If a guy keeps getting rejected after 1-4 dates, whats going wrong?

[Anonymous]

Updates

+1 y

Reasons given vary but the most common are “No real connection”, “we’re too different”, “very different lifestyles”, “want someone more romantic and with more relationship experience” “had a lovely time but not sure about another date just now” etc.

[AmandaYVR]

It could very well be them, or the way society/culture is now, not anything particularly wrong with him.

The most likely reason is that finding true compatibility is very challenging/tough.

But everyone has room for improvement; some more than others.

If he's getting the dates, it's not how he looks.

It could be something in the communication/conversation/social skills. Or, he seems to lack passion or a full life which others find interesting or appealing.

But it's just as likely to be the fact that society has now become on-demand, and fickle. There is the perception of endless possibilities out there (because of the internet making communication so readily available.) This has resulted in people behaving differently than in all of prior human history. We have never lived in a time of this much impatience, expectation, individuality, and lack of loyalty. So, remind yourself of that frequently, when you sink into despair about what you lack. You may be just fine as you are.

[Asker]

Could it be because he’s short and Asian?

[AmandaYVR]

Honestly, yeah. Particularly the short.
It drives me nuts, all these short girls, 5'4", etc etc, demanding over 6'ers. Come on, be realistic. You don't need the tallest ones.
It's probably because they are so insecure themselves, they want a big man who can protect them. So much for women's liberation.

[AmandaYVR]

P. S. I've dated 4 Asian men.

[AmandaYVR]

Oh, and short men. Lots of them.

[Anonymous]

If a guy consistently gets rejected after 1-4 dates, there could be various factors contributing to this pattern. Here are a few potential reasons:

1. Lack of compatibility: It's possible that the guy and the individuals he's dating simply have different interests, values, or goals, which can make it challenging to establish a strong connection.

2. Poor communication or social skills: Effective communication and social skills are important in dating. If the guy struggles with expressing himself, listening, or engaging in meaningful conversations, it can hinder the development of a connection.

3. Unresolved personal issues: Sometimes, unresolved personal issues, such as emotional baggage, past traumas, or self-confidence issues, can impact dating experiences. These issues may need to be addressed and resolved before entering into new relationships.

4. Incompatibility in dating approach: Different people have different expectations and preferences when it comes to dating. If the guy's approach or behavior during dates is not aligned with what his potential partners are looking for, it can lead to rejection.

5. Lack of self-awareness: It's important for individuals to have self-awareness and understand how their behavior and actions may be perceived by others. If the guy is unaware of certain behaviors or patterns that may be off-putting to potential partners, it can lead to repeated rejections.

It's crucial for the guy to reflect on his dating experiences, seek feedback from trusted friends or even consider professional help, if necessary, to gain insight into what might be going wrong. Making adjustments, focusing on personal growth, and learning from each dating experience can increase the chances of building successful connections in the future.

[EricSummer]

It is possible that you could not build intimacy and were treading water after the first date. It has to flow naturally in the situation and can get awkward if not done well, but you have to breach the touch barrier at some point with fleeting touches or gestures like taking her hand or putting your arm around her while walking or sirting next to her. At a third or fourth date it could be time to initiate a kiss.

Not sure if it's that, but if they already talk about "connection" it's a hint. Different lifestyles would just be an issue of compatibility which is a different thing and cannot really be helped.

[Asker]

Do all of that. Still get these rejections.

[provokeesmokee]

Sounds like you don't know how to be in a positive and loving relationship.

Without details or context about what you talk about, do, say, etc, it's impossible to discern.

It sounds like at least a few have had trouble feeling like you're actually interested in a romance. You may feel to them like you're just going through the motions or you're not actually interested.

What sort of dates do you go on, and what do you talk about (not what she brings up, what do YOU contribute to convos)?

[Asker]

I ask her questions about her and take interest in what she’s saying.

[jennifer_bloom]

The main thing to getting somebody is to work on yourself until you fly because that’s what everyone else is doing and your in competition with them. I find you have to do it for yourself and not for the girl, but the girl will fall into your lap when you’ve made enough progress in your life.

[Anonymous]

maybe date someone that has your same interests, same lifestyle, same hobbies, etc. seems like you're going after girls who aren't like you that can't really relate to you. the biggest thing my partner and i have in common is our hobbies and work. simply because we met in college and were there for the same reason. so i feel like you'd benefit from the same strong bond if you can find someone like that. i'm not saying date someone where you work at, but it'd be a start to find someone that is close to what you do for a living.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Nothing, I was asked out in a hospital last week. The guy has been asking me out whole week, he’s really cool, but I couldn’t meet cause I was awfully busy. Maybe I should meet him, just for the fun of it.

Don’t assume there’s something wrong with you, people can really be busy sometimes.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Wait, I just read it. I think she’s just not that into you.

[Asker]

This is multiple girls. Not just 1 girl. Happens girl after girl after girl.

[SnowedIn]

You already have the answer:

“No real connection”
“we’re too different”
“very different lifestyles”
“want someone more romantic and with more relationship experience”
“had a lovely time but not sure about another date just now”

Those are real and legitimate answers. If that's consistent than some of it falls on you. A lot of that list is on you actually.

[Anonymous]

Women only value 3 things:

1. Looks (Height, face, race, muscles, skeletal frame)

2. Money (Physical cash, property own, networth, income)

3. Status (Job status, social connections, social media presence, family reputation).

If you are finding yourself rejected repeatedly, you are deficient in one or more of these areas. Women are like colleges that will accept u if you meet their threshold in these areas. If u are really amazing in one or more area then they will actual come to you; same as how colleges will give u a scholarship if you are really amazing.

[Anonymous]

If this question is about you, I don’t know you personally so I can’t speak on your character or if it contributes to why this rejection happens. So instead I’ll be neutral and say that you just weren’t compatible with those women. Some people in life get lucky enough to find their person younger, even high school sweethearts. But for others their journey is a bit longer, and that’s ok. You just aren’t meant to meet her yet.

[Asker]

I’m not sure. I think If it’s going wrong for me between dates 1-4 100% of the time, the common denominator is me. And I’m doing something wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, where could you imagine you may go wrong?

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry, I clicked your response before I saw the update. It doesn’t sound like you are doing something wrong and it’s just a matter of compatibility. If you do think maybe there’s something about your actions that contribute then that’s one thing, but based on their responses it doesn’t sound like that really.

[Asker]

I don’t think it is purely compatibility. I think generally people assess dates based on how they feel and whether it’s going anywhere. Part of that is compatibility yes. But I think part of it is a guys ability to flirt.

[Opinion Owner]

I can only speak for myself but in my opinion it is fully compatibility. It doesn’t matter (to me) how great a man thinks he is a flirting or if he’s gotten every woman based off that ability. If I’m not feeling him, it won’t make a difference. There’s just something about the vibe that sets the tone going forward. With the women you went on dates with, it could’ve been any number of things that messed with their ultimate decision that you weren’t compatible. Maybe it was the way you dressed, your height, your conversation, the topics, it’s different for everyone.

[Asker]

You said it yourself “If I’m not feeling him, it won’t make a difference. There’s just something about the vibe that sets the tone going forward”. That comes down to the guys ability to flirt.

[Opinion Owner]

Is flirtation all you have to offer? Is it the foundation you build a relationship on? You’ve got to think about it on a bigger scale, and while yes flirting is fun and can add to the attraction you feel towards someone, ultimately it’s your compatibility that determines whether or not things will work. When you think of compatible, what does that mean for you? To me, it’s whether a persons life goals, lifestyle, and character aligns with who I am as a person and what I want. It’s sharing interests, values, there’s elements to determining if you are compatible. So if it’s just not there with a guy, why would his ability to flirt override the rest? Why would some sexy words outshine if who he is as a person matches what I’m looking for? You’ve got to be willing to see things from another perspective.

[Fireguy17]

He is asking the wrong type of women to go out.
He should look elsewhere and see if that helps, Orr on the better pay to join dating sites, like it's just lunch or eharmony.
There they will match you with people you have something in common with.

[Anonymous]

Well you just showed me why. NEVERRRRR tell a woman you dont have experience in dating. Women don't like that. Maybe if you go and date a nun it would work but any other woman will be turned off if you say that.

I'm just being honest with you. You do what you want with this info:)

[jshm2]

Most likely he's dating types that are not into him. A big tittied goth chick may rock a lot of worlds. But she's into very specific types only.

[Nikki1989]

You answered your own question with the update.

[BarryLiverstone]

Based on your update is say you are not taking enough risks. When you are on the date what chemistry do you feel?

[msc545]

He is not good-looking enough, tall enough, OR rich enough to attrach women.

[Asker]

Then why does he get dates?

[msc545]

I thought he kept getting rejected?

[California_Poppy]

What is your "lifestyle?"

[shades777]

could be the women, could be you who knows

[In_Trance]

it's something he's saying or doing. (or not)