Why can't I trust him?

[Anonymous]

Im dating this guy, he’s basically acting so perfect. We have great time together but for some reason I always think that there is someone else or that he’s playing me and all that. If he doesn’t text me back after few hours I just think he’s maybe with someone else and im just getting frustrated. Im so happy with him and that’s when I think that maybe his just pretending to be so good cuz no one can be this good. I don’t know if I have trust issues or if im overthinking or something else. Did anyone had same feelings before with someone that they have been dating?

[sage2021]

That is your gut telling you that you're right. Listen to your body when it talks to you.
If you are with a guy that you are constantly stressed out that he's with someone else you need to bow out from the relationship.
I was in a relationship with that kind of guy for years. And guess what? They are compulsive liars too. They'll look at you straight into your eyes and lie. And they are so good at it, we believe them.
It was madding because we've been living together for the last year and a half. He would leave and tell me he was going to the store to get this or that. One night he didn't come home all night. When he finally got home, he was wearing a hoodie I had never seen him wear. When I got closer and smelled it, it smelled like perfume. She wore that same stinky perfume when she was here the other day.

Well, I have suspected that he and the lady that helps me with shopping, etc. have been seeing each other ever since they first met. Yet, he said I love you, not her. Will, I know I'm right. She was the one that came to my apartment to tell me he died suddenly. How would she know that before anyone else? Yesterday she cleaned out his side of the closet and took his clothes and other stuff with her. Weird? Then when she was folding the towels he used to dry off, she said "Yeah, he always smelled very clean, he did take a couple of showers a day". Now, how would she even know that about him when she claimed they only spoke a few times and she didn't really know him.

My whole point is find a guy you can trust. You can see by what I wrote how it happens.

[Asker]

I totally get it. I’m just worry if I’m overthinking cuz my last relationship was with a narcissist. I didn’t date anyone for almost 2 years after that. And this guy is very loving, supportive etc etc. but like last night, he just all of the sudden stopped responding and I was just getting more and more upset and thinking that he might be with someone else, but on the other hand I’m thinking that maybe I’m just being crazy after my last relationship… dating is so freaking hard. When I was single I had way more peace. It’s nice to have someone but I’m stressing every night now

[sage2021]

@Asker
See, the craziness has already started. They'll start doing stuff like that because they are probably with someone else. He's probably testing you to to see how you'll react to what he's doing,
A guy friend of ours went with him to pick us up something to eat, but first went shopping at Walmart for something I needed.
Later my friend told me he flirts a lot with a lot of women every time they go somewhere. Then he'd come home to me telling me how much he loved me.
It never stops!!! Stay and turn into a crazy girl and get so stressed you end up suck. Stress can do all kinds of bad things to your body.
Remember if he says how much he likes you, etc. he is not being truthful. He needs to keep you on his string. Sorry! 🌹

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your help, it kinda made me feel better than maybe I’m not just crazy woman who’s trying to always find something wrong in a guy. I did already questioned his loyalty twice, I told him that leaving hearts under some girls hot pics is very disrespectful towards me, he apologized and stopped it, that was the first. Second, last time when I stayed for the night and went take a shower there was a pink razor and couple of woman’s hair in the bathtub, not mine cuz mine are super long. I confront him and he said that razor is his cuz was cheaper and the hair he doesn’t know, maybe was someone else’s before me. And that was second time that I just thought that his lying. I just don’t get it why people just can’t be honest to each other…

[zeitgeist057]

@sage2021 exactly what I thought when I read it: "trust your gut".

[serious_miss419]

It’s not “trust issues”. That’s what the other person calls it. But for you it’s real and you’re trying to protect yourself. You don’t have “issues”. You’re just working through some things, which is completely rational.
It’s so mean when others say things like “you have trust issues”, “something wrong with your brain”, “he’s fine, it’s you that’s not”.


People love to be mean because it’s easy and effortless and sounds informative.


Confront him when you are both relaxing and in a good head space together or during cuddle time: let him know you’re feeling afraid of being let down and ask for his perspective on how you should go about it. Involving him is far better than thinking he’s up to something. Especially if he has never done such things 😎🫠🌱


You got this 💪💕

[HippoDino]

When someone is really nice to you and you enjoy their company they most likely aren't cheating so give him the benefit of the doubt. People cheat because they don't feel loved or dont feel the love they once did for their partner. If things are going smoothly with both of you then trust him he sounds like a good guy. Stop worrying about the maybes and just enjoy being with him, you don't want to push away a good guy because of the CHANCE he could be cheating with no proof or even reasonable doubt whatsoever.

[Asker]

Maybe they are not exact proof, like I didn’t saw her, but yesterday apparently his phone died and he didn’t respond for hours, today I was at his place and there was like half of the empty vodka bottle, he said it’s his roommates cuz his girlfriend was last night there. So am I overthinking actually? He always responds, sooner or later but he does, but yesterday he just stopped and now I just find out that someone was there

[HippoDino]

You know what, try and use his phone or something and see if he's squirmish about letting you use it. Don't explicitly say you want to check his texts just try and check his phone for him. If he lets you use his phone you can check his texts really quick, if he won't let you then you have reason to be suspicious.

[Asker]

Problem is that his Brazilian and all his friends are too 😂

[Asker]

So I wouldn’t even understand and he knows that

[Asker]

Don’t get me wrong, I really like him, he seams like a great guy, but I just have this weird feeling that something is off and I’m really trying to stop being so suspicious but is just stronger than me

[HippoDino]

Oh, well you can try and casually say something like i dont get how someone could cheat on their partner. Something along that nature, and see if he reacts in a way that makes you think he has something to hide.

[Hulk_kitty]

The problem with you QA is that, you are making the whole phone issue, the problem. What I mean by that is, you are expecting to reply to your messages instantly and when you would like him to reply.
Remember just cause someone doesn't reply to your messages or answer the phone, when you would like doesn't mean they are up to no good.
Also remember, when someone has a phone, that phone is not for the sole purpose for you, people don''t make the phones their priority in life, living life is their priority. Although having a phone on us, is important to everyone, and most can't live without a phone, but I am not saying everyone. Example arnold schwarzengger does not and will not use a mobile phone.

[Hulk_kitty]

I would suggest stop texting him as often as you can, and only phone him. Also only text him, if you want to clarify info with him, but don't text to have a conversation with him.
I personally don't texting is a good form of communication, as it can create a lot of misunderstandings, I know this from dealing the friends in the past, so now, I hardly text my friends, and just call them.

[Asker]

But he is on his phone a lot, even when he’s at work he is going to reply me. I’m not saying that I’m bombing him with messages, I never even called him cuz he always does, but that evening it was hours and hours with no response, then his phone was off for another few hours cuz apparently it died. And yesterday when I was at his place he told me that his roommate girlfriend was there last night cuz there was like half empty bottle of vodka.

[Hulk_kitty]

OK, I think your over thinking too much about what he doing, just cause of what he is doing with his phone. Young lady, stop trying to find evidence of him cheating on you, its unhealthy mindset. Whatever you believe, you will find evidence of it. Its like if you believe you have cancer, you will have evidence of it, cause of this pain, or because I am coughing, or because i am tired all the time.

Don't worrying if someone is cheating on you or going to cheat you, can't prevent yourself from getting hurt, getting into relationship, there will always be an element of risk to getting, but its about trusting yourself to handle it, and walk away from that person, and find someone else.

Trust not about the other person, trust is much more to do with yourself, trusting yourself can handle it.

Life is not a success only journey.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/9y2gtqyqnhA

[Hulk_kitty]

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/9y2gtqyqnhA

[Hulk_kitty]

www.youtube.com/shorts/9y2gtqyqnhA

[genericname85]

well can you usually trust your intuition or do you think you might have trust issues?

[Asker]

Yeah, with my ex I had bad feeling from the first date, he was narcissistic and very abusive… but sometimes I also know that I overthink things and I don’t trust people easily especially man… when I’m with him it feel genuine, but then he’s totally different when we are not together

[genericname85]

do you have been betrayed before?

[genericname85]

xD man that was terrible grammar. sorry. i hope you still get it.

[Asker]

Don’t worry 😂
And yes I was actually, my ex was just a freaking liar, the whole relationship was a lie. So honestly I don’t want to judge this guy cuz someone else was an asshole you know, but still I can’t help but seeing some things and suspect that he’s also lying

[Asker]

And tbh I’m just scared to be hurt again. After my last relationship I was single for almost 2 years, not even one date. And I was in quite peaceful and good place at that time, now I meet him and I’m happy with him but at the same time I’m stressing like everyday and thinking that what if he’s playing me to, or he’s seeing someone else

[genericname85]

well exactly my point. i think your intuition "was" good. but now it isn't. cause that's what betrayal does to us. it makes us insecure in our judgements and we tend to over correct our judgements in order to avoid being betrayed again. but that can lead to misstrusting a person who isn't doing anything wrong.

[Asker]

Thanks, I think he’s a good guy, and I just hope that I can start to trust him cuz like I said he seems genuine with what he does and say

[genericname85]

well take your time and really think about all the ins and outs of your current relationship. are you happy? overall? what are good things. are there bad things? which bad things are there and can they be worked out or can they be tolerated?

basically you gotta think about your standards. what is ok. what is not ok. communikate them with your partner and be transparent, cause if he's a good partner, he will try to accomodate for you and not try to manipulate you to accept whatever things to bother you. don't make the mistake of making up something that doesn't actually bother you just to test him tho. that's not genuine and he'll notice that.

also you can build trust by trusting him with small things that aren't so important to you and then trust him with things that are more important. that way you will notice he is consistant and you can strategically confirm yourself in being correct about trusting. or he shows inconsistencies and than that way you know he can't be trusted.

[noohair]

You have trust issues and your overthinking will find something wrong even when there is nothing there. There are people in the world that spend the whole day trying to find enough food for their family and you have a timer running on text message replies?

[Asker]

What someone else financial problems has to do with mine. Everyone has their own issues, and for all of us ours are the most important. And I don’t have timer but if he doesn’t respond for hours and his phone is off the whole evening, don’t tell me you wouldn’t have any doubts

[noohair]

If you can't handle the truth, don't ask the question. You did not mention anything about money. You are clueless too. I grew up when phones were attached to the wall to I don't have the digital issues that you have. You are trying to rationalize your distorted issues.

[DarkWinterNights]

Sounds like hard core trust issues. Though, sometimes your sixth sense has noticed things you aren’t consciously aware of, so I wouldn’t say you’re exactly paranoid.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

If he seems too good to be true then it's he's mostly likely hiding his real identity.

Never ignore your intuition. Proceed with caution with dudes that seem too "perfect"

[slatyb]

I think you have trust issues. People with a life don't watch their phone constantly.

[Asker]

And you think I have no life? Easy to freaking judge someone after reading few sentences. no idea why you are even on this site if you are just a mean and judgmental

[slatyb]

I didn't comment on your life. I just said that people with busy lives don't check their phone every fifteen minutes. Before cell phones people would maybe call once a day if they were dating exclusively.

[milademjay]

you need to have your own life.

www. milademjay. com