Wow, I don’t even know you dude?

[Anonymous]

I went on 2 dates with this guy from a dating app. He was very sweet and a gentleman. He told me he is looking for a relationship and I am too so I was excited. But after the 2 dates he texted me asking my body count and then asked, “If we were to have sex would you wanna be dating first? (I think he meant in a relationship as we were already dating lol) These questions really threw me off as I barely know him, we practically just met and it made it feel like he just wants sex not a relationship. I made it clear after the body count question I was upset he was asking me this so soon and I answered it vaguely but then he still continued to ask me the second question. I replied I’m going to bed and ignored that question, haven’t talked to him since. He has texted me over the past few days, saying he f*cked up, he was sorry, didn’t mean it like that, thats not who he is or what he’s looking for and he hopes we can move past this. I have not answered because I feel like there is nothing to say, I am very disappointed and feel done with him especially because I have let him know before guys have treated me like sh*t in the past/used me. We had plans for this Saturday before we stopped talking and now he has texted me this, “Hey just kinda wanna know if you’re done or not/wanna still hang Saturday. Just trying to make plans”. Do I reply? Or does he get the hint? I was thinking of saying, “Thank you for the 2 dates, but unfortunately it’s clear to me that we have different intentions so this isn’t gonna work. I wish you luck, take care” taking the nice route even though I’m pissed. What should I say? Should I be less nice because he treated me like that?

Updates

9 mo

Also if it matters, he’s the first guy I’ve been on dates with that made me feel like I’ve known him forever and can talk about anything. So this is extra disappointing to me

[JBlade]

I’m an honest person so if somebody ask me questions, especially while dating, I answer truthfully cause I’ve got nothing to hide and expect the same back (even if not the reality). Think you’re being too emotional for the short time span, try not to get so flustered about the questions next time. Just answer honestly. Obviously, they asked the questions for a reason and you can utilize their reactions/responses to gauge the person more and understand if you have the same values. You prematurely ended the gathering data/information portion and you can ask questions too. Better to know this information sooner than later so as to not waste everyone’s time. Also, I think you got attached way too quickly. Only been on 2 dates but feel like you’ve known them forever 😬.

[Asker]

Thanks but it’s hilarious to call me too attached too quickly when he is the one asking private questions too quickly, one of which is not his business

[Asker]

Only been on 2 dates and he’s already asking our sex schedule…

[JBlade]

You don’t have to be so defensive, I’m genuinely trying to offer things to reflect on. I’m not saying they were in the right but for some people these questions can matter or those questions will absolutely come up. It’s about gauging the other person and figuring out if you two are compatible in the long-run. Personally, I’ve not had sex and the body count question matters to me so I’d like to know earlier on. That doesn’t mean I want sex, I’d rather wait so I can determine if I like/trust that person enough for that to happen. Based on the information you’ve given, I really don’t know this person’s full intentions, also I don’t know the full conversation.

[SnowedIn]

Okay. I get it. You're upset. Part of me thinks you're overreacting but also, your feelings and I respect that.

Here's the thing: you wrote that he said he fucked up and he said sorry.

What more do you want?

If you want to end it over this, then end it. If you want to date him, date him (sounds like you had fun on the first two). But it sounds like you want to be offended. That you want a grievance.

Everyone is different. Not every woman shares your opinion on those questions or your timeline. Not every man.

I guess if you're looking for validation for your self righteous indignation, fine, but I'm not sure you have a leg to stand on. What more do you want from him and what do you want this forum to say?

[Asker]

I guess I’m mostly wondering what to say to him asking if we are still going out Saturday. I no longer want to go but unsure how to tell him things are over between us

[SnowedIn]

Ahhhhhhh. That makes way more sense.

I think you take the high road. Tell him that what he said offended you and, notwithstanding his apology, no, Saturday isn't still on and you don't plan to date him again.

Be firm. Be clear. Use few words.

[ShesRad80]

most people don't know how to be social anymore, what to ask, how to ask, how to hold proper conversations.

i personally do not think he meant anything by what he said or to offended you. he apologized if he didn't care about your feelings he wouldn't have even bothered. i think he was asking because he likes you and it came out oh so wrong and nosey.

if you were that comfortable like you have known him forever, give him a shot he has already made the steps by saying he messed up you know?

what do you have to lose to go Saturday? and maybe talk about this in person with him?

people mess up, we are human

[Truthatanycost]

It sounds like he was trying to figure out whether you were into hookup culture or not. Either he was trying to figure that out so he could avoid you and move on, or hookup with you. I don't know why he felt the need to ask simply because any man with even a basic level of experience in the world can discern what type woman he's talking to.

[Asker]

Well he already knew before this question I’m only looking for a relationship so I don’t get it

[BlackJeep]

You said you feel like you can talk to him about anything but I guess not everything. You may not have given him an answer but you did answer his question. Better to end it early than have this problem later when it will be a bigger issue an bigger drama.

[strateguy632]

waiting for 3rd date is a common habit. your reaction "just sex" is inaccurate considering you had two dates. 3rd is common unless religious then wait until wedding. which is why he asked your count.

[Asker]

After a 3rd date you don’t even fully know a person, sex should come naturally not planned.

[jwmiller95]

I don't think he was in the wrong for asking

[shades777]

im not reading all that make it short