What advice would you give a sad and single lady?

Question

I just turned 31 and I have been VERY single for the last 2 years since I split with my ex nearly 3 years ago.

I’m glad that relationship is over but at the same time it ruined me for the last few years. He cheated on me then cheated on his new girl with me and it was a whole big mess so I’ve been totally heartbroken. I felt like I’ve just been floating through life and lost myself a bit.

Anyway I am finally trying to get back on track and be happier. I’ve got a new job, new house, new car and would really love to meet someone new. I have tried dating apps but I hate hate hate the whole idea. I don’t click with people messaging on apps. And these days I don’t get out much like I did in my 20s.

I’m quite quiet and shy until I get to know someone so I struggle meeting new people. Everyone keeps telling me to put myself out there but what does that even mean?

My friends and family keep asking me why I’m single and a few guys I’ve met at work have asked me how I’m still single. My friends husbands even ask me why I’m single and I get so embarrassed like I don’t know why no guy wants me.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me and the more people say this to me the worse I feel about myself.

arodriguez664 · Accepted Answer

What I learned from being single was honesty was the best policy, and never get attached until you're sure they are also attached.

Storytime! So I dated my ex from freshman year of high school all the way up until last year right after my 26th birthday. It was a miserable 12 year relationship. After I got out I went a little wild and dated a bunch of people in a short amount of time. My approach was always the same. I told each one upfront that I didn't want a relationship, even told some of them that they were only ever going to be a one and done situations. In my travels I learned that self worth issues don't only extend to women. There are a lot of men who will put up with a lot of abhorrent behavior from women just for the tiniest bit of affection. I used dating apps primarily. I liked bumble because it gave me a sense of control and I liked the fb dating app because it's like the clearance section of people.

Coincidentally, I found my now boyfriend on fb dating. He also didn't want a relationship at first he was extremely clear and adamant about that. I was cool with that and laid my ground rules down. After a month or two of dating, he pursued a relationship. Apparently after the first date he already decided he wanted more with me lol I eventually agreed because it was obvious he really cared for me and I began to care for him. It's been six months since then, and I know it's a young relationship but it is nice to be loved the way he loves me. The man would do absolutely anything for me, and that may change or it may not. I like risk and so I am giving it a shot.

WonderBell99 · Accepted Answer

You don’t need a man to make you happy. Your happiness and worth should NEVER be decided by someone else. Learn how to keep yourself entertained before entering a relationship with someone else. When you despise being single, you always look for signs to date someone, and in the process, you overlook all the red flags that play a major role in deciding whether you should go on another date with the said person.

You need to stop relying on dating apps. 7/10 times, they’re a major shit show. Most guys on there are looking to have some fun before finding a girl to settle down with. Trust me, you don’t want to be one of their “hit it and quit it”. I don’t know you, so I can’t tell if there is anything “wrong” with you, but being single doesn’t automatically mean that nobody wants you or that something is wrong with you.

Not everyone will be your type, you won’t like everyone, and not everyone will like you… and that’s okay. What are your hobbies? You like animals? Go to a park with your pet and strike up a conversation with someone you think is cute. Find out if they’re single and ask them out. Did you struggle to find dates before you got together with your ex? It seems like your self esteem is very low. Perhaps, thats one of the reasons you try to settle for less than what you deserve? That’s not good. You’ll never be happy if you settle.

OfMiceandMen · Accepted Answer

I guess my first question is are you over the whole experience with your ex?

Notice... I don't say are you over your ex?

I am sure the whole experience with him has left a bad taste in your mouth, which is understandable. The big thing is, can you let it go so it does not interfere with finding a new guy. If you've put it behind you and are willing to start fresh emotionally, then you are ready to start seeing other people. It appears as though you've cleaned-house of all the physical things, like the house, the car, etc., which is great, but that doesn't mean you are emotionally ready. One can't go into a relationship expecting the worse from every guy, because unbeknownst to him, he would already have a strike against him. Which is unfair to a good/decent quality guy.

I agree, about the whole dating site thing. I am, and never was a fan of the sites. So that leaves you with fate. The one thing about fate is it reduces the pool of potentials, unless you get out from under your comfort zone.

So that means, you may have to either join things or doing things that increases your chance of meeting someone. For instance, volunteering somewhere, taking a night-class, heading to the library, or a bookstore like Chapters/Indigo, cafe, etc.

I would avoid the club scene, unless you are going with friend (s) to have a little fun, but it is not a good place to meet someone that is there for the right reasons.

Good luck, and hopefully there's some advice in here, that is helpful.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It sounds like you've been through a lot and you're taking positive steps to get back on track and be happier. Here are a few pieces of advice that may be helpful:

1. Take time to focus on yourself: It's important to take time to focus on yourself and your own well-being. This may involve engaging in self-care activities, pursuing hobbies and interests that bring you joy, or seeking support from a therapist or counselor.

2. Be open to new experiences: Putting yourself out there can mean different things for different people, but it generally involves being open to new experiences and opportunities. This may involve trying new activities or social events, joining a club or group that interests you, or asking friends to introduce you to new people.

3. Don't let others' opinions define your worth: It's important to remember that your worth is not determined by your relationship status or what others think of you. You are valuable and deserving of love and respect regardless of whether or not you're in a relationship.

4. Be patient and kind to yourself: Finding a meaningful relationship takes time, and it's important to be patient and kind to yourself throughout the process. It's okay to take breaks from dating or to focus on other areas of your life when you need to.

Remember, the most important thing is to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, and to surround yourself with people who support and uplift you.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

When people ask why you arestill single, if you want to have some fun, look them straight in te eyes and respond, "Because I've never met a guy who can keep up with my sexual appetite." And then casually walk away!

Anonymous · Answer

Why do you even want another guy? You want to go through being cheated on again by a different dude? You wanna get your hopes up of a future together only to have the relationship end and you being heartbroken again and have nothing to show for time and emotion invested in to the relationship? Or even worse, go as far as building a life with him only to have it all crash down? Nah. Relationships nowadays are a complete waste. The vast majority of relationships end and even half of marriages fail and that’s the people who took the ultimate step to make their relationship permanent and still they failed. There is no happily ever after foe most people these days and so it’s not worth it at all. Well unless you wanna go from relationship to heartbreak to relationship to heartbreak and so on and on for the rest of your life. I know I’m better off single and on purpose haven’t dated for years. If you’re lonely get a pet or hang out with family or friends more. Heck get a friends with benefits or a cuddle buddy if that’s your thing. You already have a house so don’t need a partner for that. If you want kids you could have that single as well. No reason to date anybody these days when all they do is lie, cheat and/or leave. Don’t be fooled by people nagging about why you’re single. Don’t allow yourself to feel pressured by their expectations.

lightbulb27 · Answer

that can happen and breakups take one down.

If you didn't treage the mess you should... why you were drawn to him, what you learned about yourself and your needs and how to pick better guy.

when I hear shy I think introverted, empathetic and highly sensivie possibly. such people can draw opposite energy people, some of which are on the narcissistic spectrum and thus abusive. So you have to look at yourself, look at your childhood and training as to what you are attracted to. then correct that so you go for better. Build your dating skills, communication, and management skills. relationships take some work.

and put yourself out there... that is, your best self available all the time for when you meet someone and click and can make a go of it.

spend time on gag learning, spend time socializing and building yourself up again.

good luck going forward.

Leapfrog00 · Answer

maybe it's your shyness. I never meet new people because I'm shy. I doubt you're unattractive since you've had boyfriends before. It's probably your atmosphere also. If you're in places where there are barely any guys, it's going to be hard for you to meet anyone.

When I split with my ex, I had trouble finding people because I feared the next person was going to cheat like she did. Relationships are nice, and it's nice to have someone to love, but it can also be time consuming and cause unwanted stress. Did the last guy break your heart? Another reason it might be harder is because you're afraid of getting hurt.

glennos89 · Answer

I think the fact that people ( especially men ) ask you why you are still single is probably because they feel that your to attractive to be single. Because normally most attractive woman aren't single anymore. If I ask a woman why she is still single its because i dont understand why that woman isn't occupied yet. So dont feel bad for being single just try to respond to them in a different way.

For example: if a attractive guy ask you why you are single just ask him why he didn't do anything to make that change

stratford · Answer

If you're ready for the dating game, you need to discover your ever so slightly slutty side - dress like you are available. I'm not saying you have to have your boobs on display or be wearing a skirt so short your panties show, but dress like you are confident in yourself and dress in a way that you think guys will find you attractive, not the girls around you.

I'm not saying you have to act like a slut (although I have nothing against that), more that you should enjoy the game.

Hope that helps.

varan69 · Answer

You can be happy alone but you fo have to be happy for who u are, what you have and what you do. If not that will never happen so every day smile be happy go on your day to make it a good day. We have bad moments but not bad days. there's no advice to get some one because that special someone comes by himself or without looking. And yes now a days guys just want one thing and one thing only specially on social media apps so if u just want some fun then thats the place to look for. ... so don't be sad maybe you are single for a reason to find yourself and enjoy your free time without the struggle of looking out what he doing or he checking on you (for some people not all relationships ok)
Whenever they asked why u single just smile and be honest, there's no right guys yet and u enjoy what you do. I dont know that's my opinion and my personal experience

RavVid · Answer

There are fewer available singles in your age bracket. The people who are asking why you are single might be thinking of their twenties when there were more singles around.

You did the right thing in giving yourself time. If you have just started looking around you are being a bit harsh on your self that no guy wants you. I'd suggest social groups instead of apps and consider men that are a bit older than yourself.

MementoMori777 · Answer

My best advice is dress to impress, appearance always attracts guys, once you attract them, the rest is up to your personality, by the way by dress to impress I don't mean show a lot of skin necessarily but dress more on the beautiful side that's not too casual, I'm sure you'll know what to wear.

itsalyssaagain · Answer

Seems like you've got your life together but...

I think go on dates and don't expect much from it. I know you said you hate getting to know someone on apps for example, but just try it out. And if someone asks you out, try that out too. Go into things without any expectation and just enjoy being single and spending time with men. Eventually, love will find you.

Anonymous · Answer

My advice would be to invite Jesus Christ into your life and seek a partner through God, scripture and prayer. You've become over identified with your physical self and forgotten the Holy Spirit within. You have all of the material things in place but only the Word Of God truly satisfies.

SirJohn42 · Answer

When trust is broken its hard to feel good inside. Its hard to trust others let alone yourself.
Just take things slow rebuild yourself find your happiness. Find the things that brings you joy.
Laugh often. Watch comedy go for walks just dont cage yourself. Forgive yourself. Dont let him destroy your happiness. Forgive him but never forget what he's done to you.
Talk to your friends and get rid of the sorrow and regret.
Its hard but you can build retrust.
Just never give up.

Pudsmucker · Answer

It is good to be single and heal from a broken heart. Number one it's none of your friends and families business while you're single. Tell them the truth that you're not ready.

I'm sorry you're going through this pain in your life. This is part of healing. Once you're healed you will be stronger and a better person for it. The best thing for you is to get some form of counseling. Counselors help out a lot.

I hope you get well soon.

rachel776 · Answer

join groups with very large numbers of people, churches, meet up groups, Toastmasters, community volunteers, any non-profit needs loads of volunteers. just make friends with everyone and eventually things will fall into place for you

alearningboy · Answer

Well you can go to the gym, or do kizombo classes.

In my class was a girl like you're story. She started going to the gym and did start also with kizombo classes and there she found a nice boy. They are now almost living together.

If you dont like these things start with something that you like to do for distraction you will grow more in life. I hope it will help.

JSmuve · Answer

Ask your friends or their husbands, if they can't comprehend why you're single, to set you up with single guys that they know. If they think you're great, then they should have no problem with doing it.

FreyaRed · Answer

Are you capable to get men? If yes, it's your choice to remain alone. If not, it's the choice of mother nature.

MrCommodore · Answer

Get your ass out and meet guys, not just at clubs etc, like take up sports or Martial arts that are male dominated.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Be who you want to be. Strive to have the qualities you want in your partner as well. Use Every method to find love and don't give up on Any of them.

YourExLover69 · Answer

Well I'm single and same. Sounds like you have explained my story. I want a girl in my life too. Anyways Don trust easily, don't rush and don't judge any guy quickly

What advice would you give a sad and single lady?

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