What do guys think of girls that are shy in the bedroom? How do I get my confidence back?

Question

I no what I like.. but I get all shy.

I used to be very confident. But my ex partner (of 9 year) treated me like shit, made me feel ugly and fat and bad at sex..

Which now after 5 year of being single I'm not as down about how I look. I'm slim but with a wee belly and I could do with toning up but with kids and working I've just never got the time or motivation to. I always get told I'm good looking aswell.

I've met a guy who I really like, he's very confident, works out a lot and looks great.

I'm all confident when we're fully dressed and getting started but then once some clothing comes of it's like i just... Get to shy and feel like I'm not good at sex.

What do guys think when a girls shy with sex? How do I get my confidence back?

I wanna tell him but I feel to embarrassed (my ex used to laugh when I brought up stuff and ano everyone is different but it's hard to get over) but I don't want him to just think I'm boring or lazy. I really enjoy sex but I just don't feel good enough 🙈

Moist_Gums · Accepted Answer

I would explain this to him at some point when you feel comfortable. I relate to your feelings. While I've never had children I had a time I didn't feel comfortable for the same body reasons.

I eventually started looking at myself in the mirror naked and admiring my beauty with time. I ate better so help slim out and did exercise when I could to feel physically better. These are small things that help because it leads you to your body goals. Also, make sure the man is really attracted to you as a person too. More than just the physical it makes the sex better and opens the gates to healthy sexual experimentation. The biggest thing is realizing that if he's dating you he likely finds you physically attractive and won't care about a small gut, scars, and etc. If he does he doesn't deserve your body anyways.

Me personally, I did a lot of research for sex tips and found what I liked. So now sex feels like dancing or a performance to me. I'm confident in my abilities and I get so wrapped up I tend to not care If I look unappealing now. I find myself beautiful and know my energy is sexy. It's led me to a point where I could be I can have messed up hair, ugly pajamas, on my period and just got finished eating a burger with onions. My man still finds me beautiful and wanna smash anytime or place but ofc respects that there should be limits 😂

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

Oddly enough, some people gain confidence when they stop caring… lol

Casual sex could help? Maybe not?

Just can’t be so hard on yourself.

You have to realize the special guy will value you regardless, and most guys value any type of girl.

Some guys like shy girls, and some guys like assertive girls.

Hence the dom/sub reference (s)/ terminologies.

Be which YOU wish to be. Whichever is comfortable.

If you’re not comfortable being shy, then be assertive!

If you’re not comfortable being assertive, be more passive in the bedroom.

If you date seriously, communicate those past struggles with that person, and communicate what you’d like in general. Maybe not every time, so that the next time you both get hot and steamy, you both can kind of just ease into it, instead of having to narrate a play-by-play lol 🥲😅

Be yourself in society and the bedroom, sis.

The right people will always accept you for who you are and only support growth, not make fun of us, demand we change, or other.

Best to you!

I would also recommend on the gaining more confidence bit: enjoy yourself more 🤷‍♀️

Don’t overthink the guy/s you’re with?

Focus more on your own pleasure until you can get your rhythm. 🥁

jeffnevrotski · Accepted Answer

Woah woah you can get right back outvof that. Your ex was a puece of shit ror doing that you have limitless potential as does your brain the only restraints and limits you have are the ones you placed upon yourself because he said tou were fat and you believed him are you fat? No then he lied to you are you worthless? No you were lied to are you special yes you are he lied to you are you ugly? No tour beautiful again he lied to you. Tell while looking in the mirror at yourself do you still have his cell phone number if so get your closure write him s long text telling him you not the thongs hr said you were because he was a coward and knew you were too good for him and he said that to keep you down and keep you eith him but most of all forgive yourself all you did was make a poor dating decision and with someone you knew wasn't rite for you. Then blocjcthe number or facebook account after you senf it. You'll get those things you want to say off your chest confronting it will be a little fearful vat first when writing it but letbthe fear pass through you and after only you will remain. You'll quockly get your comfidence and self esteem back. ✌️

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You can act your way back into feelng confident just by doing the things that a confident woman would do.

When you are out somewhere in public, whisper in his ear that you need to have him inside you. When you get home, ask him to undress you. Push him down on the bed and ride his face. Get on top for 69. Moan and tell him how horny you are. Ride him in reverse cowgirl. Tell him what you want him to do to make you cum. That kind of assertiveness and eagerness will make him extremely horny and aroused, he will enjoy it even more, and he will let that show. And when you know how much you pleased your partner, you will feel more confident.

TheBootyChest · Answer

Keep working on your confidence. That is a big thing. If I saw you even with a wee belly I wouldn't think anything bad about you.

But the important part is that this new guy understand where you are coming from before you get to the bedroom. Either find some questions to ask him and see how supportive he can be for you. Or just straight up let him know what happen in your last relationship. If neither approach works, then you just got to let him go.

If I we were having that conversation I would totally be supportive and ask you how I can help and offer it as much as I could.

BungusHighFivePizza · Answer

Is it kind of sexist if I think it's the guy's job to do that? Not yours. He is supposed to undress you and be like, "Wow!" Then he use his his power as man to make you happy.

Girls are always unhappy and insecure with some shit. Guys' job is to lead and say, "It's not big deal, sugar buns."

FilmGuy93 · Answer

It's pretty annoying, honestly, but a lot of women struggle with having the confidence to say what they want in the bedroom, so I've learned to be patient. The best way to get your confidence back is to try to express yourself with actions. Do it non verbally at first and then work your way up to verbally telling him what feels good.

I've found that a lot of women respond well when I tell them to squeeze my hand if something makes them uncomfortable.

Gentleman900 · Answer

If you are uncomfortable then that means you are not with the right guy. Let me tell you something. A real man doesn't care about your stomach and cellulite, stretch marks, etc. Personally, that stuff is so attractive to me! Imperfect is what's perfect to me! If he can't accept the fact that you are imperfect then tell him to kick rocks! Please don't lose confidence in yourself queen. You are beautiful!!

VikingWarLord · Answer

Lose the weight, start walking 5,000 steps every day (count them out it goes faster), grow your hair out and even get a boob job if you can afford it.

You're shy because you're insecure. Get secure with yourself and you won't be shy anymore.

hiyamotherfers · Answer

You can do it!! If he really likes you he will help you out. I've had my share of toxic ex's too and they made me now have trust issues. Which sucks, because my boyfriend now is all about trust. You guys should trust each other enough and I really think you should tell him. Otherwise he may get worried that you no longer feel the same about him

richardcory · Answer

Try wearing a mask. (like one of those Venetian style things, or an eye mask or or something". Its gives you something to hide behind and a lot of people find it makes them feel more free to ask for what they want.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I think you need to explain this to him. He needs to know so he can work with you to restore your confidence. The majority of men would understand and be happy to take it slow.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

I'm terrible at sex anyway, so I don't really care. I used to be a stud in the bedroom, but things happened, life fucked me in the ass and now I'm not. I know how you feel

MrCommodore · Answer

Its not a problem if a woman is shy in the bedroom, honestly when I really like a woman, stuff like that isn't important.

jshm2 · Answer

It's not confidence you lack, but revitalising your self-esteem.  Let him take the lead, and get yourself back up to speed.

anon1903 · Answer

Do you have a hole? That's all that matters to men. As long as you aren't obese or malnutritioned, they find you attractive.

Anonymous · Answer

If a girl can't relax around me, especially in bed, we shouldn't be dating. It tinges every encounter with the prospect of fear and retracted consent.

mark000h · Answer

I'm sure your dude thinks you're the sexiest woman ever.

clampfan101 · Answer

I wouldn’t dislike her for being shy. I’m shy myself. But I would want her to try to express herself. I would want to know what she likes and wants to try so I can make her happy.

TheFlak38 · Answer

Every time women want to play the victim and score more attention points: "my ex treated me like shit"  You picked him. Serves you well. But I bet you liked it anyway.

Nikki1989 · Answer

That will happen naturally if you are with the right guy.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

It can be either fun or lame af. Depends on how shy she is

Iron_Man · Answer

Why don’t you get serious and settle down and get married?

Texaskid1 · Answer

Look him straight in the eye and grab his crotch.

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