Can a relationship work out if both have trust issues?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating an older guy in his early 30's. I've been strung along and then cheated by someone else. I don't trust people easily and don't even post on social medias too much.

I've stumbled right into my male counterpart. Like me, he didn't even believe (he really thought I was another scammer that will ask for money) I existed until chatting on live cam and hearing each other voices. He has been scammed in the past by both a past girlfriend and then his own former best friend. I've been used by the opposite gender and lied to.

We're on the same page on this. He claims he's for real but doesn't want to be used again. I ask for the same too. I don't want to get used either, don't want my time wasted. Can a relationship like this work out, if both of us have been burned in the past?

[Finchie40]

It’s going to be harder because you both have insecurities and trust issues and you are both broken inside , so dealing with the trust issues is going to be very hard for the both of you , but yes it can work out , as long as the both of you learn how to remove selfishness for each other and make each other your top priority if you can’t do this for each other, it will not work out and this goes for every monogamous relationship Most relationships fail because most people don’t understand what selfishness is and how to remove it for their partner , because we all have selfishness inside ourselves and insecurities from past trauma experiences, when someone says they don’t have insecurities they are talking out their ass , we all have insecurities inside ourselves from past trauma experiences, especially if you both been cheated on by someone you have your heart to , so we tend to assume the worst case scenarios , I was cheated on by my ex wife that I gave my heart to fully , the reason she cheated was because she was selfish and only thought of herself by playing a victim when really she was the POS , so it is hard for me to fully trust a girl especially these days, based off my experiences with girls , the one thing I noticed was selfishness , so when things don’t go our way , we easily point fingers at our partner before pointing fingers at ourselves because we assume the worst case scenario that they must be up to no good , and we assume they are secretly cheating on us so I am not going to trust them , they aren’t giving me what I m giving them , the thing is , you will never be happy and content with someone , if you can’t fully trust them period and you will become your own worst nightmare because your insides are going to keep feeling like your partner is betraying you and backstabbing you , so the only way to bury those insecurities and gut wrenching feelings is to value yourself and focus on yourself and remove selfishness from inside your self to be able to gain respect from your partner , when your partner notices you are making them your number 1 priority they will do the same for you , it’s not always going to be easy but it won’t be hard ,

[Finchie40]

Wear each others shoes before making decisions , understand that you aren’t single anymore , understand that you can be wrong , understand that you can assume something is ok but might not be ok for Your partner , Always consider your partner’s feelings before considering your own , for love to grow you have to learn to remove selfishness for each other , understand we can’t force someone to love us we can only treat them the same way we want to be loved in return , if they choose to walk away , let them go we can’t force someone to stand by our side but we can respect them the same way we want to be respected in return , learn to make things not always about you , if something is off in your relationship talk to your partner and compromise don’t just think it’s my way or no way , that makes you selfish , don’t latch onto someone else to save you , because no one is going to save you, you got to save yourself make your relationship your priority over everyone else , your friends your family , it should be you and your partner vs this fucked up selfish world we live in , Make each other your top priority , and your partner will learn to do the same because it is respect for each other , if not then he is a selfish POS but don’t call him a POS until you point fingers at yourself first , don’t ever stay in a relationship where it is completely one sided as well , When you feel you are
Constantly giving without receiving it’s time to have a sit down talk with them , if they do not fight to save the relationship kick them to the curb , do not let anyone take you for granted , But if they are standing by your side fix it , it won’t always be perfect , What most girls don’t realize about a guy it really isn’t that hard to appease us and makes us feel valued , yes we love sex but it is t just about sex , we want to feel wanted , we want her to value us , word of advice do not constantly deny your partner sex and affection , if you aren’t in the mood please him in other

[Finchie40]

Ways don’t just push him aside and say no I am not in the mood , I am not
Going to get graphic but do not ignore him completely , and he more than likely won’t do that to you , if I am not in the mood I still will make
My partner feel valued and appreciated and will please her in other ways , I don’t just say get off me , those little things makes your relationship stronger when you remove selfishness for each other

[Asker]

At this moment we're haven't made it official yet. We're just dating to see where it goes, he finds me interesting but wants to take his time knowing me more and hasn't made other moves past just holding holds. He claims that for now he can hold off sex.

[Finchie40]

There is nothing wrong with taking things slow and getting to really know each other , especially if he has been hurt before , Even though you are just dating , does he make you a priority? Does he reach out to you a lot and see how you are doing?

[Asker]

Sounds like it. We do text each other thrice a day and set up our dates and time. He doesn't like talking on the phone (except for that one time he thought I was a scammer and had to talk on cam) all day long and prefers texts or voice chats.

[Asker]

We texted once in the morning, once in the afternoon and lastly at night before bedtime.

[Asker]

He doesn't like being one of those guys that calls and calls. I'm not like that either.

[Finchie40]

Then that’s a good thing , it’s the ones you don’t hear from often you have to worry about lol

[Guy13]

Trust, where the head 👨 and ❤️ meet is the End Game or Outcome. Fear, safety, security, personal definition and standing in context of both the individual and couple is what we are speaking too.

These needs must be, both individually and collectively, defined as well as strategically addressed until all those items can be checked off the List. Trust will appear somewhere along the Process overtime.

Of course, whether one is building up or rebuilding Trust is paramount in design and implementation. I am assuming no psychological diagnoses exist. And, if it sounds like work it is and if “he/she will never do that” has popped into your head then both your 👨 and ❤️ know what the most likely course of action and outcome is.

[EmyyWolf]

Yeah. The trick is to open up more. Express all you pain. Tell all your past stories and hurt and what people and family have done to you. You open up that gate where you can be vulnerable with him be in a spot light we’re he can see you in a victim place.

Soon he’ll get into his masculine role and try to confort you. Later he’ll also open up about himself with you, because he’s seen you as vulnerable, and he now feels confortable to be vulnerable to you.

The more you open up, the more he opens up. It’s a great trick that works well, and has made my sisters relationship with her man like gold.

I suggest cheating too. That way. If he cheats, you can just say that you cheated first either way. 🖕. But that’s just me personally. That’s my personality and how “I” am. What my opinion is. Don’t do this if you don’t want. I personally MYSELF feel more confident and comfortable if I cheat first as a security measure. And I make sure it’s with a bigger 🍆. Better than his. Men tend to have wondering eyes and stray away, so I cheat first. 🖕. It’s just how I operate.

[Asker]

I'm not the cheating type. I don't like doing to others what I hated it being done on me.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this will only lead to trust issues between you two in the future. Despite how much you want a relationship or companionship, you both have trauma that should be addressed as single people before you’re ready to be a proper girlfriend and him a boyfriend. Already you are both with your guards up, letting your pasts play a big role in your abilities to trust one another, it will only worsen.

[Asker]

There is a lot of truth to that. I'm trying to move on from the hurt in the past, from having my time wasted. I would like to be able to love again but nowadays it's hard to believe someone's words. He expressed the same stance too. He just wants to hang out and see how things go, take his time.

[Opinion Owner]

I totally get where you’re coming from. Sometimes you just get to a point where you want to move on already, be happy with someone, etc. But I think part of that is being able to make better choices in men going forward, even if it takes time to find the person who fits best. A trauma bond is the worst way to start something new and almost a guarantee that you will walk away from the situation in worse shape than you started because eventually those war wounds read their ugly heads. Whether you keep engaging is up to you but I think it’s better to walk away from that situation now before you’re too deep in your feelings and even the idea of leaving is completely shattering.

[LittleSally]

Yes, it definitely can. The trick it you two need to be 100% honest and clear with each other and CHOOSE to believe each other as well.

I know it might sound crazy to try to trust your intuition again, especially after going through crap like that, but I truly suggest you try developing it again, you and him.

And, WITH TIME, you will get there.

[lightbulb27]

Interesting, I think if you can build trust together, that be really strong. Keep working at ways to do that.

I'd say yes, but respect each others wounds and communicate well. That's true of anyone.

Realize... everyone is damaged in some ways along the way, and the people that did the damage were just passing on what they learned. The problem is... you weren't seeing it then, so you had to learn about people.

[LazerBean]

I guess anything is possible, but it's very unlikely.

[Asker]

yeah he just wants to hang out and take his time. Neither of us are in a rush to make it official yet.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, it's ok to have distrust. As long as you do it in a way that keeps you from being taken advantage of and not being thrown off guard if you're betrayed.

Complete trust is ignorance, as blissfully as it might be.

But always being suspicious of your partner and checking up on them and getting jealous if they even talk to someone else is when it starts to become toxic

[Opinion Owner]

*blissful

[ZackBan]

The unhealthiest thing anyone can do is let past relationships cloud future ones.
It's called projection and it ruins everything.

[SnowedIn]

It can work. But both of you have to choose to trust. And not subsequently overthink every little thing. You can do it but it will take work.

[thegreenyogi]

In my personal experience we both had trust issues but it has worked out so far. Talking about it is key but it takes hard work to gain trust that will allow the relationship to flourish and become strong.

[FilmGuy93]

Each of you need to heal separately before this has a chance in hell of working

[strlb]

Certainly anything is possible but not likely. I know this from personal experience. Best to move on and find a new partner with a clean slate

[legalboxers]

Id say no. I gave someone the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Trust is Paramount in a healthy relationship.

[Fanfare690]

So you only heard his voice?

[Fanfare690]

Sis how will he be used if you can't see his actual face?

[Asker]

Yes we saw each others' faces and heard our voices, both.

[Asker]

Then we've been hanging out since. We're not official yet. That's why I was wondering if a relationship like that can work out. We both have something in common; we've been hurt in the past by the opposite gender.

[Fanfare690]

Everyone been hurt sis.
That doesn't seem too much of a worry to be held up in a relationship.
It's mostly bs when a guy says that LOL probably some type of game to get you to sleep with him fast to "earn his heart"

[Asker]

That ''falling in love by what I ears, by words'' don't work on me anymore. I actually go by actions by now.

[Asker]

For the looks, he hasn't made any moves other than just holding hands and doesn't sound interested in making things official, wants to take his time.

[Fanfare690]

He doesn't sound too interested everyone is a sucker for love. No one holds back on things they really want lol

[boggboss]

Nope it ain't gonna work if u both can't trust

[Jamie05rhs]

Test

[Jamie05rhs]

It can work. You both just have to proceed slowly and carefully. Be honest with one another and share how you feel. Share your insecurities. Respect and care for one another.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

No..

[Mayo503]

No……..

[Luckycharms12]

Probably not

[Anonymous]

FUCK OFF