Why is it that men get mad with women for having preferences and standards when they also have preferences and standards?

[Pixiebih]

Why is it that men get mad with women for having preferences and standards when they also have preferences and standards? Especially when their standards and preferences are usually shallow?

Mens standards
-Girls with big butts/big boobs.
-Our glass figure
-Low body counts
-can’t be too loud or too quiet
-Must be submissive
-can’t be fat
Womens standards
-tall
-have a good job
-fit/healthy
-need to know how to take care of themselves

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I don't think they get mad for having standards lol more like disappointed though.

I mean if you ask an average Joe he never wants a woman with hour glass shape woman in his life in real life and fantasies are different thing.

And also the problem with having unnatural standards with both genders is that they don't even meet their own standards that they set for other people.

If I say my standard is girl having big boob and butt a submissive girl with anime gal like face and cuteness and is loyal to me I can desire that but I won't get it at least in real world haha


And even if your standards meet for a guy but if he is not economically strong you won't even look at him

Like if I am garbage collector and 6 feet tall surviving on daily wages I highly doubt you would ever like me no matter 8f I help old people or I am kind person.

I consider standards are like our desires that mostly never fulfill

And basically women have more options as in because standards for both genders are separate

Even if a person has a partner that fulfills all the standards of presented with a better option or even a lesser option they would tend to cheat

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but this list is the silliest list I've ever seen, if you're actually 21 it shows. I like how you tried to make make big boobs and butt and hourglass figure, and can't be fat into separate "standards" when they're all the same thing.

As far as physically I would love a fit and healthy woman that takes care of herself cause I like to be fit and healthy take care of myself.

Can't be too loud or too quiet? Really? You're reaching so hard. Who has that as a standard? The only thing I can think of that's close to this is don't be obnoxious especially in public, a woman that can read the room is great.

Must be submissive? What does that even mean? I like a woman that doesn't try to make everything an argument or competition is that what you mean?

I can't speak for all guys but myself and the men in my circle want women who are fun to be around, has good/similar values, is passionate about something, self-aware and always looking to grow.

The standards I often hear from women often revolve around height which isn't in men's control but women don't like to admit they're just as shallow as men are. Also women will often talk about how they'd like a man to treat them but won't look twice at the guy that will actually treat them with kindness and respect. I think this is why men get angry with women's standards. It seems like women are looking for someone perfect like a build a bear and then complain when men don't live up to their convoluted fantasy.

[Rohaan2020]

💯💯

[Xoxocutekitty]

Women will reject men off the bat based on their preferences.

Men will lead a woman on, then act out when she calls him out on turning head for his preferences.

I personally have no problem with a guy who says, I only chase girls with big boobs, it's what I'm attracted to. That guy knows what he wants and Im not it. Cool. Whats annoying is guys will date a any girl and then turn his head the moment he sees a girl with bigger boobies. He will then back justify why he's "isn't ready to commit yet" because of his preferences, which isn't true.

He's just being a selfish jerk. He is also the same guy who bruises every fruit in the grocery store and then drops a few on the ground, walking away saying "they weren't ripe enough I guess."

[Pixiebih]

Facts

[jennifer_bloom]

I met a lot of worthless guys who aren’t even 20% what I expect in a guy that think they are good enough for me. One flunked out of college when I wanted to be a professor and then told me he’d dump his girlfriend for me if I lost 40 pounds of body fat and he would get angry at me for not losing weight for him when we never went on a single date. I’d rather date a genetic monkey then him. Another guy never showed any humility or respect or sacrifice and asked for money all the time and than pathetically spent 2 years following me around at church thinking I’d date him.

[Summeroflove]

They feel entitled to someone. Not all men are like this and there’s women like this too.

If someone doesn’t want you… Just move on. At the end of it all whether someone believes in soul mates the way I do or not. Most of us will end up marrying one person someday. Not everyone is meant for us. It doesn’t make them a bad person and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Just isn’t meant to be.

Sure… Some people are shallow. Be glad they rejected you. Because it’s a life of misery being with a narcissistic individual.

[blueonblack22]

It’s not the problem of women having standards. It’s the common delusional problem of women having higher standards for the men they date then they have for themselves.

Also female standards are usually for things that are very difficult and not sometimes impossible (height) to change and control.

Men generally have standards for things women CAN change and/or control. For example anybody can lose weight and get in shape. It’s not easy. But let me ask you this: what is harder? Devoting yourself to a lifestyle change to lose 50lbs and get fit? Or taking huge risks, working your ass off and trying to become a millionaire? Anybody can do the former despite it being painful and difficult. However it’s simple biological science. It can be done. But the latter requires: extreme self discipline, talent, intelligence, luck and sacrifice. There is no guarantee you will get wealthy either. You might get ahead but not rich depending on many variables that are our of your control. But it is a guarantee that you will lose weight and look good if you diet right and exercise.

Also women you can demand to be special just for existing. Not so for guys. Not at all. But do you think men are immune to all the negative emotions women feel? Hell no. Fuck no. We feel ALL of that. But we do lose respect from both women and other men if we don’t have a plan of action to be somebody.

I’m 6ft and very athletic by the way. Probably in the top 5% of athletic guys for my age. Still have defined muscles and a visible 6 pack.

But that unfortunately doesn’t guarantee women. It’s a small head start over other guys. Much more is expected out of me beyond just looking good to meet a woman’s “standards”. My female counterpart would have it a lot easier than I do. Even if she was my same age.

[ArchivalMars2]

Okay first of all... I don't know what planet you live on but it's clearly not Earth. A majority of men are willing to date a majority of women who don't even have half of this list that you've jotted up that are "men's standards" here.

Second of all, a couple of these like "hourglass figure" and "can't be fat" pretty much equate to one thing which is just being fit. I know a long list of men who have no problems dating a girl that has a lot more curves, or even a skinny physique, and even prefers average instead.

Third thing now, as for "can't be too loud or too quiet" you're overthinking this one, all you have to do is just not be annoying or obnoxious simple as that.

And last but not least the body count, I could go on for days but I'll keep it short. It all comes down to two things: STDs and then arguably the one thing that could be even worse than that is paternity fraud. You will never and are incapable of understanding the pain of what it feels like to fall in love with a woman you think is great, marry her, have a family then find out all of it is a lie. To learn in just one single moment that the child you care for is not even yours and at the same time find out about how your wife is cheating on you. That it literally every man's worst freaking nightmare not that you could know or understand what that feels like at the end of the day because regardless of if you're loyal or unfaithful the child is yours period.

[Anonymous]

Why? Because it is all a mating strategy at the end of the day. Men and women tear eachother down, also inter gender tear downs.

The goal, is to raise one's own sexual market value. This is not red pill this is science called "sexual economic theory" Google it.

We are ALL engaging, unbeknownst to us, in an ancient pissing match. Competing to be the most attractive in order to get the most mates.

That's what it really is at the end of the day.

Now my view is that most of society has ingested the evolutionary perspective:

Women choose, and men compete to be chosen. This results in a majority of men not reproducing.

So men's negative reaction to women, is a reaction that spells the doom of the incel. We believe ultimately, that there truly ARE beta males, who women want nothing to do with. And the only reason there was ever any equality of sexual opportunity, it was because Christianity and marriage forced women to pair up evenly with men, rather than all choosing to share a small percentage of the few "alpha" men there are, that women truly want.

I'm not saying these are facts. I believe it is a fact that ultimately, most people believe in this sexually competitive animal nature in us.

And that causes a lot of strife between us.

[Pixiebih]

Wtf is an alpha and a beta male?

[Opinion Owner]

Like I said, these are what I see as BELIEFS in people's minds. NOT Facts. So try not to misread what I'm saying.

The difference between an alpha and beta male is who has women attracted to them, and who doesn't.

Who reproduces, and who doesn't.

The alpha reproduces because he is more sexually attractive to women. The beta male does not reproduce.

This is what I think people BELIEVE. I did not say these are scientific facts.

I probably shouldn't say any of it because I know nobody who reads this will be able to understand. You get caught up on the trigger words and miss what I'm saying.

[Opinion Owner]

Do you get what I'm saying? We could use science to say "factually human beings do not operate on a alpha/beta spectrum.

What I am saying is that it doesn't matter if there is no such thing as an alpha male or beta male.

What I am arguing is that WE V
BELIEVE in alpha and beta males.

Who is alpha and who is beta is determined by who womenhave sex with, and who they don't have sex with.

Get it? I'm not saying it's truth of reality. I'm say8ng it is a deeply held belief that many of us have but we don't realize we believe it.

[aggrofauster]

alpha and beta is made up by basement dwellers to make themselves feel better about themselves. They copied the terms from wolf packs even though it’s not even a thing.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't believe for a second that the root of it is what some dumb scientist that NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT except for those people who repeat the exact line you gave me to every dummy who mentions the words alpha and beta.

Chimpanzees and bonobos both have hierarchical societies. Its not a far leap to imagine that human beings have some kind of innate chimpanzee dominance hierarchy built in.

Not to mention the fact that the animal kingdom in general is such that the males rarely reproduce and the females always reproduce.

These are facts of the animal kingdom that I believe people are projecting onto human beings.

And yes science does and continues to investigate this very topic and it is not about one silly scientist who flubbed his wolf hierarchy theories.

I really don't know why people say that.

[Alli39]

Based on this I think it's safe to say that you don't know "what women truly want" lol.

[Opinion Owner]

@Alli39 Please I beg you, nothing I said I believe is fact.

I said explicitly over and over in my comment "this is the belief men have about women."

I am not claiming the things I said are facts of reality.

It's so hard to get my point across, when people are so ready to be angry, they can't read what I'm really saying.

It's extremely frustrating.

[Alli39]

I don't even agree that you're correct about it being the belief men in general hold about women that all women want to share a bunch of physically attractive, rich dudes. I never see that rhetoric anywhere outside places like these forums, and I certainly don't see people act on it.

I'm really not angry, I'm just trying to point out that your argument is operating on shaky premises at best. (But seriously, we don't have to argue over this. I'm just not that invested.)

[Opinion Owner]

@Alli39 Actually I could point out a variety of sources. They are not as explicit as what I'm saying, but I'm looking at what I see and drawing the explicit conclusion.

Pretty much any red pill ideology operates on exactly the conclusion I'm making.

A variety of dating books written for men say the same thing. One is called "mode one" off the top of my head. But there's a ton of books along the same lines that all say the same thing.

They all paint the picture of the alpha male and the beta male.

They all paint the picture that female desire is conditioned by your nature as the smaller weaker sex which needs to be protected and taken care of.

It's all a deeply held belief about the nature of man and woman written into the very cosmos itself for some people.

But the justifications are all biological in nature. And if you've ever read any of this red pill or other "manosphere" stuff, you'll see they are constantly making points about the relative status of woman as "protected" by men. This biological fact is seen as the source of what women are attracted to.

I'm not saying they are correct. I'm just making explicit their views that I think people don't know they are ingesting.

They don't think enough to reach the biology conclusion. Their beliefs are shaped by other people who have installed that conclusion in them.

I'm not mad or having a debate at all. I feel my perspective is completely benign.

[Anonymous]

Men get mad at women for having completely unrealistic superficial standards, like being over 6 foot and a salary of over $100,000… often even more stringent. That’s a fraction of a percentage of the population, yet every dating podcast, man on street interview and dating app profile list the same requirements, then complain about how there are no good men and how most are terrible.


With obvious exceptions, a plurality of men just want a loving partner who isn’t going to cheat on them, leave them for someone who makes more money or argue, fight or compete with them like everyone else they deal with in life. I don’t know a single guy who cares how tall a girl is, how big her ass or boobs are or how much she makes. Taking care of yourself and being a healthy weight is a perfectly acceptable standard, provided you are holding yourself to the same standard.


Women broke the glass ceiling, they’ve proven they’re capable of doing almost everything a man can do, and in doing so, took from men much of their purpose in life while refusing to give up any of the advantages that came with being women of the past. Women now appear to believe that they are superior to most men and are upset that men cannot meet their overinflated requirements.

[safricanluke]

A point of clarification before I share my opinion: I do not want to generalize and I want to make it clear that not all men, nor all women, are the same. For example, not all men have the same standards listen above, I for one prefer women with smaller breasts and don't care about the hourglass figure, butt size, how many people you've been with, etc. And similarly, not all men get mad at a woman for having standards.

That being said, I believe the guys who do get mad at women for having standards are mad because those standards exclude them. These boys tend to lean towards misogynistic views and also think of themselves as being either God's gift to women or as "nice guys", but in reality are incels or "alpha Chads" who believe that they should have the right to control women and treat them however they want. I'm my opinion, if a guy gets mad because a woman has standards, he is neither a man, nor is he someone you want to be in a relationship with anyway since it is likely he will be an abusive asshole.

[Kaamraj]

Mens standards
-Girls with big butts/big boobs. - signs of good genes (fertility) and child bearing / rearing ability so yes men do care about this.
-Our glass figure - again fertility so yes men do care about that
-Low body counts - signs of loyalty and good sexual discipline yes more men care about that
-can’t be too loud or too quiet - men generally do not care about this unless it's an extreme in which case it's a social problem not a sexual problem.
-Must be submissive - must not be too dominating yes goes for both men and women, no one likes extreems
-can’t be fat - nope, no one wants a partner that will become physically dependent on them and a health liability.

Most of what you have written is social or health standards which irrespective of sexual attraction one must follow. Everyone wants their partner to be a compliment to their lives not a liability.

[DannyUk2017]

Because You raise Standards that i'm sure you cannot keep up. We usually go with the flow, if woman feels bored we take her out, if she works during the week same as us, in weekends We can take care of the house and chores, when the car brraks down we can fix it for you, when is her birthday we try to make the best of it. But when they come with "requests" that is what kicks in us the Insecurity, fear of not being Enough for you, earning enough for you, that you would cheat with a much cuter/fitter guy behind our back, etc, etc.. so start dropping them standards and go with your heart and mind, not with World of mouth, or Tiktok videos/ideas, as these are coming and going, same like the youth and beauty, nothing lasts for ever.

[SeekingSubmission]

It's not really the standards of their preferences that are the aggravating factors of this painfully predgedice preferential judgmental situation! It's the unfairness of the BS preferences that are usually involved in the first place! For example women and their predisposition of picking out tall men over the men that are in the same height areas as they are because they are under the impression that they are going to be better than or bigger than the other ones that are in the same height areas!

All of the other ones are understandable but the one's like this are completely bs and it really pisses off a lot of guys who are interested in the female who's just making a stupid mistake and actually has a dick that is just as big if not bigger than the taller dude!

[Lionman95]

I think the reason is obvious though I don´t agree totally list of man´s standard: Guys get angry because in their view the list of standard of many women is in comparison very narrow.
Like for instance many guys are taller than a woman but few guys are 6ft or taller. Though there might still be many guys not that many guys that are single and dating make 100k or more.
The problem from a guy´s point that they see themselves being reduced to an aspect and therefore being rejected because of something they themselves don´t put much value in.

[BCA6010]

Others have already broken this down pretty adequately, but the main one men rightfully roll our eyes at is "height." Tons of women have this demand that their men be at least 6 feet (about 183cm) tall, which is not only something completely beyond anyone's control, but it also eliminates 85% of all men in the USA from the dating pool, and that number is even higher in almost every other country on the planet. That's before taking into account any of the qualities that actually matter (in a nutshell his abilities to love, protect, and provide - which are entirely on us men if we aren't up to standard) plus any other physical traits you may prefer and red flags you avoid, yet the biggest factor in eliminating your options is something completely arbitrary that says absolutely nothing about a man's quality.

[Filthy_Immigrant]

Because not only are our presences and standards are anywhere near as high as women’s but we don’t make it our priority either.


For example yeah men love women who are thin by default yet how many fat women still get lucky enough to get a date every now and then? Let’s not forget that anyone can get thin through diet and exercise.


Women in the other hand not only have unrealistic expectations such as demanding men to be above six feet but women love to make this a priority. Such as literally rejecting short men in a scornful manner. Not remember that we humans absolutely 0 control of our heights.

[Anonymous]

Men talk about being a tit man or ass man but I've never known it to be the case that the vast majority of men let those preferences turn down a girl who showed interest. Probably because most men don't have many options.

Women on the other hand, have lots of options. (*) For them, it's not a case of having no options. It's a case of finding a guy who won't treat them like shit or a one night stand. And for some reason there are women who think that the best way to filter their options down is to apply preferential standards. like tall, and bank balance.

I don't agree with it, but I'm pretty sure that's why.

[stepyo99]

Silly woman, your standards are unrealistic because tall and rich would put him in the top 5% of all men. Are you in the top 5% of all women? Fuck no, you aren't.

That's what men are exasperated with. Dumb women with inflated egos who act like they deserve the top 5 or 10% of men when they themselves are average at best.

[stepyo99]

And here's the kicker, let's see what women offer to those men who are tall, wealthy, fit, and know how to change a tire, hang a door, mow the lawn, cook a meal, etc. etc.
... pussy! That's it. Ask a woman what she brings to the table and all you get are blank stares because she's never had to prove her worth to anyone ever. A woman's entire life has been handed to her on a silver platter so she expects Prince Charming to come along and sweep her off her feet simply for existing!

[Rohaan2020]

Very well explained 🤣🤣

[desidoll]

I used to think the same way until I met two of my single girl friends who told me they won’t date a guy who is short, overweight, not a degree holder, earn lesser than them, has no car. I am not saying men don’t do this. When I look around, seems like both men and women who are struggling with the dating world tend to have unrealistic standards and there is no way for you to convince them otherwise.

[Thatpearl26]

I think everyone has different standards/preferences. Maybe some woman have lots of preferences like being rich, having light brown hair, green eyes, etc. The same could go for men. However there is a difference between having preferences/standards and bringing others down because they don’t fit in their standards. Just turn them down. You don’t have to go on a whole rant of why they aren’t good enough.

[msmissydc]

Having standards is no problem at all. It literally means you have selfworth which everyone needs. The important parts are two things though:

1. Having high standards and than complain to not find a partner when they have standards too.

2. Complaining that no one fits your standard because "people today are not what you want them to be".

[Pixiebih]

What are your standards

[Anonymous]

Personally, I've NEVER gotten mad with people for having preferences of ANY kind for EXACTLY this reason. Having grown up as an ethnic minority I've even never gotten mad when if a girl wouldn't want to date me because of my ethnicity. It's her choice. I mean obviously I didn't LIKE it, but then I thought, there's no way I'd want to give up MY preferences. So I'd MUCH rather be able to screen out fatties, uggos, and generally unpleasant chicks and if the price for that is that I get screened out sometimes, so be it!

[TheUniqueOne96]

Men's standards get shut down and marketing campaigns are created to promote women who are fat, hairy, etc.

I don't think most guy's out there care if a woman has big boobs or a big ass, like it's not a deal breaker for most.

How many women out there with ever increasing delusional standards that female excuse generators, sorry, female 'dating coaches' will justify, are actually worthy for the type of man they want.

Goods looks attract, but it doesn't retain.

[Alli39]

I mean there are some really superficial girls out there making the female gender look bad, same as the fact that there are some really superficial guys out there making men look bad. Most of the people I know really don't hold these expectations or feel bothered by members of the opposite sex having preferences in their partners. That's more of an internet/incel thing as far as I can tell.