Would you want your friends to tell you that your current relationship might be a red flag?

Question

A group of us went out to dinner with our friend- I’ll call him A. He was talking about a woman he’s now seeing and she seemed nice from what he was saying.

As the night went on he said some things that sounded like a red flag. Like she had him remove lots of women he was following on insta-within the first week of knowing each other. (we didn’t say anything at the time)

Then she had him unlike all photos of other women! We thought he was joking but I later checked my page and he even unliked all my photos from years back ( I don’t even post promiscuous or bikini pics, just life events and selfies).

We thought she seemed controlling and insecure. Our friend B, kinda hinted that to A, but in a very very subtle way.

He said she didn’t have a FB but I looked her up and she does. She posts their trips together, but crops him out. She posts everything they do together but leaves him out and writes like she was alone.

He posts them together and he seems serious about her. I feel we should say something but at the same time they’ve only been dating for 6 months.

Would you want your friends to say something?

devilish-cutie · Accepted Answer

for me? yes and no, ill give possibly a bit different take

Yeah, you should tell him your concerns that you mentioned, but in a calm nice manner, like the things you observed and noticed. But at the end of the day noone really knows what kind of relationship someone has, only those 2 people and maybe to some bigger extent people very close to those people but not even then fully. Noone is perfect and your friend surely has flaws as well. Nowdays everything seems to be a red flag, like noone has flaws or forgivness isn't possibility. Make your friend is a desperate pushover so he just needs to stand up for himself, not immediately terminate the relationship. Point is, maybe he did something that made her insecure or maybe she has baggage from past and he is being understanding. He is possibly also not an idiot, he is an adult and he choose that relationship, fully knowning things you mentioned (besides maybe fb stuff) so I wouldn't come all blazing like i know everything, 9/10 people do know what they are getting into, sooner or later and they may choose it anyways, all you can do as a friend is to worn them of your concernes but respect their decision anyways.

California_Poppy · Accepted Answer

I think you should say it once and then back off of the topic. Preferably when it already comes up in topic.
Example: 'oh she made you unlike everyone's picture? Don't you think that's a little weird?'

If he really likes her, pushing it too hard could damage your friendship, even if you've been friends for years. Especially if he talks to her about it. Then she will just work on creating distance between you and your friend (her boyfriend).

I understand why you would you want to look out for him, and you should. Just make sure you are giving him the space and support to make that judgement for himself.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

If she is cropping him out of photos and acting like she is single then yes you need to tell him the truth that this girl is playing him , this girl sounds like a a huge red flag , so yes as a friend you have every right telling him how you feel and what you are seeing , he is clearly blind to the shit she is pulling with him , especially badger 6 months of dating she is already trying to control him and mold him into something that she wants him to be , and the truth is by her making him do all those things just shows her true colors that she is the one that is probably flirting with other guys and keeping secrets from him , she is trying to play a victim when really she is the piece of shit , So yes tell him the truth of what red flags you are seeing

molonski2 · Accepted Answer

Yeah , I certainly would , now I do appreciate this is more difficult to cope with when young , I have one particular relationship in my mind ( I was about 25 ) people warned me , but I didn't listen and it was as obvious as the nose on your face , that this person and I were not suited..

Thank heaven it went no further , so Yes , Id want to hear what my friends had to say.

Anonymous · Answer

I most certainly would, and my friend group did this for our friend. She was about to marry a guy literally everyone knew was a cheater. She was in some deep denial because I guess she was blinded by the ring and felt she was too far along to bust up her life. We gently, calmly, quietly all took her out for coffee and staged a level 4 intervention. We told her we understood the gravity of the situation for her, that we will always be there for her no matter what, explained his scum bag ways, SHOWED HER literal proof. Well, ironically, dude ended up ditching their huge wedding a week before it was to happen, and we all thought, at least he did the right thing....except a month later they got married. No shock, it didn't go well. What transpired was years of heartbreak that only got worse until they eventually divorced after 2 or 3 more interventions on our part because she was so friggin' unhappy. It was so sad to watch.

asphaltrhymes · Answer

Surez unless *eyes* 👀 "I'm the red flag" "no you're the red flag" lol 👀 I don't know who's the red flag anymore or who's got the baggage emotionally 🛄 lol. Ah wells. On the plus side, sure I'd want my friends to have some opinion however small on "so, do you like the new girlfriend" or "so fellas, is she a keeper or bad vibes, good vibes" lol like good cop bad cop lol 😆😂 phrase.

provokeesmokee · Answer

Yes. Hell fucking yes.

I would have broken up with a mistake of an ex fiance waaaaaaay faster had my friends and family been honest with me.

But I do respect that they let me learn the lessons I needed and were there for me in the aftermath.

I pay more attention and will ask more up front for their feedback in the future tho.

Dysney1023 · Answer

Yes please. To me that is what determines a trustworthy friend. Is if they can deal me the hard truths. And girl you have to do it for your own mental wellbeing. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Good luck

Anonymous · Answer

it sounds like she's younger than him and using him for money or something. also, who has time to go through every single liked pic of a female friend just to unlike it? good lord!

and of course i'd want to know any red flags that people see!

i hope he takes your guys advice or at least sees the red flags sooner rather than later

smashleyy · Answer

only if they asked but other than that I’d mind my business. People don’t like being told what to do and what you think is best for them. Let them figure it out on their own

Nikki1989 · Answer

If they have a problem, I want to hear about it.

Lilliantree · Answer

Yes sometimes if your “in love” you won’t notice a lot of red flags 🚩 compared to your friends since they aren’t the ones in the relationship they will notice more details!

LiamJHayden · Answer

Yes. I have blind spots sometimes in relationships.

Anonymous · Answer

It wouldn't matter. My friends opinions have little to no influence over my dating life.

AustinMan · Answer

Run like Hell even if she fides world class head.

boggboss · Answer

Is that not what friends are for

KrakenAttackin · Answer

He is a simp and deserves what's coming.

Agape93 · Answer

Absolutely

sheikalana · Answer

Of course.

RyanK9b · Answer

Yes of course

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