Does it look desperate for a girl to ask a guy out?

Question

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

No, it does not.

Listen to the guys on this. They are not telling you it's not desperate just to manipulate you, or get you to embarrass yourself, or for an ego boost to them, or to 'level the playing the field', or any such negative idea.

You have to realize that culture has changed. Women have more equality and opportunity than ever before in our history. We still fall short in some, but what men see now is that women have been cared for, protected, and even prioritized throughout history, and we now work alongside men, and good and decent men do see women as people deserving equal say, equal status.

Now, there are still a whole bunch of shit men, to be honest. I just watched the morning news and another man shot four women at a festival, for no valid reason. Women are, every day, raped, beat, harassed, intimidated, demeaned, and a whole host of other injustices, just because of being women and being seen as lesser, weaker.

But if all females treat all men as if they fall into this 'basket of deplorables', let's call them, it then demeans all men, even the decent ones who do try very hard to find a way to be a modern man in an ever-changing world.

Think this isn't related to your q? It is. It most definitely is. The thing is, many things have changed in society. If women make up approximately 50% of the workforce, and vote, and can run for office, etc. etc., (although - and don't let any men argue this with you - women are STILL not paid equally for equal work, with an equal work history and credentials. In some industries, yes, but there are reams of data showing that we are still disadvantaged in terms of pay on the male dollar. Anyway. Aside from that...) what men see is that women today still want the benefit of being asked out, never having to make a first move/overture, and to have dates paid for, and to not have to stick their neck out their emotionally, first. No one likes to be rejected. It hurts. It hurts everyone. Men want women to know that. They are not immune to not feeling wanted.

It is for these reasons that men feel sad and despondent that they are hard-pressed to find females who will acknowledge this disparity. Taking accountability for one's advantages laid out by birth, society, etc., and of one's actions that influence their life and the lives of others, is fundamental to the functioning of human relationships. There can be no progress without acknowledgment of accountability.

A man, in some parts of the globe, can potentially go to jail, or lose his job and livelihood, if he offends, or is deemed to offend a woman. That is one of the results of the #metoo movement. After centuries of oppression, physical harm, sometimes even death to women by men, the counterbalance now is that some men can lose their freedom and income to support themselves. Justice is supposed to be blind, but she isn't supposed to be unfair or nonsensical or biased. Do you understand? Men risk more, now, than women risk in this regard, now. Women's lives may be at risk when they get into a car, or a dark alley with a man. But most men could never in their wildest dreams do something to harm a woman. But many men are now afraid of what might happen to them if a woman makes a false claim about how he made her feel.

I've written on this topic countless times here. I've approached it from many angles. I don't see any other females writing this, explaining this. They don't want to. Because they don't want to have to feel what men have felt all their lives. We don't live in caveman days. And this isn't a cartoon where the caveman conks the cavewoman over the head, or Pepe le Pew the skunk incessantly chases the cat, who he thinks loves him back. Times have changed, and the men are waiting for women to now begin to take the lead, to help in this situation. They can't keep doing it. Some men will argue that men are being pussies, and it is their role to always initiate. They should "get some balls." This is a form of shaming, though. And it's not the way to fix a problem, or motivate people into action. And that is why I have written all of this to you, anon, because I already know one thing about you, and that is that you are shy, nervous, afraid, and wondering. And asking this q is the first step to becoming knowledgeable, and, hopefully, enlightened. You can be one of the intrepid ones of your generation, and lead the way into a new day, a new culture.

Every man I have known that I cared most about, I initiated. Whether that was choosing where to sit in college, going to a store to buy chicken at a deli, sending someone a message, etc., when I chose whom I was interested in, it began a meaningful relationship in my life. Guys said no thank you, too, but I don't even remember those ones anymore. I remember that I had 'the balls' to ask, and that is what you must tell yourself when you do it. That took guts, girl. Fucking right. And that's just what men have to tell themselves. You know what one of the 'secrets' to life is? Not making all the right decisions all the time, or having good luck, or being born with a silver spoon in your mouth. It's picking yourself up after setbacks. (Don't label them 'failures'.) I still struggle with this today. But one thing I know is that humbling yourself, letting someone know what you want, asking for it, is actually also powerful. You are taking charge of your life. You're taking a risk. It's not 'Ask, and you shall receive', but more like 'You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might get what you need.' (The Rolling Stones. Before your time, but they knew a thing or two about life.) If you never try, you'll never have even the chance of getting what you want. So go, carpe diem (seize the day), seize the opportunities (like when you are around someone repeatedly that you are interested in), and show your cards. "I like you. I'd like to get to know you better. You want to go out sometime?" Or, you don't even have to say that. You just start up a conversation. Men are all about reading body language. And it's not often that they get approached, so as soon as you initiate anything, they will be wondering, wow, does she like me? Men say yes FAR more than women say yes. So, the odds are better than a casino bet. They actually are in your favour. (Wear something cute when you ask, by the way! Men are visual. It helps.)

Of all the things I've ever written on GAG, this article/mytake received the highest number of upvotes from the blues. They, pretty much unanimously, do not think a girl looks desperate. If a girl looks desperate, what does that make men, hmm? Think about that. Don't be hypocritical, and don't be so hard on yourself; or them. Everyone, pretty much, would like to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship. Someone to curl up with and watch, do something, talk, play. And that can only happen if someone asks someone out, and someone else says, "Yes!"

I typically don't write this much anymore, but this is a fundamental q for you, and young females, and I think it's an important q today. So I hope you take it to heart, really consider it all.

Wow, I forgot I wrote all of these...

The Personal and Societal Benefits of Girls Taking the Initiative With Guys in Relationships

Guys, do you believe that being the initiators asking girls out makes you stronger in other ways?

Guys, do you like, or dislike, the idea of a girl asking you out?

Girls, want to know how to ask a guy out?

Which of these phrasings is the best way for a guy to ask a girl out?

claudia32 · Accepted Answer

No if the guy shows signs like staring at you, just be brave and ask and see what he says. It might be the best decision. There was a guy in my class two years ago who showed me signs of him liking me and he was rlly shy so one day I got the courage and asked him out, we went on some dates and then I accidentally moved on too fast after four months cuz he kept talking about wanting a relationship and I asked “what are we” and he said he wants to take his time and then hugged me a goodbye hug, but that week I was so heartbroken, kept crying for few days all day, and then we didn’t talk for eight months and now we are again talking!! So bottom line, it’s not desperate for a girl to ask him out cuz some guys are shy like that guy who I described above

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No. This is a nonsensical myth that is perpetuated by women that simply do not want to put forth any effort. They say this to keep you on equal footing. Because they know if you go and ask men out it'll give you a decided advantage over them and they don't want that.

There are all kinds of factors that come into play in whether he/she accepts or rejects. And a lot of it has little to do with you believe it or not. We as human beings tend to internalize rejection many times when we shouldn't. I always try to tell people do not take rejection personally. Because most the time when a person rejects you they're not rejecting you. Thier rejecting thier PERCEPTION of who you are. Which most the time is VERY inaccurate.

The best advice I can give you when approaching a guy. Don't just spring it on him. That is a good way to get rejected. You catch him flat footed if you do. My advice is get closer and closer over time. Give him an indication it's coming. Who knows he might ask you in that time. He might also give you clear indication to back off. And then you have your answer (albeit not the one you wanted) without ever having to ask.

Good luck!

Wisdom-Strength-Love · Accepted Answer

Honestly, it wouldn't for 90% of men
But if a girl feels the urge to ask a dude out. The guy sounds like a high value man which would mean the girl is reaching above her level for a guy that probably gets enough date and could likely view her as desperate.
I could be wrong but that is a true possibility. My point is, the guys who welcome it are usually the guys who may be on the lower spectrum of dating. But there there are probably lots of good loookin men who wouldn't mind it at all, i just believe not many of these men are single and free to be asked in the first place

Pinay_ako · Answer

No. I think the woman just knows what she wants and if she doesn’t get it, at least she tried. And commend to her for making that bold move. Doesn’t sound desperate to me!

AviatorTom · Answer

Not at all. If you like someone and would like to spend some time with them, ask them out.

Chikky · Answer

The guys will say no, but try to use the girl that tend to ask them out

Finchie40 · Answer

Not at all , It’s actually flattering , whether I am attracted to the girl or not , I am still polite about it , it’s not like we walk around with signs flashing above our heads saying what we are into or what our current relationship status is , so it’s best to take the chance then not take the chance at all is how I see things, I use to be shy when it came to liking a girls when I was younger , Girls’ that caught my attention, I would keep my mouth shut and not make a move, cuz I was scared of rejection and being turned down thinking she was out of my league, until I realized what do I really have to lose? , I rather be rejected then not have an answer at all , I use to go home kicking myself in the ass for not making a move , so those times have changed , I realized it’s best to go for it then not go for it at all

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Ask away.

Just act shy about it that way he doesn’t feel like you are more of a man than he is. Not that you or I are questioning his manhood, but it will help.

Don’t worry, if he is into you, he will accept and won’t be questioning his manhood.

Throw out as many clues as possible first. Then ask.

He most likely doesn’t know how to interpret the signals of a woman being interested. If he isn’t able to read signals; this will teach him. Being shy about it will also help you to feel less self conscious about looking desperate. You are NOT being DESPERATE.

The MeToo movement has many men confused.

Bricealan · Answer

I must tell you that you are right to do that! In high school I had girls, that I liked, approach me and asked me out simply because I was too backward. A girl asked me to the Valentines Day dance in HS, and she was ADORABLE

I have missed several good opportunities to have a great girlfriend simply because I was too backward to ask them and had to be "hit in the Head" to know they were interested, and wish to god that this one girl I knew when I first moved her was very much interested in going out with me but me too Dense to recognize it, and she was my idea of a girl-next-door dream boat!!!

Go ahead and ask HIM out or whomever.

YouGO GIRL !!!

hahahmm · Answer

Dunno but I guarantee you that if a guy is really interested in you, you don't have to ask him, he would ask you. And if you ask first, in his mind you're not his first choice. You were just easy/begging him for something. The first time he gets the chance to be with a woman who is better than you he will upgrade without hesitation. If he picked you on his own he's less likely to think that.

Shy guys will disagree with me because it's in their interest to convince women to ask men out since he won't do it himself.

mommymommymommy · Answer

Not necessarily, but, at the same time, it might be emasculating him. He also may not know you like him. Sometimes it just helps to tell him, he may ask you out then.

The girl i like, who likes me back, kept telling me. I didn't realize it was real though. I always thought it was just like a "i like ya, pal", type thing. And now that we both know we like each other, it's really ramped up.

Question is, do you have the guts to just tell him how you feel. It took my 10 years to do it, and honestly i may have gone further, because I was afraid. Not sure what made me want to say it, but, im glad i finally did

ohsheeT · Answer

No not even
Your going to find in life if you want something you have to go for it. Time just keeps on ticking by
And never be afraid of being turned down if it happens . it just means wasn't meant for you there's someone better. Waiting my experience it's there loss because know one knows the real you except you

BadApple69 · Answer

Not at all. I think it’s refreshing. Guys can be stupid and even though we like a girl we are afraid or just don’t know how to ask her out. To have a girl take the first step would be nice for a change. If you wait for us idiots to ask you might never get out on a date.

GoodManDave · Answer

Nope. Ok, at least with my friends and me, it doesn't. I have had two, maybe three girls ask me out. One I went out with for a short while. It didn't work out, but her asking me out never looked desperate. OTHER stuff DID make her look clingy. But asking me out - no. The others, I just couldn't date for... reasons.

Even if we couldn't date... I was never "insulted" by a girl asking me out.

Leapfrog00 · Answer

I think it shoes courage on her part. I'm a shy person anyway, and in introvert, so a girl asking me out would not look desperate. If anything, it would make me believe she is a leader, assertive, and ambitious. I adore a girl who knows what she wants. As long as she doesn't rush me into anything I'm not ready for, I'm fine with it.

Dysney1023 · Answer

I personally don’t. Haha but that does not make you any less of a woman if you do or don’t. But i say never say never. So I may yet still do it. I am the type to introduce myself first but the man I personally wanna attract I will make it very clear in body language. But lol I am not sticking my neck out just to have it shopped off especially for someone who will just say no. Again. Just my prerogative.

catiecatie · Answer

I hope not! I might as well as the guy I like out. I have a sense that he likes me back but we are both to shy to admit it to each other and we both are terrible texters. We are totally fine in person though! I make him seem nervous when I’m with him. He wanted me to go up flying with him one time without saying it but he was definitely hinting at it. Who knows I might pick him as my instructor.

errornotfound · Answer

My first girlfriend asked me out, so it kind of makes me want to say yes because she was desperate, however, if you go about it in a way where you are casual about it probably not, and even then, if you aren't trying to be with them at all times, its fine. It's just very uncommon for the girl to ask a guy out.

Deformate · Answer

If I'm completely honest with you, most guys would love it. Being found attractive to someone is one thing, but removing all that stress of approaching a woman to face a 90% chance of rejection is almost like a weight off our shoulders. Yeah, most men would love it and I wish more women would do it.

ARWINGx1 · Answer

If it was, (as in, that girls are discouraged from taking the initiative) then that would've been a big problem for an aussie like me.
I mean, they're said to have difficulty taking the initiative.

And in my case, it feels as if I need to study first. ... even though (either) Nobody would ever give the necessary study materials... or that they don't even exist, to begin with.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

No not in my opinion. I know what I want and when I like someone I'll make the first move. I've always been super assertive, most of the guys I like are to shy to make the first move.

cosmosis181 · Answer

If you're in the West, that's really the only way you're going to even possibly attract anything but a rampaging fuckboy or wannabe gangsta tbh. Males in the West get told 24/7/365 what creepy, pervy, no good psychotic maniacs they are by so many sources that most guys who aren't fuckboys and wannabe gangsta douchebags just shy away and lie back out of caution.

Anonymous · Answer

From personal experience it shows that you are really confident and will go for what you want. Some guys love that about women however some may not. They might feel intimidated by your action as they are supposed to be the man and exert masculine traits such as making the first move.

The playing hard to get thing is being played out. Go for what you want. Do you really have anything to loose?

In my opinion as long as you’re not being pushy about it everything will be fine.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

@anonymous I agree with everything Amanda said here. I just want to add that, due to your age, you need to be aware of one critical factor: Just because a guy says yes to a date, it doesn't necessarily mean that he likes you. Men are opportunitists, and women have vaginas. He could just be looking to get laid. So proceed cautiously with your eyes open.

(Not trying to scare you. I just want you to be informed.)

Lis-the-librarian · Answer

Depends how you ask.

If you are desperate, chances are it will show.

Just walk up to him, say hi my name is so and so, would you like to go out to eat, i'm buying.

The last part is important as the guy might think you are trying to foodie him. Happens a lot.

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

when I was 15 years old a random girl asked me out in the most, I think, extreme way as I was walking through the mall minding my own business. she just grabbed my arm from behind out of the blue and asked me if she can be my girlfriend.

was she desperate? maybe. did I think low of her? NOT at all

Christoff92 · Answer

Depending on the girl. Why would she want to knowing so many guys are in line for her. Also depends if she ain't a knockout.

Girls who aren't knockouts would have guys with them. So why would this specific girl want to desperately ask a guy out to begin with 🤔😐

Staximus · Answer

That depends on the situation. Just because a girl asks out a guy doesn't mean she's trying to fill a need for attention or sex. Maybe the guy is oblivious and needs to get a clear sign that she wants to be more than just friends. If it's some guy the girl just met and decided she needs to dance on his pants pickle, then that's desperate.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Of course not. We’re very quickly getting to a point where unless women start asking men out or making themselves more approachable and changing the negative stereotypes about approaching, the majority of women will end up perpetually single.

DermalPunch · Answer

Yes, it is. Don't do it. Don't listen to these men about shy. Men approaching a woman is a lion approaching a lioness. A woman approaching a man is a gazelle approaching a lion.

Yannishka · Answer

Not really. It actually makes things easier. If he doesn't know you like him, asking him out is a great way to get things going.

Enlightenme21 · Answer

If you in middle school do it in a subtle way or talk to him in private.

If your in highschool talk to him in private and just go straight for it.

I'd be asked out and I would ask guys out too. It's nothing crazy.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Nah. In many ways, it is a smarter move if women do the asking. Plus, waiting for men to make the move can be as tedious as watching paint dry.

Screenwriter · Answer

Not if a woman thinks the male has some interest in her. The worst that can happen is you get a no.

Fireguy17 · Answer

no, not at all. It is a refreshing change. I lived in California years ago and I could not believe it when women came up and asked me out. I was not used to that, but it was great.

Reem12345reem · Answer

don' do it especially with BOYS , it'll just give them an ego boost and then think they can have other women date them bc they're ego is boosted , if a guy likes he'll find many ways to be around u or ask u out

strateguy632 · Answer

i think so but it depends how they lead into it. sometimes it is better for you to start a conversation and see how he will follow.

LovingJo · Answer

No, it doesn't. It makes you look confident in what you want

exitseven · Answer

No, it can be done in a way that is honest and sincere it will not look desperate.

ericclayton · Answer

No. It's actually impressive to many guys and the affirmative is more often than not. You should try it sometime.

kakaling · Answer

Two cases; If he is interested in you, he will be like, hell yes!!! If he is not interested in you, he will be like, go where? Do what? Is it fun and interesting? Why do I want to go?

madhatters4 · Answer

nope. there is no rule about who should ask whom out

Spongebobssocks · Answer

No I think most guys would appreciate it but I wouldn't do it personally.

rosemilk · Answer

i've done it. and no i wasn't desperate. just interested.

ShesRad80 · Answer

no, if you like someone shoot your shot you got nothing to lose

Adam1978 · Answer

Depends on how she does it. There contexts it definitely is.

stratford · Answer

In modern society where we encourage equality, I wish more girls would do this.

Abear_1999 · Answer

No! If she likes him there is nothing wrong with her asking him out. It's possible the guy is shy or unsure about how she feels about him. Either person can take the first step.

Raaj4you · Answer

No, go ahead ask him out. He will like it bcoz girls usually don't ask guys. Be different and do things differently.

joeND · Answer

i don't know how you women go your life without asking out the man you really want. I never got subtle flirtation in my 20s

DaBiggestBird · Answer

Depends on the situation and the execution. But what I see by default is more of a Giga Chad Gamer kind of thing.

RyanK9b · Answer

Nooo. Gosh i wish girls would that more often. It shows a high lvl of confidence

_Just_A_girl_ · Answer

consider age culturally how things align between you and if they're parent or God approved for you

HoneyButterCup525 · Answer

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If they both like eachother...

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Nope, I would like it for myself because I'm really shy.

Jazzy54 · Answer

I would never ask a man out. Show interest? Yes. Ask him out? Nah.

megabamse · Answer

I wish more girls would ask us out, but of course it depends on how of course.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Just as desperate as a guy asking a girl out.

RingOfFire · Answer

I personally don't like when women ask me out because they are never women I want to go out with.

Joey718 · Answer

Nope! I wish a girl would ask me out. Even if she’s not the type I usually go for, I would probably say yes just for trying.

OG956 · Answer

Not at all. If she's interested, she should ask him out. I still say it, that it should be like that, that boys ,, should'' ask girl out or do first action.

Sanser · Answer

No, If you really like one guy you should ask him out...

Andres77 · Answer

Nope. Nothing wrong with that at all. HOW do you ask him out is the real indicator.

Does it look desperate for a girl to ask a guy out?

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