Was this the right response to my ex with BPD?

Question

To make a long story short, she broke up with me a year ago. Quickly got with someone else. Went on social media to humiliate and make fun of me. Tried to get my attention by doing things such as posting videos to youtube and tiktok showing off the things I bought her while wearing the promise ring I bought her or saying if you dated someone with my zodiac sign they're a victim. Wouldn't contact me or message me in over a year.

Recently messaged me for the first time in a year because a mutual friend we have I recently cut contact with. I blocked him on everything and she messaged me on behalf of him. I asked her what made her comfortable enough to message me on behalf of him and she said "Why not" I told her it's been over a year and she left me on read. I then sent her a LONG message to give her what she wants/needs in order to feel like she's "won" so she'll leave me be. Was this the right thing to do or will she continue to bother me?

She still has photos of me up on her social media and she's still following my family members aswell. I just don't know what to do anymore. And if you're wondering why she broke up with me, our mutual friend who I cut contact with told me she though I was cheating and began to grow distant. She broke up because she wanted me to fight for her and she didn't want to be with the new guy she was just using the new guy as a way to make me jealous to fight for her.

Was this the right response to my ex with BPD?

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If she has BPD, it doesn't matter what you say to her.

WaterIsland · Answer

I can’t tell you if it was right or wrong. I don’t think any of what you said is what she was looking for. She didn’t “win” by breaking up with you. So I don’t think that part was necessary at all. The humiliation part, if that’s what was going on, she’d never accept or admit to. I probably would have kept it to the point of, your feelings were genuine, and she needs to respect the boundary of not talking to you anymore, to allow you to heal.

One more thing about that. You HAVE to move on. You mentioned that you’ll always think about her. Gotta get that out of your head man. It’s gonna drive you insane. You gotta focus on yourself, and find someone else. Another girl is out there for you. And she’ll make you completely forget about your ex. Gotta find that person, and move on from her.

But what’s said is said. You can’t take that back.

Here’s the thing about your question tho. She might keep contacting you. She might not. I can’t read the future.

BUT, you set a boundary. You told her that unless she gives you a good reason, not to talk to you because it’s too painful. MASSIVE props to you for doing that. That is great. Boundaries in all social situations are extremely healthy for both people. It lets people know your mindset, and gives clarity and structure. Which everyone desires on some level.

So I’d say that if she does reach out again. You just enforce that boundary. Stop replying to her, and ignore her. If she keeps reaching out. Block her.

I know that’s really tough to do. And I’m sorry you’re going through this. But it’s best for yourself to heal and move forward. And you can’t do that if she’s still playing whatever game she’s trying to play.

lightbulb27 · Answer

she sounds dangerous... very hurt. I hope she finds the help she needs. I have no idea, to me that sounds like you threw a hook "Unless I'm told...". Any open hook is a hook... so no.

Was this the right response to my ex with BPD?

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