Why do so many people view online dating as the way to get casual sex, and in person dating as the way to get a real relationship?

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't the reverse be true?

I've never met anyone who walks around town wearing a shirt that describes everything about them and what they are looking for in a match (the way that a good online dating profile would).

[Ozanne]

Mainly because the online culture allows people to "shop" and say what they want without any real repercussions. One can clearly state whatever they want to do sexually and be very open, when in person they can be quite shy. There's no swiping in person. It's out there like a fishing net and the person can get some hits or not. Even those legitimately wanting love, will still find those online who will toe the line and ask or say improper personal things to see if the person is into revealing more about what they want.

In person, things are more organic. People are a bit more composed and don't usually tell a person to their face that they want to do something kinky. It's usually in a setting where something is going on, such as a bar where more people are around, or a sporting event when you can focus on a game. The conversation doesn't have to be sexual, but more about what's going on around them. When you can get to know someone without them bulldozing in with their sexual expectations, it can be more meaningful.

The other thing is the online culture with selfies is often misleading when people see what they want to see in people. A girl duckfacing or a guy shirtless in a bathroom sends certain messages that tell people who they think they are. People respond to these images in kind. It's why a guy holding a fish on a camping trip won't get as many women responding to him because he doesn't exactly appear sexy compared to a guy taking a selfie wearing only a towel. Some women see past that, but often it can go both ways.

In person, you get them at 360, and can see every angle, and see many facial expressions and body movements that a selfie masks. They are who they are in person and that seems to command a bit of tact on the other person's part to either show interest or not, based on real life looks. With dating profiles, you only get who the person chooses you to see, and often times, it's not genuine. That sort of fakery prompts others to be just as fake or respond to the catfishy sort of looks they project, which unwittingly can be a message about sex. <--Again something people feel they have the security and guts to explore with the ability to just delete and block if things go wrong.

[Asker]

"Mainly because the online culture allows people to "shop" and say what they want without any real repercussions."

See to me that lends itself better to being picky about personality and hobbies and whatnot while stillgoing for looks too. Why ignore tools meant to get the perfect match?

[Ozanne]

If someone wants to cheat themselves on a dating app, that's up to them. They shouldn't be surprised with who responds if all they have are selfies that don't actually look like them, or if they are dishonest in their profile. I personally don't like how people use the apps, and think many people can clean their profiles up to get better responses. But that's the online culture for you. People feel the need to sex-up their profile to get attention, and as sure as it does, it won't attract the right people. That's on them.

[Asker]

Yep, unfortunate but true.

[HelpfulWoman]

Probably because 9/10 people using dating sites are just looking for hook ups.

[Asker]

That seems backwards to me, if they want hookups, why waste time on swiping through tons of people when they could just go to a bar or club or some other place meant for that kind of interaction. Dating sites have systems to eliminate undesirables and be picky, so they would be the worst place to look for a person like that.

[genericname85]

cause there's just trash people on dating apps that aren't good for more than causal sex.

[Asker]

Yeah but why?

[genericname85]

cause people that aren't trash are usually not on dating sites.

[Asker]

Thats the same statememt which results in the same question, why?

Why would quality people pick the trash way to meet a match thats only going to result in casual sex or nothing? And why would trash people pick the quality way to meet a match just to waste it and go for casual sex?

[genericname85]

cause high quality people have social skills that enable them to meet other quality people in real life and date them. they do not need a dating site to find "anyone" that is willing to talk to them. i'm not condescending by the way. i don't consider myself a high quality person in that sense.

[Asker]

I don't see it as a social skill issue, its more like trying to find the right book in a grand library, but no one who runs it uses any sort of organizational system for the shelves/books, and all the books lack titles, so you have to scroll through EVERY SINGLE BOOK in the library and read them to find one you like, only there are probably only 10 books you like out of the 50,000 that are stocked, and at least a portion of the time, the books you are looking for just aren't there today, or ever.

Now imagine someone bothered to title and organize these books and shelves, then setup computers to let you find them and their locations based on genre/subject, and clicking on each book on the computer has a short summery of the basic story to give you an idea of what its about.

What can social skills possibly do to not make the first option take an eternity?

[Asker]

Also in the second option, the computers are linked to every library in the country, not just the one in your city/town, so any book not found locally can be transfered.