Boyfriend won't let me pick a name for a my child or let me put my surname on birth certificate along side with his?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone. So iv been with my boyfriend 9 months, and I'm currently 5 months pregnant. ( don't judge me) and every name I have said to my boyfriend he says NOPE absolutely not, he won't let me choice a nice name. He also won't let me put my surname on birth certificate, even tho I agreed and said yes you can have your name on the cert. We're obviously nit married, nowhere near engagement hahaha sadly. So why can't I put my name down also? He says it's a fathers right and his 4 other children have his second name and he doesn't want my name on it. Also for the first name I have to pick something he approves off. Its actually very depressing. Please any advice

[HollyK21]

I could go on about what a scumbag this dude sounds like and how you can do better, but I highly doubt you have interest in leaving, so I’ll take my advice in a different direction.
First and foremost, you should start standing up for yourself. Over and over I see “he won’t let me” written, but why do you need his permission? To me, this is rooted in such a deep fear of losing him that you’re willing to ditch your own boundaries in order to accommodate his, and that’s never okay. He is someone that likes control in his relationship, meaning it’s a problem when you stand up for yourself or have an objective statement, and that is so far from ok.
It will only get worse from here if you don’t start having your own voice.
If ever there is a time to practice that, it’s right now. You absolutely need (and deserve!) to have a say in what your baby will be named. This isn’t a pet or a situation where you can afford to be passive about names, so don’t treat it as such, you will regret not doing so later on in life. Speak up, be adamant about compromising and demand your surname be used. If he doesn’t like it then oh well. If that’s the energy you don’t start having then it will always be his way or the highway, which is going to get old very quick if it hasn’t already.

[HollyK21]

Also, if speaking up and voicing objections runs the risk of him leaving you, then let him go. That is so incredibly toxic, and will only worsen your depression and your mental state in general. Love yourself enough to walk away from bad men when it’s time to go.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for the reply
I know he is controlling, he's controlled me so much already and it's only 9months ( I know that doesn't sound good) he will fight with me and get so mad if I bring this up and stops talking to me. I felt like it wasn't worth the hassle ☹️ and I had so many gorgeous boy names picked out. Ones iv had in my head for years! And nope I'm not aloud 😪

[HollyK21]

Do you enjoy the control? Because why are you say all of these things as if they’re in the past? Why do you accept not being “allowed”, he isn’t your father honey…

[Drumlin2001]

Kids do generally take their father surname. He's right in that. And it's right that he should have some input on the name. It's not your child alone, you're both thier parent so have equal rights. You still have time. Maybe arrange to sit down for an afternoon and blitz baby names. Do you know the gender?

[richardcory]

He is in no position to let, or not let you do anything. You are not his property, not his slave. Do whatever he wants. If he is willing to leave you over the child's name, then he wouldn't be much of a father anyway - collect his child support and raise the kid yourself.

[boggboss]

Advice for what u want to be with a controlling partner nobody on gag can change that

[Asker]

Thats what my friends said. But I said no no he's not like that 🙄 thanks for your reply

[boggboss]

He is exactly like that u are insane to think otherwise

[BoopBoopBeep]

Remind him that throughout history, bastards are not named after who sired them, so if he wants his name on it then there needs to be a ring and ceremony involved. I suggest you go cheap.

[Pyrofox]

Merge surnames? And see if he catches on? And just tell him that at this point your just throwing ideas/darts in the dark till something sticks at this point.

[lorenzomichael]

Sounds like your boyfriend's an asshole. Tell him your going to name your child Darth Vader, and you don't give a fuck how he feels about it. Unless he changes his attitude and mind, he might end up with a daughter named princess Leia.

[DextroShade]

If you are going to marry him the kids should have his name, the feminist trend of hyphenating names is fucking stupid. If you wanted the kid to have your name you should have let some beta male soyboy knock you up instead.

[Alex-Snow]

That is complete BS. You are carrying your child also! Dump his ass and get an attorney to help you with this, I think the law is on your side on this

[Subflics]

That's a very selfish and closed-minded belief he has. I'd at least consider what she would like to name our child.

[jahaims]

You are being used and are just too stupid to know.

[Staximus]

Your boyfriend has 4 other kids and you say you're nowhere near getting engaged? You're a dumb ass for letting him get you pregnant. Stop thinking with your vagina and start using your brain instead.

[Asker]

He has 4 other children yes, for his ex of 9 years. They were engaged, he left her due to cheating.

[JackCarter]

That's really unacceptable behavior !

[Jmmmfi4]

Why on earth are you with this guy?

[KrakenAttackin]

Why did you choose to get pregnant so soon?