than me (52). Age would have been a factor in the long run but if anything, she was more immature and naïve than me, so biological age isn't always indicative of maturity.

If dating is a priority for you right now, have you considered meeting other people through your hobbies?

On the face of it, dating does appear to have a lot of luck involved but when you look at when and where people are and why, you get to see correlations. It also doesn't help that the single guys aged 24-30 are usually single because they haven't grown up yet or they are undesirable for other reasons.

I guess you could find guys who are single because they got married too early but that pool is pretty small in the 24-30 range. Even then, there's no guarantee they will have matured. That might be why their marriage collapsed.

Good luck with your love life.

[burlen]

Luck can play a role in dating to some extent. For instance:

Meeting opportunities: Dating can be a numbers game, and the more people you meet, the greater the chances of finding a compatible partner. Luck can play a role in the opportunities you have to meet new people, such as through mutual friends, work, or social events.

Timing: Timing is a crucial factor in relationships, and sometimes, two people may not be ready for a relationship at the same time. Luck can play a role in bringing two people together when both are emotionally and mentally ready for a relationship.

Chemistry: There's a certain element of luck involved when it comes to chemistry between two people. While compatibility and shared values are important, there's also a certain spark or connection that can't always be explained and can sometimes be attributed to luck.

However, many other factors such as shared values, compatible personality traits, and good communication skills also play a significant role in the success of a relationship.

Dating is a complex process that involves both chance and choice. While luck can bring two people together, it's ultimately up to the individuals to build a connection and make the relationship work. So, while luck can be a factor, it's not the only determining factor in the success of a relationship.

[FenderMustango]

I may get flack here but most women are shallow in some way shape or form. Now I want to stress I am not after a supermodel, however I don't think I should have to lower my "standards" because a woman will not give me a chance based on a profile photo and not what the guys interests, personality or life outside I get that there is a level of attraction needed but in my opinion I can become more attracted to someone over time if they have the right personality, interests and goals, however that doesn't mean I have to settle for dumb chunky overweight person who has that "if your after sex then piss off attitude". You can all argue go out and meet someone but I am socially awkward unless I am with a small group friends or family, plus I hate going out clubbing. Being in an environment of trash music and guys looking to punch you just for staring at his girlfriend who came out in the middle of winter in a skimpy dress and no coat for fear of loosing it after being to drunk.

[Lliam]

Yes, luck is involved. Of all the people in the world, you are only going to encounter a tiny percentage, and that will be by pure chance. You may meet them at school, work, through friends, or by chance at some shop or other setting. It's a matter of you and them being at the right place at the right time.

You will know little about a person until you start dating. Dating is how you get to know them. A good percentage of the time, you will realize that the person isn't right for you. But, if you're lucky, you'll eventually find someone who is a good match through trial and error.

The more people you meet, the better your odds of finding the right match for you. All you can do to increase your odds is to be prepared to take advantage of chance opportunity when it presents itself.

[Jersey2]

I think women in particular would be better off with luck if they figured out where the types of guys they like are most of the time. Is it the guy at the sports bar, the nerd on their computer or playing D&D, is it the career guy, is it the beach bum that surfs, is it the musician at the club? Guys aren’t one dimensional so the surf bum on Saturday might be the career guy on Monday. But search out where the personality that you like is and be available. Join a club that specializes in certain hobbies. Don’t be too picky, date a guy and see where it goes and then date his friends if that small community appeals to you. I dated tons of girls and then their friends when I was in my teens.

[katestar89]

Really. Well. I agree with you

[TheSimFans]

@Jersey2 my social club and social events are very limited since I got a learning disability that is moderate. I'm like a gamer guys and nerds, shy guys.

[Jersey2]

@thesimfans There are a lot of games guys and nerds. It is very important to note that these are down to earth people and don’t care if you are slower. They like to have fun which includes everyone. At times they will play very competitively but most times just for fun and they don’t look down on people. Just don’t play with them when they are being competitive or in high stress games like League Of Legends. You want what’s called a casual group.

The ones I know mostly have high paying computer jobs, are nice people, are very sociable in the own sub-group, have friends all over the country as they often play in the same groups once they meet people they like online, they vacation as a group at a beach condo. They tend to bond with other players in certain games and then form friendships that transcend geography. They don’t go out much, even at the beach they are at the condo playing board games although they will go on the beach at night sometimes. They drink but not to excess usually. They stay up late at night most nights. There are at least 4 women in their group, 2 dated and are now married but still in the group.

To get into that subgroup you can play board games at local stores that host them. I bet there is one within an hour of you so do a search. Many play the game Dungeons and Dragons and that is casual with some light drinking and lots of laughs. Those people will be welcoming and they have a lot of friends there in the area as well as many more online. It really is a large subculture. Many online groups of people are out there that are tight as well. Find a game that you like and join a guild or group that plays it. Sometimes the group that I know will fly people in who can’t afford airfare or cover other costs. I am talking about people from other countries as well. It’s all about fun and good times for them.

[TheSimFans]

@Jersey2 I can't do old. I got some games. Play a game on Splaton 3 on the Nintendo switch. Got animals crossing. Not good with some broad games. Got Mario party superstar on Nintendo switch

[Jersey2]

A lot of the gamer women I know play Animal Crossing. They would know the gamer guys so perhaps that’s a way to engage into the sub-culture. Make female friends on Animal Crossing who introduce you to other games you might like along with guys in their group.

[TheSimFans]

I'm not interested being friends. Maybe I just people.

[TheSimFans]

Aak people.

[JSmuve]

It's mostly luck. These are the things you can control:

- who you approach, how you approach, how you look, what your dating profile looks like, who you swipe right on, and who you choose to message

These are the things you can't control:

- who's available for you to approach, whether they look approachable, the setting you two are in, the context, how they respond to your approach, whether they're single or not, whether they're interested in you or not, their comfort level with you, who sees your dating profile, who swipes on your dating profile, who responds to your messages

So there's more things that are out of your control than in it. So dating is mostly luck, and for those that don't have good luck, then it can be pretty challenging.

[Gummy_Cluster]

Google the law of least effort. I'm not saying you shouldn't put in some effort, but don't put in too much effort. You're wasting your time. You don't find love, love finds you.

It's a lot like fishing. The day I caught the most fish, was when I didn't want to catch fish. lol

[Bi4Life]

I agree.

[Gummy_Cluster]

@Bi4Life
Things don't always have to make sense in order to be true. Hot water freezes faster than cold water.
That makes no sense to me.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

The problem with dating isn't luck. It's that some people are too picky and some aren't picky enough.

Waiting around until that perfect prince charming that checks all your boxes sweeps you off your feet will leave you with no one, but giving every guy you meet your number and hoping this is finally the one will leave you broken.

You know which one you are

[inhua]

of course luck plays a part especially in something as subjective as dating

maybe the person right for you is on the other side of the world or recently died in a car crash or is from a different time period or is currently with someone else

[blondegrrl]

I think if you really want to date someone you will put the time and effort into learning how to present yourself and whatever else is required to take someone a date. It all comes down to how willing are you to take a risk and put yourself out there.

[ChillaxingLove]

It’s not luck. Just bad positioning. Be in the right place, or know the right people. If I’m at a farm I’m most likely ganna find chicken and cows, but if go to car dealership, how likely am I ganna find chicken and cows.. probably not. That’s why who you’re friends with and who you associate with. Is so important because that is the type of people your going to get and from there your spouse.

[MRME6]

I think it is luck to a point, but if you put yourself out there and learn to get comfortable being outside your comfort zone you can meet more people and have a good relationship with someone matching your chemistry. I do think you could make your own luck. I hope you find what you're looking for!

[TheSimFans]

But that is what I'm trying to prove to be very difficult. Finding group events on. Nothing in my town. Just events in the city. Also has looked online for groups social club.

[Paul09]

Luck does play a role. But it's also kind of a controlled luck. Depending on how much you go out and put yourself out there. How skilled you are in talking to strangers. Charisma level, looks, values, how you dress up and groom yourself all can boost your success in finding someone. The more of these things you have the higher your luck rate goes up. If you (l) don't have many of these skills, my luck level drops a ton.

[katestar89]

Really?

[Tomisworthless]

looks matter to everyone then personality career and wealth.

To date as a young adult you need to be at least a 6 with a great personality to even be considered by woman your age. If you don’t meet that baseline standard of attractiveness you are exiled until your 30s and 40s until the woman have had their fix of getting pounded by all the men they wanted and are now looking to settle down with those losers like me that have been left behind.

[Ligerzzero]

Luck does play a big factor, half to be in right place at right time, not to mention if the person you like is single, or if they are even looking.

Second factor the other 50% is looks

[TheSimFans]

I'm not bother much about person being too good looking. I'm not inters ted in very taller guys. i would prefer near my height or shorter height.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Well yeah... it's a crap shoot with any new person you meet... even just to make friends. You never really know who you have standing in front of you until you really get to know them.