When dating, are you open to dating a partner exclusively if they meet your criteria?

[OlderAndWiser]

Someone - who shall remain nameless - just posted a reply that says they don't think anyone dates exclusively. I think that statement is false. I think that people who have been hurt in a dating relationship like to get attention by complaining about how awful dating is. But happily dating couples don't draw attention to themselves, so it may appear that no one dates exclusively, but. . . if no one dated exclusively, then no one would ever get married. . . right?

So, how about you? If you are dating and you find someone who meets your criteria, are you willing to agree to date each other exclusively or would you prefer to remain uncommited and keep your options open?

I've never dated, but if I did start dating someone and it felt like a good match, I WOULD agree to date them exclusively

I've never dated, but even if I did start dating someone and it felt like a good match, I would NOT agree to date them exclusively

I've dated, but never exclusively; if I met someone and it felt like a good match, I WOULD agree to date them exclusively

I've dated, but never exclusively; but even if I met someone and it felt like a good match, I would NOT agree to date them exclusively

I've dated someone exclusively in the past; if I met someone and it felt like a good match, I WOULD agree to date them exclusively

I've dated someone exclusively in the past; but even if I met someone and it felt like a good match, I would NOT agree to date them exclusively

[Sjoerd85]

When I was dating, I sometimes was in contact with multiple woman at the same time. But as soon as one of them gave me a good feeling and I saw a possible future, I would turn all my attention to that woman and end it with the others.

Example of the last time this happened; back in September of 2020, I was chatting with two woman online. When I realised one of them had more potential then the other (after the second date I think), I decided to focus on the better match, and send the other a farewell message (I had not even seen that woman in real life yet, as a planned date was postponed earlier, so it had to be an internet message). Ofcourse the one who 'lost' me wasn't happy at all, but that's life. My choice turned out to be correct; the woman I turned by full attention to is next to me right now as I am typing this; I married her almost exactly two years later.

[OlderAndWiser]

Congratulations, sir!

[Sjoerd85]

Thanks!

[coachTanthony]

I always thought that was the purpose of dating but what do I know lol

[coachTanthony]

Thanks for the MHO

[BlackBeauty90]

I always have except I met the recent guy - I haven't gone out with others or even met, just texted and more texted these people more as I would friends as in causal conversation than anything sexual - and that's because I can't shake the idea recent guy is screwing me over. He doesn't respond to texts, doesn't text morning, etc.

In many ways it feels a waste of time & yet he says he wants a real relationship. I don't lack in self esteem or self respect and am willing to wait until his issues are sorted out but at the same time the relationship so severely lacks it's difficult not to just say screw it & walk away.

[OlderAndWiser]

"it's difficult not to just say screw it & walk away." Why don't you?

[BlackBeauty90]

@OlderAndWiser Cause I saw potential when we met and now it's like I'm trying and he doesn't try hard enough

[OlderAndWiser]

So you no longer see potential?

[randyzuchows]

I'd say walk away if they really care and want a relationship he would show you and you can see them trying and honesty would not be an issue cause you would have that trust between you and him

[BlackBeauty90]

@OlderAndWiser - I don't know what I see. I see potential still but at the same time it's like what does it take to text good morning back.

[OlderAndWiser]

"I see potential" means "'I'm physically attracted but I see some personality things I don't like. Hopefully, he'll change." Am I close?

[BlackBeauty90]

@OlderAndWiser Not quite. He says this is a temporary thing but the way he speaks, I see him putting more effort into his job than a relationship even if he wants a relationship.

[OlderAndWiser]

Ignore his words. Look at his actions and what they reveal. Many guys will not reveal their true feelings, not because they want to consciously deceive you but because they can't be honest t themselves and confront that they are misleading you.

If he loves you, then you will know it without him ever saying those words. If you are in doubt, you should listem to your instincts. . . even if it hurts very deeply.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I have always only ever dated one person exclusively at a time and that’s not likely to ever change.

[OlderAndWiser]

That's my style.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

“Great minds……”😊

[SpanishRose]

Agree 💯

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks for mh

[Guy13]

I’m old fashioned about this sort of thing so I have never dated more than one at a time. There’s peace in risking all-in even if it’s a Loss.

[StormChaser838]

dating is the most corny way to meet someone, everyone is on their best behavior, once u start shaking with a person for a month or so then the fish really begins to stink and the true faces come out. I could never date, like girls put on the "dumb blonde shit for guys", really they are a 1000 times smarter than the bloke. All that shit, I was just too smart for it. And if the girl thinks you are an eligible material, then you had it, you are going to get all the patronizing shit. Man I could never take it. At times I felt like jumping out of the car window. And man the sex sometimes was so sad, its like I am in her and I am just arguing with God as to why only girls can only fake an organism and get the hell out of there. Some very sad times.

[OlderAndWiser]

Glad I'm not you!

[StormChaser838]

really their was more I wrote, but somehow it saved the page my mistake, I never got to answer the question

[Lliam]

When I dated, it was in the hope of finding a girlfriend. That was also the goal of the girls I dated.

If we got along on our first date and immediately planned a second date, I stopped trying to date others and gave this girl my full attention. Dating others at the same time would have sent the message that I was looking looking for someone better. That's a relationship killer. And my dates had the same attitude. They were good girls who wanted a boyfriend.

We would date and hang out together as often as possible, at least once a week. And we would speak to each other a lot between dates.

After a few dates, if we started having sex, we were exclusive partners. We were infatuated and couldn't get enough of each other. We had no interest in dating others while we were together.

So yes, if we met each other's criteria, we were exclusive.

[Potteplante]

I don't think I've ever dated someone.

Through my adolescence, I correlated sex with being cared about - that did lead me to a lot of not good circumstances and sometimes multiple of partners. Don't get me wrong, I did have good periods - teen romance and all that but those just happened, was in a 3 way relationship at 20.

When I met my late fiance at 22 or more we caught interest in each other it just happened. I'm now 32 years old, in a completely different stage of my life and can't imagine myself doing anything else than exclusive.

[NathanDavis]

I've only done it exclusively... never really went around doing multiple

not even when there were plenty of chances, I just focus on the one I am really interested on and then she reciprocates, there's mutual interest or I just don't go anywhere else

[melanieeeB]

Definitely but I can't remember ever verbally having a now we are exclusive conversation lol
Until now it was mostly self explanatory after like the 3rd date and us saying we like each other and wanna keep seeing just us two but it was never a sit down and have a conversation... unless it's about relationship

[midnightmoon05]

That sounds like the process to long term relationship (marriage.)
if they don’t fit my criteria, I would move on within the first few dates.
I can over look some things…somethings I have learned to work out with as long as he is also on the same page.

[meetkitty123]

It doesn't make sense to me not to eventually go exclusive with an individual who makes me happy.

I have had open relationships when we are on agreement that we are just casual however during this "open" time I do not get sexual with the person. The only way for the relationship to transition into sexual partners is if it becomes closed and exclusive.

For a relationship to become exclusive I must really be crazy and smitten 🥰 with them.

The way I see it is if I find someone who makes me go head over heels for them why would I want to risk having them move on to someone else... I rather offer them my faithfulness. I'll purpose we go steady.

From that point on only time will tell if we continue to grow into more. In the meantime I'll aim to continue to enjoy their company until either something drifts us apart or unites us.

[Jemini_Crocket]

If there's spark, good chemistry and feelings are already starting to grow, then I need to say (and hear from him) that we're exclusive. I am quite picky so when I finally find someone who's so called "my type", then I've got my eyes set only on him.

I am strictly monogamous though, I want my one and only man.

[RMorus]

If I would ever date, then it could be only exclusively and it would be the natural understanding for me that same applies to the counterpart. But well, maybe it isn't called dating then.

[OlderAndWiser]

Such an understanding is not "natural;" it requires a discussion and explicit agreement.

[RMorus]

well, I would hardly be interested in a counterpart, to whom it would turn out to be not applicable afterwards. That's why I am talking about "natural understanding"

[OlderAndWiser]

I'm simply saying that such an understanding should not be based on an assumption.

[Anonymous]

That’s what dating is about something like this happens in Europe majority in the Eastern Europe or Balkan! But western world has turn dating into an animal hotspot having random iguana sex. And for what? Men lose their time to make money to settle down safely with crate a family …
women by 30 look like old as Dracula… and no one wants them anymore.
Save your dignity

[Part2603]

Dating takes energy. Sometimes when you meet someone you just get a good feeling and you don't feel like going through the bother of spinning plates.

[OlderAndWiser]

https://youtu.be/Cb6NS_F5xTE

[Jamie05rhs]

I WANT to date exclusively. But ironically, whenever I find someone, there's like 3 or 4 other girls all trying to holler at me at the same time (unsolicited). It's like a curse. I don't know; women must have some sort of 7th sense that tells them when a man is about to get taken, so they all jump on him and try to confuse the hell out of him.

[musicbrain5]

I would only date exclusively, right from the first date.

[BCRanger10]

In the past, I would be willing to date exclusively if the woman met my criteria, but also if I felt a particular emotional connection with her and felt that there was a strong possibility of a future with her.

[RavVid]

In Australia we say a couple is going out and we presume they are having sex. When I think about it I am not entirely sure what the US term dating conveys. Could someone clarify for me please?

If a couple dates does it imply they are having sex. If a couple is not exclusively dating does it imply they each are having sex with multiple people.

[OlderAndWiser]

"Dating" strictly means they are spending time together with the mutual understanding that they are hoping to develop romantc interest in each oher. Many couples, after they have had 3-6 dates, will begin having sex but some couples - not as common - will not have sex for several months, until they become engaged, or even get married.

If they are no datng exclusively, it does not mean they have more than one sexual partner at the same time. It only means they are dating more than one person at the same time.

[RavVid]

Thanks for the clarification. It might seem odd to ask but how it compares to 'going out' was not that clear.

[Anonymous]

Criteria isn't the problem. I'm pretty accepting. What I can't accept is lack of effort and commitment on her part. I deserve that as much as she does. Most women today don't want monogamy. Sorry, that's a deal breaker for me.

[OlderAndWiser]

"What I can't accept is lack of effort and commitment on her part." Then those thngs are included in your list of criteria.

[Opinion Owner]

Really... criteria? I would think that's kind of basic stuff. I mean how do you have a relationship with out either of those things?

[OlderAndWiser]

I wouldn't. . . but some people are willing to date without commitment.

[FilmGuy93]

I have dated exclusively in the past. I would say that I'm slightly less open to exclusivity now than I was before, but I would have to meet someone pretty darn exceptional to make me want to be totally locked down.

[randyzuchows]

Yes I have no problem with being with that one person rest of my life, unfortunately the ex didn't feel the same

[OlderAndWiser]

Been there, done that!

[sheenagwapa]

what's the use of datinh if it's not exclusive. what's that fuck around? hedonistic lifestyle bo wonder this world is fucking endinh because people are fucking immoral. so yeah have a blast in hell