A long time ago when I used dating sites, I would receive introductory messages by men who would say something like, "I love your photo, tell me more about you," or just plain old, "Hi."
At first I chose not to reply to any of the men I had no interest in. But I would get many of them pestering me with, "I sent you a message. The least you can do is thank me for it instead of leaving me hanging."
So I considered this, and decided to give all men from that point the courtesy of a reply. My reply was, "Thank you for your message, but I don't believe we are compatible. Good luck with your search." Sometimes it was merely a "I received your message. Good luck with your search."
But then I was sent angry responses back such as, "What's your problem? / You don't even know me. / Yeah. No wonder you're single."
As you can tell, I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't.
Even though I'm out of the dating pool, this has often left me wondering how GaG members handled first-approach dating app messages? Do you believe you should send all who are interested a response of some sort? Or do you think you simply don't owe everyone a reply? What do you say or not say?
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Well let me tell you as a man who has used a dating app before. I've only ever received a rejection response once from a woman. So clearly most women don't think they should. I certainly don't expect it. And I can't speak for every guy. But you read a woman's profile (yes, we read your profiles even if you claim we don't) and then we take the time to compose a sincere message and we get no response. Which isn't the problem. But half the time we don't know if you even got the message. Because we have no feedback to suggest anything.
I fixed this problem a long time ago. And I wish MORE GUYS would follow my lead. I don't message ANY woman first. And I put on my profile that hey I'm not going to waste anyone's time. Here's who I am. If I sound like someone you'd like to get to know shoot me a message. I realize just the fact that I'm not messaging first will turn a lot of women off. That's fine. They're the wrong women is the way I see it. I think it makes much more sense for women to do the initiating online. You know what you want better than we do. And you can still end the interaction at any time for any reason.
And by the way I've gotten a few angry responses from women for reading thier profiles and NOT messaging. I had one lady tell me "to do that is rude".
I guess we both, all genders need to accept it maybe be online and impersonal. But it's still the dating game. Feelings are still involved so someone is always going to get ruffled feathers regardless of what we do.
By the way that one rejection message I got from that woman at least made me feel good about it. She seemed to really appreciate what I had to say, even if she wasn't interested.
Do you think my examples of short and sweet: "Thank you for your message, but I don't believe we are compatible, good luck with your search" is enough? Not enough?
It'd be enough for me. Again I can't speak for all men.
What do you think of my solution of us changing the paradigm to women doing the messaging to guys? That'd fix your issue.
It's moot. There is no existing rule that indicates men require messaging the women first, and my question applies to both men and women who are on the receiving end of messages. I gave examples of men, simply because I'm a heterosexual woman, and my experiences were from the men.
You question is as moot as mine hun. No there's no "existing rule". But then there no existing rulebook for any of this including what you're asking. You asked I was giving you a possible solution. You can't ignore a message you never received.
It's generally a good idea to acknowledge that you've received the message, and then politely tell him that you've either found someone you're happy with or that you're not interested in him.
You don't owe anyone a reply.