So, I've known this older man for many years now, he's always made it clear to me that he's very attracted to me. For the past year me and this man had started getting really close. He's never had a girlfriend, or any female friends (I was his first) and for years we just had a flirty friendship. He rather only talks to women for sex so he can have fuck buddies and says he's just never felt a connection with a woman before. Then this past year I started caring for him a lot more and invested more time into him, which in turn led him to finally fully admitting his strong feelings for me. In the beginning, I didn't really have feelings for him in that way, as I'd never given him a serious thought. However, very recently I've found myself catching feelings for him. Now the problem is, he's a little older than me and I always knew he was involved in 'street activity' just never wanted to ask questions, because as they say, ignorance is bliss. But, given the fact I started to want to take him more seriously, I started asking. He then admitted to me that he sells Class A drugs, he's involved in street violence, and his sexual history. Now, I'm a virgin and told him how much that means to me, we had a bit of a back and forth for a few days over it. Until he finally understood me and told me that he respects my wishes. Since that day, he's wanted to prove to me that he can accept that and hasn't slept with a single woman. I still don't totally agree with the fact that he can go without it but whenever I bring it up he insists and so I've tried trusting him, as his actions are proving it. As for his 'lifestyle' I also told him I couldn't consider anything unless he gives it all up, to which he says "be with me and I will", "I want to do it for someone" (ie. a woman ie. me). I just don't even know if I should go down that path as recently he got stabbed. I asked if he was ok and then made it clear how angry I was over that bs. I just don't know if it's worth it trusting him.
He said he would give up his lifestyle for me?
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Honestly, this sounds like the synopsis of one of those really toxic romance novels. As far as I'm concerned, you should stay away from the guy. Like yes, everyone deserves love on some level, but you getting involved in his life could legitimately be dangerous for you. Moreover, you really don't have any means of proving that he'll actually change his lifestyle or his habits, and considering how much either of those could affect you if you got involved, that matters. And even if he is trying to clean up his act, some of the things you've listed can be really hard to walk away from and sometimes come back to haunt you. Just him changing isn't going to completely disassociate him from his past, so you legitimately have to be prepared to deal with whatever is going on in his life at the moment.
There are tons of great guys out there. Don't put yourself in danger for this.
And if this is going to be a romance novel, let it be one of those "second chance, meet again after several years" ones where the guy comes back with a much cleaner record than he currently has and does so without the motivation of eventually dating you.
In any event, I'm not normally a proponent of testing a potential partner/forcing them to earn trust, but it seems kind of necessary in this case. Even if you do get involved with him. Take it SLOW. Like, feel free to withhold physical affection, do allow your interactions with him to be dependent on him removing himself from his current situation. Assume you are at risk and he is putting you in that position.
Mostly I say stay away from the dude completely, but if you won't do that, stay safe. Imagine what happens if this doesn't work out and see how you'd feel about the decision then.
Well, does he seem sincere?
he does yes.
Awesome.