so basically i went out on a date with my best friend of 14 years about two weeks ago and it went great. it ended up with me asking her how she felt about us and she knew how i felt how did she feel about things and us and basically said she would be willing to explore it on the next level but im still unsure what we are i think we are dating but i dont want to ask her because i dont want her to get upset for me not knowing would the following things hint we are in fact dating or not really
-we hang out pretty much every day
-while we haven't slept with each other we have kissed
- she has absolutely no reaction to me touching her ie she dosent pull away or get weird
- she's gotten pissed at me for not staying over the last two night even though i explained to her i have a dog and i can't leave him alone from 6pm to 11 am
- we went out with a group of her friends she sees once a month. she asked me multiple times if i was comfortable and eventually told me we will have 1 drink then go do our own thing and she also apologized because she didn't know an ex boyfriend would be there and the birthday they were celebrating was his. she then went on to explain it was a long time ago and nothing really happened sexually
- she always send her mom pictures of us when we go out and she always responds with something like you look really cute together followed by some type of emoji- her mom has never met me
- more randomn she plays the guitar and sings and i have noticed whenever she plays even if there is a group of people around she always tend to look at me specifically when she plays and is usually smiling
are these good signs we are dating or no
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Opinion
1Opinion
Addressing this topic is definitely scary, but it needs to be done. Realistically you can’t just decide in your mind that you’re dating without validation from the other person. Those sort of assumptions are what could really land you in hot water if you’re wrong, And ultimately you want to know where you two stand so you can act accordingly.
Also, if you’re afraid of like “ruining” it, pushing her away, etc etc, it’s too late for that. You two have already stepped into this space where you’re straddling the fence, and it’s time to confirm what side of it you’ll land on. Continuing this situationship could quickly become messy if, let’s say, she were to start dating or talking to someone else, in your mind you’d be like what the actual fck because you’d already come to the conclusion in your mind that you two hand something. That’s not a situation you want to be in.
yea i agree with you that the talk def needs to happen i mean its starting to drive me nuts honestly. and in addition to that i need to know to proceed with my life. for example i had a buddy of mine last week say hey man i got a friend i would love to set you up with and i dont know what to tell him. like if this girl is interested on thats who i want to be with and im fully committed to her but if not i can't blow other oppurtunities and put so much time and effort into it. i guess what scares me about having the talk is i haven't really been in a lot of reltionships before so its kind of a new experience for me. like how do i do it? i know it has to be in person but do i jsut look at her and say hey im curious how do you view us and let her kind of lead the conversation or do i say something like weve been spending a lot of time together recently and i just need some clarity on things because i dont want to get the wrong impression of things and want to make sure were on the same page. do you view us a friends or do you view us as dating.
Exactly, I think that is one of the main factors in asking, so that you aren’t missing out on other opportunities. Personally I like to keep it simple, straightforward, to the point. Like with my fiancé, we’ve been together going on 3 years, but in the beginning after about 3 months, I flat out asked him one night “would you say we’re dating or in a relationship?”, he was like “definitely a relationship” lol. But I didn’t say anything about friendship because I felt it was clear we’d surpassed that. So with your friend, I would ask something along those lines.
yea and i think one of my big worries is her saying something like you didn't realize we were dating, really? she's one of those people who has had a lot of bs in her life with relationships and family so she's very guarded and defensive naturally so.. and i think that plays a lot into this issue because she plays things very close to the chest unless she's been drinking. when she drinks she losens up a lot and she will always say stuff like i really like you or even i fucking lvoe you dude but i can't put to much stake in that. i mean like i said i think people are way more honest and open when drinking but still. and when i say drinking i dont mean plastered or blackout. but i mean are those instances i mentioned good signs we could be dating? i mean the night she kissed me for the first time she was the one who initiated it not me.
i wish there was just a sign that said hey dumb --- this is what it is lol
Don’t we all wish for that lol it would make so many situations easier. I could say that her behavior is suggestive, seems like there’s something there and other times it’s like is she just being this way because she’s drunk or in a certain mood? It’s hard to pinpoint what is an exact indicator, but that’s why you have to ask. Even if she were to say “you didn’t realize we were dating?”, like no I didn’t take it upon myself to assume we were together lol I don't know how that would be hurtful, triggering or offensive, it’s a simple question. Do you think maybe you just have a fear of rejection as well? Like not wanting to feel silly or whatever if this was just her being friendly?
Also a side note, majority of women are used to men making the first move. I know that there’s some ladies who are super confident and have no problem initiating, but far too many of us grew up having this notion instilled in us that men should be the ones to do it. So if that’s her way of thinking then for all you know, she’s waiting on you to address this vocally.
um i dont think its a fear of rejection, while that would suck i dont think mentally thats it. i think its more so with how i feel about her I don't know how our friendship would change on my end. I don't know if i can really be best friends and be around for her knowing that and i think it would be pretty devastating to her on that level. she told me the other night im one of the few people in her life that no matter what i have always been there for her no matter what. she's said i never abandoned her when she treated me like shit because of her own issues or when she was having her problems which im not going to get into because its no ones business. and i wouldn't say she acts dif when she's sober or drunk in terms of giving off ideas like i said i think she just has a lot of walls up and its tough for her to drop them. i mean i know she's scared about things she's told me this. i know my family accepting her is a huge hurdle for her to get over
sounds like friend zone. but do you want more?
i def do. i want to ask her so i know if im wasting my time or not but if she views it as we are i dont want her to get pissed and say oh you didn't know. but there's other things. like when she had a few drinks the other night and really anytime she has drinks she always says stuff along the lines of i really like you or i fucking love you. however i dont really take to much stake into what people say when they have been drinking even though i think people are more honest in that situation. like the saying goes drunk mind sober heart. also i smoke and she told me point blank if you dont start making the effor to quit im going to break up with your ass but I don't know how to take that either