Is it a red flag if a guy is moving into a relationship too fast, floods you with a lot of compliments, or keeps asking if you could come over?

[BG_21]

[dynamicyandere]

I’d say it’s case by case.


Different people may form strong attachments at a faster or slower pace. The timing isn’t always the exact same. If these are his genuine feelings, then I don’t see complimenting you as a problem.


If those aren’t his genuine feelings and he’s just love-bombing you as a manipulative tactic, then you should be wary.


But again, if it’s genuine, I don’t see a problem.


The thing that’s concerning is that he’s being persistent about you coming over to see him.


If you’ve already expressed that you want to take things slow, he shouldn’t pressure you to do what you aren’t comfortable doing yet.


If he’s disrespecting your boundaries and not honoring your requests to take things slow, that’s a red flag.


He can love you as much or as little as he wants to. That’s HIS choice.


But, returning the compliments or coming over to his place is entirely YOUR choice, and he shouldn’t be putting any pressure on you, especially if you already voiced that you want to take things slow.


Otherwise, you’ll end up being with a guy that can’t take no for an answer. Which isn’t good because that means he doesn’t care about how you think and feel, it would mean he only cares about his own selfish desires.

[SteveSmith1985]

It sure is, unless you are both on the exact same page in terms of wanting things to be moving that fast. There's even a name for it. It's called "love-bombing." And it's never a good thing. It's often the prelude to really really really messed-up relationships. Many horrible (sometimes scary) relationships start off with love-bombing. It... is worth a google search of "love-bombing" to see both how well your situation is described by what you find... but also to learn a bit more about some of the reasons that this IS a red flag. Because it is. 🙂

[BG_21]

I’m a girl who likes to go slow. It makes me uncomfortable when I guy does this and I thought this was normal 😂. I don’t know anything about relationships. Thank you!

[kramchancel]

Its bs. How about you communicate that you like things slow. Instead of just jumping to conclusion and seeing it as a red flag. Some men will give it all if they think they found the right person.

[SteveSmith1985]

@kramchancel If a man thinks he's found the right person, and acts like that... but the other person is not on board... that's not ok. A guy should be able to read basic social signals well enough to see that his "giving it his all" is not being met with the enthusiasm one would expect... if the feelings were mutual.

I agree that she should communicate that she would like things slow. But I'm sorry... if a guy jumps into it with both feet... AND THE GIRL ISN"T ON THE SAME PAGE... that IS a red-flag. Communication is absolutely important. But some things, its fair to expect a person to pick-up on. If your affection is making a woman uncomfortable... I do expect a guy to have the social skill to be able to pickup one of the millions of little signs that... maybe his moving so fast is not something the other person wants. You're right that this could possibly be someone who is innocent, but WILDLY misreading the situation. But... I don't have much sympathy for a guy who would misread that situation. It's also a very common, and known red flag. It even has it's own specific name... it's that much of a "known" red-flag. So maybe this guy is "accidentally" love-bombing. But I'm sorry, this is not a "normal" mistake that any guy is apt to make. I stand by my answer.

[SteveSmith1985]

@BG_21

It IS normal if you're both on the same page. I've had that experience more than once. But that's very very different. When its mutual there is no question of "moving too fast" because you're both totally up for moving just as fast as you're moving. But when only one of you is acting like this (and not noticing... that their zealousness isn't being reciprocated... and in fact he's making you uncomfortable. That's a problem.

You do need to talk to him, and tell him that you're looking to go slower, and that you're uncomfortable with how fast he's been moving.

The most important relationship advice I can give you overall, is: Speak up when you've got something to say. Be open and honest. Talking openly and honestly is the way to go for nearly any issue between a guy and a girl who are seeing each other, dating, in a relationship etc. Just... TALK about it. Whatever it happens to be. In this case, you do need to tell him how you're feeling, and let him know that you're not ok with the pace so far.

How he reacts to that (and his behavior after you talk to him) will go a long way to help you determine whether this guy is just socially obtuse and doesn't understand he's being inapropriate. Or if he's someone to be concerned about.

When you talk to him. It should be pretty straightforward as to what you can expect. You can expect him to hear what you're saying to him. Respect that, and drastically change how he approaches you and the pace of things. Do be clear and specific in what you do want, and what you don't. DO NOT just say something vague like "I want to go slower." Tell him what exactly that means to you. What does that look like exactly. It is fair that you're as clear as possible about what it is exactly you're asking him to do.

If he doesn't seem to hear you, and/or continues to make you uncomfortable with the pace, then definitely move on.

[SakuraBlossoms87]

@kramchancel "Some men will give it all if they think they found the right person."

Which IS considered a vague almost form of sexual harassment if the woman isn't on the same page. It's called a form of coercion & manipulation particularly if the person is just spouting this nonsense for no other reason than to speed up sexual relations. Maybe you should invest in a dictionary and educate yourself.

[Jazzy54]

Yes. That’s called love bombing. In short, this is a trick manipulators use.

[Boomchakalaca]

Yes, he probably recently broke up and wants to continue where he left off

[BG_21]

Now that I think about it. He did mention an ex but I don't know when they broke up. I don't know if it was recent or like last year or something.

[Boomchakalaca]

Now im curious lol

[AviatorTom]

Not necessarily. After my divorce, I started dating a woman who I liked a lot. I took things slow... not wanting to pressure her or scare her away. After 3 dates, she enforced her 3-dates-with-no-chemistry rule and broke it off. I was devastated.

After that, I didn't hesitate to let the woman I was dating know that I was interested in her, both physically and emotionally. I had some very nice relationships, and eventually met my SO. After a passionate kiss at the end of our first date, we've been together for 7 years now.

[Pinay_ako]

It is… what’s the rush? Hold on

[Anonymous]

It can be. But hey, if a guy doesn't come at you aggressively enough your gender concludes he's just not really interested. A guy cannot win.

This is pretty simple, if you like him, if you want this to continue then reciprocate at least enough to show that you're interested but you're a good girl (assuming you're a good girl). But if he's coming at you too strongly then level with him. Tell him you like him. You appreciate his effort. But he needs to slow his roll. Because he's in the door. Any DECENT guy will wait. And if he doesn't want to wait and goes full steam ahead on you then that tells you he ain't listening to you. It's all about what he's trying to achieve with you.

[R3V3RS3PROXY]

Maybe he wants to spend time with you. Get to know you, that’s all. If it’s isolation to only you, that’s unhealthy. Just give it a chance when you feel it’s unhealthy, talk to him and give him some sort of boundary.

[kramchancel]

Seriously this. Just communicate. Say things are going too fast.

[kramchancel]

Bro make up your mind. Either you want a guy who is interested in you or you want a guy who is flakey about it. If you dont want my love and attention then its obvious you are not interested in me

[BG_21]

I do want a guy that’s interested i just don’t want to get hurt or used again. I don't know whats like a red flag or a green flag. I don’t know anything about a guy’s behavior.

[mommymommymommy]

Depends on how long you've known each other

I've known a girl 10 years, and we've never actually hung out together

Yes, I get it, so how have I known her 10 years. Well, it's difficult to explain

[BG_21]

I’ve know this guy since February. We were walking side by side I didn’t know him at first and we accidentally made eye contact and I didn’t know what to say so I was like. I like your hat. So I’m walking into the union in the Chik fil a line and I wasn’t expecting him to behind me and I didn’t want things to be awkward so I just talked to him. As he got his food i saw him waiting by the exit (I don't know why) and I got my food and we started walking the same direction but then we went our separate ways. I decided to be a but nosy yesterday and was kinda curious who he was following. He follows a lot of girls and some of them are porn bots. He said yesterday that the porn bots on instagram I guess can give him a boost of followers and I was like a little weirded out it but hey. No judgement here.

[mommymommymommy]

He's a follow whore

[Anonymous]

Maybe he doesn't have much experience with women. I was a late bloomer who didn't have my first girlfriend until 21 and looking back I probably seemed overbearing. I wasn't trying to manipulate or play any mind games with her. I was just so excited to have a girlfriend and wanted to spend every second I could with her.

[Opinion Owner]

Also my view of relationships was very childish. I thought that constant affection and compliments was the way to keep a woman happy and not worry her or drive her insane.

[OfMiceandMen]

Sounds like he is desperate and/or he is on the rebound.

[chicosuave]

Why would it be a red flag. Sleeping with you it is cuz you know if that's the only thing he wants. But if it's only dates then you should be fine

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, if any girl did exactly what you said in your question, it would bother me for sure yes it sure is a red flag and scary for sure.

[teamvic]

Hell yeah he just wants to fuck, so he's telling you want you want to hear. That's in like page one of things to watch out for

[Sarah2023]

I feel that complimenting every day is way to much, that is classed as love bombing. Also wanting to see you every day is a bit much. Complimenting a little is ok.

[EmmaMary]

Definitely too fast... Ask him what the hell's the rush.

[Anonymous]

ah. you're the rebound and he is lovebombing you. very scary and unhealthy stuff. i'd seriously back away from him.

[Stevefiveo]

I don't think so. But you can tell if him if you don't like the pace that he is going.

[Anonymous]

Love bombing is dangerous. Mostly toxic men do that.

[007kingifrit]

not necessarily, maybe he just really wants company

[Anonymous]

He's just super into you and probably wants to have sex.

[Anonymous]

No he’s showing he’s interested. Damned if you do damned if you don’t

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Nope. Being a hopeless romantic is cool.

[Jamie05rhs]

Why does he want you to come over?

[BG_21]

I don't know.

[BG_21]

We were going to hangout later today and he asked me what time was my first class. Told him the time and told him I was going to hang with a friend later and he asked “Cool. Who are they?” And I’m just like……uhhhh just a classmate. He’s been asking me to hangout with him since like 2 months ago and I said that I would hang with someone after because I felt he would ask me to hangout with him even tho I told him yesterday we would hangout at 3:30pm.

[Jamie05rhs]

@BG_21 So you didn't hang out with him at 3:30?

[BG_21]

I did but it wasn’t in his apartment. It was at the union but the whole time we talked he looked at for a long time. Also he asked if i could go to this dance with him and I said I couldn’t because I had a doctors appointment. I mean he's a nice guy I’m just setting boundaries.

[Jamie05rhs]

@BG_21 Okay. I'm glad you didn't go to his apartment.

[Jamie05rhs]

Did you actually have a doctor's appointment or was that a lie?

[BG_21]

I got mixed up with the weeks so my doctor appointment is on the 21st of this month. But I guess it was a lie 😅😅. But I told him like “ehhh no” after. Because he told me it was at 7:30pm.

[Jamie05rhs]

@BG_21 So you don't like dancing or what?

[BG_21]

Not its not that. I don’t know how to dance 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I’ve never waltz with someone. I think thats the word for it.

[Jamie05rhs]

@BG_21 ok. So it's not about him?

[BG_21]

No but like I said before I’m setting boundaries. I feel bad for not being interested in him like he is with me. I mean he liked me when we first talked. I was just complimenting him it didn’t mean I liked him. I was being nice.

[BG_21]

And ever since we met he’s been asking me to hangout, workout, or go to his apartment with him when I don’t know him that well. I’m okay with compliments and flirting but if its too much I get uncomfortable. I just see him as a friend.

[Jamie05rhs]

@BG_21 Boundaries are for relationships. If you don't even like the guy, then you need something much stronger than a boundary. You need a Definition. Define his place in your life and tell him that clearly.

[BG_21]

Okay thank you 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

Then again, if you're not sure, then you can give him temporary boundaries until you figure out how you feel about him.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome!

[MilkRoseTea]

That's creepy

[serious_miss419]

Yes and it’s irritating

[Anonymous]

Yes, that is called love bombing.

[Spade_01]

Yes it is.

[Extraterrestrial1999]

Yes.