How do we develop “Types” that we are attracted to?

Question

I have my own theory about my types, appearance wise,

my types have changed throughout my life and I can’t say I have a type now,

but before 22 I almost exclusively liked blond blue men,

I have often thought why, because don’t we usually like people who are similar to men/women we love?

Like most girls falling in love with the similar type of guy that their dad was.

It doesn’t mean anything, it just means we tend to develop trust to certain type in our early life maybe.

Growing up my dad was a very strong man but he always worked hard and was almost always gone for a work, and as a result my home environment wasn’t very safe, cause my paternal grandma bullied mom when dad was gone and I didn’t feel safe, to a point that I was blaming my dad subconsciously for all these bad things happening at home, I was blaming him for not being there to protect us. (The truth is mostly he didn’t even know as my grandma always acted nice in his presence.)

For me the only place where I felt safe was my grandparents’ village, where I used to spend my summer holidays.
My grandpa and great grandpa in my mind were very strong men, because their homes were safe, no one fought there, they were always at home and always making me feel like it was a safe place. I didn’t have a single worry with them.

And both of them had the same thing in common, they had blue eyes and blond hair, I think somewhere deep in my mind, these physical characteristics became attached to the sense of safety and peace and I developed the type to be attracted to men who reminded me of these characteristics, that’s why I think I was almost exclusively attracted to blond men.

When I was attracted to those blond guys I was even thinking what kind of grandpas they’d be for my grandchildren. I didn’t picture them as a father of my children, I pictured them as grandpas of my grandkids haha

I didn’t date brown haired men, I think because they reminded me of my dad, who I was still blaming in my mind.

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

I am absolutely not convinced that having a type depends on one's parents.

When I was a teenager, I had a pretty intense attraction to guys in rock and metal bands. If they had long hair (preferably dark-haired), and had a fun, scrappy look about them, all the better. My sexual awakening happened when I first saw Joe Perry of Aerosmith. Prior to that, I had a huge crush on Bruce Springsteen. These types of men were not conducive to what my parents were like, or especially what my dad was like. (Or even what my mom was into.)

Years later, for reasons I can't explain, I broadened my taste into blonds, something I thought I'd never in a thousand years do.

Some time after that, I found Asian men sexy. This was steering away further from my parents because we were never around Asians that much, and my parents had no actual friendships with any Asians to make this sort of impact on me.

So why were these different men my type? Good question.

I think I enjoyed the rock-god look because as a teenager, that's just what girls my age did back then. They oozed sex appeal. But I still had a preference of dark hair and eyes. I did not find the likes of David Lee Roth as good looking as Eddie Van Halen. And Jon Bon Jovi didn't cut it for me, while Richie Sambora did.

Later, as I found a lot of guys tried to mimic the look and character of a rock god asshole, the further I wanted anything to do with it. Perhaps that's why the sudden change to blonds, and men who had more going on for them. I was done with the teenage girl infatuation with rock stars. I wanted to get into men who took themselves a bit more seriously, and with that, the entire look took a turn.

My experiences played a part into what I thought was working for me, and what I had bad luck with. I don't think it's a genetic thing, or something preconceived due to my parents. For me anyway, it was based on what I liked for the moment, to what I found was failing me. Rinse, repeat.

Sweetsurprize · Accepted Answer

I don't have a type but I do tend to be attracted to those who are physically different than me. For example, I'm Asian Filipina, and the people I tend to fall for a white men, but maybe I should stop that, because a lot of white men I've noticed have this superiority complex about them that they think they are the top pick of the litter. It's really sad and disappointing. I don't know, maybe it also depends on how they were raised, or their past, not sure. But still, I think from now on, I will explore other races too. They aren't as bad looking or "boring" as I thought. Especially also since I've noticed that some of them are more intelligent than white people, a lot of them are. Not being racist, just saying. Or they are more matured and family oriented.

But going back to the question. I remember, when I was younger, I would be attracted to what was considered good looking on TV. Then, when I was going through puberty, it was who ever was good looking on a skateboard. Then, my taste kind of evolved from there and I tended to focus more, not just on looks (like Blond hair and blue eyes), but on the guy's personality.

Hope that answers your question.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

1. I can decribe a "type" of woman who would almost instantly have me aroused: petite, slender, shoulder length blonde hair, small perky boobs, and a cute little butt. In my lifetime, I have dated one woman who fits that description, and my attraction to her was strong. We had a very satisfying sexual relationship and even though our interests were extremely similar, she was not a good long term partner for me and Ieft her after spending two years of my life with her.

2. I have dated many women who did not fit that description, including some who came nowhere close to that description, I was attracted to them, and the sexual relationships were very satisfying.

3. I cannot give you any logical reason for why I prefer petite women, why I prefer blondes, or why I prefer women with smaller boobs. I can't tell you when that became "my type" but I can tell you that I NEVER made a conscious decision to be attracted to slender blondes with smaller boobs.

My best guess is that I developed my type subconsciously when I was very young, perhaps as I was going through puberty. I do remember having a crush on a girl at junior high school who fit that desciption perfectly, but I never said to myself, "If I can't have Mary Kay, I'll find somebody who looks exactly like her."

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

Read up on Pavlov’s dog experiments. When things happen at the same time, we create associations. This led to the dogs salivating when they heard the sound of the bell. When we see patterns of things together, we start assuming they will always coexist. This is the reason the same feeling is triggered when we encounter the stimulus. Any sound, sight, touch, taste or smell can trigger a déjà vu experience. The funny thing about déjà vu experiences is we tend to reexperience the event as we were back then. Therefore, if you are triggered to a memory of something that occurred when you were 10 years old, you’ll reexperience it as a 10-year-old, not your present age. We react to those triggers without thinking, making it a hard pattern to eliminate. You’ll continue to assume anyone who looks like your first crush will be like your first crush. As adults, we realize this isn’t true, but our gut continues to be triggered by the sensation.

coachTanthony · Answer

Just like we develop tastes for food... over time. I am attracted to chicken but if there is a steak there then the chicken isn't getting ate.

Guido · Answer

That is a pretty deep analysis. While I have always had an attraction to blue eyed blondes, I somehow never dated one as I never met one that our personalities matched enough to date. I have always dated someone because they were someone that I enjoyed spending time with and enjoyed their company. Somehow they were always brunettes. So much for dating a type I was attracted to for certain physical features. Now I'm married to a brunette that is half gray. Although she did dye her hair blonde for a number of years because she knew I liked it.

exitseven · Answer

I have been a gym rat most of my life and always gravitated towards athletic girls. I was in a 4 year relationship with somebody that was on a semi pro girls football team and IU also dated a girl who was a collegiate swimmer. The other girls I dated were also very active. My wife is a physical therapist. Once I dated somebody who was the opposite maybe just to see what it would be like. She was a bartender and her whole life revolved around drinking and partying. At first it was a lot of fun but after a few months i realized that I did not want to live the rest of my life like that.  I never dated her but I would have.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

It’s kinda weird but I’ve found that the women who really attract my attention tend to have mannerisms and traits that are similar to my mother, so there may be a positive association with being good with kids and a kind heart. But I’m no psychologist. As for pure looks, I don’t really think too much about it. An attractive woman is an attractive woman.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Pretty sure I developed my type (slightly older) from being around my parents' friends' children. My mom was nearly 45 when I was born, so most of their friends kids were at least five years older. Also my first "real "girlfriend was 18, when I was 14, so that experience likely influenced it as well.

Giddyup · Answer

Type is usually defined as physical traits we desire. We all have them, it is simple human nature. I have learned in my age that I also have an emotional type. The two are not connected, although I would hope so.

My challenge now is finding the balance between the two that makes me head over heels.

Hinaaaaa · Answer

I think for both men & women it depends on the relationship they have with their parents... also their parents personalities & how their parents treat them... If someone never got attention from their parents they'll love someone who showers them with attention... etc

ProbablyClueless · Answer

For me it was always based on the people who wanted me around. I'm a white guy who grew up in a predominately white area, but I have a thing for Indian and Middle Eastern girls because that's who was accepting of me. Indians and Middle Easterners wanted me around, so that's who I had the best vibes with.

Still-alive · Answer

I think mine developed based upon my first ever crush who was a brown haired brown eyed brunette girl. she had a high pitched voice, a bit on the shorter side and long pretty hair. Ever since that crush thats who i've always found myself the most physically attracted to in life.

msc545 · Answer

Big eyes, thin bodies, great hair and smile.

EmyyWolf · Answer

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slatyb · Answer

They are formed pretty early, although often we become more open-minded with maturity.

catarecute · Answer

i don't have a type. all my crushes look completely different

Grond21 · Answer

I have no idea where my type came from. It's different than my family, and I don't have any particular person who I latched onto when I was young

Christoff92 · Answer

See people that have exceptional traits. Which don't have to be in the same good old group. Me am very exceptional based in my Characteristic and personal traits.

OddBeMe · Answer

Subconsciously.  I’d argue, if a date breaks up with you, it’s most likely not your fault. You just didn’t align with their childhood.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

Sexual imprinting from parents on their children

RingOfFire · Answer

"How do we develop “Types” that we are attracted to?" AI

Anonymous · Answer

Our moods change. Like I used to be incapable of looking at a naked girl with brown skin. It was just gross. Got used to it

How do we develop “Types” that we are attracted to?

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