I’m asking to see results, how people process similar situations—not bc I’m trying to solve a problem personally. 🙂
It's complicated.
I'm a fairly open person, I'm honest and show my true colors pretty early, and sometimes my niceness is mistaken for flirting. It can take me a while to know if I like someone, often years.
On the one hand, knowing she likes me early is a good sign it's worth the years of effort getting to know her better, instead of looking elsewhere.
On the otherhand, it makes me feel like if I make her wait too long, she will get frustrated and leave, and if I accept her too early, I might get betrayed/lied to and not see it until its too late.
However, if she doesn't admit to liking me early, I will likely see it as a lack of interest and give up.
If she admits to liking me early and continues to flirt with me for years trying to win me over even though I initially was unsure, thats the most comforting option, but if I end up not liking her after seeing how she really is, then I feel really bad/guilty afterwards, so I will worry about that because even if she's not a match, I don't want her feelings hurt.
I feel like no matter what she does, I will feel uneasy until/if it works out.
As far as your definition of NT and ND goes, I will just say that the typical outcome is divergence, because people are individuals.
It doesn't matter. The first two dates I went on, the girl approached me first. But in both cases I technically asked them out.
In the first case she sent a friend at school to tell me that the girl liked me. I knew who the girl was, and was attracted to her, but I had never talked to her before.
In the second case, I walked into class one day, and a girl suddenly blurted out "When are you going to ask me out?". Well, that was clear enough. Even I was able to figure that one out. So I asked her out. I didn't know who she was. I vaguely recognized her being in the class, but didn't know who she was or what her name was. Anyway, I asked her out. We only went out once, but we became friends for many years after that. I eventually lost touch with her, probably when I moved.
It's been a long time since anyone called me laid back - or what we used to call mellow, like the Donovan song. I feel uptight now. Like my mind wants to run a marathon sprinting the whole way, but my body says no.
Yea, I remember when you ran like 500 miles a day, and swam 50 miles a day and scootered another couple hundred.
I'm sore. I actually did some running today. Nothing compared to you, but for me it was a lot. My student was here with her dog. Her dog was restless, so I asked if she wanted to take a walk. The dog is nine years old but doesn't believe in walking. The dog had two speeds - stop and mark the mailbox, and sprint. So we ran, while the six inch tall dog pulled us along and kept looking back wondering why us humans were so slow.
I don't have a scooter. Plus the dog was a tiny chihuahua. I doubt if she could pull a scooter. But then again maybe she could. I grabbed her cord a couple of times to pull her away from cars and she dug in. She was like, nope, I ain't moving and you can't make me.
I got something out of the walk/run anyway. I learned to count to five in Japanese.
I don't know how to spell it. I also can't pronounce it right. Phonetically it's something like:
Ichi ( Kind of like itchy )
Ni ( knee with a very abrupt vowel sound )
San ( like can or cam)
Yang ( or maybe more like yome )
Go ( again with a very abrupt vowel sound )
Someone who knows Japanese would probably tear that apart, but it's close enough.
"I’m glad auto liker chose you"
I would never have known the difference if you didn't reply. Replies are the only thing I look for in notifications. I ignore all the rest. Well, I occasionally look at updates also.
I didn’t select bc I’m not sure if I understand what “NT or ND” means?
Sorry! Neuro typical Neuro divergent — Neurodivergent is a non-medical umbrella term that describes people with variation in their mental functions, and can include conditions such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or other neurological or developmental conditions such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). You wouldn’t necessarily know unless you were diagnosed it’s only really there for people who identify as ND. So you can just vote as NT 😊
@Jennz6 She definitely is! 👍
I've never been on a date, so I have no experience with this.
Opinion
26Opinion
This is one of the best GAG question I've ever seen.
This is something I have to tell people all the freaking time on here.
"Don't worry about acting over-eager with somebody who likes you. There is no such thing as over-eager when somebody likes you. They like you!"
Is how I like to put it. But it's true. Everyone is worried about playing-it-cool and "not looking desperate" that the screw-up all the natural flirting rhythm. They make a point to NOT show their interest. And then come on GAG to ask whether we think their crush likes them. SHOW THEM silly! (or at least don't make a point to hide it)
Great question! 🙂
I agree with you and I also think that unfortunately bc of all the games people think are normal communication, even a person who likes you might get weirded out by you acting like you like them BUT if they really like you they will get over it and when they do they won’t be confused. Whereas if you play games no one really very knows anything and it makes everyone so defensive that by the time you come clean they may still cover up their feelings.
I also don’t see why anyone really w ants to spend time getting to know a person you can’t actually get to know. I honestly do not get it. I understand conditioning may make people tentative but if someone else is being honest stop looking for problems lol
u I have never had a woman ask me for a date. It just doesn't happen in my generation.
No, not at all, except that I am shopping for an engagement ring tomorrow and not lookng for a date with anyone else.
Thank you ma'am. I will probably be getting down on one knee and proposing next week.
She is the niicest and kindest woman I have ever dated. And we have been dating more than two years so I know her well by now.
I appreciate your well wishes!
You're the only person that would say no to someone you like.
For me there can be some uncomfortableness, maybe anxiety but I'm at the point where I just sort of give people a chance and just roll with it.
I have had girls come on to me, and I felt sort of annoyed because it felt unnatural or "cringe" I guess.
There is some truth that you have to sort of earn the rapport, the other person has to feel that you like him for him, and not that you're just bored and lonely.
And I suppose if you have social anxiety then you might be biased to see signs of that where none exist.
My advice is to accept despite your anxiety. Perhaps you can accept the invitation of spending time together, but request a reframing or an alternate activity that is less anxiety inducing for you.
Really good point about the earning rapport. It can be difficult if you have anxiety bc that makes talking harder but not being caught off guard makes things need awakes but people are less likely to trust you or want to take you up in an offer if you’re not really talking to them lol
I suppose it’s easier if at least one person is out going tho some people feel awakes around people they like even if they are normally outgoing.
I wonder if guys actually have a higher bar for being willing to accept a date. They tend to ask women’s out whether they know them or not but I don't know my impression is guys don’t want to be asked unless they really believe if it’s a genuine ask but I can’t really verify this 😂
"I wonder if guys actually have a higher bar for being willing to accept a date."
Higher than women? Women have impossibly high standards.
Do men raise the bar if the woman asks? I think so. If a women asks, we will be more critical in the question, of accepting vs if she just waits. I think. Not entirely sure though.
Yeah I wasn’t talking about general dating standards I meant being skeptical being ashes out on _a_date.
Altho personally I do not really have dating standards just standards in general like do not lie & do not be a d*ck. The rest is just do we get a long well enough to see a point in getting to know each other behind friendship.
Considering you have intense dating anxiety, I find your professment fallacious. Practically speaking you seem to have impossibly high standards, well above "do not be a dick". Your ACTUAL standard is 'needs to be able to completely cure all my anxiety and phobia'.
That's never gonna happen. The only person that can fix you is you.
Stop worrying about all the bad things that *could* happen and instead think about all the bad things that are happening to you right now because you refuse to grow.
I don't know where you’re getting all that from. did I ever talk to you about dating or how I date. I do t think you were answering the question I was asking. The question was about you (and beehive else who answered) not about me.
For me if someone I know I like asked me out at any point it would not be too soon and I would not be annoyed. It’s only an issue if they are annoyed if I can’t immediately hang out. A but if warning is good which id give the same. I never ask anyone out last minute
But the question was if someone you already decided you liked, asked you out would it bother you at some point. Some people don’t like to be asked out too soon or at all and that’s all I’m asking about. And I find men are much more likely to be annoyed by being asked and they may act like it was just too soon when they do it later but really they are just mad the woman did it first. Or at all. That’s my experience and I wanted to compare that to other people. And I didn’t want to be biased against men so I included everyone which is really confusing a lot of men bc they can’t just easily accept women asking men out to where they will even imagine it without my pushing. Lol I can’t tell if this is bc they didn’t like the idea or rally just can’t see it. Maybe a mix I don't know
I don’t know how you get that I personally have “anxiety” towards dating, from this post.
@Jamie05rhs
What are you agreeing with based on this conversation. I don’t think either of you are responding to the actual subject.
I was trying to take good points from what he was saying as courtesy even tho he did not initially reopens to the post question. Then somehow suddenly this is about my dating which how wood I he know that anyhow. I didn’t mind being asked questions I’ll answer and I’ll discuss but there’s way too many assumptions here. There was no need for it nor was I the topic. I prefer to keep things in place. The question was about if “you” mind being asked out. You refers to anyone answering. It was not meant as exemplary to “people who feel like me”.
@Jamie05rhs which point?
penchant?
Oh, hold on.
I didn’t say he made no good points I said he made good points, that doesn’t mean I agree with everything so I still don’t know which you are talking about and if it’s not based on info it’s not a point, just a guess. That was my point. Why don’t you just tell me what you’re referring to?
This one:
"Considering you have intense dating anxiety, I find your professment fallacious. Practically speaking you seem to have impossibly high standards, well above "do not be a dick". Your ACTUAL standard is 'needs to be able to completely cure all my anxiety and phobia'.
That's never gonna happen. The only person that can fix you is you."
Ok I see the passage you are talking about and I don't know how either one of you thinks you have that kind of knowledge about me. Anyone can say anything abstractly and it can apply to anyone it’s a nothing burger like horoscopes.
There’s nothing in this convo here that connects the assessment that I have impossibly high dating standards and want someone to cure me. I can say that about anyone but if it was based on anything that was said I’d be responding to that specifically which I don’t see how either of you have.
One thing In dating I do have as a standard is don’t make assumptions. If you want to know something ask & say what you mean, be able and willing to back it up, or don’t say it—this is an example of a game. If that’s a high standard well OK 😂
@Jamie05rhs
“Your ACTUAL standard is 'needs to be able to completely cure all my anxiety and phobia'. “
Where are either if you getting this from? That’s what I’m asking. If you really believed this and cared, you’d be concrete.
I don't know what NT or ND means, but I voted 'C'.
If I am single, seeking a girlfriend, and like her, I'm eager for a chance to go do something together so that we can have fun, chat, and see how well we connect without any pressure.
I never expected anything more from a date than that.
For me, a date was like two friends doing something together. Not that big of a deal unless we are both eager to start a relationship with each other, in which case, we try to make the date really special by paying special attention to our appearance, going someplace nice, and acting excited to be together.
However, I would be nervous on the first date, because I was hoping she would like me. I would act like a gentleman, and treat her like a lady and see where things went.
I can like someone without being romantically attracted.
It only happened to me when I was young and rather immature. I think I just ignore the advances. I didn't get into a discussion about it or give a definite answer. They got the message.
Actually, one girl said "I guess I'm just not your type" and I said something like "Yeah." She was very mature about it and there were no hard feelings.
Yes and no. Personally I don't get people that put time limits on attraction. I would never enter into a relationship with someone who said they do this because they're probably not serious about ANYONE. Now there might reach a point where I think she's not really interested (based on her lack of effort), or I'm not her primary choice if she takes too long. Now that would be a turn off for me. I think that'd be a turnoff for anyone. But that's not me losing interest so much as it's me accepting her LACK of interest.
For sure but what about too soon, or are you including that in your too long point 😊
Hard to say. I've had women exchange 3 sentences to me on dating apps with me and want to meet me. I think it was unusually quick. But we were on a dating website. There was no mystery about why we were conversing. IRL women don't usually tell you they're interested. And if she went really quick yeah that'd be a cause for concern. Because she doesn't really know me, she can't, I don't tell intimate details of myself with someone I just met. So she's cheating something between us, it's not building between us. I'm not going to want to go out with someone who dictating what is happening between us.
Creating* not cheating.
Hmm, If someone asks you out they aren’t dictating they are just asking if you want to hang out alone, I do not really understand why you’d feel controlled by that.
Also remember in this scenario, you already like her so I imagine you know each other somewhat?
Hold on your question didn't specify she asked me out. If she asked me out then her interest is clear. Your question was asked with ambiguity.
I think I see you confusion. Basically I'm talking about trying to ascertain WHY she's showing interest in me. You're a woman and probably not asked out by many women so let me help. a lot of your gender engage men and flirt for many many reasons other than actual interest. No. If a woman flat out told me she wanted to get to know me better that's a completely different animal.
@When you “like” someone, is there point too soon where you’d be put off, frustrated, or anxious, if they__ asked you out on a date__
I’m not trying to do a gotcha just curious why this seemed ambiguous to you? Real Q 🙂
In response to your question yes she specifically asks you out on a date. I have dated women actually and I have asked guys out. Sone have acted confused tho women never did, I’m really curious why asking someone out can be confusing.
I’d like to know what you thought I meant by my question initially. That might help me understand. Maybe you can give examples of confusing stuff and what you think is direct perhaps men are ready to assume a woman is not being direct so when and Is they don’t see it
I didn't think you were. I said it seemed ambiguous because you said "when YOU like someone". I don't know if it's women in general or just the type of women on this site (that isn't meant as a shot at you) but most women on this site either don't get that guys have feelings or think thier feelings only are relevant as it pertains to them. This isn't meant as an insult. But women on here will tell you over and over again that a guy has to show interest in them. And ASSUME them just being a woman is enough to get his interest. When a woman comes out of left field and approaches me I think of it much the same way women do. "WHY"? I've done nothing to incur her interest. So same as women I set trying to deduce why? To most women on this site a guy is not allowed to question a woman's motives. And they will mock you as being insecure because in thier mind a guy risks nothing which is absolutely false!
I'll concede that both genders hide behind thier pride. But if a woman truly wants to know me I don't think it's too much for her to show it a little. And if she doesn't want to if she feels that's beneath her then it's probably just as well. Because if that's her attitude from the outset it's not likely to get better. Frankly I simply just have no interest in dating anymore. I don't hate or dislike women I just don't want to play this he said she said game anymore. I'd rather just be friends with women anymore because anything beyond that is just some midf*** I don't want to deal with.
I hope this doesn't come off as mad. I'm not mad. Just trying to give you a detailed explanation.
By the way what us ND OR NT?
No it doesn’t come off as mad I appreciate it I think several men assumed I was asking wow men but this was meant to a everyone so yes when I said you, I meant you 😂
I’ve never for a moment thought of women being deserving of a certain behavior and that seeks to confuse guys which confuses me. I don't know how I managed to be completely in the dark over all this stuff even after being in gag it still surprised me.
Can you explain what you mean by “risk”? That men risk stuff just like women.
Oh & Neuro typical and Neuro divergent
I added that bc sometimes things that seem straight forward are not so much so for different people and I thought it could be relevant in general 🙂
As far as games yes I hear you it’s so odd bc mist people seem to hate them but I rarely meet anyone who doesn’t play them. I think a lot of common “etiquette” is really just games and that’s s problem for sure
How can you not realize what men risk? I mean we may not get pregnant. But that doesn't mean if you're a stand up guy and choose bad woman and father a child you're still not linked to her for life. I chastised my nephew for this. He got this girl pregnant and had never even met her father and decided he was going to marry her. If he had been a stand up guy, been a man, met her father, before deciding to marry her, and it goes without saying before getting her pregnant he would have saw what flakes her family were. Now they've got a very unhealthy marriage and the child suffers for it.
I know "love" isn't perfect but a lot of problems can be avoided by taking your time and making sure you truly know someone. And everytime it's the wrong woman the guy has to start over just like the woman does. I don't think most women even on this site even consider that.
Maybe "most" is a bit of an overreach maybe I should have said "a lot".
Aww I just meant in saying yes to a date 😊 for sure relationships have a lot of risk but a get together not so much
Well I don't make a habit out of asking women out without plans of forming a relationship. Do you?
The first time I thought that I was going to have sex and all that stuff for the first time I was going to then I got played and I felt so bad and I changed my mind to ever again to try to lose my virginity and I still am a virgin and everything but the bad thing is that I have never even masterbation before or even try to jack off before and so do you think that Is a bad thing that I did too my self and what would you do different and tell me exactly what you would tell me too do and everything else
I guess if i had no idea they liked me and didn't even consider the possibility of dating them and they asked me i might be taken by surprise. i may say no in that instance.
otherwise if i have imagined them naked at any point i would definitely say yes lol
Ok so I definitely like them in this scenario? That means i would have imagined them naked so yes i would accept lol.
If there's any kind of sexual attraction im likely to say yes if they asked.
Well if i like them that means im sexually attracted so yeah.
I wouldn’t be disappointed. If we do anything sexual its a mutual feeling on both our parts. If not im cool with that too. Im very patient
Sure i can find a person physically attractive looking but not be attracted to them lol. Like i may initially find them sexually appealing but the moment they open their mouths and talk shit or something i lose my attraction for them. In that instance id turk them down.
You got me ;)
i personally start with small talk cuz i get along with everyone and if someone has a problem with me then they literally have problems but if someone is outgoing and has a good sense of humor and can engage in intelligent conversation then i would just keep it simple and ask them if they would ever want to hang out no strings attached
i asked this one girl out kind of. i suggested a group hang out. i found out she was fucking a guy we worked with. that was a total turnoff. i'm not second best at anything. so when they died off she came and asked me out. i didn't want anything to do with her
I think blind luck pays far more of a part in all this than most people would care to admit.
Catching someone at the right moment makes a huge difference because almost certainly you only get one shot, if they are dating or not over their person or whatever then thats it you've shit the bed and that's it.
Maybe you catch them when they are down or lonely or something and then it might not matter who you are particularly you might get a date or even laid if you want but what you won't get is a relationship because they werent in the right head space or whatever to begin with.
It also helps if you ask them out before they move to another country as unfortunately logistics also matter more than who you are or what you have.
I'm fine with being asked out, in fact I find it refreshing, but I have no clue what NT means.
Sorry I am that old.
I'm NT and don't think there's such a thing as too soon.
I wouldn't mind being asked to hang out if someone liked me. Not at all. However the chances of that happening are pretty slim.
True.
I would not get annoyed or mad… I blush real easy and shy, so my face and heart rate would tell it all... Yes, it does happen to me for sure.
I'm confused. What's NT and ND?
(Well, I mean I know what ND is. That's Notre Dame.)
I'm wracking my brain trying to figure this out, but I'm still not getting it; sorry.
Can you crack the code for me?
I am probably most likely Neuro-divergent.
(But you didn't make a poll option for me!!)
I am neurodivergent and like to be asked out on a date. I get nervous leading up to the date and during it.
if its not meant to be then its not meant to be. at least thats how i see it.
thats what im saying. if i ask to soon and she's not about it then its not meant to be and i dont over think it.
why would a girl ask out a guy? it doesn't work that way.
I don't know man. i guess timing matters. like what if im taking exams and she ask me out. well then obviously i won't be able to go out during that time cause im focused on something else.
and women def do not ask men out.
I say do what's comfortable for the other person by going to fun places an meet at BM the place so they feel comfortable with not expecting to much on a date
There is for sure a too soon point. Like, I'd prefer a few weeks go by just so we can be absolutely sure
My ass is autistic and I don't want to wait. Go ahead and ask me out and let's get this shit started, if we don't like it we can always part ways peacefully.
Ideal world, D but probably B.
I'm kind of beyond hope at the moment and not motivated enough to put any effort in.
I don't get nervous with stuff like that
Please define nt or nd?
Will let you know when and if it happens
I am interested in what your answer is.
No..
I'd like it
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