How can a guy EVER meet a decent girl who might like him for being a “nice guy”?

[Manliness]

I am a man, 35, single and never seem to find a decent girl who would ever date a “nice guy”. I see total douche bags all the time with pretty girls and simply cannot understand it? I mean I am smart, honest, have worked hard in my life and never get any interest from any lady. I use to be really fit and athletic (and since that never worked I just said “fuck it” recently). It seems that I have just never found the right attitude to have when it comes to dating. I admit I tend to be kind of quiet at first, and it makes me wonder WHAT THE HELL ARE WOMEN LOOKING FOR?

Updates

+1 y

I mean don’t get me wrong. I have a philosophy of if your cool to be I will be cool to you. I try not to judge someone because of some past mistake or just because ole Joe doesn’t like him. But I have no problem telling someone to kiss my ass if they are just an asshole or think they can try and push me around.

[dragoblack]

Dude, i understand your frustration. But I've had this conversation with women many times before, and I can tell you for a fact... It's because even though they want a guy to treat them nice, they find guys who are kind and gentle boring as fuck because they don't cause the drama they are used to in a relationship and they don't come across as confidant. Women go after assholes because they come across as confidant bur women tend to ignore the red flags. Assholes are also great at degrading people which is a common fetish for women, so another reason why they find assholes attractive. If women have had a past of relationships being abusive they are more likely to go for the asshole than the guy who treats her with respect.
It's a common problem with society that requires self-reflection and a higher awareness of the red flags and ones own issues needing to be acknowledged and effort taken to work on them.
Everyone requires self-reflection, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence to overcome toxic behaviors and insecurities... sadly most of society doesn't want to do it because it is inconvenient and requires effort.

[inhua]

it has nothing to do with personality. it's all about looks

her male friends would have the same good personalities otherwise she wouldn't hang out with them but her lack of sexual attraction to them is why she won't fuck them

[Manliness]

See, I am also unsure about this. I HAVE dated some girls who weren’t anything to brag about, but I have also dated more than a couple girls who WERE SOLID 9s in my past!!…. So I honestly am not sure how I stack up on the hotness scale…

[Screenwriter]

If you don't take care of yourself, very few women will be interested. There is nothing wrong with being a good person. Some women want abusers and go after assholes because they're "bad boys." Sensible women don't find this attractive.

The only attitude to have about dating is to be sincere and take your time getting to know someone. You sound depressed. Get back up on the fitness horse and show a potential partner you love yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. See a therapist and talk over these issues. Work on yourself and. your confidence. You'll get there. It only takes ONE person. Good luck.

[LazerBean]

Plenty of women want to be with good men. Those women just happen to not think you really are a good man.

[Billlewis]

I'm a nice guy, too, and women generally treat me like shit... but that's actually what I want anyway.

[fonduegirl]

I'd treat you like my most cherished you if I'd my way

[Manliness]

@anon1903 yeah I am gonna call BULLSHIT!! No girl I have EVER dated has said that (more than once or twice)…. So I do NOT believe women actually value that!!!

[fonduegirl]

This hardly sounds like a thing a nice person would say. So maybe you're a "nice guy"

[fonduegirl]

Those are annoying

[BigDog1989]

Supposedly the girl that likes me is because I'm a nice guy, but, that doesn't get you anywhere. It just means you're "nice" whatever that means anyway. Do you two have any common interests, do you find each other attractive, does she touch you, flirt, etc.. just being nice, isn't going to cut it, just like a girl being JUST hot, isn't going to cut it, right?

[slatyb]

What's happening in your life? What makes you nice?

[slatyb]

How many women do you greet by name?

[Manliness]

Good question…. A “nice guy” is actually not easily defined!!…… I guess it’s just something one assumes is the case! I mean I was born and raised in the South. Where men are taught Yes/No Ma’am, hold the door for a woman, be kind to others (unless they are not kind to you), and that if you ever see another person in need, and you could help them, then you at least offer to help. (I guess I don’t consider this being “so nice you are weak” since I have also shot over someones truck and fired another couple rounds over someone’s head (both times they were trespassing, but I didn’t really want to “KILL” them for it…)

[slatyb]

Shot over someone's truck? Do you not realize how scary that is? Women may be avoiding you because you appear to be dangerous.

[Nikki1989]

You must be meeting some very odd women. Most women want a nice guy.

[Manliness]

Yeah well judging by my past experiences, I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that one.

[dragoblack]

Yeah, same. Women tend to see an asshole and think "he's confident" while ignoring all of the red flags. And from having many conversations about this topic, women don't find nice guys, interesting because they are not full of drama nor cause it

[Jazzy54]

I can’t speak for all women, but I like the nice guy.

[BlackJeep]

Don't be a nice guy. Be a good man. There is a difference. Nobody respects people pleasers

[fonduegirl]

Exactly

[shades777]

women in college who study science or smart chicks dig nice guys and their freaky too

[Anonymous]

Women in their thirties after the wall like these types of men as long as they have money, since they are submissive and manipulable.

[Anonymous]

Girls don’t care if you’re nice in heart. All that matters is nice at your face.

[fonduegirl]

Sounds like false advertising