There this guy.. I felt in love with.. met him on a dating site 3 months ago. We are in a situationship
We were friends on fb... and one day I see this comment on his post, it's a woman complaining about how "he always adds new women he don't know just because he finds them pretty and he keeps hitting on them.. instead of focusing on only one. "
I was really curious, like.. does she knows him? What's going on here?
So I decided to ask her in pvt msgs if she knows him... she said no and sent me a very long paragraph of all the things he done and said to women who are her friends... I decided to keep this convo to myself.. I didn't tell her anything about him.. I didn't talk... I just listened... but in his comments, it escalated, I had to tell him that I spoke to her... before she does and make it sound worse than it was (she was really mad).
I told him.. he flipped out. And blocked me on everything. He blocked my 3 fb account, my tiktok and my # number... he removed his pictures, and made his fb go from public to completely private. Can't send him a friend request anymore.. or a message.
y'all.. I'm COMPLETELY devastated... I'm not ready to stop talking to him... I loved him so fucking much.. can anyone tell me if what I did was that fucking bad?
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He's a narcissist who is ashamed of getting caught so instead of facing the situation he is ghosting you to make you self doubt which is perfectly working in his favour as he planned. He plans of getting you to feel sorry and make you chase him. He'll eventually gs light you.
A woman won't just start talking shit about someone out of nowhere unless the man really did a number on her.
You were in a situationship therefore he was with other options as well. He easily cut you off because he has options and a causal thing margin is 3 months... After that if i continues it's just on n off cycle of random one night stands.
He is not sorry for what he did. In order to save his other options, he cut you off before you can expose him even further. This also proves that the man has no empathy.
Advice: pack your self respect and leave him forever.
He will ruin your reputation among your and his friends and make you look desperate and crazy. Just cut him off. Is there age gap?
Not easy at all to leave like that.. at all..
I didn't sleep all night... cried alllll night...
But you're right..
Is there age gap n how much
Be rest assured, he already knows you are suffering because of him and that makes him feel good about himself and boosts his self confidence.
Yes there's a big age gap ! How did you guess?
17 years... he's turning 46 in October.
I'm 28.. turning 29 soon too
I'm a psychologist. Typical narcissist. Think about it, how come a 46 year old man hasn't settled yet? How come all women were wrong and he was not at fault with anyone all these years.
You are just a sex supply to him and nothing more. He will free use you and discard you from time to time.
He will love bomb, mirror you like you to are so alike , then he'll mock and devalue indirectly, Gaslight like you are overthinking or critical and eventually discard and ghost you. The cycle keeps on repeating until you are physically overused and have nothing left to offer him. This man doesn't value women. He lives dual life.
Like a drug addict, if one peddler is lost, the addict will start looking for the other that very instant.
He keeps looking for options to rotate every next day to have sex instead of using his own hand to masturbate. Keeps asking for nudes or mostly turns every conversation towards sex.
What country?
Canada..
He also had weird fears.. fears to meet..
He only wanted to have cam sex actually... but you're right about pretty much everything...
I told him that I'm down to meet just for sex, but he will make tons of excuses...
He does have a bad self esteem...
His teeth are all messed up..
Like he's missing teeth in the front.. and the rest are crumbling and rotting... I don't know why.. I don't know if he used to take drugs, or his it's his diet, or meds I really don't know. I saw it by accident... he was too scared to show me... I used to think he had that thing called "avoidant disorder " .. so when he would not text me for a few days.. sometimes few weeks.. I thought he was just anxious.. but.. I guess not now
He's bald.. has a dad bod... lied to me a lot...
I'm actually reading about narcissism rn.. it's really interesting, because it sounds just like him !!!
"When their true self is exposed, they go into a rage" ... that's exactly what happened lol... omg. Thank you for enlightening me about this
I think he's a covert narcissist...
But do you know if he's cutting me off permanently? Or do they never do that because they always need more narcissist supply?
The fact he blocked so much.. and made it impossible to reach out to him on fb woth a new account.. makes me think it's permanent.
I know he locked his fb just to torture me... I'm sure he knew I would try and make a new account...
Why the hell do you want him after everything. You are 28 and have your whole life ahead of you. Even if you decide to get married and have kids with him... think about it. Will he be present by the time your kids turn 20.
Second he will not marry so stop crying.
Narcissist's image that you have in your mind, that you fell for is fake. It's a facade. So just leave and move on. Don't wish for them to come back cuz if they do... they'll use you like a toy and leave again. There is no happy ending to this.
I know that. I just find it hard to separate myself / rip myself off of him after being so in love.. so involved with him... all those fantasies in my head, I know they will never come true, but the memory of them is hard to let go just like that, over night. I was SO invested in him... so into him that everyone else became unattractive to me..
It's so hard... I have to go through all my memories with him.. our convos, our sweet moments, ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ yesterday I accidentally came across his pics on my phone.. and I folded.. it reminded me how happy I was when he was there, in my life.. facade or not, that's my memory of us...
So yes, I kinda want him to come back...
But I know there is no possible future with him.. I know he will always disregard me.. I know he will never love me.. he will never attach himself to me.. I'm doing what I have to do to move on, but I'm not there yet and I still hope we will talk one day, even tho, it will be too late... by the time he comes back, he will only come back because I stopped chasing him and moved on... 💔💔💔💔ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ I'm crying as I'm writing this.. but it's not because I don't know better, it's because I believed he was lovable and good... that's how I remember him ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ’”💔
And yesterday my mind was set on not texting him again.. knowing I have to move on but also knowing that it will only empower him more meaning the silence treatment will continue..
But damn, this morning... I'm going back on that decision.. im feeling very tempted..
I'm really in my feelings.. but im trying to make a rational decision, not a decision based on my feelings... so I'm thinking right now, "trying" to separate my feelings from thinking...
It's hard because, I was already not okay, before he left... my life was going well, I was trying to fix my life, but HE was my strength... he was the only thing keeping me going... he was my motivation... so I'm really distraught that he left...
Anyways...
I actually haven't gone to work since he left.. yesterday and today I'm missing work... I really need money, but I'm not going because it will remind me of him WAY TOO MUCH. I hated that job, I would day dream all day long about him there... as of he was there... so I'm quiting this job... I never wanna go back... I dont wanna have to face that over there...
I'm gonna work somewhere where I can start new, and not see him everywhere...
Because where I work rn, I see him everywhere... I see all the fantasies about my future with him.. I see how good things were going between us, even if it wasn't true... that's how I felt at the time... I pictured us having kids and everything... I pictured him as a father... I dont wanna go there and face these memories.. but im so broke.. I hope I'm gonna get a new job like *today*
I'm sorry I know I'm writting so fucking much but...
The girl who commented, her name is Jen... she tagged one of their fb common friend (ambri) .. from my understanding, he was hitting with her and many, many others... she isn't interested in him tho and that clearly stated.
The thing is, Jen unmasked him in front of Ambri, yet I just saw rn, that they are still friends.
What I mean by that is that she didn't get the treatment that I got from him for being unmasked... why? 😞
I'm shaking as I'm writing this...
It's even worst with Ambri because her and Jen talk shit all the time about him together!!! They are actual friends ! And they call him out !!!
Me I'm the good one, who sucks up to him, who accepts all his shit.. who never talk against him.. and im the one who he disregards...
But I'm the one boosting his narcissist ego, so that don't make sense?
I saw they were friends because I used a fake account he never knew about, and could see her friendlist... to find him...
And maybe he just didn't want me to ruin it between him and her, but im the one boosting his ego the most... why would he disregard the one who gives him the most narcissist supply?
But me seeing this is good, brought my feet back to earth this morning to not write to him, like I was thinking.
Also, if it was just so that I don't ruin things between him and his other girls.. he would have just removed me from his fb.. but kept me in the dark, on tiktok and phone number...
Anyways, there wasn't even anything to ruin.. Jen already exposed him to Ambri and Jen clearly stated that Ambri didn't wanna have anything to do with this guy...
So why sticking with them, and cutting me off..
Because you seem desperate and easy. He knows he has a hold on you and he can come back whenever he wants. Narcissists are extremely sharp observers. He knows you have low self esteem, no self love, therefore no regard for your self respect. He wants his supplies confident, who have an ambition and who put themselves first. He doesn't want a slave. He wants to tame the untameable otherwise it becomes boring and easy for him. If you keep playing the same level over n over again in a video game you will get bored.
Forget him. Start dating again. And do not go back at any cost. Gain some sense of self respect.
You don't respect yourself why would he or anyone respect you, regardless of narcissist or not.
One cannot fall in love in three months. You are not actually in love. Because real love doesn't lack self respect.
You are just caught in shock at the ending of something in which you got very comfortable and now it's getting harder for you to accept the change.
You should be thankful it was just three months. There are people who waste their lives for decades, some even get drunk raped and still defend, that's how toxically they are trapped.
Open your eyes you are not in love. You are in shock whether you accept it or not.
Start dating new people and remove his complete existence from your life. Start a new job asap. Otherwise this condition WILL RUIN YOUR PHYSICAL BODY FOR SURE.
Thank you girlie
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